Does My Ex’s New Boyfriend See Me As A Threat To Their Relationship?

Some things to consider if your ex’s new boyfriend sees you as a threat to their relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 27-year-old viewer who has been following my work for over seven years and read 3% Man 11 times and Mastering Yourself once. He watched one of his ex’s new boyfriends Instagram stories because it came up in his feed. The guy sent him a nasty message and it’s clear that he’s a little jealous and threatened by him and their past together.

He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who is 27 years old. He’s been following my work for over seven years. He read 3% Man 11 times, this beautiful blue book here, and Mastering Yourself once. Both these books are available to read for free in the Members Area of my website. Just go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, subscribe to the free email newsletter and boom! The books will open up right in your web browser.

What was interesting is he broke up with his ex some while back, and I guess he says he still follows his ex on Instagram, but she no longer follows him because he just didn’t do anything. Then one day he noticed that her new boyfriend, I guess he had an Instagram story he posted, showed up in his feed, so he clicked on it and he watched it and then the boyfriend knew about it, he saw that and then he had something, he slid into his DM’s and said something, kind of trolling him. So this guy is like, “Does this guy feel threatened by me?” So I thought it was kind of amusing.

It’s kind of interesting. I mean, the guy clearly is threatened. He you can tell he’s kind of worried that he may come back and take his ex-girlfriend from the new boyfriend and then they ride off into the sunset and you could tell the guy is trying to just sandbag him. I won’t give away the what the guy said, but it’s kind of funny. I’m sure you guys will get a chuckle out of it.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach!

My name is Bob and I’m a big fan of your work! I’ve read your book 11 times and have been following your work for over seven years. I recently finished reading your second book for the first time and enjoyed it a lot. I am currently a 27-year-old PE teacher that’s very passionate about sports and fitness. 

I used to date a 22-year-old woman for 2 ½ years that recently graduated from undergrad. We matched on Bumble back in September of 2021 and started dating a month later. We broke up in February 2024 and haven’t been in contact since.

So that’s basically what, five, six months since? Well, maybe seven months since they last spoke.

The breakup was mutual. I was turned off by her lack of maturity, false sense of entitlement, always having to pay for dates and her boss girl personality.

Yeah, boss girls that are too in her masculine are often just difficult to be with and it’s like it feels like dating another man that you’re constantly jockeying for power and control with. She can’t just let go and submit and let you lead things. It’s a turn off. A woman that acts too masculine is going to turn off any masculine guy that has choices.

Her reason for breaking up with me was due to her feeling like we had different lifestyles, views and values. I was her first boyfriend and now I’m her first ex-boyfriend. She started dating someone new in May 2024…

So she was single for two or three months after three years with one guy. I would have to imagine because it happened so quick, and then you just walked away because most guys don’t, especially because women do the dumping 75% of the time. In this case, she dumped him and he’s like, “See you later,” and he rode off into the sunset, never to be seen or heard from again until now. So she started dating somebody pretty quickly.

…Whereas I started dating someone new in July 2024. I still follow my ex on Instagram whereas she unfollowed me. However, we’re still Facebook friends.

I stumbled upon her new boyfriend’s Instagram and tapped on his story out of curiosity since he didn’t have his profile set on private. Bob…

Not his real name, but we’ll call him Bob.

…Her new boyfriend, noticed I viewed his story and randomly messaged me through Instagram.

How exciting! Makes life interesting, doesn’t it?

I have attached a screenshotted image of evidence to this email for you to view his message sent to me.

So whenever you’re on Instagram and you watch a story, the other person sees who watched their stories. So what do you guys think? Does this guy sound a little threatened by the ex? Again, he walked away and never looked back and did the right thing and obviously this girl did a lot of talking about him and talking trash. So this guy is trying to basically spike the football in hopes that this guy doesn’t return, because if he’s in a relationship with this guy’s ex-girlfriend and she’s constantly talking about her ex to him, on some level, he knows she still cares. If she’s bothered by it, probably the fact that she hasn’t heard a peep out of him, then on some level, he’s worried that this guy could probably come back in the picture because they spent over three years together and this new guy has only been with her for a matter of months.

So he says: “Guessing you’ve got nothing better to do than look at your ex-boyfriend’s story. I obviously don’t know you, but I hope this brightens your day. You are absolutely hated by a bunch of her family and friends.”

He didn’t respond or anything, but it’s clear that this guy definitely feels threatened by this dude because if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have noticed it or said anything, but the fact that he reaches out to say something negative, in other words, he’s trying to deter him. “Hey, everybody hates you over here. I just want to let you know my girlfriend hates your guts, her family hates your guts and so does her friends, so stay away.” He didn’t say stay away, but he might as well have.

I was taken by surprise over the fact he actually went out of his way just so he can “Prove a point.” I never responded (Nor tapped on the “Accept” button) because he’s not worth wasting my energy on.

Good for you, because what it does, it kind of causes the ex to wonder, “Did he see my message? Did he not see it?”

This is something I have never experienced/encountered with any of my other previous ex’s before, especially when they started dating someone new. I have no feelings anymore towards my ex nor care what she thinks.

Yeah, he’s got somebody new, so it’s like, “Fuck her.”

Am I a threat to her new boyfriend?

Well, he definitely perceives it as such. That’s why he basically wrote to you to tell you, “Oh hey, everybody hates you over here, so don’t think about coming back.” He didn’t say, “Don’t think about coming back.” He might as well have. So that should make you feel good because on some level you know that your ex is still bothered by the fact that you rode off into the sunset with somebody else, and obviously they’ve done a lot. You haven’t been around in all these months, but her and her new boyfriend, her friends and family are all talking about you. If somebody talks, if the ex is talking about you, she obviously still cares, because if she didn’t talk about you, it means she doesn’t give a shit.

Does my ex still care about me?

I would say she’s still bothered, probably by the fact that you just disappeared and became a ghost, because at the end of the day, she ended it.

Why would he go out of his way and be this hostile towards me over something like this?

Because he feels threatened. Plain and simple.

I would really like to hear your feedback.

Bob

Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. You got a new girl. This is the kind of thing that when you see it, it should make you feel good because you can tell you’re living rent free in the new boyfriend’s head, and it’s clear your ex is still talking about you, her family is talking about you and the friends are talking about you. As far as everybody not liking you, that might be bullshit. He may be exaggerating or using hyperbole, but it’s clear the new boyfriend feels threatened and is worried that you might come back into the picture, probably because his girlfriend is always still talking about you because again, you walked away and you never looked back, and the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You walked away and you meant it. Good for you. Revenge is a dish best served cold. You’ve moved on with your life and you got your new girl. Yet your ex, her boyfriend and her friends and family, you’re living rent free and all of their heads, so that feels good, because if she really didn’t care at all, this would have never come up. If this guy was confident, he wouldn’t have felt threatened. What’s done is done. So there you go.

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