Does She Care About Me, or Am I Just A Booty Call?

How to know if the woman you are dating cares about you, or if you are simply a booty call until she finds someone better.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been dating and hooking up with a girl from his university for about five months. They see each other once or twice per week. However, she is still seeing other men and things are not progressing towards a relationship.

He peeked into her diary and saw an entry saying she no longer felt the spark for a guy she had been seeing, but he is unsure if it was him she was talking about. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This is really super important, because a lot of stuff that I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man, the relationships with the girlfriends that I wrote about in here, the thing that they all had was super high interest in me from the beginning. Almost every woman that you’re going to meet, if you’re a single dude, it’s just not going to feel that way. And a lot of times you can date a girl who is just kind of like, “Ehh, he’s kind of cute. I’ll go out with him.” She’s not really super into you, but with enough dates and enough time together, and doing things right that I talk about in How To Be A 3% Man, you can get her interest to go up to get to the point where she’s really super into you.

Me personally, there’s a night and day difference between that kind of girl and a girl who just instantly likes you. She instantly starts eye-fucking you when you meet. And there’s a difference. The relationship is much more intense. The emotions, the passion, the sex, everything is better. It’s a lot easier, and it’s a lot more effortless. And when you get used to that, you get spoiled. So why would you want somebody that, in essence, you’ve got to kind of convince them to spend time with you, to put all that extra effort and work in?

When you’re new to this and you’re dating a super hot chick, and you’re like, “Hey, I’m out with this really hot girl. I really like her and she’s just kind of “ehh” towards me, but I think she’ll fall in love over time.” You can do that. Me personally, I don’t like that. I don’t jive with that. I always preferred the love at first sight, the instant chemistry, the the girl that’s really into you. It’s just easier that way. I’m lazy, I’m spoiled, it’s just better. But my job as a coach is to help you get what you want.

This is so important, here’s the other crazy thing. A lot of women marry guys they’re not in love with, and the guys have no idea. They figure, “Hey, if she’s with me, it’s because she loves me.” And the same thing with women. A lot of women marry guys that aren’t in love with them, just because they’re settling and going along with it. I did that once. My wife was a great wife. She loved the shit out of me, and I loved her too, but I was never deeply head over heels in love with her. I always felt like something was missing, and I felt guilty about that.

The reality is when I would ask people that I knew, “What does this all mean, the way I’m feeling inside?” They’d be like, “Oh, you’ve got cold feet. You guys are so great together.” It didn’t feel right. So, if you live in a world like we all do, where most people’s lives are mediocre, their relationships are mediocre, their friendships are mediocre, what they do for a living is mediocre, and you go and ask them when you’re in this situation, and they have mediocre, so this seems normal to them. They’re going to obviously come up with reasons to justify why you should stick around and give the benefit of the doubt, “Love takes time.”

You know when you know. Think about when you met people that later became your best and closest friends. You just click. You got along. It’s easy, it’s effortless, you feel like you’ve known them forever. And it’s the same thing with relationships, but none of us are patient enough. We all want everything right now. We want the rainbows, and the unicorns, and the music, and the orchestra, and the nice wedding, or the great relationship that everybody talks about, or whatever it happens to be, and we don’t want to wait for it.

And if it doesn’t happen right away, we’re like, “Well, I’ll make the best of this.” It’s tough. It’s tough to hold out and wait for what you really want, but when you look at how often the great friends come along in your life, it’s like, they don’t. There’s just certain people you’re supposed to meet and be with, and everybody else is kind of like intermission.

People who blow you off ignore your messages or take a day or more to reply, do not value or appreciate you. Therefore, give them the gift a missing you permanently. Because otherwise, you just keep pushing the wet noodle. You keep trying to make somebody feel something they either don’t feel, don’t want to feel, or are incapable of feeling.

Either way, the bottom line is their actions do not communicate that you were that important to them. Therefore, keep searching, keep circulating, keep meeting new people until you find somebody who does. It may take you several years. It may take you five years. Maybe it takes you ten years to find that person. It’s really about becoming the kind of person that you want to attract.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I hope you’re doing well. I’ve been seeing this girl from my university class since early may now. We slept together on our first date and saw each other once or sometimes twice a week. Except for a little bit of small talk, we really only texted for dates, with her also reaching out first. It was, and still is, all very easy and relaxed. At some point, we started to go on something more like real dates, and recently and I think we fell for each other more.

Well, we always have to look at what her actions are. Do her actions show that she’s falling for you, or are you projecting your high interest onto her and ignoring the reality?

I’m not fully in love with her, but I think us dating for 5 months now had an effect, and I often miss her a bit and it feels really good to be with her.

The reality is if you’re an avid student of “How To Be A 3% Man,” you’re five months down the road, and you’re feeling and thinking this way about this girl, she’s not that into you, dude. She’s not feeling it. Maybe because she’s just not that into you, or maybe you’ve been displaying a lot of unattractive behavior. Maybe it’s 50/50 pursuing, I don’t know. All I know is that when you’re five months down the road and this woman is displaying this kind of behavior, it shows she’s not into you.

Either she’s not into you because she’s not into you, or she was into you and you turned her off by over pursuing and acting to beta-male-like. Because he doesn’t really give enough information about their interactions here or how familiar he is with “How To Be A 3% Man.” The idea of these emails is to see, how well is the person implementing what’s in the book? What are they doing right? What are they doing wrong? What could they do differently?

I can tell she feels the same way when she wants me to be near her and the way she embraces me. The sex is amazing too for both of us, I think.

Dude, if she thought the sex was amazing, you would know. You wouldn’t be going, “I think the sex is amazing.” How about asking her, “Do you like this? Do you like what I’m doing to you right now? What would you like me to do? What do you really want me to do to you?”

The only thing that’s bothering me is the weird situation we’re in. We hardly ever text other than to set up a date, so I might see her Friday and then not hear a thing from each other until 5 days later.

Does that mean you reach out, or she reaches out after five days? He’s not really saying.

Also, I think she’s seeing other guys, or at least one.

Yeah, if you’d been applying what’s in my book “How To Be A 3% Man” properly, she would have been in love with you by week seven or eight. Now, you’re five months down the line. Sounds like you’re just a nice booty call for a girl who’s just like, “Ehh, he’s kind of cute and I like having sex with him, but I’m not really feeling it.”

I mean we’re not a couple and a few weeks ago I would have said I don’t care, but it’s starting to bother me.

It doesn’t matter how much you like this girl. Look at her actions. Your liking her has no effect on her attraction. Applying what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man” will have an effect on her attraction if there is attraction, in other words, if she’s really attracted to you.

She sometimes goes out of town to where this guy lives and visits him.

Obviously, she’s seeing other guys, bro.

I never asked what’s going on there because I didn’t want to seem insecure, and she’s not my girlfriend after all.

She’s your booty call. That’s about it. You’re a booty call for her.

I just tried to keep it cool whenever she mentioned going out of town, (it happened like 2-3 times since May).

Which is over the past five months. So, about every month and a half she goes out of town to visit this dude.

Or how she met “cool people” at a festival. Also, when I was at her place, I looked at the open page in her diary… I know, naughty.

Hey, hopefully you got some good intel out of that and she didn’t catch you. And if she does, you’re like, “Hey, you left it there. I thought you wanted me to read it. I figured, hey, maybe this is a future novel. Maybe you’re a great writer. I don’t know. I want to see what you’re writing abilities are. Thanks for sharing, by the way. Thanks for leaving it out in the open with the pages open for me. You totally did that on purpose. You wanted me to look at it. Yes, you did.”

I could stop myself before I got caught and wouldn’t do it again out of respect for her privacy…

Might need that intel, bro. So, when she goes into bathroom to drop a giant deuce make sure you go look. Or you could do it old school. Put on the video on your phone and flip through it, and later go check it out in the privacy of your own home. You’ve got to think like James Bond sometimes.

…and her trusting me to have it lay right in front of us. What I read was about some guy, (at the time I thought maybe me, idk), and how much she likes him and how he reminds her of her father who was absent. The page was open, like I said, and there was a P.S. saying:

“Through missing physical contact and us texting a lot, he lost his magic.”

Maybe she’s talking about the guy out of town? We don’t know. Because this guy is definitely not texting her.

We text so little that she can’t possibly mean me, and when I’m with her, this other dude she sometimes sees is texting her constantly.

So, it kind of sounds like she really liked the other guy a lot, but because he’s over pursuing, her interest has dropped. But she still likes him enough to go visit him every month and a half.

But that also means there’s something going on with him, I guess, which just hurts to think about. Where do I go from here?

Play ball! You’re a free agent, bro. As we used to say in real estate, you’re accepting any and all offers. May the highest and best offer win. Good luck. “Send us your highest and best offer!”

I don’t know if I want her exclusively, or if it’s just my ego and envy wanting her not to see other guys.

Well, the reality is, you wanting her to be exclusive is irrelevant. It’s just like, you liking her, it’s irrelevant. What does she want? Her actions are not the actions of a woman who’s really super into you.

That’s why, when you’re in a situation like this, you’ve got to keep dating other women. Because if you meet a woman who really likes you and who’s really into you and you’re really into her, and then you’ve got this mediocre girl who’s banging another dude, you’re going to spend less time with this girl and spend more time with the girl who really likes you. That is the embodiment of an abundance mentality.

You want the best that you can get. And so far, this girl is not displaying signs that this is the best you can get. You just sound like a booty call and the other guy right now. Maybe her attitude changes. I can’t tell from your email what you’re doing or if you’re even implementing what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man,” because you haven’t said anything about that, but if I look at her actions, she’s just not that into you.

Right now, she left town to visit this guy. She texted me last night about something inane, (which she usually never does), and replied again this morning.

That tells me her interest is probably going up and she’s wondering what you’re doing, because she’s with this other guy and her interest is dropping. So, it’s also possible that she starts pursuing you more as her interest drops with this other guy. This is why you do nothing. This is why she should be doing 80-90% of the pursuing.

I haven’t responded yet, since I don’t want to be the guy texting her while some other dude is with her. No free attention from me, I’d say. 

Anyway, I hope this mail wasn’t too long.

Best regards,

Bob

Well, it’s rude to not text her back within twenty-four hours, because when somebody doesn’t text you back for twenty-four hours, that just shows you don’t mean anything to them. You’re kind of beneath them, you’re a low priority. They think, “Oh, I’ll just text them back in a day. I don’t want to be rude, but I don’t really care.” That’s what that communicates. Which can be helpful in this case, because at the end of the day, she’s with another guy right now.

So, if you’re going to wait twenty-four hours to text her back, maybe you wait until she gets back in town, “Hey, how come you haven’t texted me?” It’s like, “Well, I know you were out of town with another dude you’re seeing. How would you feel if I was with you and I’m texting some other girl? You probably wouldn’t like it too much.” That’s how I would handle that particular situation.

But like I said, if you look at her actions, she’s just not that into you, dude. And that’s why you should have several other women that you’re dating. Because when you do that, and you’re constantly searching, and you’re open to it, eventually you’re going to come across a girl who really does like you. And those are way more fun, way more fulfilling, way more exciting. It’s a much better way to go.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“If somebody really cares about you, their actions will match their words and they will make you feel and experience that they really care. If you are unsure of whether or not somebody cares or is into you, more than likely they are not. If you are confused about their feelings and where you stand, you should assume their interest is low and act accordingly. The people who really love, value and appreciate you will make it obvious that they care through their words and actions. People who blow you off, ignore your messages or take a day or more to reply do not value or appreciate you. Therefore, give them the gift of missing you permanently.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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