How to know if a woman likes you or not.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has only read my book How To Be A 3% Man, once. He is thirty-three, and he was dating a hot Columbian girl for about three months. They went out on ten dates because he was out of town a lot, but they always hooked up. She is back home in Columbia but said she can’t come see him.
He is unsure of whether or not she really liked him, because of some of her behavior, and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
He gives a whole list of reasons why he thinks she liked him and reasons why, potentially, he doesn’t. And so, as I go through this email, I’m going to point out some things, because what it looks like is he was really treating this girl like a booty call. Because there were times where she wanted to be serious and brought it up, and he still continued dating other women and made it very clear that he was dating other women.
And so the overall impression I get from this guy’s behavior is that she was wanting to be exclusive or be in a relationship, and he was just treating her like a booty call. Now, he doesn’t say if that’s all he wanted, but from his actions, it does appear that that’s the impression he gave her. And so, now she’s back home in Columbia and she doesn’t want to come see him. Plus, the other thing is, she never really reached out very much, so I also think there’s some over pursuing going on here.
It’ll be interesting, as we go through the email, because these are some fine, subtle nuances of dating and seduction where you communicate the wrong thing. It’s kind of like being a cold fish. And, like I said, the gist of what I get from his email is he was strictly treating her like a booty call with no potential for anything long term, or monogamous or exclusive. And it’s obvious, based on some of the things that she had said, that she was thinking of him, potentially, as being her boyfriend. And then, at some point she realized, “I’m just a booty call to this guy.”
I’ve read your book once, (and will read it multiple times), and I’ve watched many of your videos.
Cherry picking does not give you sustainable success. Guys that don’t only read the book once or twice are going to have problems, and they’re not going to be able to sustain it. They might get some short term attainable success, like he obviously did, but if you’re trying to date and have a relationship, it’s not going to work out.
Thanks for all the great advice. I’m 33 years-old and I dated a 21-year-old Colombian girl in NYC for 3 months, (Oct-Dec 2021), but only went on about 10 dates in that time because I was out of town a lot. She gave me some mixed signals, and I’m wondering how to proceed. I attached pics of me and her.
Which I’m not going to share with you guys – we’ve got to protect the identity of the innocent – but she’s very beautiful and he looks like he’s a fit, in-shape dude.
The reasons she seemed interested:
- We had sex on the first date and on all subsequent dates.
- She said the sex was 10/10 and seemed very into it.
- She was always available for any date I planned and never canceled or rescheduled.
- She was always in a good mood around me, smiled at me, and laughed at my jokes.
- She sometimes texted me “I was thinking about you” or “you’re the one I like.”
When you get those kind of texts you should be like, “I was thinking about you too. I’d love to see you again. Let’s get together,” and make a date. That’s what you should be doing.
- Sometimes she’d ask if I’m seeing other girls, and when I said yes, (honest answer), she would say “you’re breaking my heart.”
“What do you mean? Why do you say that? Are you saying you want something more? Are you saying you want to be exclusive? Why do you say it’s breaking your heart?” You should be asking those questions, unless, of course, you don’t care.
- She sometimes joked about us having kids together.
So, she’s potentially thinking about a future with you, or at least she was at the time she said that.
- One day we had a lunch date, had sex, and when we were outside my place waiting for her Uber, she started tearing up because I had a date with another girl that night.
If she’s tearing up, it means she cares. It means she liked you and she didn’t like the idea of sharing you with another woman. And on some level, she’s taking that as a rejection, that you didn’t like her enough to only want to be with her. These are the things I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man.” Women bring these things up. This is how they, in a roundabout way, try to see if you’re also interested in something exclusive, or you’re just treating her as a booty call.
- She told me she stopped seeing other guys.
Another indication that she wants more than just a hookup.
- In one of her texts, she said “I’m your girlfriend.”
So, that seems pretty clear that she wanted something exclusive.
The reasons she did not seem interested:
- She rarely initiated texting, (I think only twice in the 3 months).
- She was on her phone a lot during our dates, even though I repeatedly said it bothered me.
Well, if she continued to do it, it means she didn’t respect you, and somebody else, or something else, had her attention. Or she was bored. I mean, if she’s wanting to be serious and you’re constantly treating her like a booty call, on some level, she’s going to recognize it’s not going to go anywhere with you.
- She always wore ripped jeans and sneakers to our dates, even though I said I like her to dress up.
It doesn’t sound like she was very flexible in that department. But then again, you continued dating other women. So, you could say, maybe it’s a little passive aggressive behavior, but ripped up jeans, I think, are sexy. That’s kind of the normal thing. Unless you want her to be wearing a dress and high heels and all of that. But again, you’re treating her like a booty call, so she dressed accordingly.
- After having sex, she always hopped right in the shower, got dressed and was ready to leave…
Just like a booty call would.
…Although, on the last 3-4 dates she’d lay in bed for about 20 minutes before doing this.
She had to go back to Colombia in December, because she had to return to school. So, it’s been a month, and I’ve texted her only a few times. She responds and seems engaged, but when I tried to fly her to NYC to visit me, she said she couldn’t. So, now I haven’t texted her for 2 weeks. Should I just wait for her to reach out?
If she’s in school, she’s not going to be able to just take off and leave for a couple of weeks. Maybe she can come for a weekend or whatever, but you could always go fly to see her. This is part of the problem with dating international women. It’s why I don’t do it anymore, just because I’m not going to be doing planes, trains and automobiles with all these lockdown shenanigans, and passports, and all this nonsense that’s going on. It just took all the fun out of it.
At the end of the day, if you’re going to date long term, you want to stay together, and it’s somebody from another country, your choices are to get married, or if she’s independently wealthy, she can invest basically half a million dollars in building a business here in the States.
So, if you’re going to date somebody from overseas, at some point you’re going to have to get married, or you’re going to spend a lot of time out of the country, because the Immigration Service tends to give people a harder and harder time the more you’re going back and forth. Unless, of course, you’re illegal and you just walk across the border, then they’ll fly you anywhere at U.S. government expense, and sure, no big deal.
I feel like when we dated, I was never exclusive with her and never really committed. She might think I don’t like her and maybe she’s rejecting me for that reason?
Well, the reality is you treated her like a booty call. And she hinted several times that she wanted something more than a booty call, yet you continued dating other women and and being honest about it. And so, women aren’t stupid. If you’re acting like you’re single, you treated her like a booty call, and especially in the last paragraph where you’re talking about what she did, not dressing up, you didn’t make her a priority in your life, and she didn’t make you a priority in hers, even though she wanted that. And so, you treated her like a booty call, and then she kind of treated you like a booty call.
So, if she’s back in school, why would she hop on a plane to come see a dude in New York City who’s only interested in booty calls? She can get that back in her own country and not have to travel. So, it’s obvious that she definitely cared, but I mean, what was your outcome? Because if you’re going to date somebody like this, you can’t just keep hanging out and having fun hooking up with no commitment. Especially with a woman saying something like this, she wanted you all to herself. She even felt like she was your girlfriend at one point, and you wouldn’t commit to her.
So, if you treat a girl like a booty call, eventually she’s going to recognize that that’s all it is, and that’s one of the reasons why she doesn’t want to come see you. If you really do want to date her and you do want more, how about a plane to go see her? Go spend time with her. Check out her country and meet the people in her life.
But at the end of the day, if you’re not interested in getting married, it’s kind of futile to date somebody that lives in another country, because the only way you can really stay together is if they’re independently wealthy and they can start a business. Then they can get a visa. And if not, your choice is to get married and get a fiance visa. But I think those are only like 90 days, and then you’ve got to get married within 90 days of you getting her the fiance visa.
So, if you’re not thinking about marriage, you shouldn’t be dating women internationally and being in a relationship with them. Because again, the more you go back and forth – because I’ve been through this many times – it just gets harder and harder the longer you’re together. They just start scrutinizing everything that’s going on, and it’s a pain in the butt.
And the reality is somebody at the airport, one of the immigration people can say, “Oh, I think you’ve been coming over too much and you’re probably working here illegally, so we’re not going to let you in this time.” They have the power to do that, and you can’t do anything. And so, if you’re standing outside the glass waiting for your girl and she just did a 15 hour flight, and then she comes across an asshole immigration officer, they can just say, “Turn around, get on a plane and fly back. We’re not letting you in.”
But like I said, if you’re going to date a woman and she’s saying all these things, (it’s obvious she wanted something more), but you keep treating her like a booty call, eventually she’s going to get the message. And that’s what it seems like; she got the message. And that’s why she never reached out to you, because you were treating her like a booty call. She obviously liked the sex, that’s why she came over and she was happy to come over and fuck you. But it seems like, based on what she was saying, she was hoping it was going to be something more, and you didn’t ever treat her as such.
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“How do you know if someone also likes you romantically? They make an effort to proactively reach out to you first when you are dating. They reciprocate and also initiate touching and kissing. They are excited to hear from you and be with you when you invite them to do something fun together. They ask you personal questions about yourself and take a sincere, authentic interest in who you are and your life. They eventually want to spend more and more time together the longer you are seeing each other and are bothered when you are still dating other people.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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