Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. I don’t know about you, but most of us recovering “nice” guys, at some point in their lives, developed the belief that we should be ashamed of our feelings of sexual attraction towards women.
This is a recent email from a client that addresses this issue. My response is at the end.
I’m pretty sure I know the answer to this one, but I’ll ask anyway…
I took a girl out, and she laughed quite a bit. I think she had an alright time. She told me during the middle of the date, (I didn’t ask, she told me), that she didn’t want a relationship because she was putting up a wall, and it wouldn’t be fair to the guy. Things went alright, but at the end of the date, she gave me a “wide hug.” I’m pretty sure I’m in the friends zone, right? But she texts me random things like, ” I can’t sleep,” or tells me about her day at work, how she had an asshole customer and such. What should I do with this one?
Here’s my response:
The best thing you can do with women is assume they all like you. Assume they all want you. Assume that it won’t be long after you meet a woman that she calls you and wants to have sex with you. How would you act then? What would you say differently? I know you would be more confident, more assertive, and would communicate a different vibe. Use humor, bantering, and playful teasing to build sexual tension. Treat her like a bratty little sister. It communicates you are not affected by her beauty. Make fun of her in a playful, (not a mean), way. Also, say things like, “I know you want me,” “Were you having impure thoughts about me again?” If she says I’ve been thinking about you, say “I’ve been thinking about you naked in my bed. What do you think about that?” If things are going well, and you think she may want to kiss you, say “are you a good kisser?” Of course she will say a positive answer. Then say, “prove it.” Look at her lips, then at her eyes, and then back at her lips when you are saying it. Make sure after you say, “prove it,” you have the smirk on your face like a naughty boy would. You know the type. He’s the kid who flushed M-80’s down the toilet in middle school, hid the teacher’s eraser, etc. Wait for her to either smile and kiss you or say something to you. When she texts, “I can’t sleep,” text back, “Cool, why don’t you come over and seduce me then?” Don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Do not feel guilty for liking or feeling attraction for any woman. Imagine what it would be like to have women hitting on you and trying to seduce you. Act as if this kind of thing happens to you all the time. Remember this is your world. You are a man. You are the mountain. This is your kingdom, and all women are guests at your private party of life. The fact that this girl brought up that she did not want a relationship is her communicating what she wants and telling you not to pressure her about it. Most guys do. Don’t be like them. Don’t bring up anything about the subject of a relationship with her.
As I say in my book, women are going to do what they want, when they want, and with whom they want. If she wants a relationship with you, she will bring it up. If she has high interest in you from the start and you do most everything right, she will try to make you her boyfriend. Make your interactions about having fun, making her laugh, making her feel comfortable, and building sexual tension. Women like sex just as much, if not more, than we do. Your job as a man is to create a situation where sex can happen. What have you got to lose with this girl? You want her and she seems to want a friendship. Stand up for what you want. It’s okay to be attracted to her and want her sexually. Human beings are sexual beings. When a woman treats you the way this girl is, it usually means you are being the “nice” guy. She’s treating you like a male girlfriend. Be bolder, be more assertive, and use humor and banter to create sexual tension.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur