Why you must balance being selfish and taking care of you first, but not to the point that you start neglecting your woman and stop dating her and courting her properly.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who has recently filed for divorce from her husband after a trial separation. She says that her husband is a really big fan of mine, has my book and watches my YouTube videos. She says that during their separation, he used what my book teaches to successfully woo her back and give him another chance. However, after initially thinking that they would reconcile after he started courting her properly, he started making less and less time for her and more time for himself.
He stated that, in order to make her happy, he needed to focus on making himself happy. She says they constantly argued about him not making time for her to no avail. She asks me to explain how making yourself happy isn’t a pass to be selfish to the point that it ruins the relationship. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
I recently filed for divorce from my husband after a trial separation. My husband is a really big fan of yours, watches your YouTube channel and purchased your book. During our separation, my husband used the information in your book to woo me and, to be honest, it worked! (Even if you don’t believe what I teach, just apply it, and you’ll see that it works.) He began courting me the right way, and I thought we would reconcile.
My husband is really into health and fitness and began entering fitness competitions. He started to make less and less time for me, and more and more time for himself. (What happened is, he got complacent. He figured he got you back, and now he wants to focus on his fitness competitions. He probably hasn’t read the book 10-15 times, and didn’t really learn the fundamentals.) My husband began telling me that, in order for him to make me happy, he would first have to make himself happy. (That doesn’t mean you should neglect and stop dating and courting your wife.) Though I agree with this statement, I think my husband took it too literal and just used it as an excuse to be selfish. (He got you back, and then went to focus on what he wanted.) He told me that working out and doing what he wanted in life had to be first in his life so that he could be happy. I went along with it for several months, until I got tired of him not making me one of his priorities. (He’s ignoring at least half of what I teach in the book. Most people are lazy and not willing to pay the price and do the little things to achieve success.)
We constantly argued about this topic to no avail. (Men who understand women never argue with them. He started using logic and reason to try and argue with you about why he needed to focus on his competitions and not spend time with you. He completely ignored the fact you were just saying, please spend time with me.) Since he watches your channel, I was hoping you could explain that making yourself happy isn’t a pass to be selfish in a relationship without damaging it. (You are absolutely right. If he doesn’t start dating you properly and doesn’t start communicating like an adult, there’s nothing anybody can do for him. Maybe he’ll learn when he’s single again. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue.)
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“Usually, when women are upset and complain about their men not making time for them, all they are really asking for is that they date and court them properly by spending time together on a regular and consistent basis. However, the average guy starts to argue and justify why he is no longer dating her properly, instead of simply dating her on a regular basis and making her feel special like he did when they first started dating. This makes women feel like their men don’t listen to them. Guys typically dig their heels in and use logic and reason in an attempt to win the argument, as women start to feel like they are not heard, understood or loved. If a man is unable to understand that his woman simply wants to spend more time with him, eventually she will give up and start spending her time with someone else. Guys who can’t seem to find the time to spend with their wives, always end up finding the time to spend with their divorce attorneys.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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