Don’t Seek A Relationship. Be A Good Time & A Fun Date!

Why it’s best to be a good time & a fun date if you want a happy relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who clearly is not a very happy man. He’s only 23, but believes he is cursed. He’s frustrated that he always gets ghosted and blown off by women he likes. He’s pessimistic and has a negative attitude. He’s totally focused on getting into a relationship when he can barely get past a 1^st date. I tell him what to focus on instead. I tell him what to focus on instead. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Don’t Seek A Relationship. Be A Good Time & A Fun Date!”.

This particular emails from a guy, he’s only 23 but he believes that he’s cursed. He’s frustrated, he really wants a relationship bad, and he basically says that everything ends the same way. He meets a girl and it never goes anywhere after that. And he claims he’s been studying this stuff for years. Just came across my work recently and nothing works. Nothing will work. I mean, he’s already basically given up on himself.

I mean, you’ll just see as I go through the email. And so first and foremost, if you want a date and you want a relationship, you’ve got to be in a happy place. You’ve got to love yourself. You’ve got to love your life. You’ve got to be excited about your future. You’ve got to be optimistic about your future. You need to look towards your future with positive anticipation.

Because if you’re not excited about your life and you’re not enjoying it, you’re not happy. How are you going to get a woman to be excited about it? And if you’re thinking that a woman is going to make you happy and that’ll solve all your problems, what you’ll realize is after you’re out of the honeymoon period, which typically lasts 6 to 12 months, is that once you get past that, you realize that you’re still not happy.

Then you’ll stop making the effort to maintain the relationship that you thought was going to make you happy in the first place. And then that goes into a tailspin. And now you’ve got something else to be upset and pessimistic about. So first you need to get to a happy place as a man in life, first and foremost. Because again, if you’re not enjoying yourself and enjoying your life, you’re not going to be fun on a date.

Girls just want to have fun. Like the Cyndi Lauper song from the 1980s. That’s what you’ve got to do. Women want to be in a love story. They want to go out and have a good time. And if you’re bored with yourself and you’re bored with your life, you’re not excited, that’s going to come out in your vibe. It’s going to come out in the tone of your voice. It’s going to be in your physiology, and it’s going to be all over your face.

You’re just not going to be a happy dude. But if you’re excited and you’re optimistic, you’ll be smiling. You’re going to be telling jokes. You’re going to be interesting to listen to. You’re going to be a really great listener. You’re going to be excited to get to know her. You’re going to be excited that she’s there and it’s just going to be a great time and great vibes. So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

You’ve got to be a glass half full and not a glass half empty. Women love confidence in guys and this guy absolutely reeks of beta male lack of confidence. And he’s thinking, “If I just get a girl to want to date me or be in a relationship, then my life will be better.” It’s like you’re not in a happy place. And if you did get a girl, get into a relationship, you’ll just sabotage it and she’ll quickly run off anyways.

So you need to get yourself together. You need to get your life together. As Jim Rohn used to say, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.” It’s better to be alone than in bad company. If you’re in a bad mood and have a shitty attitude and are desperate and needy, you’re going to attract somebody in your life that’s probably going to bring more chaos than anything.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I write to you because I have some doubts, I am 23-year-old male. A few months ago, I discovered your work, read the book about three times, watched a lot of your videos, and yet, until finding your work, I had literally hundreds of approaches (online, real-life, dating apps, etc.) with the intention of getting into an authentic relationship and never got one.

Well, you should focus on being a great date. And what is the formula from the book? Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. It doesn’t say hang out, have fun, hook up and get into a relationship. The idea is your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. It’s the woman’s job when she’s emotionally ready and feels it because you courted her properly, and you stimulated her emotions properly, that she’ll be the one trying to lock you down.

But if you’re showing up and you’re fucking miserable and you’ve already given up, what did Henry Ford say? “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way, you are right.” And if you’ve already given up on yourself, then when you meet a woman, she’s going to see that. She’s going to sense that. She’s going to sense your lack of optimism, your lack of confidence. And women love confidence in the guy.

They want a masculine dude that is sure of himself and that’s excited about his future. But the way you talk about yourself, your vibe, and the words you’re using, the tone of your voice are totally off. And women are just not going to feel safe hanging out with you because you’re not enjoying your life. And you need to focus first and foremost on getting to a place where you enjoy your life.

So girls can go out with you and you can be the escape. They can have a blast with you. And at the end of the evening, you can fuck their brains out and make them cum like a waterfall so they keep coming back over and over. Because if you’re lousy in bed, you’re gonna get ghosted. So that’s important to understand that.

It feels like no matter what I do, even after I found your work and tried with the new information, some force or something makes the result always the same, which makes me lose hope.

Dude, you’ve already given up. You’ve already convinced yourself there’s no hope.

I am not into spiritual things, but I have to use the expression of a “curse,” because no matter how many times I try, or what I try, I always end up with the same result for something that is supposed to be normal. Constantly comparing myself to couples everywhere I go and seeing them everywhere doesn’t help either.

Well, you can’t live your life according to other people’s expectations. And quite frankly, most of those couples that you think are really happy are all living lives of quiet desperation more than likely. The most important thing is you do what you do to make you happy. Because if you’re constantly trying to measure yourself against other people’s life or where they’re at, your path is different from mine and everybody else’s, and all these couples that you look at as well.

You’ve got to give yourself permission to be a novice and a beginner because, again, the most important thing you need to focus on is getting to a happy place as a man. Because unless you’re in a happy place as a man and you’re excited about the future, you’re working out. You’re taking care of your body. That’s another thing. You should be lifting weights and doing cardio and eating a good diet.

Because if your diet sucks and you don’t do any weight training or cardio, you’re just not going to feel that good. You’re not going to be very healthy. And you’ll be much more attractive if you’re fit. Because another thing that men are is disciplined. And women love us disciplined guys. And if you’re relatively fit and in shape, that shows that you’re disciplined. And if you’re a disciplined man, that means you’re a competent and confident man, which again, women love.

I was often told that I am attractive and funny, but yet it seems like I am never good enough for more than just a talking stage. Often we talk for two days, then they just “replace” me or get bored.

Again, the phone is for setting dates. So if you meet a girl, you should be setting a date. If you’re meeting her online, you send 3 or 4 texts back and forth and then send your number and say, “Hey, give me a call and let’s chat.” Or “Give me your number and I’ll give you a call and we’ll chat and then maybe meet up for a drink.”

You need to be direct, decisive, and get to the point. Instead of trying to get to know women through text over several days and trying to crack jokes because your jokes aren’t landing. And obviously whatever you’re talking about is boring these women out of liking you. You’re talking them out of liking you.

I also read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy and am trying to practice what I read. I still can’t get into a relationship.

Again, a relationship always is a result of casual dating, casual hanging out, having fun, and hooking up, and letting the woman come to you at her pace. You’re probably also very needy and very desperate and you give off that vibe. You’re coming off as clingy and needy, and that also turns women off, because as the exact opposite of confidence.

Which is the number one strength characteristic that women love and men. So if you’re showing up and you’re not confident, you’ve already lost, dude. That’s why you need to work on yourself first. That should be the most important thing.

Is this the only thing that I want in life? Because in all other areas of my life, I am successful and on a good path, and those things are hard for 99% of people. It seems like I am good at what is hard and bad at what is supposed to be easy.

Well, nothing in life worth having really comes easy. So if you’re saying you’re successful in your career, the one thing you’re leaving out, and I’ve been mentioning since I started this video, is that you’re just not a happy dude. Any woman that would read your email that you wrote me is going to be like, I don’t want to go out with that guy.

It’s like when you when you talk the way you talk, as a man, I wouldn’t even want to hang out with you and be friendly with you, because you’d be a total fucking Debbie Downer to be hanging out with. So you’ve got to think about that. You’ve got to fix yourself and your life and your attitude first. Because if you say everything else is great in your life, but yet you’ve got a shitty attitude, well, your life is not as great as you intimate that it is.

And the future doesn’t look too bright to me either.

Dude, you’re 23 fucking years old. I didn’t even get my first fucking girlfriend till I was 24. And you’ve got the book, with all these decades of experience, 20 years of perfecting this. And tens of thousands of phone sessions and thousands and thousands of emails and videos answered. And I’ve been teaching this stuff to people all over the world. And you need to fix yourself first.

Sometimes I just want to give up completely.

Well, that’s the way life is. It always seems hopeless until you finally succeed. Life is going to pass, but you have to decide ahead of time that no matter what, you’re going to keep moving forward. Because again, time’s going to pass. And in order to shape and change your destiny, you’ve got to take action on a daily basis. And your number one goal right now should be to get to a happy place as a man, where you’re excited when you get up in the morning, you’re excited about the future, excited about who you’re going to meet.

And if you run into a girl and you really click with her and she clicks with you and you make a date and you’re happy, it’s going to be a night and day difference for you. But what you’re saying is that every time you meet a girl or talk to her, within a day or two, she just disappears. You bore her and talk her out of liking you. So again, the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody.

I know that I should not be negative or live in the past, but it seems like the past is living with me in the present because I can’t get anyone to like me, just like in the past.

Well, you want to know that why that is? Because you don’t like yourself. It’s pretty simple. If you don’t love and value yourself, nobody else will either. So enough of the fucking pity party. It’s time to grow up. Grab your balls, stop your grinnin and drop your linen and get after it in life.

Even meeting women is hard nowadays in real life. Real-life approaches are often perceived as weird because of how the online world has become, and it is even harder for me.

What you’re giving me now is your story and your excuse why it’s not your fault.

I can’t find a natural context to meet new people and find a partner.

Well, the best connections that you’re going to have, and obviously, if you read the book, you know that you’re going to have much better connections when you meet women as a side effect of living a great life, and as a side effect of having a great social life. Because when you’re in the zone and life is going well and you’re just out having fun doing things with like-minded people that like the same things, that’s when you usually meet a girl.

Out of the blue, completely unexpectedly, who either knows you through somebody else or knows mutual friends, maybe. You know, when you look at how people meet and start relationships most of the time, where is it? It’s work and their social connections. And obviously a lot of people meet with online dating these days. But as I’ve done many videos over the years, online dating just continues to get worse and worse.

It’s more and more of a cesspool. I did a Video Newsletter yesterday talking about that and you can go look at the comments. It’s most of the guys. It’s like they see the exact same things that they’re experiencing. That’s why it would behoove you to focus on creating a great life and lifestyle for yourself so meeting women is just a side effect of having a great life. You’ve got to fish where there are the kind of women that you want to meet.

Doing things like going to a Yoga class or Pilates, any kind of an exercise type of class like that where it’s going to be mostly women. Anytime you can go where you’re outnumbered by women, you’re going to automatically become more attractive just because you’re one of the few guys that are there. So think about that.

Wherever you go if you can stack the deck in your favor and be outnumbered by the ladies, you’re going to have much better results. Because when you’re doing things you love and enjoy, you’re going to smile more. You’re going to be happier, you’re going to be more attractive, and you’re going to have more in common with the women you meet just because they’re there, because they like the same things.

Is this thing just not for everyone?

Well, it’s not going to work for you with your current attitude.

Thank you for reading my email.

I tried to keep it short and as realistic as possible. Hopefully, you will answer me, and I will know what I should do next—give up or just hope for a miracle to happen? I waited 23 years for the “miracle” and put in effort. All I want is to end the loneliness, and that is getting harder and harder with every year.

Again, dude, your number one goal right now should be to get to a happy place as a man, where you’re proud of yourself and you’re proud of your life, and you’re excited about your future because you don’t sound excited about anything. How is a woman going to be excited about you? How is she going to be excited to be in a relationship with you if you’re not even having a good time? Or potentially having children with you, and you don’t like yourself and you don’t like your life. How are you going to be a good parent?

How is she going to be able to rely on you for emotional mental support, financial support, especially if she’s going to be a stay-at-home mom and take care of your kids? Women are not going to feel safe and comfortable being around you with your current attitude and the fact that you don’t like yourself or your life. So again, first and foremost, you need to get to a happy place. Because when you get to a happy place, you’ll attract a happy woman. When you’re in a miserable place, guess what? You’re going to attract miserable people. That’s something to think about.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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