In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a viewer who is a thirty-six year old virgin who has never had a girlfriend and suffers from social anxiety and depression. He is not pursuing his true passions in life, because he has always played it safe, instead of taking risks. He finally got himself a therapist to help him with his issues, and a few months ago, he went out on the first date he has ever had in his entire life. He says he had the time of his life. He never talked to that girl again, but to him it was a huge victory. Afterward, he found my work. However, he feels like he is trying to climb Mount Everest and often feels like life is hopeless for him. He’s worried about how he will explain to a woman, when the topic comes up in the future, as to why he’s never had a girlfriend before. He wants to know what he can do to be masculine and attractive to women, even though he does not yet have a clear vision and purpose for his life. The second email is a success story from a fifty-one year old guy who always used to settle in life. He shares how applying what I teach has changed his life, success with women and confidence dramatically. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of their emails:
First Viewer’s Email:
I am a 36-year old virgin who has never had a girlfriend and suffers from social anxiety and depression. I’m hoping that you can give me some advice and encouragement to help me turn my life around. I have already begun to take many steps forward, but often feel like I’m trying to climb Mt. Everest. (Nothing is holding you back. You can become whomever you want to be. As long as you make consistent effort, you will get there.) First let me tell you a little bit more about myself. I was shy as a child, which as I got older developed into crippling social anxiety and low self-esteem. Although I always had friends growing up, I barely talked to any girls. During college, I majored in Computer Science, even though I wasn’t really interested in it, because I thought it was a “safe” choice and wouldn’t force me too far outside my narrow comfort zone. (You’re going to grow the most and achieve the most the more you can become comfortable with being uncomfortable.) After college, I had trouble finding a job in my field, because I wasn’t passionate about it. After years of working at jobs I didn’t like, I reached my low point when quit my IT job due to anxiety and became a part time janitor at age 32. I spent the next 3 years working as a janitor, until earlier this year when I finally decided to get help. (Good for you. You obviously got to the point in your life where you got tired of living that way.)
I started seeing a therapist for my issues, and after a few months got a new job in the IT field. Although I’m not passionate about my work, the job has forced me to meet lots of people and work on my social skills. (When you work in jobs that force you to interact with other people, it helps you develop your social skills.) Then a few months ago, I went on my first date ever with a girl I met online. (That’s awesome dude. It gives you experience. Little by little, those experiences will build your confidence.) This was before I read your book, so I know I made a lot of mistakes, but we went out to dinner, then out dancing. (If you read my book 10-15 times, the next time you can seduce her successfully. Check out my article and video, “Women Who Make It Easy” about a young virgin who, after reading my book multiple times, successfully seduced a girl and had his first sexual experience in his car.) I had the time of my life, and spent the night at her place. We didn’t have sex, and I never saw her again, but it was still an amazing night.
Despite the progress that I’ve made, however, it’s hard for me to really believe things can change after being this way for so long. (It doesn’t matter. That’s just the story you tell yourself.) I am most insecure about never having been in a relationship before. (It’s all about how you tell it, the spin you put on it. Just tell her you’ve dated a lot, but you just haven’t found the right girl yet. If she’s having fun, she won’t care.) I feel like any girl would reject me if they knew that. (So what. You were able to go back to her place on the first date. That’s pretty impressive dude.) I know you preach being mysterious and letting the girl do most of the talking, but eventually you have to talk about yourself, and I don’t know how to put a positive spin on the things that I’ve been through. (It doesn’t need to be brought up. Just tell her you’re not willing to settle. It communicates you have high standards.)
You also talk about being masculine as having purpose and drive, yet my career is not yet in line with my passions and purpose. I recognize the need for me to start heading in a new direction, according to what my passions are, but in the meantime, how can I be masculine and attractive to women when I am not yet living my purpose or do not yet have a clear vision of what that is? (You need to at least do research and explore the things you’re interested in, so you can figure out what your purpose is on the side. As long as you’re making progress and you’re studying these things, that’s going to make you feel more masculine and happy. If you just keep working a job you’re not enjoying, and not doing any kind of research, you’re not going to feel like you’re making much progress in your life. That will sap your will to live, sap your enthusiasm and won’t help your confidence. Keep reading the book and apply it. Keep moving forward and going on dates. With each woman you go out with, you’ll get a little better.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
I know you must get a lot of emails along these lines, but I just wanted to say thank you! (You’re welcome.) I have read your book at least 10 times, and sometimes I re-read sections to help reinforce things. (That’s why you’re successful. The people who do the best, or every time I have a really good success story, they’ve read the book a minimum of ten times. You learn the fundamentals and principles that way. You have to put the time in. There are no shortcuts to success.) I am 51 years of age and have had three long term relationships. I used to settle all the time, then realized years later I had made a huge mistake! (Most people settle in life and try to get you to do the same.) Nowadays, I have an abundance of choice, and the women I date are seriously 9’s or 10’s. My confidence has grown as a result, so much so, that fear is almost completely absent when I engage with beautiful women. (It will always be in the back of your mind, but once you’ve done it over and over again, repetition is the mother of skill. As long as you make the effort and put your self out there, that’s a victory.) This confidence extends to other parts of my life. My business is going well, and I have plans to expand it further. (The more successful you become with women, the more you will want to expand in your business and career. Most guys never experience that, because they end up feeling like they aren’t with the caliber person they really want and deserve. Most people are worried and fear the future. Fear is the biggest robber of our dreams. At the end of the day, fear only exists in the mind, but people make excuses and they don’t take any action. Don’t be fearful of taking risks.)
I’m glad you found your calling in life, and I thank you for your insights and help to improve mine! (Thanks for learning the things I teach and helping yourself. Not only are you changing yourself, but you’re influencing the people around you to be better in life. When you’re making progress in life, you’re going to feel good and people will be drawn to that.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The most essential component to feeling successful in life is feeling like you are making progress towards accomplishing your grandest goals and dreams. If you are not taking action and moving towards what you want in life, even if it’s just doing research to figure out what that is, you will not feel like you are making any progress. This will sap your energy, confidence and happiness, and your will to live. The simple difference between those who eventually succeed and reach their full potential and those who don’t is making an effort by taking action, even if it’s imperfect action. Taking action gives you results. Results give you experience. Experience builds your confidence incrementally and gives you wisdom to base future actions upon. Movement creates the perception of progress. Therefore, when you don’t feel like taking action because life feels hopeless, that’s when you must force yourself to get off your ass and move. Successful people move even when they don’t feel like it. Unsuccessful people make excuses and play it safe. When people tell you to be realistic and encourage you to settle, they’re telling you their story, not yours. That’s something to think about.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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