How to create effortless natural attraction with women, so they choose you, work to get your attention and approach you first.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who went from being overweight, scared, shy, ignored by women, drinking too much and just trying to get through the workweek, to being happy, attractive to women, relaxed and focused on becoming a better man. He used to believe he was not worth anyone’s time.
He shares how two stunningly beautiful women noticed him, competed for him and worked to get his attention and validation. He went from feeling totally unworthy as a man, to becoming a catch and causing women to notice and approach him. He shares what he did and said to go from being a guy who was invisible to women, to being a guy who women compete over without much effort on his part. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I recently picked up a game I recommend called Vertellis, with a lot of great questions for when you’re in a group setting or on a date. It’s got a lot of uplifting questions, such as, “What was your best purchase for under $100?” and “Of which personal achievement are you most proud?” These are positive questions for open-ended answers. Remember, when you’re on a date or you’re talking to somebody, especially a woman, whatever your questions and conversation topics are making her feel and think, that’s what she’s going to associate with being with you.
That being said, let’s go through this viewer’s email…
I just wanted to say thank you. Just being introduced to your material has brought me more progress than I ever could have imagined. It has become a snowball effect, and I feel that I have gone from a regular person, pushing to get to the weekend, just to drink, and consume and feel like shit,
(How many people watching this, or how many friends do you know where that’s their life? How many people do you know who in their lives, all they do is complain about the way things are or say, “I’m going to join a gym,” or “I’m going to change my job,” and five years later, they’re still working there and complaining about it, but they never do anything about it? They don’t do anything to help themselves. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue,)
to a fucking heat seeking missile trying to create a better life for myself. I listen to your book an hour a day, watch at least 3 of your videos a week, I read “The 5 Love Languages” and “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
(Those are two essential books every human being should read.)
I continue to go further with Jordan Peterson lectures.
(People ask me what I think of Jordan Peterson, and he’s a kindred spirit. He’s got a great book called “12 Rules for Life” which I thought was a really good book. What I like about him is when you get to know the guy, he suffered from depression and he had a daughter with a lot of health problems when she was young, so he and his family just had a lot of things they’ve had to overcome.
As I’ve said in the past, when you have a weakness, a flaw or a part of your life that’s not going really well, that can become your strength. It’s like you’re smoothing out the rough edges. For those of you who have read my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” I talk in raw, intimate detail of some of the things I’ve been through in my life, because I want people to see that you can go from the depths of despair to the highs of success and maybe even crash back down again from unforeseen circumstances that may happen in your life, so you’ve got to cultivate a mentality and a mindset that enables you to keep grinding, even when it looks hopeless. It’s those little things you do day in an day out, where most people are just making excuses, that separates you from the average people.
Mediocre, average people don’t like to be around high achievers. Typically, they’re going to talk shit about them, saying negative things. People get really mad and angry when they’re faced with truth or reality, especially when you’re going for the things you want and they’re not. You really have to manage very carefully who you allow into your inner circle, because when you’re around other people, they’re testing you to see if you really believe what you believe.
If you’re one guy, and your group of ten friends are all mediocre people who aren’t going anywhere, when you come up with a new idea or a new career, or a business you want to start, and they’re not doing anything, they’re probably not going to have many encouraging things to say. But by hanging out with other like-minded, high-achieving people who are aspiring, they’re going to have low points in their lives as well, but they tend to be optimistic. And if you’re going through a rough patch in your life, that’s when they’re going to step in and say, “Come on man, you can get through it. Just keep grinding.”)
I also just ordered “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle.
(I have not read that one. I think “The Power of Now” is the one I liked the most.)
I use to not be able to hold eye contact with a woman.
(Well, if you don’t value yourself, like “Why would anyone want me?” then you’re going to be ashamed of yourself. When making eye contact, you’re going to tend to look away. But if you’re proud, you’re like “I deserve a fucking smokeshow.” If you see a woman checking you out and making eye contact, you’re just going to smile and you’re not going to look away. Why? Because you’re proud of yourself. You’re expressing dominance because you made eye contact and you saw what you liked.)
I would seek attention from women that would not give me attention, get nervous when I did get attention, and manage to fuck it up.
(Why would somebody seek attention from women that don’t give them any? Well, if you don’t think you’re worthy, then when you seek attention from somebody who’s ignoring you, that just validates your worldview that you’re not good enough. But if you’re proud of yourself and a woman doesn’t pay any attention to you, you’ll think, “I’m an awesome catch. She didn’t see it, that’s okay. I’ll just keep moving along. I want somebody who’s excited to be with me and proud to be around me.” If you don’t value yourself, you’ll continue to interact with people that validate and reinforce your model of the world.)
To add to that, I have always been overweight. I realize now that I never thought I was worth anyone’s time. I get it now. I value myself, I have goals, my time is limited, and I am pushing as hard as I can to develop and care for myself.
(Remember what Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.”)
Also to surround myself with like-minded people that contain things that I aspire to be, something to aim at ALL OF THE TIME. I am also searching for a woman that is more than eye candy for once in my life, to push forward with.
(I was like that when I was in my 20’s. I just wanted a woman who was beautiful. I assumed, if she was beautiful, we’d get along great because I really liked her. Obviously, if you’ve read my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” then you know what I went through and how my perception changed. You realize there’s a lot of factors that go beyond the physical attraction.
Ideally, if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, the best women for that tend to be women who come from good families, who have a good relationship with their mom and dad. Women who grow up in stable, healthy families or at least they have a really strong mom, a strong dad or father figure in their lives that taught them how to communicate and they learn how to trust men, they’re very easy to get along with.
Life is hard enough. If you get into a relationship with a woman who has all kinds of wounds from her childhood, she never learned to trust men, never saw healthy role models, there was cheating in the family, then you have to make sure you do a good job of pre-qualifying her, because not everybody deserves to be in your life, no matter how hot they are. The reality is, some of the hottest women tend to be some of the most fucked up. You want to look at, “Who is this person?” because eventually the infatuation is going to wear off.)
I just have to say, what you teach has changed my life. I have gone from the hunched over, blindly projecting my own attraction, drink as a hostage, chest covered guy in the corner, to this.
(As I talk about in my article and video, “Body Language That Attracts Women,” guys who are uncomfortable tend to cover their core, their emotional center, or they turn sideways. If you feel good and are proud of yourself, you’re going to stand proud with your chest out and arms down at your side. If you think you’re not worthy, you’re going to hunch over. Your physiology is going to match how you perceive yourself.)
It was a holiday party. Girl 1 has a boyfriend, (I had no intentions, but it’s nice to be able to read people),
(That’s the thing you’re going to notice. As you start exuding this vibe and energy like I talk about and teach in my book, you’re going to get noticed by women, including women who have boyfriends or happen to be married. You’ll go from being completely ignored by women to all kinds of women checking you out. Once you see that, you realize, I have an abundance of choices here),
but she has the eye lock that wants your soul. A meteor could crash through the room, and she wouldn’t break the conversation off. I think you know what I mean. Girl 2 walks in, (a new girl), and oh my god, tight dress, tall, dark, fit, with an ass that causes collisions at crosswalks. “HO-LY FUCK,” I thought to myself as I shamelessly looked her up and down from across the room. But I kept my cool. I let her come to me and say hi.
(If you’ve got lots of choice and lots of options, the last thing you need is another woman in your life. Guys who have choice have a completely different body language than guys who have nothing going on.)
Internally I was drooling on myself, but externally it was like I was in the eye of the storm. Waiting for the bathroom with Girl 1 talking to me, and I am just ramping her fire up. She’s eating it up. Then, who walks out of the bathroom? Girl 2!
(Now you have two girls who are interested in you, and that works in your favor. One of my quotes I got from Doc Love years ago is, “When kitty cats compete, you win.” It’s true. Automatically, you get social proof. When a woman sees another pretty woman likes you, that’s all the validation she needs, and she likes you even more. You didn’t do anything but just show up, enjoy yourself and exhibit the right body language.)
She walks by, stops, walks backwards to the beat of the music, and starts shaking her ass on me. It blew my mind.
(Here’s a woman who’s noticing you’re talking to another woman, and she doesn’t care. She’s trying to get your attention. Isn’t that interesting? Because we’re taught in society the guy’s got to chase, you have to run after her and show some grand gesture, but you were doing the opposite. You were just exuding confidence and exuding that you enjoy yourself.)
Fast forward 3 months later to a gathering, Girl 1 happens to be at the gathering and is sitting by herself at the other end of a long table that my friend and I are sitting at, refusing to make eye contact with me.
(Why would she refuse to make eye contact? Either A) She’s insecure, or B) she doesn’t want you to know that she’s into you.)
I thought this was a fun challenge. After a while I yell to her and tell her to just “come sit over here with us,” as I pull out a chair.
(You were telling her to come over in a confident, masculine way. If you’re used to women doing that, well of course. You just told her what to do and she submits, comes over and sits down. She’s really making it obvious that she’s trying not to make eye contact with you.)
She slowly walks over, still looking everywhere else in the room but at me, and at the last second, grabs the chair next to me and sits with the ferocity as if we were playing musical chairs.
(The average guy would get butt-hurt thinking, “I had a great conversation with this girl three months ago, and now she’s ignoring me.” But instead, you saw right through it. It’s a completely different mindset, a completely different attitude, and she comes over. Your job as a man is to extend an invitation.)
We start talking, and she’s only looking at my friend. I refuse to let it affect me. I stayed centered, and within five minutes, she was touching me, playing with her hair, inching her chair closer to me, touching me to the point that I actually mentioned it, she laughed and touched me more!
(This is the complete opposite of what we’re taught from the time we grow up.)
This is when I learned the importance of how to hang out and have fun.
(Yeah, because this happens to you all the time. Guys that this doesn’t happen to try to force the conversation, try to force themselves to get around her, thinking “How do I get this girl to like me?” Well, women do the choosing. They either like you or they don’t. And when you see that they like you, you can invite them over, even if they initially ignore you or say they’re not interested.)
It was just unreal to watch a sexy ass woman fight to contain her attraction and then let it take her over.
This is just small snippet from my life now, and I just want to thank you for it.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Being happy and learning to value and stand up for yourself makes you stand out and sets yourself apart from most other regular people who are just trying to get through the work week, so they can escape from life on the weekends. In a world full of people who never come close to reaching their full potential, high achievers are willing to do the little things day in and day out that most others won’t do to move their lives forward. High achievers make plans and take action, while low achievers talk about what they’re going to do, but only make excuses and seek out reasons to justify doing nothing to change their reality. Low achievers don’t like high achievers, because just being around them makes it all too obvious why their lives are going nowhere. Low achievers will work to sabotage your success, because they don’t like feeling uncomfortable and being reminded that they are willingly choosing to be mediocre. That’s why it’s so critically important to surround yourself with other high achievers who will support, nurture and encourage you to become all that you are capable of being.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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