Ever Since We Became Exclusive She Seems A Little Distant & Rude

Some things to consider if your girlfriend has become distant & rude after you became exclusive.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update from a viewer whose previous email I answered in, “The Art of Seduction: Her Place or Yours?” Since then he met and became exclusive with a different woman recently. However, ever since he agreed to be her boyfriend she is a little distant and also seems to be getting a little disrespectful towards him and asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, that’s not good. Let’s see what we can do to turn that frown upside down.

So this particular viewer, I answered a video newsletter a while back and it was three or four months ago. It was some other girl he was dating that didn’t end up working out. That was titled, “The Art of Seduction: Her Place or Yours?” Since then, he met somebody else and they dated, things progressed at six or seven weeks, eight weeks. She asked him to be exclusive, said, “I love you,” then they kind of became official. After they became official, she seemed to be a little more distant. The last few times they’ve hung out, like one in particular, she was just kind of rude. He called her out on it, she apologized, but he just noticed like, “Now that I’ve said yes to a relationship, she seems to be kind of distant.”

It looks like overall there is a lack of intimacy and a lack of closeness. That tells me that they’re spending time together, but they don’t really know one another. There’s just a lack of closeness and intimacy and that tells me he’s a little too robotic, not as authentic. He’s trying to copy and paste things a little too much.

This is what happens when you only read the book a handful of times, is that you’re just making mistakes because you’re all in your head. You’re trying to copy and paste things you saw from a video or something you vaguely remember from the book, and it just gets in the way of you acting naturally. That’s why I tell you guys, you got to learn this book. You got to read it 10 to 15 times, because if you know it so well, you don’t have to think about it, then you’re just instinctual. Things just happen, and you respond to how she’s showing up and based upon her actions. If you don’t really know the book that well, then her behavior is going to change a little bit and you’re not going to know what to do. You start searching through videos, but because you don’t know the book, you’re just trying to find a copy and paste solution. It just doesn’t work that well because you don’t understand the philosophy. You don’t understand when to move forward, when to be closer and when to hang back and back off a little bit.

I see it in my phone sessions. I’ve been doing this 20 years. The guys that do the best are the guys that read the book a lot, and even after they’ve gone through it 10 to 15 times and get success, they still go through it at least once or twice a year. The guys that really struggle and make the biggest mistakes, I talked to a guy the other night, he’s been following me for two years. When we spoke two years ago, he’s a very smart, high income, high IQ dude, and he’s just now getting around to reading the book, and he’s telling me all the things he’s doing with this girl. I’m like, “Bro, these are the things that are in the book,” but because he’s smart, because he makes a lot of money, he thinks it really doesn’t apply to him. He shouldn’t have to to do it, and I was like, “Well, here we are on a phone session about the same issues that we talked about two years ago that you still haven’t corrected because you don’t know the book.” Like, you don’t know what you’re doing. Then on top of that, you get involved in dating a woman that you really like and then everything just kind of goes out the door, goes out the window.

So with that in mind, let’s go through the video and see if these little fur babies can be mostly quiet. I was filming a video earlier and like the last two or three minutes of the video and some asshole decides to start pounding on the slab on the concrete continuously for about 10 minutes, and of course, that drove the dogs crazy, so that’s fun. Make my editing work harder to do, but hey, when you live in a condo, that’s kind of the problem, right? So let’s go through this email and see what this guy is doing and if we can help him fine tune his approach.

Viewer Email:

Corey,

Thanks so much for answering my previous email in a newsletter “Art of Seduction, My Place or Yours?” I appreciated the feedback and confirmation of my thoughts about that lady. (Quick update: I did reach out one last time as discussed, but she never responded).

So he got ghosted.

Onto the next: A few weeks later, I met a sexy, energetic, passionate and fun Latina woman and things progressed smoothly. She obviously had high attraction from the start. I set up one date per week, with her even reaching out in the first couple of weeks to make sure I still wanted to see her as the day of each date approached.

So remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So she’s worried about his approval, she’s worried that he likes her, which always has a positive effect on her interest, and that’s what we want. It makes her emotionally bond to you. You’re the strong one. You’re the masculine one. You’re the rock. You’re the mountain. She’s coming to you. You’re the strong one. You’re mysterious.

After we had the indoor Olympics in the 3rd week, she started reaching out first, and sending me extra messages during the week with plenty of heart emojis, kiss emojis etc, and even photos of us together from previous dates.

So far, so good.

Around the 6th week, she started hinting about being “Casi algo” (Almost something) together…

Did I pronounce that right? Almost something. I guess that’s Spanish for “Almost something.” We’re almost something together.

…And asking whether I liked her.

Well, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So that’s how that works. That’s what that does. It causes her to try to figure out where she stands with you. It’s always better if she thinks that she likes you more than you like her, because she’ll be on her best behavior, but if she knows she’s got you wrapped around her finger, especially if you’re soft, you’re compliant, you always go along with what she wants and you don’t stand up for yourself and what you believe in, you might notice a little bitchiness start to creep in just because she doesn’t respect you as much, because you’re soft, and women don’t like that. Especially when they think initially that you’re pretty strong and confident, as they get to know you, they find out you’re just basically a Spongebob SquarePants.

So back to our regularly scheduled email.

By the seventh, she brought up being together/committed and we had a joking conversation that led to me agreeing to be together.

Well, you don’t just joke and dismiss those things. The key is to be humorous and playful, but if she’s wanting to be committed, then you can’t be thinking you’ve got to make a joke out of everything, because after a while, that’ll start to make you look insecure. Especially guys that are constantly trying to turn every single thing she says into a joke, that’s just weird. Comes across as kind of unusual.

That weekend we spent two days together and had many rounds of the indoor Olympics.

Lots of happy finishes for everybody.

Here’s where things got a little strange: In the following week, she didn’t reach out as usual right after. OK, I figured we spent the weekend together, maybe she’s a little bored and just waited a few days. Later in the week, she sent me some photos but without any of her usual sweet messages or emojis. I didn’t mention this and just bantered a bit…

So I can’t really tell. She didn’t reach out as usual right after, so he just kind of hung back, and that’s kind of normal. You spend a lot of time together and they might be a little distant the next few days. That’s just normal behavior. It’s just how they are. If you’re comfortable, you’re centered and you’re calm, cool and collected like the Rock Star is here, he’s pretty chill, pretty stoic. Unlike his little crazy girlfriend here, which you guys can’t see, she’s off camera.

If you don’t come unglued, normal guys are going to be like, “Oh wow, now I get some peace and quiet. I can get caught up with my stuff. I can hang out with the boys.” That means we can go have some beers, Rocky! Yeah, you and I can go to our favorite watering hole, have some beers, catch up, think about our lives.

If a guy is not really sure of himself, those two or three days where he’s not hearing from her are going to kind of freak him out. He’s going to think, “What happened? I got to fix this. There’s something wrong,” but it’s the ebb and flow. It’s the ebb and flow of the relationship, don’t you know? This is the part where women are like cats.

…To set up the next get together the following weekend.

The other thing is, if you’re in a relationship, you’re exclusive and you’re two months into it, I mean, she should be calling and texting you every day two or three times a day, and you don’t have to go on official dates every time, especially if she’s texting you at 9:00 at night, 10:00 at night. Things like, “Heyyy,” or she sends you some emojis, or she’s like, “What are you doing?” That kind of thing. When you see that, just say, “Hey, come over.” You can invite her over to hang out. If she reaches out, make a get together happen. It doesn’t have to be an official date where you go pick her up. It’s just, “Hey, come over.” That’s the beauty of living 10-15 minutes away from each other versus long distance and stuff like that. That’s just the natural progression, which should be happening.

So he’s like going a week without seeing his girlfriend, which tells me her interest has dropped a little bit. Maybe he’s being a little too cold, too much of a cold fish. He’s kind of missing the social cues, things of that nature. It just shows there’s a lack of warmness and a lack of closeness. I would suspect that more than likely at times, he probably is a little too cold, a little too much of a cold fish, and he treats her more like a booty call than his girlfriend, because when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. When she doesn’t, the legs close.

We again had two days together (I took her out for activities, and in between we had a lot more indoor Olympics back at my place). She told me she loves me at this time.

The next day, she reached out with some photos and told me she misses me a lot (And calling me her “papi chulo,” LOL).

Papi chulo. Are you my papi chulo?

So we started to make plans as usual, but when I suggested an activity (On specified day/time, etc.) she never responded.

Yeah, what I’m seeing a little bit of is, “I must make an official date. It must be multiple days in advance. I must take the stick out of my ass.” Again, at this part after two months together, you’re setting up dates a week or two in advance. That’s just that’s cold. Again, it’s like somebody that’s an occasional booty call, not a girlfriend.

See, the girls get a little cranky when you don’t pay attention to them. So I’m sitting up here showing Rocky attention, she’s standing down there, he’s kind of in the way of the seat and she kind of winds a little bit. She doesn’t like that. She gets a little jealous. So basically what’s going on is, “Daddy showed me some love. Show me some attention.” Then what happened? You say, “Of course, baby. Come over here. Come to daddy.” That’s what you do. Like when there’s distance, you let them go and they do their thing, but as soon as they’re back, you’re like, “Hey cutie, I miss you. Come over here. Get your cute little ass over here. I want to see you.” So there’s a softness and a closeness that should be happening when they’re at this stage in a relationship, but again, it just seems like a transaction. They’re too cold.

This is what happens when guys don’t really understand the book and haven’t taken the time, they’re lazy and they’re cherry picking. I break guys balls all the time because I see things like this and it’s unnecessary, but most people are lazy. They just want the quick fix. These are not easy things to overcome, especially like when you’re raised in an environment like where I was raised, where you don’t get hugs, you don’t hear, “I love you,” you don’t hear, “I’m proud of you.” You never learn those things, so you grow up starved for attention and affection. How that can often make you behave in relationship is to come off as a little needy, and when you act needy, you end up chasing women out of your life because you’re too dopey, too emotional and you act like a girl, basically. Then they get turned off, then the pendulum swings the other way and then you’re too much of a cold fish and you’re too distant, which is what it looks like this guy is.

So like the three of us are just having a little love fest here. I got Rocky, I got Ocean, they’re just hanging out. That’s what happens. You let the girl go and then she comes back and you’re happy to see her. You know, Ocean is down here and I won’t say, “Hey, let’s get together next week, Ocean. I’ll see you next week. Just sit there and whine and growl.” She’s not gonna like that. Instead, she misses you, she shows she’s thinking about you.

As the book says, a woman reaches out and you assume she wants to see you. So make the get together happen as quickly as possible, especially when you’re in a relationship. Just say, “Hey, come over. Let’s go hang out. Let’s go do this. Let’s go do that. What are we going to do? I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Just get your cute little ass over here. Hurry up!” I mean, that’s how those things happen. So this guy is still treating her like somebody he just started dating. Again, it’s just too cold. There’s no closeness, there’s no warmth, there’s no love fest going on, like we have going on in our chair, right? Exactly!

So he suggested an activity, and then she just ghosted him.

Again, I left it without sending a 2nd message and just waited and around four days later she sent me a very short message, “Hi, guapo.” No emojis, no photos, etc., and we made plans for this coming weekend (Note: I made other plans for the originally proposed day, so she had to accept a different day/time).

Again, there’s just a lack of closeness and intimacy. You guys are committed, but there’s no warmth, there’s no love, there’s no sweetness, there’s no fondness for one another. You’re just like a cold fish. It’s like her dealing with this guy and going and dating him is like dealing with the DMV. It’s just business.

What confuses me is yes, I know we spent a lot of time together (Her idea) on the weekends, but it almost seems as if she’s lost interest now that the “chase is over” in that I agreed to be together as a couple. I noticed a definite drop off in flirtiness and also seems when we’re together she is getting a little more disrespectful (Interrupting me, etc.) with a few negative comments creeping in (Insults).

Well, if a woman is starting to insult you and she’s acting bitchy, it means she doesn’t respect you and that’s something you’re doing, something you’re saying, your vibe. Maybe she feels like you don’t care about her. It also could be around that time of the month because girls, he’s like, “Hey babe, you’re kind of a little cranky today. What’s up with that? Why are you taking shots at me? Why are you giving me these little barbs? Why are you doing these little barbs? Why?” So you got to address that stuff.

Again, I would say probably if I was to talk to her, she just probably feels like he doesn’t care. He’s like kind of a cold fish. There’s a lack of warmth and closeness here. It’s not because the chase is over if your boyfriend/girlfriend and then you go a week. I mean, it’s not normal for your girlfriend to just ignore you for four days. She reaches out, you try to set a date, and she just doesn’t reply for four days. That’s not good. She’s treating you like you’re really not that important to her. Probably because she’s expecting things to get closer and warmer and then it didn’t happen. Instead, it was like an arm’s length transaction.

If you guys noticed, Ocean just wandered off to go see what the girls are doing out there? She’ll probably be back before the end of the video. Let’s see. Let’s see if she comes back. Rocky’s licking his balls. Alright. Guys are just hanging out now.

I called her out on these gently and she apologized, but her actions and excitement level just seem wrong for a woman who is declaring she loves me/wants to be together as a couple, etc. (Her idea again). Is she potentially narcissistic? (Love bomb followed by discard?)

I’d say you’re probably being a little too much of a cold fish. Again, you’ve been together almost three months at this point, and it’s like a business transaction. You’re hardly seeing each other. Under normal circumstances when you’re together, it’s like if you read the examples that I had out of my book, especially like my English girlfriend. When you really get this stuff, you meet and then you’re just kind of always together. You hear from her, you facilitate the get together. Doesn’t have to be an official date. She just wants to be with you because she has fun with you. Hang out, have fun, hook up. It doesn’t say hang out, make an official date one week in advance and then not speak and act like a cold fish and then hook up when you’re together. It’s hanging out, have fun, hook up. Create an opportunity for sex to happen. There should be like booty calls happening, nooners, “Hey, I’m going to be in this side of town. Hey, let’s meet up at my place. That’d be great. That’s exciting. I want you. I want to be inside you. Let’s do a nooner today, babe.” Again, all these things are just not happening.

Oh, look who just walked back in the room…

On the other hand, being together a lot, it’s also kind of normal behavior for her to feel too sure of herself/get a little bored. Maybe I should just back it off or limit the time together/my availability in the next few weeks. Curious what your thoughts are and how you interpret her behavior.

Thanks again for all your great work!

Bob

Well again, you’re just being a little too cold, a little too distant, and you’re acting like you just don’t care too much. You’re taking the indifference too far. You guys should be being sweet to one another, but instead, even though it’s been two months, you’re acting like she’s somebody you just met and been on a couple dates with, so that’s not good. “Right? It’s not good. What’s the matter, baby?” See? She just came back. She just came back and she wandered the neighborhood, said hello to the girls, and then came back to hang out with her man. Obviously Rocky, because they’re a couple.

So like I said, that’s just kind of how it is. You notice, like she comes back, I’m not a cold fish. I’m like, “Hey, babe, it’s great to see you. I missed you, sweetie. Come up here. Come hang out with us.” There’s a niceness, there’s a sweetness and a softness that is just missing from your email, so you got some work to do. I would be getting her to talk more. If she seems a little cold, just ask her, “Hey, lately you just seem a little cold. A little distant. You’re kind of taking shots at me and insulting me. Are you upset? Are you mad about something? What’s going on? What’s up? What’s up with that?”

“You know, when you reached out, I was trying to set a date, and then I didn’t hear from you for four days. Like, that’s rude. I would never do that for you. I mean, I’m supposed to be your boyfriend.” It’s not normal when your girlfriend reaches out and you try to set a date and then she just leaves you on read for four days? Like, what’s up with that? That’s the kind of thing that a girl does when she doesn’t give a shit or she’s mad and is like, “So what’s up? Why are you so cold, babe? What’s up? What’s the deal? You’re not as sweet and as warm as you had been.” If you talk to her in this kind of tone and it’s kind of playful, it’s kind of talking like a little kid talks. This is sweet talk. This is how couples that are intimate talk to one another. They have fun. They play together. The family that plays together stays together. If you act like a robot all the time and everything is very sterile, cold and like a hospital, then yeah, this is why you’re going to get treated this way.

You got to do better. You got to talk. You got to get her to open up, get her to express herself, and if she says, “Well, you’ve been real cold and you don’t really say much. When we’re together, you’re not real warm and it should be progressing and we should be closer.” “So you’re saying I came off as a little too cold or like, I didn’t care?” She says, “Yeah.” I’m like, “You know what? I’m sorry. Maybe I was in my head. I was all focused on work or whatever. I’m sorry if what I did made you feel like I didn’t care. That was definitely not my intent, babe. Sorry about that, sweetie pie. Why don’t you come over here and sit in my lap and tell me some more about it? Tell me some more things that you’re upset about. Tell me some more things that you’re bummed about so we can make it better. We can make it great. We can make our relationship great again. Make America great again. Make our home great again, babe.” Just like this. Fun, playful, sweet, not a cold fish. Like I said, that’s what you’re missing here.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.