Some things to consider if your ex doesn’t align with you politically or in their values but you want them back.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who dumped his NPC girlfriend a year ago because he is a Trump supporter, thinks for himself and believes people should be rewarded based upon their merits, not their victim card status. She’s insecure, accused him of being racist when they didn’t agree and their values don’t align. However, he says he hasn’t found anyone better in the past year and is considering contacting her to try to get her back because he is lonely and contemplating settling. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be my Ex-Girlfriend Is An NPC & I’m A Trump Supporter. Should I Take Her Back?
Well, it’s Friday, I started reading through this particular email that I had flagged the other day, and it’s pretty amusing. So, this particular guy broke up with his girlfriend about a year ago, and so he has a whole list of things where they were like butting heads. And so, he’s he says he’s an avid Trump supporter, believes that people should be judged based upon their merits, which is the whole system that the United States of America was based upon. In other words, you rise, and fall based upon your own merits and the government and nobody’s coming to save you. You’re totally on your own here.
And his ex-girlfriend is obviously leans left and she’s very insecure. And so, it’s interesting because you probably heard me say if you follow what’s in 3%, Man, it’s going to bring out the best and the best girls and it’s going to bring out the worst and the worst right away. And so, she’s very insecure, saw a lot of red flags in the beginning, but he just kind of totally ignored it and proceeded on. And part of the problem is because he’s an independent thinker, but she was very abusive at times, she would literally call him a racist because of his views, not based on anything, but just because she was what we call an NPC.
And so, most of the people on the right know what an NPC is. A lot of people on the left know what it is, but they tend to get upset. But it’s kind of funny. It’s a meme that came out in 2018 and I’ll show you a picture if you guys have probably seen the meme before, but it’s pretty funny. And so, what an NPC is a non-player character from like a video game. And so, these are characters that are in video games that they kind of just do what they’re programmed to do. There’s no critical thought, no critical thinking.
And so, the meme represents people who do not think for themselves and/or they don’t make their own decisions. And so, you may I’ll turn this around so you guys can see it. But that’s your NPC meme right there. So, you guys have probably seen that on Twitter like blew up in 2018. So, it was pretty funny.
So, when I saw that in this guy’s email and read through it some more, because they really had some conflict in their values, I think all of us, whatever side of the political spectrum you’ve been on, really since 2015 was that summer of 2015 when Trump announced that he was running. He came down the escalator and it’s like, man, the world has been completely different. And that was what was that four? Seven, almost eight years ago at this point, and nothing’s been the same. And you can see that.
I mean, all of us, like I have my parents had some friends that they they’re really cool people, interesting to hang out with. And so, this particular guy, his family was in the construction industry, and they did a lot of business and still do a lot of business with the Trumps. And everybody in his family just loves the Trumps because they’ve been doing business with him for like 30 years. But this particular guy is a lefty, and he just absolutely hates them. Even though his family’s done very well financially. They know each other. They’ve made lots of money on the deals and the construction that they’ve done together.
And he just absolutely hates him. And this guy just became so over the top difficult, like, you know, verbal diarrhea on Facebook posts. Just anything would set him off. They go out to dinner and Trump would come up or something and he would just go off on a tangent to the point where he was just such an ass that they just didn’t hang out with him anymore. And I know many people because I see the comments and the emails over the years, have had this experience. So, it’s kind of funny when somebody from the far-left dates, somebody that is on the right, which obviously people in the far left would say they’re far right and just the conflict.
And so, he dumped her a year ago, but he hasn’t found anybody better that he clicked more with. And so, he’s literally contemplating calling her because he feels guilty for breaking up with her and maybe getting back together with her despite all these egregious things that turned him off to the point where he broke up with her. Their values are in conflict with one another; their goals.
Plus, she got pregnant, ended up miscarrying, but she supposedly, I guess, is a doctor. And yet she didn’t take her birth control on time, which more than likely probably did it on purpose because she was, I think she was 34 or 35 at the time. And she wants to get married. And she was pressuring him, and she got pregnant after only like seven months of dating.
And so, after that, he was always suspicious that having sex with her, wondering, can I trust this girl to take her birth control, or is she trying to let one slip past the goalie on purpose? So, these are things you have to consider, especially if you live in a blue state, where the laws are completely going to be slanted against you and it will cost you a lot. So, it’s entertaining, but it’s also, you know, a lot of guys, if they haven’t met anybody in 90 days after they dumped somebody because they felt like they were settling, and they just weren’t.
In other words, this guy was saying he’s like I was never completely head over heels in love with her. And when you read about some of the things she was doing and saying to him, you’re like, man, it’s a good thing you dipped out of there. But because he hasn’t met anybody that pushed his buttons past the level that this girl did, even though he felt like he was settling when he was with her, now he’s considering going back, which is sad.
But we’re going to go through this particular email because I think pretty much most people can relate, because I think all of us have people on the left and that are part of our family or our peer group or our friends or our coworkers. And it’s been just fascinating to watch because like I know Donald Trump broke many of the brains of people that I know that were on the left. And so, when I see the CPAC meme, it cracks me up because a lot of these same friends that are on the left, they repeat these platitudes that they don’t really understand. And I always think it’s funny when I hear them, and I’ll probably throw a few of them out as I’m going through this.
But anyways, let’s have some fun. It’s Friday. Have some fun at this guy’s expense, but not really. I don’t want this guy making a mistake and deep down he knows what he needs to do. But this is, you know, whether you’re working a shit job, or your group of friends sucks, and they don’t have any goals or any aspirations to become anything or you’re in a relationship that your goals and your values don’t align and you’re just not happy, but you’re scared to go it alone.
And it’s understandable why most people will stick around when things aren’t that great. Because, I mean, this guy’s been a year and he hasn’t met anybody better yet. And so, he’s thinking, well, it’s like, this is the same thing I was thinking when I was contemplating getting married. It’s like I didn’t feel I was ready. I felt like I should be dating other people. I was thinking at the time I was like 24 or 25. I was like, “Man, this is the best I’ve ever had.” It’s like, what if it’s another five years or six years? Or who knows, ten years before I meet somebody that likes me as much as my ex-wife did and made things as easy as she did.
But obviously something was missing. And so, it’s tough to stretch outside your comfort zone and to take risk, especially ending a relationship or looking for a new job, and or stopping you don’t hang out with a certain group of people anymore just because they’re not trying, they’re majoring in minor things. They’re not really going anywhere in life. They’re not going to help bring you along. They’re not helping you get to the next level in life when you’re trying to level up, so to speak.
But it’s also hard because you’re dealing with the unknown. You don’t know when because we don’t have crystal balls. We’re not able to predict the future. We don’t know when that next great love is going to come along or the next great business opportunity or that next equity investor in our business. And yet we really need money and cash flow at the time. But their offering or proposing terms that kind of suck, it’s kind of like what, you know, Sly Stallone was, you know, he was a broke actor and he wanted to star in Rocky.
He wanted to be the main character because he totally identified with it. And they’re like, “This is a great script. We’ll give you a quarter million dollars.” They kept bidding up the price on the amount they were willing to give him, and he’s like pawned his dog. Butkus, I think, was the dog’s name. If you ever saw the original Rocky, that was his dog, he had to sell the dog to make ends meet because he couldn’t afford to feed the dog. And you got a studio offering you 200 and something thousand dollars for the screenplay to Rocky. And he’s like, “No, I want to I want to be in the starring role.” And you’re backed up against the corner and monetarily, like the more money he’s ever had.
But it’s like he stuck to his guns. And so, what happens when you’re backed into a corner like that and you’re selling your dog who you love more than anything, And so, when he finally got the movie deal and got to be in it, he went to buy the dog back and the guy had gotten attached to the dog, so he didn’t want to sell it. And so, he had to pay him a lot of money and he had to offer the guy a part in the movie as well in order to get his dog back. So, it cost him a pretty penny.
But in the end, he held out for the deal that he wanted. And so, this is something that we all have to deal with. And so, we can all empathize with what this guy is going through because we’ve either been there, or we will be there in the future with some part of our life that we know we need to get better in.
I write to seek your advice because I broke up with my girlfriend a year ago, but I still have feelings for her and sometimes feel undecided about getting back together. I haven’t contacted her since last year because I wanted to give her space to move on, however; I have been dwelling on our time together, especially the good times, and feel there’s a lot left unsaid.
I broke up with her because:
1. I felt I was settling to some extent. Although we got along really nicely and the sex was good, I never felt was “head over heels” in love with her.
Well, the reality is being head over heels in love, and that infatuation typically lasts about 6 to 12 months. And it’s really nice. It sure is beautiful to feel that.
2. As our relationship progressed, I realized more and more that she is an NPC.
In other words, she doesn’t do much thinking for herself. She repeats the platitudes that she hears on TV without any thinking, and is absolutely believes without a shadow of doubt, that they are absolutely correct and intellectual genius and anybody else that disagrees is just stupid. Like I’ve had many of these conversations with friends of mine that have gone that Trump broke their brain. And you hear things like, keep in mind, they don’t know the first thing about guns.
And I remember one time I had one of my pistols that I had unloaded, cleared and safe, and I handed it to her. And I went through all the rules of how to handle firearms. Obviously, number one, don’t point the barrel at anything you don’t intend to destroy. First thing I do when I put her hand, what does she do, “whoop” points it right at me. And this is one of the people that can think she’s an expert in everything now and didn’t used to be that way.
But I remember one time we were talking about rifles, and she said, “Oh, Corey, nobody needs a 30 round magazine.” Like she’s an expert at it. So, you hear things like that. Which that cracks me up. “Corey. Walls are stupid. Walls are stupid. We don’t need a wall.” Which brings back flashbacks, cracks me up.
As I am an independent thinker and a Trump supporter, we disagreed on substantial issues such as immigration and white racism.
Also known as White guilt or Critical Race series, a thing which first they said “It’s not being taught. It’s only being taught in college.” And then once it was discovered, “Yeah, they’re teaching it to elementary school kids” and it was like, “Well, it should have been taught anyways, and this is super important.” And it’s just seeing the lies to cover up this stuff. And then it comes, the truth comes out, it’s, it’s comical.
She’s accused you and, you know, think this is your girlfriend. You’re in a relationship with her. Right? You’re there to build each other up, help each other grow, become more. She’s supposed to be your biggest cheerleader and fan. And what does she say?
She has accused me multiple times of being a racist for my views, but I don’t actually think I am. I judge people on their individual merits and behavior, have black friends, and I don’t see why my views are immoral.
Well, part of the other thing is that people on the left tend to believe that they’re good people, that they’re good humanitarians. And therefore, if you don’t want the same things as them, then you must not be a good person. And so just because you see it on TV all the time, all the talking heads on TV, you’re racist. That person’s racist. That’s racist white supremacy. I mean, it’s just constantly they need to disagree with this white supremacy, racism. And so, you can imagine being in a relationship with somebody like this that gets pissed off at you, “You’re a racist.” It’s like, “I love you, too, honey. Let’s go to bed and have some great makeup sex. This is swell.”
3. She turned me off when she became insecure and needy. This became obvious in the beginning when I didn’t text her immediately after her first date, as you advised, and she blew up my phone with nasty messages after three days.
Yeah, that’s the red flag. That’s why you take your time and you’re not in such a rush. And you don’t blow up her phone. You take her out on the first date, and you see what happens because you’re trying to create the conditions where she’ll reach out to you first. And you’re also trying to find out what her self-esteem is like. Is she going to blow a gasket and get pissed off at you like this chick did, and send you nasty messages after three days? It’s that’s the whole reason why you do it. Is she nice to you? Is she easygoing? Easy to get along with?
No, it doesn’t sound that way. You go out on one date; you have a nice day. You think, “Oh, I’ll call her next week. It’ll be great.” And instead, after three days, she’s sending you nasty messages. If it was me and I’m getting three nasty messages, I know she’s insecure, probably a fruit loop, and I’m going to hard pass on that. But he didn’t. He did the opposite of what the book teaches and proceeded anyway.
She then also acted passive-aggressively on our second date to get back at me. At the restaurant, she claimed she had already eaten, so I ate by myself (which was super awkward).
Can you imagine her sitting there like a Karen. “You’re just going to eat like that in front of me. I’ve already eaten.” Oh, that sounds like fun.
This kind of behavior continued throughout our relationship,
Well, that’s on you for proceeding. That shows that you were very thirsty and obviously you’re still thirsty because now you’re considering going back to this freak.
This kind of behavior continued throughout our relationship, although in smaller doses and periodically, not all the time, but it added unnecessary drama to my life.
Remember the Mugs, I’ve got No Drama Allowed Drama Free Zone. You want easy going, easy to get along with. And this girl is not easy going, easy to get along with, she’s a little bit of a tyrant and some of my friends that I’ve known that hated Trump, it’s like, they became unbearable to be around at times. And it’s like they just went from average, regular people to like, they’re experts in everything. And if you tell them something, that’s the truth. But it goes against what they believe. It’s like they literally become hostile and nasty towards you, and condescending and arrogant and you’re stupid, and you’re a moron and you don’t know what you’re talking about. That’s not true.
It’s like Yuri Bezmenov was talking about. He says once, the communist ideological subversion propaganda has worked, you can prevent truth and facts and information, and the person will look at it and dismiss it and completely refuse to accept any of it. He’s like, they’ve been demoralized. It’s like you can’t get through to them at that point. And I’ve had that experience. It’s like they’re so convinced that they’re right. Doesn’t matter what data or links you put in front; they just dismiss it. And refuse to look at it, refuse to acknowledge any of it.
Which is something I don’t want. I guess I should have taken your advice in the beginning and avoided her.
Yes. You didn’t follow what was in the book, but you proceeded anyways because the thirst was real. So that’s on you.
For this red flag was clear initially and predicted her future behavior. Throughout our relationship, it seemed if I didn’t comply with her, I was always in some form of trouble.
Yep, It’s they use abuse to try to get you to comply. “You’re a Racist. Nobody needs a 30 round magazine, Corey, Ugh. Everybody knows that. UGH, UGH.” How many of you have you gotten the, “UGH UGH?” Formerly people that were nice, they’re not too bright, but now they’re an expert on everything. And you’re just a dumb Rube if you disagree with them.
4. She never exercised. She went on walks but didn’t do any vigorous exercise or play any sports. She was thin, but I would have preferred a more athletic look and for us to exercise together.
Well, physical fitness and health is not an issue. And I’ve seen several, several friends that are on the left that are that way as well. They’re just like they’re not interested. They’re not interested in that. Just give me the pill.
5. After seven months, she sat me down and told me she was pregnant.
Slipped one past the goalie, apparently. Oooof.
Initially, I felt shocked and numb because we had been so careful. As she was a junior doctor, I had trusted her to be in charge of birth control.
So, it probably wasn’t an accident that she got pregnant. It’s like, “Oops, I forgot that I miss my pill at one time.”
Anyway, I had to tell my parents. We then later talked, and I told her I was on the fence; that I didn’t want an abortion, but that I was also not ready for a child and felt uncomfortable about the whole situation because we had only been dating for seven months.
Yeah. Apparently, she’s trying to lock you down.
I told her that whilst,
He’s obviously from the UK.
I was enjoying our relationship, everything was moving too fast. She told me she wanted to keep the baby. I prayed to God to help me out and then she had a miscarriage about a week later.
The big man upstairs came through.
Since then, I felt anxious after having sex with her because I was acutely aware of the responsibility involved in having a child.
And yeah, it was obvious her track record was not too good. I had a friend of mine who had a couple of kids, and they weren’t planning on having any more. Well, she had always wanted another one. And when she was in her early 40s, she got pregnant. And I remember when we were hanging out, this was like about two years ago, bunch of my family was there, and we were hanging out and he was telling the story about that.
And I remember my uncle, he’s like, “Oh, so was an accident.” My friend, he goes, “No, it was a trick” his wife got, you know, he’s like, “We’ve been married all this time and she’s always taken her birth, but just happened to forget.” Yeah, he says it was a trick. She did it on purpose.
And he’s convinced she did it on purpose. And you know him, he’s like, he’s not going to accept that it was an accident because it wasn’t. But they both love their baby girl. And she’s a gift to everybody. But at the end of the day, they were supposed to stop at two, that’s what they agreed upon. But hey, when a when a woman always wants another kid, it’s like they’re going to find a way. And she did.
I felt she wanted to have a baby, and was acutely aware of her biological clock (she was 33 at the time) and I wasn’t sure I could trust her with taking birth control.
Number 6. This is a, this is a classic one.
6. She was never there for me when I caught CV19 on holiday with her and we had to go into lockdown. She didn’t support me when I was feeling unwell. In fact, during this time, I felt she was against me and kicked me whilst I was down and started to criticize me for not taking the vaccine, which she had persistently encouraged me to get.
“I follow the science. Corey.” I heard that that one plenty of times. “I follow science. Corey.” In other words, “I do whatever my TV tells me to Corey. I don’t do any critical thinking.”
I know I hurt her and made her cry (even more than I know) when I broke up with her and this saddens me. Sometimes, I feel guilty and have pangs of sympathy for her. She is now 35 and I am assuming still single,
I wonder why. That’s on her. She’s driving every guy away. It’s like, pfft with her behavior, it’s like, “Hey, you want to act crazy and have Trump derangement syndrome, and here I am, sick with Covid and you’re berating me.” “I told you to take the vaccine instead of taking it. Trust the science.” Can you imagine? “I love you too, sweetheart.”
Although she may have found someone else. She gave me a lot of love and softened me. I think about her almost every day because I haven’t found anyone else and I know she is a good person with a sweet and loving soul.
It sounds like she was real sweet and loving when you ended up getting sick with Covid. “I told you I’d take the vaccine. What’s the matter with you? You’re such an idiot. Stupid Trump supporter. You’re racist. Now he needs a 30 round magazine, you idiot. Everybody knows that. Walls are stupid. Walls are stupid, Corey. We don’t need those. It’s women and children there in the border.”
“What about all the gang members?” “Oh, it’s just a few of them.” “What about all the Chinese Communist Party people that are coming through?” “Oh, it’s just a little bit. It’s okay. There’s women and children, we got to help them. I don’t want to be a heartless bitch.”
She is also loyal, romantic, and intelligent and I am grateful for all that she did for me. What do I do?
“You must trust your heart, your curiosity, and your intuition because they somehow already know what you want to become.” As Steve Jobs said. So, I found that when I listened to my intuition, the results were great. And when I didn’t, the results were less than ideal. And those of you that read this book know that I did not listen to my intuition.
And I went and got engaged and got married anyway, even though it didn’t feel right. And you guys know how that turned out. So, I could have avoided a lot of heartache. I mean, this woman tricked you, if you will, more than likely with the birth control. She’s a doctor. Come on. That’s not honest. That’s not something a good person would do.
I am 33, athletic, educated and have a lot going for me. I don’t want to be tied down so soon and feel if I got back together with her that there would be a lot of pressure again.
Yeah, well, she’s 35 now, bro. You got, what, maybe five, six years, tops. And every year that goes by, it’s going to get harder and harder for her to get pregnant and be able to carry the baby. I mean, she already had one miscarriage. So, she’s going to be under tremendous pressure. And at the end of the day, you followed what felt right. You’re just trying to settle because it’s been a year and you ain’t found anybody else. So why go back to the abuse? All you’ll be doing is inviting her to do more of it to you.
She’s in a rush to have kids and settle down and get married, and I want that someday, but I want to move organically into it.
Well, from a time period she is not able to do that.
And I don’t want to make any rushed or forced moves.
Well, you haven’t talked to her in a year, so you don’t know if she’s single or not. She might be with somebody else by now.
Sorry, this email is a bit longer than 500 words, but I couldn’t condense it much further without losing detail and clarity.
Thank you so much for your books. I have read them multiple times and I am still learning from them and trying to make my life as best as it can be.
Well. Like I’ve found, when your intuition is telling you you’ve got to dip out. And all through your email here you laid out all these differences, the fact you have different values, it’s you’re sick with Covid, and she’s berating you, is like, I don’t think so. You don’t need that, bro. That’s disqualification right there. That the fact that she disqualified herself in the first few weeks by being insecure and giving you, a hard time and you were dismissive of it, it’s your life. You can do whatever you want. But if I look at what you’ve told me you want, and what’s important to you, and I look at your actions, you did the right thing for you.
And quite frankly, you’re 33 years old, dude. You should be dating girls that are five and ten years younger than you. I mean, hello. There’s no reason to be dating a chick that’s two years older than you, and she’s a leftist. And on top of that, she’s kind of an asshole. It’s like, why date an asshole? I mean, you’re sick with Covid, and she’s kicking you and you’re down and berating. “Ah I told you to take the vaccine. You deserve it, you stupid Trump supporter, racist, white supremacist.”
It’s like, come on, who wants that? Have some self-respect, dude. Have the balls to stick to what you were doing and redouble your efforts to improve your social life and your social conditions so you can meet somebody new and attract a girl who has similar goals and similar values instead of a girl who’s insecure and you have a ton of friction with. It’s like you can’t be in a relationship with a girl who’s calling you a racist all the time.
That’s ridiculous. Why would you want to put up with that kind of abuse? That’s just that’s nonsense. I wouldn’t do it. But it’s your life. You do you boo boo.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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