Exes Liking Your Social Media Posts

What it means when your ex starts liking your Facebook, Twitter and other social media posts as well as commenting on them, and how to know which ones you should respond to because it means that they miss you and want to see you, and which ones you should ignore because they are simply an attempt to gauge if you still have interest.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped by his on again/off again girlfriend of ten months, because he became jealous and insecure about a guy she works with. He tends to constantly be apologizing for everything he does and is worried about upsetting her. He’s obviously walking on eggshells and in a fearful state. He finally walked away and stopped contacting her after she blamed the breakup on his insecurity and jealousy, and reiterated that being broken up is where they should stay.

Three days after the breakup, he noticed she was still liking his social media posts and is obviously still paying attention to what he does. She reached out to him that night and sent him six text messages in a row saying how much she missed him, etc. The next morning, he responded and she tried to downplay things with the excuse that she was only drunk, and once again reiterated that they should stay broken up. He asks my opinion on whether or not I think he should have made a date with her and what her messages really mean.

Dear Coach,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for ten months, kind of off and on, but still pretty serious. Recently, I got insecure and accused her of having feelings for another guy she works with. The first time, she just got mad and disappointed and told me no. The second and third time, she got very upset and she was balling on the phone telling me she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me. (She’s upset because you’re basically communicating to her that you don’t trust her. It’s important to just be a detective and see what she does. At the end of the day, if someone’s going to cheat on you, there’s nothing you can do about it.) I tried reaching out to her the next day, and she resisted, so I gave her space for about two days, at which point I sent her an apology. She replied with this:

“I really appreciate that you took the time to apologize to me Bob. It means more than you know. I really hate that things had to end this way between us, but it’s just how it has to be right now. I don’t think you’re a monster at all, but I think that your fear of getting hurt was ultimately our downfall. (She could have forgiven you, but if you were insecure in general, that would turn any woman off. There is probably more going on here. If you read my book, you can self-diagnose and figure out what happened.) I would have never hurt you Bob. A part of me was so happy when you said you loved me, and you’d be the right man for me, but it was horrible timing. (It sounds like she fell for your speech, but then discovered she wasn’t that into you.) I wanted to spend my life with you, have your kids, come home to you everyday. Then, I spent a week trying to fall out of love with you, and it made me sick to my stomach how much I hated the thought of losing you. (This tells me, she’s a little fucked up herself. She can’t get past this one issue, and will keep punishing you because she can’t deal with it. Whatever a woman is feeling when she’s with you, that’s what she’s going to associate with being with you. If it’s negative, the relationship isn’t going to last long.) But then I picked myself up and reminded myself that love sucks sometimes, and there’s nothing I could do about it. A part of me will always love you Bob, always. And I hope you never forget that you will always hold a space in my heart. If we’re meant to be, we’ll find a way back to each other, but for now, we’re just better off apart. (If her attraction level is low, she may be interested in someone else. If she ends up going out with this guy from work, then you know that your instincts were right.) I honestly wish nothing but the best for you, and I mean that.”

I didn’t reply and let things be since I thought at least some of it was a bit cheesy. We are still friends and follow each other on Twitter, and I couldn’t help but notice she was liking my posts and photos and also tweeting some very deep stuff about missing me. (Don’t do anything about that. She’s not addressing you directly. She’s throwing a hook in the water to see if you grab on to it.) Finally, about three days after the break up, she messaged me one night with six messages in a row saying, “I miss you,” “Sorry,” “I’m a whittle drunk,” “Prob shouldn’t say that,” “I’m sorry,” “Bye.” I didn’t respond until the next morning and the conversation went like this:

Me: “Are you okay?”

Her: “Yeah. I’m okay. Sorry, I was just a little drunk last night” (I would have said, “Thanks for saying those sweet things. I’d love to see you. Let’s make dinner together. When are you free?” and made a date.)

Her: “Thanks for asking though”

Me: “No problem”

Her: “How have you been?”

Me: “Busy, you?”

Her: “Same. Just working all the time now”

Me: “I see you’ve been thinking about me lately weirdo, lol”

Her: “Why do you think that? Lol”

Her: “Oh because of my text last night? My bad”

Me: “Yeah you were being weird lol and cuz I just know”

Her: “Well I was drunk. And don’t act like you haven’t been thinking about me lol”

Her: “Anyway, sorry bout that I’ll ttyl” (She was doing what she naturally felt like doing when she had a couple of drinks in her.)

Me: “Eh maybe just a little but alright cya”

Me: “Jessica, that was stupid of me to say, and it’s not how I feel. If you
miss me its cool. You don’t need to hide it or feel bad about it.”

Her: “Idk what to say to that… :/ ”

Her: “I do feel bad for saying it bc I shouldn’t. We said our goodbye and that’s how it should be right now”

Me: “I just wanted to apologize for being sarcastic is all.” (You’re apologizing, but you should be making a date.)

Her: “That’s okay. I wasn’t offended. Take care.”

Here’s a very funny parody of what people’s social media posts really say about their lives:

I didn’t respond after that but she continues to like my posts on Facebook and give me subtle hints. I couldn’t help but think she was dropping hints in our brief conversation that she wanted me to say something meaningful. (Like I talk about in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you should assume the reason she’s reaching out to you is because she misses you, and make a date. Make her come to you. She’s the one who dumped you, therefore she’s got to earn you back.) My question to you is, in your experience do you think I should have stepped in and made a move like asking her to hang out? (I would have immediately done that.) Did I actually say too much and hurt my chances? (You didn’t get to the point and didn’t get anywhere.) Should I continue with your no contact rule, which I understand I slightly broke? (Absolutely. She dumped you, therefore she’s got to earn you back.) If she does text me again, should I ignore that? (No. The whole reason for walking away and never looking back is so if they regret it, they reach out to you. That’s what you want.)

Bob

“Psychological studies have shown that people who constantly post on social media how great and fabulous their life is and how happy they are, usually are just the opposite. You never really know what is going on in other people’s heads and hearts. So the next time you feel depressed about your ex, or other people who seem to be enjoying their lives when you are not, take it with a grain of salt because it is usually just BS and false advertising. When an ex continues liking and commenting on your social media posts after a breakup, but doesn’t address or message you directly, ignore them because they are just fishing to see if you respond. If an ex really is missing you, regrets a breakup and wants to see you, they will engage you directly in comments or in texts, emails, private messages, etc.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne