How fear inhibits us from moving on from a breakup when it’s time for a relationship to end, and what you should focus on so you can finally let your ex go and find someone better.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he broke up with his girlfriend about five months ago during an argument. He believes that he made a rash decision. He says he has regretted his decision ever since and has been trying to get a second chance with her. Initially she would talk to him off and on, but slowly started slipping away as she became more heavily involved with another guy.
He has continued to pester her by texting and calling, but it has gotten to the point that she completely ignores him now. He asks me if he should still contact her to tell her that he would like to work things out and that he is sorry for dumping her in the heat of an argument. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
My ex and I dated for about four years, and I broke up with her about five months ago during an argument and made a rash decision. (Men who understand women don’t argue with them.) I’ve been regretting my decision ever since and have been trying to get her back for a second chance. (It sounds like you’re trying to get a second chance, but she doesn’t really want you back.) I made a lot of the mistakes you talk about in your videos, such as texting her a lot and trying to convince her that it would be better if we got back together. (You’re using logic and reason to talk her into her giving you another chance, when the reality is, she associates negative emotions with being with you. It sounds like she was probably relieved to break up with you.) She would talk to me here and there for a little while, and it seemed like things were getting better. Then she told me that she was going to see a movie one night with a guy friend. After that night, she stopped talking to me so much, and I didn’t hear from her for a week or so. (It’s pretty obvious she’s moving on. She’s still talking to you in case things don’t work out with this new guy.) I kept trying to get in contact with her, and eventually she responded. (Dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and you wait for the other person to hit it back. The only way it will work is if both people make the effort.) She told me that she stopped talking to me because she started getting more serious with this new guy, and they’re dating now. (She’s trying to gently let you down.) After I heard that, I had asked her if I could get my stuff back from her that she still had from when we were dating. She said that she would get it to me through friends, and I haven’t heard from her since.
Since then, I’ve been sending her texts here and there trying to stay in contact with her. (She’s dating another guy, so now you’re trying to rip off some other dude’s chick.) I’ve sent her texts trying to bring up good memories of ours and just ask how she’s been. She hasn’t replied to anything and has been dating this new guy for about two months now. (It’s pretty obvious she’s not interested.) At first, I was hoping he was a rebound, but I’m not sure anymore. After all of this, I found your videos and realized I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I haven’t contacted her in about a month and still haven’t heard anything from her. She stopped talking to all of my friends, who were basically all of her friends, and she never gave any of my stuff back. (She doesn’t even care enough to get your stuff back to you. It’s not a priority to her, and she probably figures you will keep barraging her anyway. I wouldn’t call or text this girl again. The sooner you move on, the better off you’ll be.)
If I’ve already sent her a bunch of text messages with no response, should I still follow your advice and send her a message saying I’m sorry and try to meet up with her? (You’ve already tried that. What I discuss in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” is, you apologize for your mistake, but if the other person won’t give you another shot, you just tell them to give you a call if they change their mind.) Or at this point, should I walk away and never look back unless she contacts me? Your videos have been a big help, and I want to make sure that I make the right move. (The best thing you can do to move on and get what you want is to start dating new women. Take the mentality that you’re never going to hear from this woman again.)
Thanks and I look forward to hearing back!
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“Many people stay in relationships long after it is time for them to end. However, when they become fearful that they will never find anyone better or that they will never find anyone else, they will either stay and continue being miserable, or try to go back to their ex because it’s easier and more comfortable than moving on. Staying in a relationship longer than you should or going back to a familiar ex does not serve you or the other person and will only delay both of you getting more suitable lovers in the long run. In order for a new relationship and a better match to manifest in your life, you must first create a space for someone new to fill.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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