What you should do if you’re dating a woman you really like, but you are fearful the attraction may not last because she seems to be losing interest in you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss three different emails from three different viewers. The first email is from a guy who is thirty and came across my work several years ago, read my book once, but set it aside because he was focused on self-growth and business, but not dating. A woman he’s been seeing from work started becoming distant, so he started reading my book again and is slowly turning things around. However, he’s fearful the attraction may not last.
The second email is from a guy whose girlfriend is taking more time to respond to him and seems to be losing interest. The third email is a success story from a guy who was making the same mistakes as the first two guys with his girlfriend of seven months, but was able to turn things around after finding my work and implementing it properly. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
First Viewer’s Email:
You are a legend. I want to thank you for your work as it’s helped me improve my relationships in the short period of time (6 months) I’ve been following you.
I’m a 30-year old manager for Amazon, good looking, clean cut guy, former military, and never been good with dating women, (too needy and fearful). I hooked up with a lot of girls when I was in college, but since graduating I’ve only slept with a handful of women.
Definitely a target-rich environment. That’s what’s great about high school and the college years. There’s never going to be a period in your life again where you’re going to be around so many attractive, young women that are your age, that are single and available and looking to explore dating and relationships. So if you’re a halfway decent looking guy, and you’re outgoing, and you make an effort… I mean I wish I knew all this shit when I was in college. There are so many things I missed out on.
But you know, when I get email success stories from guys who are there now, where I was three decades ago, it makes me feel good. Because guys can learn from me and everything I fucked up in my life along the way, and they don’t have to make the same mistakes. When they get to be fifty years old, they’ll have even more great memories than I do, which I’ve got quite a few of them. I’ve made up for it since. But still, it gives you great satisfaction to know that your life and what you’ve learned, people value that and appreciate that.
Unfortunately, like you mention in your book I’m kind of one of those guys that’s really good in business and life, but when I get around a woman I like, I don’t know how to act.
Yeah, because you’re worried you’re going to lose her. You’re fearful. But deep down remember, our two primary fears are fear that we’re not enough, in other words we don’t have what it takes, and fear that we won’t be loved and accepted by our friends, family and peer group. So if you feel that way about yourself, and you get around a woman you really like, you’re really into, where you really have a good time with her, you care more about her and getting to date her than you would any other girl.
It’s the same with a best friend. You don’t meet new best friends every day. You might meet lots of cool, different people, but over the course of your life, you’re going to meet a handful of people that you really jive with instantly like it feels like it was meant to be.
And when you’re fearful and you get around somebody like that, you have strong feelings, you become attached to that person. You highly value them so much, and you worry about losing them that you try to force things. You try too hard, you call too much. You don’t just call to say hello. There’s an undercurrent of “Does she still like me?” They can pick up on that, they can sense it, they can sniff it out, and it’s the worst thing you can do.
It’s incredibly unattractive as a man to reach out and attract a woman worrying about whether or not he thinks he’s good enough for her. Eventually she’s going to start saying, “I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know about this guy.” Then she starts backing away, and the typical guy starts to pursue even more when he feels he’s losing her. And you’ll see that with these emails.
A few years ago, when I was living on the west coast, I listened to your audio book and thought “this stuff is good,” but wasn’t too interested in dating women, so I placed it on the back burner and continued listening to business books, personal development, etc.
So it wasn’t a priority in his life at the time. But he starts dating a girl, and things start going sideways. He’s like, “What’s that dude? What’s that book again?” When they’re in pain and they’re freaking out, “I don’t want to lose this girl!” that’s when they’re really open to listening to what I say.
I relocated back to Florida two years ago, and about eight months ago found one of my managers very attractive, gorgeous body, outgoing personality. She’s in her mid 20s, got married early, but is now single. She had some attraction for me, but my needy tendencies pushed her away. That’s when I said enough’s enough and absorbed myself in your work. I began listening to your audio book on Audible every day, (probably over 15 times), and watch your videos on YouTube every day.
Repetition is the mother of skill. The more you absorb yourself, the more you hear these stories and I go through these emails with guys and girls that are doing things right and doing things wrong and pointing it out, you learn from everybody else. It’s like you get to experience what other people experience without actually having to go through that emotional pain yourself. You take a piece of wisdom away, so when you find yourself in a similar situation, you do the right thing because if you were watching a lot of my videos, you’ll see the same patterns dozens and dozens of times. Every situation is slightly different.
A few things happened after I began applying what you teach. I became less needy, and she became more interested in me.
In other words, you started displaying more attractive behaviors, and you stopped displaying unattractive behaviors.
We began hanging out, and over the past 30 days began having sex 1-2 times a week at my place, (have fun, hook up). Other women have also begun contacting and reaching out to me.
Yeah, because now you’re giving off a vibe where you’re kind of non-hungry. And this is the thing that every married guy or guy that has a girlfriend experiences. When you’re taken, you give off a vibe of indifference. You’re not hungry in any way. You almost give off a vibe that you’re not even interested, and women pick up on that because most men, especially men who are single, don’t give off that vibe.
Anybody that’s been in a relationship that was single previously has had this experience where they’re thinking, “Where were all these girls when I was single? They’re all interested in me now. Before, they wouldn’t even pay attention to me.” It’s the vibe that you give off.
I know I still have underlying needy tendencies and underlying approval seeking behavior, so I send brief playful text messages a few times a week to stay in touch and wait until she contacts me later in the day or night to invite her over for drinks at my place.
From that statement there, it still looks like you’re still pursuing a little too much. You’re doing a little too much, because you’re fearful that you’re not doing enough, which you’re used to doing, and the reality is you’ve typically done too much. Ideally, you want to get to the place where she’s doing 80%, 90%, even 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing.
The only time I really say you need to reach out and text and pursue is when your girl complains about it two or three times. Then send them a random text here and there — never the same day, never the same time, never the same subject — just something to let her know you’re thinking about her, or you care about her, or whatever it happens to be. But in the beginning stages, it really should just be about setting dates. And if you’re only getting together one or two days a week, and you say you’re reaching out a few times a week, it sounds like you’re doing most of the pursuing.
This works like a charm, but I’m fearful the attraction may not last,
That’s probably because you can sense she’s not completely fallen for you yet, and you’re doing a little more effort than what you’ve read. If you’ve been through the book fifteen times like you said, you’re probably already aware that you’re still doing too much. You backed off, and it’s working, but you still need to back off a little bit more.
I know that can be scary when you’re with a girl you really like, because for most guys, that just doesn’t happen very often. It’s hard, because you don’t get a lot of opportunities with women that really fucking knock your socks off. Like I say all the time, how often do you meet a new best friend? It’s just a very rare occurrence.
and I catch myself thinking “where do I stand in her mind,” which I know is a feminine quality.
The only reason you’re wondering where you stand is because you’re not in a situation where she’s calling and texting you two, three times a day, and that typically happens once she’s in love with you.
How do I continue further down the path of success? What advice do you have for someone like myself?
This book that you said you’ve read fifteen times, “How To Be A 3% Man,” keep reading it. Keep watching videos. But like I said, you’ve got to look at how much contact initiation you’re doing. You need to get it to the point where you’re doing no more than 20-30% of the pursuing. You want to play with it a little bit.
As the weeks go by, you want to continue to slowly back off, and you may get to the point where she’ll do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. It happens slowly, and a lot of women won’t even say anything about it. They might joke around every once in awhile, but it really doesn’t bother them. Because bonding, connecting, opening up to receive love is all feminine energy. They naturally do this, even though in the beginning, the man is supposed to do the pursuing to start the ball rolling.
Thanks for all your help. You are the reason I’ve scored in the bedroom over the past 30 days. You have no idea how much appreciation I have for you. I’ll keep you updated with my developments.
I would say, look at the ratio of how much calling and texting that you’re doing versus her. Contact initiation is all conversation threads are closed, you’re not waiting to hear back from her, and she’s not waiting to hear back from you.
Second Viewer’s Email:
I recently have been going through some things with my girlfriend, saw your video and I wanted to see if you could help? She and I have only been together, so it’s fairly new and there are some things that I wanted to know, if it’s more of a “me” issue than her.
I noticed when we text pretty fluidly throughout the day about everyday life things, and it’s nice. I enjoy it.
Well, if you just started dating a girl, and you’re chit-chatting all day and all night, you’re communicating that you don’t really have much going on in your life, you’re not really that busy, and you’re kind of sitting at home. She’s probably starting to get the vibe that you’re a little more into her than she is into you.
But you’ve got to read the book dude. You can’t just sit here and half-ass it and watch a few videos here and there when you run into a problem. That might be temporary attainable success, but you’re not going to sustain it long-term. Because you’ll come off as too inconsistent, and you’ll give off the wrong vibe, which is going to turn her off and push her away.
But I also notice at times also that she just doesn’t respond to my text for an hour or two.
Why would she not respond for an hour? Because he also mentions later on, she’s always got her digital devices with her, so he knows she’s got her phone. If she’s waiting, what does that tell you? If she waits an hour or two and you know she got your message, it means the interest is a little lower.
She also might be doing it on purpose just to see how you react. Maybe you haven’t reacted too good in the past. Women are looking for that needy, insecure behavior, because those guys are the guys that scare women. Those are the guys that become the stalkers and don’t go away peacefully when the woman decides she doesn’t want to see him anymore.
Also, if somebody’s taking an hour or two when you know they saw your text, what does that tell you about their interest in you? It’s not as high as you want it to be. In other words, she doesn’t value it as much. Remember, scarcity creates value. You’re doing too much. You’re calling and texting way fucking too much. You’re not going to make a girl fall in love with you over text. You do it in person.
I’ve been around here a lot, and she’s always on her phone, almost glued to it, which is also an issue.
So when he’s with her, she’s on her phone all the time. Why? Because she’s not that excited about being with you. That’s fucking reality. Now, a masculine man is going to say “Honey, I would appreciate it if you would put the phone away. Let’s talk, let’s hang out.” Say it in a playful, fun way and they’ll put their phone away. And if they they don’t respect you, they’ll keep fucking doing it, which will also communicate a lot to you of where you stand with her.
She also has an Apple watch, so she instantly gets notifications that vibrate her wrist. Also, she even has freaking notifications that end up sounding off on her laptop and TV, lol.
That’s a sign you’re calling and you’re texting too much dude. Even though you’re spending time together, you can tell she’s taking a long time to get back to you, and when you’re with her, she’s on her phone all the time. Why? Because she knows too much about you. You’re not mysterious, there’s nothing to discover. She already knows what’s been going on in your life, because you’re texting her all the time.
So, what I’m saying is she’s very connected to her phone in multiple ways. I know it probably sounds insecure, but it makes me feel kind of shitty when I don’t hear from her for a while, because I know she sees my texts and it feels like she just ignores me.
Honestly, she is because you’re boring. You’re very predictable. Women like mystery, so be mysterious. You want to match and mirror her behavior. If she takes an hour or two to get back to you, take two or three hours to get back to her. If she gets back to you in an hour, get back to her in an hour and twenty minutes.
Her enthusiasm to respond to you or talk to you in person shows where her level of interest is at. Don’t get fucking butt-hurt over it. Don’t take it personally. Just look at it like, hey I’m Sherlock Holmes and I’ve texted too much, and she’s not as into me. I need to be a little more scarce. I need to focus a little more on me, my mission, my purpose, hanging out with my friends, going to the gym, and taking care of things I need to take care of as a man.
Also, I see quite a bit where she will be texting me by the message bubbles on iPhone, and then I won’t get a text for a really long time.
So she’ll start typing, she gets distracted, “Ahh, I’ll get to him later.” You’re just not at the top of the totem pole bro, and it’s because you’re calling and texting too much. And you also haven’t read the book.
It almost feels like she forgets about me and that I’m low priority or insignificant.
That’s pretty accurate dude. That’s exactly how she feels about you and the result of you doing too much. When women fall in love, they want to work for you. They don’t want everything made easy. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear, and you’re way too clear, to the point of where she’s often bored.
I know this makes me sound probably kind of like a bitch, but I don’t know what to do.
Read the fucking book dude, 10-15 times. I say it all the time. You’re half-assing it, and you’re looking for shortcuts. Right now you’ve got some attainable success, but it’s not going to be sustainable, because there’s too much you don’t know. There’s too much of a knowledge gap.
Are there any tips you have for me? Do you think this is something is should bring up to her?
You absolutely should not bring it up to her, because that’s going to communicate that you’re fucking butt-hurt,\ and you’re needy and you’re upset with her. The only example that I mentioned earlier is if you’re on a date with her and she’s on her phone all the time. Yeah, you’ve got to bring that up just like I said, because that’s rude and disrespectful.
It really bothers me from time to time, and I’m just not okay being ignored and thinking about breaking up with her.
That’s fucking stupid dude. If I had my Come On mug, I’d be like “come on man” [sip]. But, I’ve got my 3% Club mug, and you’re not a 3% man yet. The only reason you’re thinking “I’m going to break up with her” is because, “I’m going to punish her because she’s ignoring me, so if I dump her, then she’ll really like me.” That’s the wrong way to go about it dude. You only use no contact when you’re walking away from a woman that’s firmly stuck you in friendszone and doesn’t want anything romantic.
Please share your thoughts if you have time.
Thank you so much!
Third Viewer’s Email:
I’ve been reading your book and watching your videos, and I must say that your advice is incredibly accurate.
I might not always be right, but I’m never wrong dude.
I’ve been dating this wonderful woman for about 7 months. Everything started really good and fun, great sex, great conversations and everything. She even talked about wanting to marry me once,
That only applied at the moment she said that. That’s what she was feeling in that moment. Remember that. I go into detail about that in “How To Be A 3% Man” as well.
but the last couple of weeks she has been taking some time to respond when I text her and seems a bit more distant than usual. So, I looked up for advice about how to handle the situation and found you.
I realized that I was pursuing a bit too much in the past month or so, calling, texting etc. Therefore, following your advice, I stopped texting or calling unless she does it first and giving her space and time to miss me and think and wonder about me.
Yeah, if she’s really sure about where she stands, you’re calling and texting, she’s treating you like a second class citizen, and then all of a sudden you’re kind of distant, and you’re texting is kind of sporadic, what is she going to think? “Does he like me? Did he meet somebody else? Is he mad at me? I don’t understand. He was so into me before.” Then she calls, “Hey, I was thinking about you. I wanted to see what you were doing.” That typically happens when the woman notices that.
Jesus Christ, this works wonders. She has been lovely, calling me, asking me what I am doing and how I am, texting me, sending me pics and videos of what’s she’s doing, video calling, etc. Of course I am always responding positively and playful to her, but I am taking a bit of time, and not being too available for her, and I must say that she has never been like this. She won’t stop taking any opportunity to tell me how much she loves me, misses me and hopes that this quarantine’s over soon, because she wants to spend time with me.
Amazing. What a turnaround. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.
She’s the one pursuing 90% of the time. I might call her or text her once in a while to tell her something nice or whatever to keep the spark on, but the change has been 180°.
I just wanted to thank you and ask you how things should change when you are getting the girl versus when you are in a relationship?
Wish you the best!
Well, Mr. Potential 3% Man, you’ve got to read the fucking book dude, 10-15 times. I go through pickup skills, dating skills, and relationship skills and how to transition through them. Right now, you are in the dating phase. You’re kind of starting to move into the relationship phase, but you’re not there yet. Everything is laid out in the book, but the reality is, if she’s calling and texting you all the time, you don’t have to worry about getting dumped.
Again, it’s a process though. Right now, you’ve got attainable success like I told the first two guys. You turned things around 180°, but you’ve got to fill in your knowledge gap. Especially with the relationship stuff, because the communication that’s involved in a relationship, you’re going to need that a few months down the road if you keep doing everything right.
She already loves you, and in order to maintain that and keep it there when you’re in the relationship phase, you’ve got to know how to communicate with her, open her up and get her to treat you the way you want to be treated by communicating with her properly.
Remember, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open. And when she doesn’t, the legs close. But that is strictly something for the relationship phase, not when you’re just doing basic pickup and dating with the average woman.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When it comes to dating and relationships, if a man is fearful that he may lose a woman he really likes or deep down doesn’t think that he’s enough of a catch to keep her interested, he will most often pursue too much, come on too strong, try too hard and come off as needy and insecure. This lowers attraction. When a man is focused on creating a relationship and where he stands with a woman, he is being feminine instead of a masculine, mysterious, confident man who is used to getting what he wants. The reality, despite what most women have been taught or believe, is that when a woman starts falling in love, she naturally will seek his attention and validation more than he seeks hers. This causes the relationship to be her idea and results in her doing most and in some cases almost all of the contact initiation and pursuing. When a man is being chased, he never has to worry about getting dumped. This enables him to focus on his mission and purpose in life, which makes him even more attractive in her eyes. Women love men who have goals, ambition and are taking the necessary action to make them a reality.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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