Why women will give you their number after you have given them yours and wait for you to lead them on a date.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is confused why some women he meets on dating apps will give him their number in response to him giving out his first. He claims to have read 3% Man three times, but he obviously is not getting the message that women want to be led by a man they admire, look up to and respect.
He says he’s on the third read of my book, How To Be A 3% Man, but I think some of the concepts sailed right over his head. He seems to be doing quite well with online dating, Tinder dating, and he sends a couple of the exchanges that he’s gotten. What he does a lot is he’ll give out his phone number and a lot of times women will contact him or text him. But he’s got two message exchanges on the dating apps and the women responded back with their number. He’s going, “What’s up with this?”
He’s obviously missed the point that it’s a man’s job to lead the interaction to where he wants it to go. And it’s obvious from these women’s replies, which you’ll see, what they’re wanting is they’re hungering for him to be the leader. They’re giving him the opportunity to step up and lead, and he’s not getting it. I guess he thinks if he just gives out his number that the women will do all of the work.
I’m so confused by this. What’s the deal?
When somebody says they’re confused, it means they’re about to learn something.
I’m on my 3rd read of your book. I’ve asked multiple women out on online dating. I get tons of dates. I usually text a bit then send my number and tell them to text me and we’ll grab a drink. Sometimes, however, I get the odd girl that will reply with her number. Why? I don’t get it! I’m clearly missing something here.
So, here’s one of his text exchanges…
HIM: Jessica, text me. I’d love to grab a drink with you and see if we connect.
HER: Hey! Yeah, we can definitely plan something. My cell is XXX. Sorry I’m not on this app often.
He’s wondering, “What’s up with that?” Well, she’s obviously a feminine woman, and she’s giving you the opportunity to be the man and create a date. As I talk about in “3% Man,” your job, as a man, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen – to hang out, to have fun, to hook up. You’re the one that physically penetrates the woman and she submits to you. And so, she’s offering you her phone number in hopes that you know what to do with it and you’ll make a date.
I can tell what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to take what he learned from me about getting the woman to do the pursuing, which, if they’re healthy and normal, they will eventually all do that when they feel safe and comfortable enough. But so many women, especially the younger women, complain about the men these days. You can even go on the dating apps and see it. They put it in their profiles. They’re just hungry for guys to take the leadership role, because the men are so passive.
You’ll see them making comments on there about how they don’t want to be on the dating app and send a hundred messages back and forth. They want to send a few messages back and forth to make sure you’re not a weirdo or a psycho, and then you’ll make a date so you can get together. They’re on a dating app to go out on dates. A lot of guys just don’t get it. They don’t know any better and they think they’ll just send texts back and forth incessantly for weeks on end and, eventually, somehow they’ll end up on a date. Women are just dying for men to take the leadership role.
So, here’s another one. They send a few messages back and forth and then he says…
HIM: I’d love to meet up and see if connect. Text me.
This woman comes right out, and she’s a little more blunt that the first one. She says…
HER: Sure, you plan a date and then text me the details.
Then, shes gives him her phone number. She’s really pretty, she’s got a cocktail in her hand. Obviously, she’s ready to have a good time. But she wants you to be the man. She wants you to be the leader. It’s like, come on, man! Sometimes guys will read my book and they’ll think, “Oh, I don’t have to do anything. I’ll just give out my number and women will take care of everything.” You’ve got to be the leader, man. It’s up to you.
The same thing with the seduction process; it’s up to you to lead the interaction to the bedroom and make things happen. And I remember, when I didn’t know any better, especially when I was in my late teens, early twenties, I didn’t get this. It wasn’t until I was about 22, 23 that it started clicking for me. Because I would do this a lot. Back then, we gave out phone numbers, or I gave out my beeper number. And then we would talk back and forth for weeks on end and I would never get around to it. I would think, “Oh, I’ve got to get to know her first, and then if she likes me, then I’ll ask her on a date.” I just really had no idea what I was doing.
This guy, I’m assuming he’s pretty young and he’s just not used to going for things that he wants. You’ve got to be a leader. Yeah, it’s great on a dating app to give out your phone number first. It breaks the ice, it makes it easy. But if a woman gives you her number back, then she wants you to be the leader. If you give out your number and then she texts you, you still have to make the date. You’ve still got to be direct, decisive, and get right to the point. Don’t dither, don’t hesitate or you will masturbate.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur