Find A Girl You Like Being Around, Who’s Nice To You & Likes Her Father If You Want A Family

Find a girl you like being around, who’s nice to you & who likes her father if you want a family.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says his body count is so high that he’s lost count. He’s observed that the crazy ones are great in bed and the sane ones that make great mothers are mediocre. He’s clearly jaded, cynical pessimistic and says this is why most men are miserable in their marriages.

However, he wants a family and has convinced himself that the kind of woman he really wants doesn’t exist, but wants my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a viewer who says his body count is so high that he’s lost count of how many women that he slept with. He says he’s observed the girls that are kind of crazy or amazing and bad, but the ones that are kind of sane and would be great partners to have a family with and great mothers, they’re mediocre in the bedroom. So that is his story, if you will, that he’s created because you can tell he’s kind of jaded, he’s kind of cynical, he’s pessimistic, he doesn’t believe that he’s going to be able to find a woman with all the qualities that he wants. So this is kind of his coat. This is kind of his excuse for continuing to think like he thinks.

Whatever you focus on tends to expand. If you don’t believe it’s possible for you, it’s like Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, either way, you are right.” In this case, if he believes, because now he’s in a stage in his life where he’s like, “I want to find a good girl and I want to have a family, but I don’t want a chick that’s mediocre in the bedroom and I just can’t get what I want,” or “I don’t believe it’s out there.” Again, if that’s what you believe, then that’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to continue to attract women that are going to help you play that out because you’re disposed to believe your story. The reason why people don’t have the things that they want in their life, whether it’s their personal or professional life, it’s because the story that they tell themselves about why they can or they can’t have it.

Again, if you’ve convinced yourself that it’s just not in the cards for you or it’s just a matter of dumb luck, then that’s how you’re going to operate from, and you’re going to continue to meet the same kind of women that you’ve always met. Why? Because you keep doing what you’ve always done. You will continue to get what you’ve always got. I was watching, if you guys saw the the podcast with Sean Ryan and Tucker Carlson that came out about a month or so ago, one of the first things he asked Tucker, because Tucker has been married for 40 years and he met his wife or he’s been with his wife for 40 years, I should say. He’s got grown kids now. He may be a grandfather at this point. He’s a couple years older than me. He met her. He remembers the day he met her. He goes through it. He met her sophomore year in high school. He saw her and he thought she was absolutely beautiful, she had a nice butt, he went over and started talking to her, they started dating and they basically been together since. One of the things that Sean said was, “What do you think the secret is to a 40 year good marriage?” I’ve seen it through my own relationship and the relationships of my friends that work, he says, “You got to pick a girl who likes her father,” because women who don’t like their fathers or have a bad relationship with their fathers, typically the relationships do not work out.

I’ve been doing this 20 years. That’s the same theme I see over and over. If the parents are together and the dad did a good job, the woman is usually pretty good to have a relationship with. If there’s an absentee father, she hates her father, she doesn’t get along with him, the mother doesn’t respect the father and the daughters don’t respect the father, typically those women raised in that environment are just extremely difficult, if not impossible, to have a healthy long-term relationship. The other thing he said was that you work things out. If you have a problem, you stay up all night if you have to and until it’s resolved, you don’t go to bed angry. You don’t stonewall your partner.

I was doing a phone session with a guy the other day, and his girlfriend gets mad and won’t tell him why she’s mad. She absolutely she gets hostile to him when he’s trying to dig and open her up, so she’s purposely stonewalling him and refusing to make their relationship work because she’s pissed off at him. That’s obviously what she learned in her family. Girls raised in a good family, if you guys saw any of the videos that we did with Katie when she was here last year, loves her dad, loves her mom, they’re great people, they have a great relationship, he worships his wife, she worships him, they get along great. If they have differences, they stay up all night and work it out if they have to. He’s nice, he’s humorous, he’s bubbly, he’s optimistic. That’s why Katie is that way. In the 20 years I’ve known her, she’s never once spoke to me in a condescending tone. She’s always been nice, always been bubbly, optimistic. If I’m teasing her or I’m messing with her, she assumes I’m coming from a place of love. She never, ever gets butt-hurt. If she was ever upset about something, it was easy just to talk and work things out.

Again, I just see the same patterns. Girls that are raised, even my ex-wife, her parents, she was raised properly, she was a debutante and she was a good wife. Despite the fact that we didn’t stay together, I had no complaints with her as a wife. She was a good woman, good, loyal wife, and because she was raised properly, she was pretty balanced, pretty together girl. Women that I’ve dated that were difficult to date, dad wasn’t around. In one case, I had a girlfriend whose father had died when she was like five or six years old, so she never really knew him. She just had some vague memories when she was really young. Her mother never had boyfriends, never remarried. So there was never a man in the household to teach her how to chill. She didn’t trust men, she didn’t know how to communicate with men and she was a stonewaller, just like a client that I had spoke to the other night. Their relationship is on the rocks and it’s been on the rocks for a while, and she’s doing everything she can to fight him tooth and nail to prevent him from fixing the relationship and working through their issues, because she just stonewalls him, refuses to talk, refuses to work things out, and gets so mad and nasty to him that you know she’ll leave the room or whatever. She just turns into such an ass that he goes off and does something else.

You’re not going to have a healthy relationship with a woman that refuses to communicate with you. You have to talk openly and honestly about your problems in order to solve them. If you’re dating somebody or in a relationship with somebody that just refuses to do that, you can’t work anything out. You can’t resolve anything because they won’t let you. They’re too committed to creating problems for you and being difficult and making you suffer, because that’s what they learned in their family. “If you’re mad at somebody, just ignore them, stonewall them, be passive aggressive, hurt them is worse than they hurt you,” and when you feel they’ve suffered enough, then you could just kind of sweep it under the rug, move forward and forget about it, but long term, those relationships never work out. So with that in mind, this guy’s got a real short email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

Just want to say your material works and I just sent a donation.

Well, donations are always appreciated. If you’d like to make a donation for the value that’s equal to the value that you think you’ve received from it, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the toolbar or the “donate” button, either on the toolbar at the bottom of the page or in the sidebar on the website, and donate whatever you want. You can do a monthly domain donation or a one time donation. They’re always appreciated.

My body count is extremely high. As a matter of fact, it’s so high, I’ve lost count.
What I’ve observed is that the crazy ones are great in bed, and the sane ones will make for great mothers and settling down with, except they are mediocre in bed. 

Well, from my personal experience, I have not had that problem. I’ve had the exact opposite experience. Every girl that I had a long term relationship with had a great relationship with their dad. They were spectacular in the bedroom and I’ve dated some that were kind of crazy, that kind of sucked in bed. What that tells me is you’ve really never dated a woman that has a good, healthy relationship with her father, and they’re hard to find, they’re very rare out there.

You got to take a step back and think, people that are good to you, good for you, good for your soul, they’re really in short supply. They almost never come along. The reality is, how often do you meet a new best friend? When was the last time you met a best friend or somebody you became really close with, that has always got your back and and you’ve got theirs? Like, how often does that happen in your life? Maybe a once or twice a decade thing if you’re lucky.

Good people rarely come along. It’s the same thing with women. Really good women whose goals and values are aligned with your own, they almost never come along. So when you do find one, the relationship will be on such a better level than anything that you’ve experienced. If you’re jaded and you have a bad attitude towards women, then you’re going to continue to meet and attract women that help you play that out. Any time you do meet a good woman who’s got a healthy self-esteem and she was raised right, she’s probably going to blow you off and think you’re a putz and not want to date you. So the fact that this guy is just probably sleeping with a lot of loose women, a lot of women that are the women to hang out, have fun and hook up with or fuck buddies, friends with benefits, sex playmates, but they’re not girlfriend material, they’re not wife material.

Again, I can’t think of any women that I’ve dated or had long term girlfriends that had a great relationship with their dad. They were all amazing. Some of the best sex I ever had was with women that were raised properly, and I believe that’s because they got a healthy self-esteem and they love themselves and they’re comfortable in their bodies, in their own skin. So they don’t have any weird sexual hangups or anything like that. They really understand how to embody a lady in the streets and a whore in the sheets. If you got a shitty attitude and your game sucks and you have the attitude like this guy, you’re probably going to be hooking up with strippers, low quality women and women that come from broken homes, and even ones that you think that are good for settling down. That just tells me they’re probably mediocre women in general that got self-esteem issues because I’ve never had that experience.

You’ll probably going say keep dating and eventually I’ll meet a sane one that is also great in bed.

Well again, that’s why you write a list down of what you want, what your goals, and what your values are, and you should date based upon your values and whether or not the person you’re dating matches them. If you’re doing nothing but dating women on dating apps or meeting girls off of Tinder, eventually you might find one that’s family oriented, but typically the girls that are family oriented, that are pretty, they’re fit, that are in shape, their life is full of friends, full of family, full of social activities, and they meet plenty of other great guys that are family oriented through their social networks, they don’t need to be on a dating app. They meet men as a side effect of their life. Since like attracts like and people who like the same things tend to like each other, they tend to also hang out with other family oriented, loyal and faithful people.

You’re not going to find typically a woman who has good values and was raised properly, hanging out with dirtbags or having hanging out with girl friends that are trying to sleep with their boyfriend or their husband, or stealing money from or fucking them over, or talking shit about them behind their back. Again, they were raised right with the proper values and they don’t allow those people into their life for very long. Especially if the parents meet or the father meets this person that’s not a good person, they’re going to pull their daughter aside and let them know what they really think of this other person because they love, admire and respect their father. They’re going to listen to him, and they’re going to thank their father for pointing that out and saving them from a lot of grief and a lot of trouble, and they’ll just stop hanging out with those bad people.

That’s like a four leaf clover, and probably why most guys are miserable in their marriages, LOL.

Well, most guys are miserable in their marriages because typically the two reasons why they don’t work out is the guy is not dating and courting her properly, and he’s not making her feel heard and understood. That’s assuming she’s a normal, healthy woman. There’s plenty of fruit loops that guys are married to, and it’s going to be impossible to have a healthy relationship with them.

That’s why character is destiny. You need to date and vet not only people, women that you’re going to be involved with romantically, but you also need to vet the people in your personal life that your friends, people that you do business with, clients that you potentially do business with because, depending on the type of field or business that you’re in, if you do business with a client that has low integrity, they might not pay you for the work. They might just screw you over and say, “Sue me,” and it’s just not worth it to spend money on attorney’s fees to go after somebody that probably doesn’t have the money to pay anyways. Even if you do win your case, you can get a judgment against them, but if they got no assets to seize, you ain’t getting anything.

Anyways I have a lot of options, and they all take up all my time. I’m looking to settle down and have a family, it just means letting go of all those options.

Not really a question, just interested in your thoughts. Let me know if you do a video on this topic.

Regards,

Bob

Well number one, you got to change your attitude. Number two, you got to make a list of the most important values. The bottom line is, if you want to have a good, healthy relationship, the girl’s got to have a good relationship with her dad. She’s got to like her dad.

I talked to a lot of guys initially when we’re doing a phone session. “Oh yeah, she’s got a great relationship with their father.” I was like, “Well, tell me about that relationship. Does she respect her father? Does she respect his authority? Does the mother respect the father’s authority when he says, ‘This is what we’re going to do as a family?'” The wife’s like, ‘All right, I’m in?’ Or does she browbeat him and badger and nag him until eventually he throws his hands up and is like, ‘Fuck it, just do whatever you want. You’re going to do what you want anyways?'” Happy wife, happy life, that kind of attitude.

That’s not a healthy relationship. I’m talking about a man who acts like a fucking man, not a beta male who’s a doormat, but a man who’s the head of his household, who’s successful in whatever it is that he does, and he runs things, he runs shit, and he dominates his wife, and he puts his daughters or his sons in their places when they get out of line and they respect him and they do what he says, because daddy knows best, because daddy’s competent, he’s confident, he’s a good man and he teaches them the proper values that they should have, and he watches out for his little flock. If any dirt-bag comes along that his kids or anybody in his family happened to bring in or get involved with, he’s going to make sure those bad people get booted out of their lives, and the girls and the sons will respect their father’s opinion because they’ll know he’s right. If the girls don’t respect the father and they think he’s a punk, they can walk all over him. The father’s a beta male or a doormat or too much of a nice guy that puts up with his wife being verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. It’s like, she doesn’t respect and like that man. If she doesn’t respect and like her father, she probably is not going to respect and like men in general. That’s just a fact of life.

Again, I’m dealing with guys all the time that are having problems with the girls. When you do this as long as I have, and have you done thousands of phone sessions like I have, you just see the same patterns over and over again, so it becomes really predictable. You can either be jaded and go, “Oh, a good woman is hard to find. A good woman has always been hard to find.” Just like the Tom petty song, good love is hard to find. Good people that are good to you, good for you, good for your soul, they almost never come along. It’s worth the wait. If you don’t believe me, just talk to your any of your friends or family that have gone through an expensive divorce and ask them about the consequences of making a bad choice, or choosing a woman of low or questionable character to get into a relationship with. It’s not going to end well. If she’s not easy going, easy to get along with, nice to you, loves, admires, respects and looks up to her father, trusts his judgment, respects his authority, she ain’t gonna love and respect you and be a woman that when you come home, she puts her arms around you and is glad to see you and tells you how much she missed you, she’d been thinking about you all day, and then pulls your pants down and gives you a blow job and hands you a beer while she’s doing it. You got to vet all people in your life. Character is destiny.

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