Finding The Sweet Spot Between Pursuing Too Much & Not Enough So She’s Crazy For You!

How to find the sweet spot between pursuing too much & not enough so she’s crazy for you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has read 3% Man, 10 times. He’s with a woman who knocks his socks off. However, he’s really struggling to maintain his composure and emotional self control. He asks how to maintain her high interest and keep her attracted and in love. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Finding The Sweet Spot Between Pursuing Too Much & Not Enough So She’s Crazy For You!”

Well, this particular email is actually a success story. And so this guy’s read 3% Man ten times. And if you’re new here, you can Read it at UnderstandingRelationships.com for Free. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser. So this particular guy, he’s with a woman, she knocks his socks off, however, the thing that he’s still struggling with is maintaining his composure and emotional self-control.

And so even though things are going really well, he’s like, in the past when he’s been kind of mediocrely interested in women. He like, does everything right. But when he’s with a girl he really cares about, like this one, it’s extremely hard. And you’ll see he really struggles with it, sometimes just waiting a few days to hear back from her, or to hold out or try to outwait her so she reaches out first is extremely nerve wracking and it is for me, when I first started doing it.

And for any guy that does this, because your natural urge and instinct is, I got to do something. I got to fix this. I got to get her to like me. I got to get her attention. And the illusion of action causes you to do and say things and chase and pursue, and it interrupts her feelings growing for you. Because women need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, for their feelings to grow. And if you’re pursuing too much, or you have a hard time exercising self-control and you’re constantly seeking her approval.

Constantly trying to find out where you stand with her. Is she still interested? Does she still love you as much as she did last weekend? That kind of thing. Women can pick up on it, and they’re most attracted to confidence in guys. And when you’re always worried about where you stand with her and you fear losing her, eventually you’re going to slip up. It’s going to come out in the tone of your voice, the vibe you give off, the things you say, the things you do.

And so this is essential if you want to get, and keep women attracted to you, you have to learn to even these urges out and not be so reactionary and freaking out and chasing and pursuing. But so far, this guy’s done a really good job. You can tell he’s really struggling with it. And it’s just going to take time and repetition and enough time with a woman like this so he can get past the honeymoon period, which typically is 6 to 12 months, to where this infatuation that he has for wears off.

Because once that wears off and he’s been with her and he can consistently judge her interest correctly based upon “The Attraction Table” in The Book, the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers”, and he can kind of gauge how she’s feeling towards him, move forward when she’s really attracted, or back off if he’s done things to turn her off, or they’ve just spent a lot of time together because familiarity tends to breed contempt. And when you spend a lot of time with your girl, after a few days or a week or so being all over each other, you’re going to notice that she’s not as excited as she was when she first came over, or you started hanging out several days before.

So you just have to recognize it, it’s not as long as you didn’t do anything to turn her off. That’s just how women are. Their feelings and emotions change like the weather. You know, hormones, when they have their period, just can’t get upset and butthurt about her changing interests and her feelings and her effort. You just have to pay attention to it and then match and mirror it. And so she has enough space and time away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you.

And then when she does reach out next, she comes back with even more enthusiasm than she had the last time you talked to her. This is something that’s just natural and innate with women. And when you understand it, it makes them extremely predictable. Women are very easy to understand when you understand how they operate, and you learn The Book backwards and forwards, and you spend enough time in a relationship with a woman that makes you feel this way to where you can kind of get over that, and you kind of find the sweet spot between pursuing too much and not enough.

Because you pursue too much when you’re fearful and you’re worried that she’s going to love you and care about you, and not pursuing enough is where you can kind of back off too much and be too much of a cold fish to where it gets upsetting for her, and she gets angry and upset at you. So it’s just you have to go through it and you have to be able to respond to how a woman is showing up and match and mirror her actions. If her effort and her interest and her enthusiasm drops, then match and mirror that.

And then once it comes back and she’s more enthusiastic and attracted again a few days later, then you spend more time with her. It’s just the hard part is when it first starts happening and you notice she’s backing off or she’s losing interest, the key is to exercise self-control and to match and mirror it. It’s extremely hard to do the first time you experience it, but over time it does get easier because then you start to recognize, “wow, she comes back just like a cat.

I didn’t do anything. We didn’t talk for 2 or 3 days. I didn’t hear from her for 2 or 3 days. The last time I talked to her was almost like she was bored and didn’t want to talk to me, and now she calls me up three days later, all excited. Oh, I miss you. I want to see you.” And it’s kind of weird to the average guy because, “wow, she seems so bored just the other day, and now it’s like I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread.” So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Coach,

I have been following you for several years. I have read your book 10 times. Thank you for your work. I have applied the principals to my dating life and I have to say, it is very hard doing these things with a woman you really like.

Yep. Yeah. Because there’s downside risk. Because with this particular girl, you really care about her. So if you were to lose her, it’s going to sting. Or as if a girl, you’re just like, “Eh, I could take it or leave it.” It’s not going to be that big a deal.

I can do these things effortlessly with women I have 50-60% attraction towards but recently I met a woman that as you say, knocks my socks off. At this point I have done many things right. I have let her come to me, I have used the phone to set dates only (one date every other week for the first 3 dates, and the last two dates were just one time per week).

So he really stretched it out. You know, instead of doing one date a week, it was one date every other week, which that’s totally fine. You know, it may seem initially in the beginning that it’s going to take longer to get to where you want to be, but that space, that wondering that her not being able to see you is what really drives her interest and her attraction into the stratosphere. Because it’s not a game of manipulation, what it is, if under normal circumstances, if Mom and Dad gave you enough strokes as a kid, this is just going to be natural.

You’re going to get busy, you’re going to get caught up in work, you’re going to tend to work too much because you’re really enjoying what you’re doing. And then your girl that you’re dating is going to call up and like, “hey, I miss you. I haven’t seen you.” And then you’ll make time for her. But more than you know, because when you’re together and you’re past the honeymoon period, this is what us guys just naturally do. We get busy, we get caught up in work, and then our girl starts complaining.

“We never do anything. You never take me anywhere.” And most guys start arguing with her. “Hey, we just did this or we did that.” So when she complains like that. And you have to understand that women speak using hyperbole. They tend to exaggerate because their emotions are exaggerated. And so instead of getting butthurt or upset and using logic and reason to try to win an argument, when she complains you never do anything or she hasn’t seen you or you’re always working.

Just acknowledge or say, “you know what, babe. You’re right. I’m sorry. I got kind of distracted this week. I had a lot going on, and I haven’t paid as much attention to you as I should, so I want to see your face. What’s your schedule like? Bring your cute little ass over here. Let’s go to dinner. Let’s do this. Let’s do that.” Whatever. Just make a date. When she’s complaining that you don’t spend enough time together. Don’t argue with her. Don’t justify your actions. Just say, “you know what, honey. You’re right. I’ve been kind of distracted this week, and I’m sorry. That’s not fair to you, but let’s get together. I want to see you.”

And then you make a date, and then you give her exactly what she’s complaining that she’s not getting enough of. And so over time, he starts to learn, “hey, we haven’t spent enough time together.” You take that as constructive criticism and feedback, not as a reason to start an argument and justify what you did in the past. Because when you do that, all you’re basically saying is that, “The status quo is going to stay the same. I’m not going to do anything any differently.” But when she complains, “you don’t spend enough time together”, and you just make a date to get together, or you invite her over or whatever.

All she’s doing is saying, “Daddy, I want to see you.” Just like, “of course, baby, let’s get together. Sorry, I’ve been distracted.” And that’s all you have to do to make her melt and be like, “oh my God, he loves me.” But if you argue with her and you say, “we just spent the weekend together two weeks ago, I dropped ten grand on that trip. What are you complaining about?” All she hears is, “I don’t want to spend time with you.” So you got to understand why a woman does what she does and where she comes from. And just give her what she needs, which is you. She needs your attention, so give it to her.

We have had 5 dates total. My inaction forced her to lay her cards on the table and reach out to me first since I was only asking her out every other week and she just could not wait to see me so she ended up contacting me first after the first two dates and I used the opportunity set another date.

That’s exactly why you do this. You’re trying to go slower than the girl, and if you’re arranging dates every other week and the girl starts out really liking you, it’s really going to wind her up and make things a lot easier, a lot more effortless. Things will just flow naturally in the bedroom. They’re will be like no resistance and she will cum like a waterfall.

We hooked up on the first date, and every other date after. I know a lot of guys say this but the sex was truly amazing. She gave me a massage from head to toe, and submitted to me fully. And when I say fully I mean fully. She was totally 100% in her feminine energy and she totally let her guards down and was completely free as was I and it was an experience I have never had.

She is Nicaraguan, 27 years old, tan skin with long dark hair to her ass, and super feminine. Now I say all that to tell you this, At this moment because of my actions, she is head over heels for me. She told me she loves me at the 6 week mark exactly like you said.

Well, again, when you understand this stuff and you understand The Book and you apply it and you’re dealing with a normal, healthy woman and not a Froot Loop, they’re literally as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.

She told me she loves me at the 6 week mark exactly like you said. Our relationship right now does not have any label and I do not feel any pressure at all to talk about labels with her. I simply let her come at me and I make the dates, have fun, and hook up, period.

Well, your job in the courtship is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen.

She is opening up now and expressing her feelings for me slowly. We spent the night together on Wednesday night and I dropped her off Thursday morning. I woke up this morning and the last text I received from her at 10:30 pm last night read this exactly:

Thank you for being so special to me.

I have no words to thank you.

You are so cute.

I love your actions.

Your beautiful words and your looks.

I do not really have a question because I know you would tell me to continue doing what you did to get her because that is the only thing that will keep her.

Well, I’ve been doing this 20 years and guys that struggle in long term relationships, they do the same two mistakes. They stop dating and courting the girl, and they don’t make her feel heard and understood. And if the woman doesn’t feel heard and understood, the legs are going to close. You have to spend quality time with your girl. You have to keep her properly fucked at least 2 to 3 times a week and you’ve got to date and court her. If you don’t have any kids, you should be having at least one date night a week.

And even ideally if you do have kids, if you could just have one evening of the week for just you and her, then you got the grandparents or babysitters stepping in to help you with the kids. That can work wonders. If a woman complains that, you’re always working and you don’t spend enough time with her, or the kids, or the family. Don’t argue with her. Just instantly make a date. Make some quality time for the two of you or you and your family.

Make it happen as quickly as possible right there on the phone as soon as she complains. Don’t argue with her. Just give her what she wants. Which is you. That’s why she complains. “Oh, you’re always working.” What she’s really saying is, “Daddy, spend time with me.” Just give her exactly what she wants. Just think of it as like a little girl saying, “Daddy, you never spend time with me.” Just give it to her. Give her the time instantly. Make a date on the spot. It will solve the problems.

I know you would tell me to continue doing what you did to get her because that is the only thing that will keep her. I looked for videos on what to do when she is expressing her love for you. When she is fully in her feminine, fully cooperating, and it drives you crazy.

Well, again, you’re still in the honeymoon period. It typically lasts 6 to 12 months.

How do I keep my composure?

Well, how have you done it this long? It’s called emotional self control. You are choosing to keep your shit together, and the reason you can get to this place as a man is the same reason that I got to in The Book is like, I recognized that when I was younger and I acted upon my impulses to do something, to try to get a girl to like me more, it was counterproductive. And so I just had to, I had resolved. Because I had chased so many good women away when I was younger, that I would resolve that I was going to do something completely different going forward.

Because if I consistently chase them out of my life, well, if I back off enough, I should be able to consistently allow them to come to me at their pace to the point where they’ll be stuck to me like white on rice. Because when a woman really, truly is deeply in love with you, she’s going to be stuck to you like a sucker fish. She wants your attention all the fucking time. All the time, to the point where it’s annoying. Girls are annoying like that, but you got to give them the attention.

How do I keep my composure? This girl does it for me Coach, and I will continue to go slightly slower than she does because that has been working no matter how hard it is.

Well, there you go. You have to see that work enough over and over and over. When you are like the 50th time, you’re like, “man, they are really just like fucking cats. If I just let her be for a couple of days, she comes back even more excited than the last time I talked to her.” It’s counterintuitive, but it works miracles. Because, again, a man who is focused on his mission and purpose in life is going to get distracted by work.

He’s going to get distracted by the things that he has to get done. And typically that results in the girl or your kids going, “Daddy, we never see you.” So as soon as you hear the complaints, give them your attention and your time. Make the fucking time for them. If you do that, it solves problems really quickly. Instantaneously. If you argue, you’ll blow it up.

The first time I went 4 days after the date and didn’t text her it drove me crazy.

Yeah. The first few times you do it, it is absolutely going to drive you nuts. You’re going to feel like you’re going to jump out of your skin because you’re like, “I want this girl so fucking bad.” You’re so enamored with her. You’re so into her body. You’re so into her voice, her looks, the fun things you do together. And you can’t wait to see her again. But you have to resist the urge. And you have to resist the urge enough to where over time, it’s just going to kind of smooth out. Because when you see that, when you hold back, she comes back even more attracted to you.

And it keeps happening over and over and over again. You see it in other people. You see the same thing. Guys do things properly, the girls all over them. As soon as they act like a bitch the woman is completely repulsed. When you see it enough and you experience it enough, and then you get past the honeymoon period, again, it takes 6 to 12 months typically. It gets easier the first few times you do it is nerve wracking as hell. You chew your fingernails, you know, down to the bone, practically, I mean, metaphorically. But you know what I mean.

You’re just, you’re freaked out all the time. You can’t concentrate. You’re sitting there at work trying to do your work. And in the back of your mind is this girl. And how you can’t wait to see her again. And you really hope she doesn’t disappear like all the other ones have. But when you do it consistently and you’re like, damn! She showed back up again. I didn’t hear from her for two days, and I just got a text from her telling me how much she missed me. It’s like, that is so amazing. And then when it happens enough and you get past it, you recognize that it’s essential.

It’s important for your girl to have that space because she needs the time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, to become really super attracted to you. And so again, the more you do it, the more you see the success, the easier it gets going forward to continue to employ the same methods. Because this is naturally how a man is supposed to act. And so you’re undoing all the brainwashing and negative programming that the media and the culture has been instilling in us since we were little kids.

But the next day she texted me Hey and I thought to myself I did it, I exercised emotional self control and let her come to me. I set a date and it done. Now she does 80-90% of the reaching out. This is just a success story I wanted to share with you Coach, you are amazing. If you could make a video on when she is in love with you, and everything is going smoothly how to maintain that High Attraction she has for you that would be perfect.

Well, we do more to avoid pain than we do to gain pleasure. And at this point you are experiencing a lot of pain holding out and going, “Man, what if I don’t hear from her? What if four days go by and she doesn’t reach out? Then what?” And then you hold out for four days and then she reaches out like, oh, it’s a mind fuck. It’s all in your head. And so it just has to happen. Enough. Maybe it’s ten times. Maybe it’s the 50th time. Maybe it’s the 500th time that it happens to where a woman comes back like a cat and you’re like, “oh, not a big deal. I didn’t have to do anything for that. And she likes me even more. And she did a few days ago.” So you’re on your way there.

You are better than you used to be. And as a man, that’s that’s really what you’re aiming for. You’re trying to evolve to the next level. You’re trying to get a little bit better today than you were yesterday. And so you’ve gotten really far and everything that’s in The Book, you’re seeing it firsthand in your own life with this girl that you’re with. And that’s what grows your confidence. That’s what makes you makes you competent. That’s what makes you cocky. It gives you not arrogant, but it makes you cocky and have swagger and charm and playfulness. Because in the back of your mind, you know, she’ll be back. She’ll definitely be back. She can’t help herself. It’s like a Yo-Yo. It’s like a rubber band, like boom! And then they snap back.

I am obviously taking this one date at a time, remaining centered, and plan on riding the train till it runs out of tracks.

Thanks again coach, your loyal student,

Bob

Well, congratulations. I know it’s hard. It was hard for me, but it does get easier, which it seems like you’re kind of starting to notice. It is getting a little bit easier because again, women are very predictable. When you understand how they operate and what drives them, you just have to create the conditions and the circumstances to where they can come to you at their pace, and they’ll talk themselves into falling in love with you. And you just hang out and have fun and hook up.

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