Men and women both often succumb to a life of dating and relationship mediocrity and misery, because they have bought into the myth of “The One” perfect person who is the embodiment of the… be all end all perfect lover for them.
People obsess over “The One” that got away; or that person who they perceive as being “The One” and ignore the fact that that person is unavailable or uninterested. Men and women both often become fixated on a person who they have no chance with, because they believe that patience and persistence will eventually pay off like it does in all of the movies, and TV programs that they watch.
In reality, all it does is keep them from the love that they deserve and which is waiting for them, if they would simply just let go and open themselves up to the possibility that there really is someone who is a better match; and who feels the same way.
Many new clients who I start working with, often are unable to move on from a previous breakup or rejection, because deep down they really don’t feel they deserve to be happy or loved. They may carry the torch for months or even years of their lives for a person who is indifferent, unavailable or uninterested. Life is too short to be spending the moments of your life hoping that what you can’t have, will somehow magically become available to you & want you also.
The reality is, most people who you find attractive and desirable are not going to feel the same way. Most of those who do feel the same way, are not going to be a good match for you long-term. A lot of guys have a much tougher time with this than women do. It really is a numbers game. Guys who are just starting to apply what I teach in my book, don’t know what they don’t know. It is only when they relentlessly apply my principles and talk to and interact with enough women, that they realize there are more beautiful women who they can hook up with sexually, than there are beautiful women who they can hook up with sexually, AND have a long-lasting, and healthy relationship with. Until a guy has dated dozens and dozens of women, he will still have a tendency to get hung up on one woman before she has earned it through her actions and reciprocated interest.
The perfect woman for you if you are a man, may only be perfect for you for a few years. Why? People change in that they become better versions of themselves. Two people either grow together or they grow apart. You may have a spectacular relationship full of love, passion and magnificent sex for several years, and then you both realize that your core values and outcomes are no longer aligned. Most guys think on each new first date that they have, that this could be “The One”, while the woman is thinking, “let’s just see what happens.”
When you date enough different women over time and as you mature as a man, you will end up adopting the same kind of, “let’s just see what happens” attitude that women have towards first dates and relationships. If you are single and believe that the perfect woman will make you happy and solve all of your problems, you are mistaken. I once used to believe like this, but have long since let go of this false and limiting belief of my inexperienced youth. The following is an e-mail from a guy who got dumped by his girlfriend, and is now desperately and insecurely trying to identify “The One” for him. He’s really just hurt and on the rebound. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
All the information on your new site is very compelling and motivates me to pursue the same career path. I just recently broke up with my gf of 3 yrs. After reading your book, I got in the way of her unpredictability. I couldn’t keep my cool when she didn’t feel like seeing me for a week here & there or would want a weekend to herself (That communicates neediness to a woman which is a sure turn-off).
I always thought to myself that her interest must be somewhere else and not focused on me. (Pay attention to what a woman does, not what she says.) I would constantly question where her head was at. (Men who understand women never ask this because they read her actions, body language, etc. It also communicates to her that you don’t understand women very well.) She would love me to death one month and isolate herself from me the next. (When you did things right, she wanted you. When you screwed up, you lowered her interest level and her desire to see you.) We had to end it because I gave her a hypothetical question & asked her. “If I would ask you to marry me tomorrow, what would your answer be”, I knew her answer would be NO but I asked her anyway, (Then why did you ask? A man who understands women would never ask a woman to marry him unless he was 100% certain she would say yes. Commitments, relationships & marriage is the woman’s department. Unless she is bringing it up, there is no reason to ask. When a woman wants to be exclusive with you or get married, she will bring it up.) & of course it was NO.
She told me that she didn’t know if she was in love with me anymore (Translation: I am not in love with you because you have lowered my interest level.) & didn’t want to continue doing so either. Neither did I. I would love to know what I could have done differently & if the relationship was salvageable. (When women decide you’re out… you’re out! You should have read my book and applied what it taught. However, you did not know what you did not know. What happened, happened the way it was supposed to happen. Now you can become prepared and ready for the next girl by reading my book. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, iPad, Mac or PC in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE.)
Now I’m single & already have my eye on a girl I have a long history with. (That’s typical. When men or women get rejected, they start mentally going thru all of their previous prospects that did not work out for a replacement. However, if you ditched or rejected that person before because you decided they were not a good match, then what’s the point of going back? People don’t change. The same things that turned you off about them before are still there. If you go back, they simply will turn you off again in the same way. That’s settling. Settling is for SUCKERS! Learn my book and start applying what it teaches in earnest so you can meet a woman who is 100 times hotter, sweeter & better suited to your personality.) It somehow was always the wrong time to get together. She would want me & I was in a relationship. I’d be single & she’d be in a relationship. We were both single at one time & hooked up in her car one night years ago. (You are bullshitting yourself & desperate for a rebound. If this chick was really such a great match, you would have stayed together after hooking up when you were both single the first time.) We continued talking but never starting really dating, only hanging out a few times. I met my now EX GF at a lounge one night & this girl was actually there & witnessed me getting together with my EX. I later found out that she was jealous of it when I ran into her a few months after wards.
I truly believe this girl is it. (NONSENSE! You are just trying to hook up with someone to numb the pain of your breakup. Be a man and move on to find someone better.) We would talk on the phone for hours on every single topic you can think of. We connect on every level where everything just flows naturally. (You’re bullshitting yourself again.) I’m thinking of either texting her to find out if she still has the same number & mention her full name which she told me 4 years ago to let her know that I still remember it. If its not her number, I’d go where she lives, I still know her address & leave a note underneath her windshield wipers. I am compelled as to which to use. “call me # p.s if you’re single” or ” call me # p.s my name”? (Grow a set of balls and be excited about being single. When you meet the next great love of your life, you will knock each others socks off. This is needy behavior you are exhibiting. You think you need a woman to be happy. If you can’t be happy and have an outrageous time by yourself being single, then you are not ready to be in a relationship. Why? Because you would make your happiness dependent upon being loved by someone else. Being completed by them instead of sharing your completeness. The purpose of all relationships is… you go there to give. You can only effectively give to another unconditionally, when your cup runneth over so to speak. Right now you are trying to jump into something when your glass is only half-full. You would be more of a taker in a relationship than a giver. Takers get rejected. Givers are loved and appreciated.)
I would love to have your feedback on both topics. I’ve read your book 3% man (You need to read it at least 10-15 times to the point you could give a seminar on the topic. Its the only way you will be effective and be able to overcome the weaknesses that have ruined your previous relationships. However, knowledge is only POTENTIAL power. Knowledge only becomes power when you apply that knowledge properly.) & have reviewed every single material on your website. I also follow you on twitter. A true fan.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“The path to success is littered with the limiting beliefs and false identities you have shed along the way to achieving your goals. Even though you make think it is otherwise, the true purpose in achieving your goals and dreams is not about achieving them. It is about who you become during the journey.”-Corey Wayne