If you date enough different people, eventually you are going to encounter potential lovers who have exes in the background who want them back, or they may already be more emotionally involved with someone else longer, and you won’t be their first choice. If you really want a chance to date them, why it’s always better to not burn your bridge with them and leave the door open in case things don’t work out with the person they initially chose over you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who wonders if telling a potential new lover to get in contact with her if things don’t work out with the woman they initially chose over her somehow lessens her value and makes her a consolation prize. She has had guys she dated in the past choose another woman over her initially, but once things did not work out with the other woman, they contacted her to go out with them again.
She says this did not make her feel special, obviously roughed up her ego and she turned them down. I explain the principle and when you should employ it in your own dating life. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
I have been following your work a lot, and it has made a lot of sense to me, even if I am a woman. It has also changed my self esteem and what I am willing to accept. I have a question about something you keep saying in your videos I don’t understand, and perhaps there are other viewers too who have a hard time with it. Regarding the phrase, “Give me a call if it doesn’t work out with that guy,” (Ninety percent of the people that come to me are trying to get an ex back. When someone is rejected, the best thing you can do, if you want to date that person again, is to tell them to give you a call if they change their mind. Leave the door open. Sometimes people come back into your life to facilitate you getting what you want), doesn’t it make you sound like you are the kind of person who can take scraps? (You’re only going to say that if the person is somebody you would really like a chance to date again.) Like you are willing to have something another person would not and basically put yourself, willingly, in second place? (Sometimes that’s just the way it works out. Sometimes they come back, and sometimes they don’t. The point is, you want to enjoy your life and create some great memories. I’ll take the memories any day over my pride.) If somebody is willing to choose you, because it has not worked out with someone else, aren’t you making yourself look less valuable? (Well, they’re the one reaching out to you. The only way you would look less valuable is if you kept running after them after they chose someone else over you.) Like somebody who cannot have butter, but will be okay with margarine for now? There have been situations in my life where guys called me once their other relationships had not worked out, and I have found myself not wanting to be with that person, because I did not feel special enough for them. I felt like the consolation prize. (That’s okay. You can say you aren’t interested. I’m just saying from a negotiation perspective, if you really want to date someone and they disappear, you can leave the door open if you really value them and would like another shot at a relationship. It’s never a good thing to burn your bridges.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Timing is everything in life. Relationships do not always start out perfect, sometimes the situations are messy or complicated, and sometimes life does not bring you what you want, but it always brings you what you need to become all that you are capable of being. You may want someone or something with all of your heart, but it’s just not possible at the present moment. When this happens, all you can really do is to keep moving towards your grandest goals and dreams, practice infinite patience, not get attached to what presently is not possible and trust that eventually, somehow and someway, the universe will bring you the perfect people and circumstances when the timing is just right. It’s only when you are older and can look back upon your life that you can connect the dots and see the divine perfection of how eventually, you got what you wanted, and it was even better than you expected.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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