Focus On Creating Romance & Adventure With Her Not A Relationship

Why you should focus on creating romance & adventure with women instead of a relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss another email update from a recent coaching client whose previous email I answered in, “I Read Her Diary & Didn’t Like What I Found”. She’s still indecisive about their future and is giving him mixed signals. He’s getting tripped up because he’s focused on keeping their relationship instead of simply creating romance and adventure. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Focus On Creating Romance & Adventure With Her Not A Relationship”.

Especially if you’re trying to rekindle your relationship. So this is the third email from the guy whose Video Newsletter the first one I answered was, “I Read Her Diary & Didn’t Like What I Found”. So his girlfriend was basically losing interest and when he went through her diary, she was talking about how she was romantically interested in some other guy and that she didn’t feel the same way about her boyfriend, who is the emailer. And so we did a phone session a few weeks back. And so this is the latest update since then, because you can tell he’s not really listening. He’s focused on a relationship and getting back together instead of just creating an opportunity for sex to happen.

Hang out, have fun, hook up. Because he’s like hovering around waiting for her to recommit to their relationship instead of just creating the next opportunity for sex to happen. And if there’s relationship issues or getting back together, the labels need to be discussed, then she’ll bring it up. But instead, what’s happening is he’s getting tripped up and starting to act like a woman because he’s focused on keeping the relationship instead of just simply creating romance and adventure when she reaches out. All relationships start casually like that.

And if your relationship has gone sideways or she’s distant, or she’s staying with family, or she wanted space, you give it to her and you let her be. And when you hear from her, assume she’s had enough space and wants to see you, and you make the next date. Hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out. And then when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced, you make your move and escalate until it ultimately ends with you inside of her.

It’s very simple. Because as a man, the more you focus on locking her down to a commitment and the relationship, the less likely you are to have one with her. And all you’re going to end up doing is pushing her away because you’re basically acting like a woman. It ruins the sexual polarity. You can’t do it.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I wanted to give you another update and get your perspective. After our last session, you said things weren’t over yet because we still live together and I should focus on escalating from cuddling when the signs appear.

So what happens is she comes. She gets together with them, they lay down on the couch together, and it still looks like sometimes he just kind of acted like a statue, like he’s too afraid to escalate. When a woman is open to being touched, she comes near you and starts bumping into you physically or touching you physically. And then you can slowly reciprocate touching and then escalate from there.

I was on a 10-day vacation. When I returned, she said, “I can’t give you what you deserve.”

So when a woman says that because they all say the same things, what that means is that she knows you want a relationship and a commitment, and you want her to feel the same way that she used to. In other words, you’re like thinking she’s a light switch and you just turn her back on and she’ll automatically go back to feeling the same way she used to. Doesn’t work that way. It takes time for women to fall in love, and it takes time for them to fall out of love. And if they’ve fallen out of love, it’s going to take time for them to fall back in love. And just the fact that she says this statement, “I can’t give you what you deserve” tells me you’re too focused on a relationship and she doesn’t feel free.

Remember that Thích Nhất Hạnh quote, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” You have to let women come to you at their pace, especially when you’ve driven your girl away to the point where she’s contemplating ending your relationship. You have to let her do all the calling, texting, and pursuing because she wanted space and she wanted distance because you’re smothering her. And if you can’t do that and you continue to smother her, you will chase her out of your life into a breakup and ultimately into the arms of a new guy. Or potentially, if she’s not a very loyal person, one of her beta male orbiters.

She didn’t explicitly say she wanted to break up, but that’s how it felt.

So you’re focusing on your feelings and your emotions instead of just applying what’s in the book. I know it’s hard in a situation like this because human beings, we all make our decisions based on our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify that. And so when you’re all up in your feelings about how you feel, it’s hard to notice her actions and what she’s actually doing and to act appropriately. Because more often than not, especially when you’ve been rejected.

And we know that rejection breeds obsession, that you fear losing her. And when you fear losing someone, you try to force yourself upon them or into their lives, and you’re constantly looking for ways to interject yourself into her conversation, either through text or through phone calls, or obsessively asking her out on dates even after she’s asked for space. You just got to let her be. So she has time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, and to miss you.

She also said she would move out, she didn’t know what else we could do in our situation. I told her I want to work on things, that it takes two people, and then went for a walk to get my head clear. She went to her parents and is now in Paris with her cousin. What confuses me, during my vacation, she sent updates and cute pictures.

Well, you’ve got to understand, when a woman does something, it’s basically valid for about 24 hours. In other words, it’s a true reflection in that moment of how she actually feels about you. And so you got to remain objective and see reality as it is not better than it is. You got to let her come to you at her pace and then you make dates. And so if you’re on vacation and she’s sending updates and cute pictures, that means she’s feeling good about you. She’s feeling attracted to you. She’s thinking about you, she’s reaching out to you. But obviously you’re on vacation so you can’t physically get together.

Before I left, she was bubbly, affectionate, and cuddly. She also hasn’t removed our pictures from Social Media. When I brought up the living situation the day after this conversation.

Again, you’re this is not what we talked about in the phone session. You’re supposed to be focused on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up, and you’re just obsessing and locking in over the relationship because you’re desperate constantly and daily to find out where you stand. You’re seeking her attention and validation, which is what women do. And when you act this way, you’re acting like a girl. And when you act like a girl, it ruins the sexual polarity. And it’s going to turn her off. That’s your problem. You’re not listening to the things that we discussed in the phone session, because, again, you’re all up in your feelings.

She suggested waiting until she comes back from Paris to think everything over.

What she’s saying is, “I need time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, and to see if my feelings return.” But instead, he’s trying to nail her down and get her to commit to being together, because he just can’t stand the thought of not knowing where he stands and not knowing whether or not their relationship is going to continue. And the more you focus on the relationship and locking her down, the more she’s going to bounce, the more she’s going to want space, because it’s not her idea. Because again, you’re acting like a girl. And when you act like a girl, it’s going to turn her off. You can’t do this.

I’m unsure how to interpret her actions. Are there still signs of attraction I can work with?

Yes.

How should I handle the next steps when she returns?

Thanks a lot,

Bob

Well, there are no next steps. You’re just going to hang out. Have fun. Hook up. I know we discussed this in the phone session, but again, like most men, you’re a man of action, which is great. This is what we’re supposed to do. But when it comes to women, less is more. And so you’re trying to twist her arm and force her to give you an answer one way or another, and that’s not going to be effective. I know we discussed this on the phone session and you’re just not listening to me. You’re not listening to things that I tell you.

Because again, you’re all up in your feelings and you’re scared and you’re worried that it’s not going to work out and so all of your actions are driven by fear. And since your actions are driven by fear, you’re continuing to create circumstances between you and her that keep things ambiguous. Because when you act like a chick, it’s confusing to the woman. She doesn’t understand why she doesn’t feel as into you as she used to. And the more you do it, the more you obsess over her, the more you reach out to her, and the more you ask about your relationship status, the more you’re going to submit in her mind, it’s best just to move on.

Because again, you’re not acting attractive when you’re acting like a girl and you’re acting effeminate and you’re pursuing, instead of letting the girl be. And she’s telling you she needs space because women help you when they like you. You’re going to ruin the attraction. So what’s happening is your behavior is delaying her falling back in love with you. Because, again, you’re acting like a chick. And the longer you act that way, the more you’re going to elicit platonic feelings in her towards you. And then she’s going to think, “well, I guess I’m just never going to feel the same way. I guess it’s better if we just break up” instead of just letting the girl fucking be, doing what I told you to do.

Let her do all the reaching out. You just create opportunities for sex to happen. If there’s something about the relationship she wants to talk about, she will bring it up. You got to stop obsessing over this, because I promise you, if you don’t stop what you’re doing and do what we discussed, you are going to ruin your relationship and you’re going to drive your girlfriend out of your house. She’s going to move out and she’s going to break up with you and she’s going to move on. Everything that you fear is going to happen. You’re going to actually make it happen, because all of your actions are driven by fear and your need to gain certainty.

As a man, you got to be okay with not knowing whether or not your relationship is going to work out. The woman not knowing what’s going to happen with you guys, not knowing when she’s going to hear from you next, having space away from you, that shows that you’re masculine, that you’re confident, that you’re calm, you’re cool, you’re collected. It makes you a challenge and causes her to have to work to get your attention. And so what’s happening is, as her interest starts to go back up, you start acting like a girl again, and then you drive it right back into the ground, and then she becomes distant again.

I know it drives you crazy, but you got to exercise self control and you got to control your actions, because what you’re doing is you’re literally nose diving your plane right into the ground. So you got to check yourself before you wreck yourself, dude. I mean, this is the third email I’ve answered for you, and we did a phone session and you’re still not really listening to what I told you to do. And that’s why things are getting worse between the two of you, instead of getting better. You’re literally chasing her out of your life by all those beta male behavior because you’re constantly seeking attention and validation from her.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.