The reason why you should focus on yourself and your goals first, and how this enables you to attract the right person naturally.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from an American viewer living in Taiwan for over a year. He shares how focusing on himself and his goals first created the conditions that enabled the perfect person to find him naturally as he lived his life. He explains how he didn’t let the fact he was from a different country, culture and language get in the way of creating success with the women he was meeting.
He details his experience dating a woman he met for about six months. He decided to stop seeing her after he realized it was time to move on. For the past five months, he has been dating the best woman he’s ever dated and is meeting her family soon. He explains how he met her, and how she effortlessly manifested into his life. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I’m an American who has been living in Taiwan for over a year now. I hope this email not only serves as a testament to your work, but as an inspiration to those living overseas and having to adapt to the dating customs of the foreign country they are living in. My success story is also meant to further prove what you preach: focus on yourself first and your life goals, and “naturally” the right person will find you.
For foreign guys like myself, having an immediate attraction level and finding dates wasn’t the obstacle, but rather finding someone who is compatible and shares similar views is another story.
(The world’s full of people who all of us are going to find physically appealing, but it’s rare to meet somebody you actually jive with, somebody you share similar goals and similar values with, somebody who has the same spiritual outlook in life. The more successful you become and the more you achieve at the highest level, you start to realize most people are not at that same level.
As you create your own little world, you just naturally draw other like-minded people who have the same goals and values, the same interests, and who like doing the same kinds of things. You find your people. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for, then create it, and other people of like-mindedness will show up.)
Now some might blame the culture shock or language barrier, and as there may be some truth to this, I find this excuse unacceptable, as I’m a man of action and find my own solutions.
(In other words, you’re a self-reliant man. You’re going to make something happen. You’re not going to let the fact you’re from somewhere else create a story where you say, “Oh, well I can’t go talk to that girl, because I don’t speak the language,” or “She probably won’t like me because I’m an American,” or whatever it happens to be.)
I found this woman, and we hit it off pretty heavy in the beginning. Before I knew it, sex, planning trips, and dinner plans came regularly. However, I kept my options open and continued to date, as the word “relationship” was never brought up.
(As I say in my book, it’s a man’s job to create the opportunity for sex to happen. His job is to make the courtship happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up when the signs are there.)
It was around the fifth month when things tapered off, and I noticed a drastic personality change in her. She would constantly complain about her thesis project for her master’s program and suddenly stopped caring about her appearance.
(Remember, people can hide who they are for about the first 90 days of a relationship. She maintained the facade of who she wanted him to believe she was, and then the real her came out. That’s why it’s so important to remain objective and not get hypnotized by the beautiful boobs and butt and the pretty face. What is this person really like after you’ve been around them for awhile? What are they like day in and day out? What are they like to wake up next to on a Saturday morning, or when things aren’t going too well in their lives?)
For better or worse, I am a believer in the saying, “If you can’t accept someone at their worst, you don’t deserve them at their best,” but it got to the point of dragging me down, and it was time for me to move on.
(The idea is, you want to spend time with people who are better than you, who are more successful than you, who have more money than you, who behave better than you, and are just better human beings than you are, because you’ll naturally tend to gravitate into their direction.)
At this point, I figured it’s time for me to focus on myself again and not jump back into the deep end so quickly. I took up fencing for the first time, and re-taught myself guitar.
(You focused on doing things you had an interest in, guitar and fencing. That’s what somebody who loves themselves, loves their lives, and loves their free time does.)
In addition, for over five months now, I have been seeing a new woman casually for language exchange and regular weekend outings.
(You’re in your natural course of trying to adapt and be in Taiwan by taking a language class, and what happens? You meet a girl in language class. You meet somebody in there as a side effect of living your life. And because you know what to do when the opportunity presents itself and you can tell she is interested, you make a date and things just happen naturally.)
Rather than me becoming hooked emotionally, she confessed her intense feelings and how she wanted to commit to a serious relationship. This weekend I’m visiting her parents for the first time, and as I have been told by her, they are anxious to meet me.
(Sounds like mom and dad want to make a good impression, because she has said good things about you. That’s a good sign.)
Now I’m not one for counting eggs before they hatch, but this is definitely leagues further than where I was in the previous relationship.
(Well, the idea is to become a little better each and every day. As you become better, the quality of woman that you are able to attract is going to get better. As you become a better friend, the quality of the friends you attract also increases.)
We share each other’s time doing the same activities, and we thrive off of each other’s energy.
(Birds of a feather flock together. Like attracts like. It’s a universal law.)
The revelation I had, and one that you mention quite often, is that when you truly focus on yourself, those around you will be attracted to that energy. Naturally, like-minded individuals with similar interests and beliefs will want to share their time with you and will find you irresistible.
Thanks for the advice from your audiobook and monthly video newsletters. I would be humbled if you shared my story to others, especially to those living and dating overseas.
(Thanks Bob for the great success story, and congratulations on all you’ve experienced. It takes balls to move to another part of the world and jump right into the culture, much less start a relationship with somebody from that culture.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People who like the same things tend to like each other. Create a life and lifestyle full of the kinds of activities you love and the kinds of people you love hanging out with. The universe works in magical ways. By becoming what you want to attract and creating what you want to be a part of, like-minded people who share your values and goals will effortlessly manifest into your life in the most unexpected ways.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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