Friend Zoned: How To Get The One That Got Away

How to get the girl who got away after getting friend zoned.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was dating a woman for about 2 months he really liked, but she friend zoned him. Then he went out on a date with one of her friends 2 months later. After their first date she asked if he had dated her friend. He wonders if he responded properly because he really wants to get the girl back who friend zoned him.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Friend Zoned: How To Get The One That Got Away”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s dating a woman for about two months that he really liked, but she friend zoned him. Obviously instead of turning her on, she got turned off, lost interest, lost attraction, lost respect. So it’s been about two months. However, he met a girl, I think it was through Facebook. He said who, it looks like she was friends with this other girl that he was dating and he’s not like super into her. But he thought, you know what, going out with her.

I’m sure it will get back to the one I was dating, that I’m dating somebody that she knows. And so after he had this first date with this friend, she I think texted him or called him and said, hey, did you date so and so? And he’s like, yeah. And so he started talking about my book. And, uh, he mentioned that some of the other women he’s been dating, talked about that he was reading a book on relationships. And when he said that all women were like, oh, really? What book is that?

And they’re really interested in. So he’s like, should I tell girls that I’m reading it? So if some of your dating serious, it’s absolutely a great idea for you both to read the book together because it’ll help her understand and kind of walk in a man’s shoes, see through his eyes and understand what he’s thinking and what he’s going through. And it’ll help her better understand what causes her to feel attraction. And then obviously, she can look at past experiences, guys she’s dated and how she acted.

And when you’re both reading it, the whole idea is you’re there to help each other grow and become more I mean, the purpose of all relationships, you go there to give. It’s not just about giving the hot beef injection, it’s giving a lot of different things. So he obviously he’s like, he doesn’t really care one way or another about the friend or he’s just not that into her, let’s put it that way. But what he really wants is he wants to get another shot at the girl that in his eyes got away.

However, there’s some things about her situation that he’s not looking at, and I’m going to explain to him why he actually has all the leverage in this situation. And he’s actually the one doing this previous girl a favor by dating her. Because her situation, most guys just aren’t going to want to get involved with that, anything other than maybe just kind of casual. So more than likely he communicated he liked her way more than she liked him.

She’s in the middle of a divorce. She’s got it looks like a contentious custody battle going on with the ex-husband. So most guys would, if they’re looking for a long term relationship, aren’t going to get involved with that anyway. So from her perspective, her dating prospects are going to be limited.

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what a great guy you are, what women really care most about is how they feel about you. And if you give them the ick too much, you act too beta, you act too unattractive. You do more things wrong than right. You’re going to get friend zoned. You’re going to get rejected.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

Bob here. I love your work, and it has helped me out over the last 2 months. I’ve read your book 5 times now and I’m truly taking it to heart.

Well, that’s a great start. Two months. See, this is the thing guys that take me seriously and they read the book ten, 15 times. I mean, this guy’s two months and he’s read the book five times already. I had a guy that had been following me for several years. I did a video Newsletter for the other day, and he got through the book like four times in two years, I think 2 or 3 years I think he was following me. It’s like, and he’s like, I know.

And so he’s still making mistakes. And that’s just not especially like in this guy’s case, he’s trying to turn something around really quickly, fill in his knowledge gap, get back on the horse, continue dating, trying to perfect his skills. Because if the first girl happens to come back what we want her to find is a more confident guy who’s got more swagger, who has more options, and is less inclined to chase, and she’s going to have to work to earn another chance with him.

And at the end of the day, women like a guy that is a challenge. They like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. And like I talked about in the book, it just I gave several examples from my own life when I was younger, when I learned this, and how a girl can go from like not really giving a shit and kind of being okay with you just being platonic friends. And then as soon as she finds out you’re dating or on a date with or around or fucking a hot girl wanted maybe be hotter than her flips a switch.

They go from not caring to, oh, I gotta make this guy mine. And that’s a lot of fun when that happens, because it’s really nice to be desired and wanted by a woman who you think is hot, who wants to be with a mediocre girl? Be with a girl that lights you up on the inside. I mean, the title of the book is “How to Win the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams”, not how to settle for some mediocre chick with a shitty attitude.

I was dating a woman (Jessica) for about 2 months a little over 2 months ago when she gave me the “Let’s be friends” speech out of the blue over the phone. I found your work almost instantly, told her I was not interested in being just friends with someone I have romantic feelings for, and that I was not going to wait around for her then initiated “no contact”, even deleting her number and deleting her as a friend in Facebook. She had gotten out of a serious relationship 6 month prior (ex-boyfriend) and is going through a custody issue with her ex-husband (ended 4 years ago) over her two boys.

So right there, most guys are going to be like, yeah, not interested. You know, my ex-girlfriend that had the daughter, one of the first things she said when we were talking, and this was before I knew she had actually been dating a guy I used to work with because we obviously liked each other. And one of the first things she said is I have a daughter. I think she said, I have a five year old daughter. I was like, that’s awesome, I love kids. I didn’t think anything of it because you really like the mother.

You’re gonna like the kids and want to be a good stepdad. So it’s important. Because at the end of the day, as a man, whether they’re your kids or not, your girlfriend’s kids, your brother’s kids, your next door neighbor’s kids, as a man, it’s your job. At the end of the day as a man, all women that are around you, all kids that are around you are under your protection.

And if you’re a man and there are kids around, your job is to be an uncle, part time dad, whatever it has to be, to set the boundaries and the guardrails for everybody to make sure they’re safe and that they’re mentored and they’re raised right so they grow up to be good humans.

Just because they’re not yours, if you have influence over them, you have got to be a good influence. You can’t just go, ah, they’re not mine. Who cares? Ah! They’re my kid sister’s kids. Fuck her. I don’t like her boyfriend or her husband. I can’t do that. It’s part of being a man. It’s your fucking duty. And if you don’t like kids, don’t date women that have kids. Plain and simple.

She stated I was a great guy and she hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake by ending it with me.

So because that just shows right there that emotionally she’s not attracted. She doesn’t respect you, but she understands. She also is a woman and a woman’s feelings are subject to change. And so on some level, she knows that absence makes the heart grow fonder. And she’s worried because this has probably happened to her in the past. She blew a guy off or dumped him, and then found out he was dating somebody hotter or one of her friends.

Or after a few weeks went by, she goes out on a few bad dates with other guys, and then she starts thinking about them and missing them, and then she tries to get them back, and by then he’s moved on. So she in other words, she’s saying, I hope my feelings for you don’t return, but it’s definitely possible.

That’s why she says, I hope I’m not making a big mistake. Because again, it doesn’t matter what a great guy you are, the only thing that matters is how they feel about you. And her interests and her feelings are in the toilet. That’s why she’s like, women don’t dump men they’re in love with. They dump men they’ve lost respect and attraction for.

Again, this was before I found your work and I realize now I was making a lot of mistakes. Fast forward, I’m still in no contact. I found your work, and got back out there. I got two other women absolutely drooling over me, but still think about the one that got away.

Well, rejection breeds obsession, my man.

She truly knocked my socks off. 

So that’s probably why you blew it. Chased her out of your life. You’re probably too nice because you never dated somebody, or you haven’t dated many women that were that hot or that made you feel that way. So you had huge downside risk. You didn’t understand how attraction works. Most guys don’t. They don’t teach this stuff in school. They don’t teach it in college. Most men don’t understand it or know it.

They may know a little bit, but unless you come from a dad who just gets it, who’s a natural, you gotta learn this on your own. And you either learn it the hard way or you spend a lifetime of suffering. Because once you understand how women work and you read the cheat codes to the ladies, obviously 3% Man, then you realize that women are pretty easy to understand.

They’re as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. When you understand how they operate. And that really takes all the pressure off, takes all the stress away, then you can be calm and relaxed and masculine, which is what women need you to be anyways. Because feminine energy is chaos.

Then 2 months after no contact, i met another woman (Sally) that, by her Facebook profile seemed like she might be friends with the woman I was dating.

Well, that’s always a bonus. And at the end of the day, she friend zoned you. So all’s fair in love and war.

I thought, “let see where this goes. If nothing happens with Sally at least Jessica will know that I’m getting not waiting around for her” I got to know Sally and we ended up going on a date.

Yeah, it’s helpful when you guys proofread these emails, I’m like, what? What are you trying to say? He’s got an extra word in there getting. He says, I’m getting not waiting. He’s probably meant to say, I’m getting out there and not waiting around for.

Not long after the date she texted me asking if I had recently dated Jessica.

What a coinkydink. I had several examples from my book. It’s like usually flips a switch.

I acted dumb and just was honest saying, “yes, how did you know that?”

So I would have, you know, because I was playful and fun. And if she’s like, did you recently date Jessica? I’m an innocent child of God. No, seriously, have you dated her? Well, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. Why do you ask? And by the way, it’s nice to hear from you. I’d like to see you again. Why don’t we get together and chat about it over a drink? If you are the National Enquirer. I would of made a date. I would have had fun with it. Make her wait.

And then she’s like, oh, I gotta find out what happened. Especially if she knows the girl. So use it to your advantage. Women are like cats. They’re very curious. So why just throw all your cards on the table, make it easy? Let her work to get to know you. Have some fun with it. You’re not being a dick about it. But like I said, one of the best responses is when a woman asks you a question like this. I’m an innocent child of God. No, seriously, gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. But if you work for the National Enquirer and you really would like to discuss this, well, we should definitely get together for a drink. What’s your schedule like? I’m curious how this all came about or why you started asking.

Remember, as a book says, if a woman’s reaching out, you must assume she wants to see you. And so that’s kind of like the opener. But at the end of the day, more than likely what it really did was like, oh, he dated one of my friends. Oh. So now you’ve got social proof. So what’s happening is Sally, that girl, her interest has now been going up. So I’d be setting the next date with her, and I wouldn’t give her a direct answer. But, I mean, what’s done is done. But the other guys are watching this.

You get into a situation like this, it’s a lot more fun to be playful and girls like it more. Because then just imagine you don’t tell her and you arrange to get together for a drink. Maybe it’s that evening, maybe she’s available and you’re available and you’re like, let’s get together for a drink. She’s like, when are you available? I’m available tonight. I’m like, great, 7:00. Let’s go here. If she’s been to your house, just say 7:00, come over, we’ll have a glass of wine and then we’ll go have dinner or whatever, and she can come over and come in.

And when she comes in, don’t even bring it up. Oh, yeah, what do you want to know about Jessica? You don’t even bring up Jessica. It’ll come up at some point in the evening. You’ll be like, hey, you. You look beautiful in that dress. You look amazing. How’s your week been? What’s new? With a smile on your face. At some point she’ll probably bring it up, but at the end of the day, you just assume the reason why she real reason why she’s asking you about Jessica is because she’s interested in you. So make a date happen. And who cares about Jessica?

Because at the end of the day, Jessica has got a messy situation, and most guys are not even want to get involved in that. But I know you like the girl. You got rejected. But she’s got an ex-husband that’s a pain in the ass and she’s in court, even though they’ve been broken up and divorced for four years. Why do you want to get in the middle of that? That doesn’t sound like fun. That doesn’t sound like the ex-husband could be, like, a cool uncle, because, say, in a perfect world, her and the ex-husband are on good terms. He rode off into the sunset. She rode off into the sunset.

She has a couple kids already. You both love kids. You got kids, maybe from a previous relationship. You get a blended family like The Brady Bunch. Maybe you have a couple of kids with her, and now the ex-husband is at times gonna potentially be an uncle or like a stepdad. And so you’d want somebody that you have a good relationship with because if all, if they’re brothers and sisters from him, you know, are tight with the kids that you and her have together, I’m sure there’s gonna be times where they’re going to want to bring the kids along with them to go see their dad, and you’re going to want to make sure that dad’s a good dude, even though he’s no longer with your girl, they have a a good relationship.

They get along well, they’re respectful and they understand man code. As a man, you know, all kids and women around you are under your protection. So his job, just like it’s your job as a man to make sure the kids are in a safe environment and they’re provided and they’re protected and they’re raised, right? So they can grow up and be good humans. And you don’t allow any fuckery or any bullshit. You can’t just go, well, they’re not my kids. Fuck em. So back to our email.

I acted dumb and just was honest saying, “yes, how did you know that?” She replied with “it’s a small world”.

So notice what she’s doing. She’s doing exactly what I told him he should have done. It’s a small world, so she doesn’t give him a straight answer. She doesn’t say, oh, well, I talked to her and she told me all about you and how big you are and none of that happens. You just is, like, very mysterious and elusive. That’s why when you do that with women, they love it. It’s like fucking catnip. So here she’s doing with him. It’s flirtatious. It’s playful.

I then replied with “ill understand if it too weird to continue talking since they are friends.”

I would have never said that. So beta male and this gives us insight into his mindset. He’s still doing and saying things that act unattractive. In other words, he’s apologizing for his interest. He’s apologizing for having dated her friend, and he fully expects to get ditched and blown off. But he’s missing the fact that she’s like, it’s a small world. She’s being playful. And it went right over his head. He doesn’t realize that again.

That’s why I said how I would have responded to it. So it’s important for the email or anybody watching this. Think about that. If you feel the urge to respond that way, I’ll understand if it’s too weird to continue talking since they are friends. Does that make you look confident? Does that make you look masculine? Does that make you look like. Of course she should want to date and sleep with me. I was like, duh. Or does that like, oh, I hope I can get some scraps of pussy from somebody. I hope I can get to first base. That’s not how a confident guy talks.

So there’s clearly things you’re doing and saying when you’re talking and you don’t even realize it, that make you look weak and unattractive. And that’s pretty clear that that’s your mindset. So that affects the tone of your voice. It affects the vibe you give off, and it affects the words that you use. And you did that one too many times with Jessica, and that’s why you dried her up and she just wanted you to be friends.

I was ok with that because my main goal was for Sally to tell Jessica that I am out there dating. Did I make the right move?

Well, again, I would not have responded the way you did because you made yourself look weak and unattractive. And you miss the opportunity to set a second date. Unless, of course, you didn’t really want to go out with Sally, that girl again.

On a side note, I found since I’ve been reading your book, that when I tell women I’ve been reading a book on relationships. They actually find that very attractive and sometimes ask what book? Should I be telling them about 3% Man?

Thanks for all you do.

Bob

Absolutely. Because if you know the book backwards and forwards, you understand how women operate. And you’re like, oh, I read that book. I was like, what’d you think? Oh, he’s a misogynist. He’s terrible. Oh she’s complaining. He’s like, come on. And then you can tease her and be playful. He’s like, you know, he’s speaking the truth. You just don’t like being called out as a woman because we’re on to you, and you can have fun with it. So never let a woman see you sweat. Never let her back you into a corner and start going. But but but but but but. A man does not have to justify himself, his existence, his romantic interest in a woman, or the fact that he used to fuck her friend.

At the end of the day, we have to assume she’s texted him, not because she gives a shit that he dated her friend, but because what really happened is it actually fucking turned her on. And so now you start hooking up with Sally, that girl and her and Jessica talk. Jessica is going to get competitive. She’s going to be like, Sally, that girl is dating. This guy was dating. Maybe I screwed up. And then what happens? Sally? Or I should say Jessica reaches out. Hey, with the typical pick up line almost all women use, which is lazy, but it fucking works. We like the girls too much. We like the chocha.

So she reaches out, you set a date, you hang out, you have fun, you hook up. Now you got Sally, that girl, and you got Jessica and their friends. Who knows, maybe you can get both of them together for a threesome. But at the end of the day, you’re not that into Sally and Jessica, quite frankly. Her situation is messy. So, quite, you got all the leverage, dude. That’s the way you need to look at it. You’re doing her a favor by dating and sleeping with her. Because most guys would hit it and quit it.

They wouldn’t want to get involved in that. And quite frankly, you shouldn’t either if you’re looking for a long term relationship. But in the meantime, you can have a lot of fun with both of these girls because again, if they know each other, they probably like each other.

And if you’ve slept with both of them and one or both of them brings it up, you know, especially once you start sleeping with Sally, you say, well, you know what, if you’re sleeping with Sally, and then you start sleeping with Jessica again and one or both of them bring it up, it’s like, you know what? The three of us should get together and have a threesome. It’d be wonderful. You guys obviously like each other because you’ve been jibber jabbering about you and I. So let’s get together and jibber jabber about each other, and you guys can both sit in my lap and we’ll see what pops up. We’ll figure something out.

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