Friend-Zoned

Mar 23, 2016 by Coach Corey Wayne
iStock.com/gremlin
iStock.com/gremlin

How to get out of the friends-zone, turn your girl friend into your girlfriend, or get a second chance to progress things romantically with a woman after you have been friend-zoned.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a twenty-two year old self-professed nice guy who is in love with his best friend. The problem? She has a boyfriend who is a jerk. He wants to win her away from him and asks me how he can do it.

The second email is from a guy who got friend-zoned by a woman two years ago he really wanted to date romantically. I have done several email coaching emails over the past year to help him progress things from being strictly platonic and her saying there is no chance for him romantically, to his latest email update, which is a success story of how he got her to pursue him, ask him out and even to cause her to invite him into her bedroom once things got hot and heavy on her couch. It’s a great small victory from a guy who has mostly lost his shit and emotional self-control over the past year and continued to make unnecessary beta male mistakes that kept him firmly in friends-zone. Things are finally starting to click for him. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails.

First Viewer’s Email:

Coach Corey,

iStock.com/Daniel Ernst
iStock.com/Daniel Ernst

I found your website and subsequent YouTube videos a few months ago and binge watched two or three a day ever since. You’ve danced around this subject before, but my situation is so unique I thought it warranted asking you. (I’m not here to blow sunshine up anybody’s ass. I have a short period of time to get maximum impact to influence and help you go where you want to go in life.) I’m 22, and my best friend is a girl. We both never really made moves on each other. We just let our natural connection play out and decided we worked better as friends, (More than likely, you brought it up, and she said you were better as friends), which for a while I was fine with. But in the past few months, I have realized I’m in love with her, as cliche as that is, but she has a boyfriend. (Rejection breeds obsession. You’re hung up on a chick who has a boyfriend, and she’s not available. You need to better your skills by interacting with women who are single and ready to mingle. It’s not healthy or honorable for you to hang around this girl, waiting on an opportunity to rip off this dude’s girlfriend.) I’m a stereotypical “nice guy,” but trying to get better, and he is a douchebag who grabs her in public if she’s talking to guys, makes out with her in front of her friends, and tells her she cant hang out with me without him. (Can you really blame him for not wanting her to hang out with you? More than likely, she’s mentioned to her boyfriend you have a crush on her.)

iStock.com/traveler1116
iStock.com/traveler1116

I want to win her from him. (You’re in an approval seeking mindset. You should be following your mission and purpose in life, instead of imagining you’re going to save this girl.) She’s admitted she’s had feelings for me. The timing just didn’t line up, so I know I’m not grasping at air, (But at the end of the day, she’s unavailable and you’re taking yourself out of the game by staying hung up on her), but in case I fail, I want to keep our friendship in tact if possible. Are there things I can say/do to win her over? (Review my book and read it 10-15 times, so you can improve your skills. Then, get out there and apply it. Right now, you’re the sappy nice guy that’s her backup plan in case things don’t work out with the boyfriend. There’s no self-respect in the way you’re behaving. If a woman is not available, a man will tell her to get in touch with him if it doesn’t work out. If I were you, I’d do nothing. Let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. Review my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” and if she ever breaks up with the other dude and you hear from her, create an opportunity for sex to happen.)Thank you, and have a great day!

Bob

Second Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

I just wanted to give you a quick update on my current situation. It’s more showing my appreciation than needing help. I would love to see you do a newsletter with my story to help all my fallen, friend-zoned warriors and let them know that your stuff works, even when you fuck up several times, like I did. (And he did do a lot of fucking up. However, incremental success will build your confidence.)

iStock.com/Martin Dimitrov
iStock.com/Martin Dimitrov

After my walk-away girl reached out again, I set a FaceTime date, like you recommended in my previous email, (They don’t live in the same country), just to find out that she tried to friend-zone me again. (If you’ve been a big floppy cock in the past, like this guy’s been over the last six years, she’ll be able to intimidate you and make you cave. Women want a man who says what he means and means what he says. If you’re a big floppy cock, and you say one thing and do another, she’s not going to trust your masculine core.) I was feeling down like hell, but I did tell her again that I’m not interested in friends-only/texting buddies, and she should only call again if she changed her mind. (It took him almost a year to put his foot down.) So there I was again, friend zoned by the girl I would love to have something romantic with. All that after being on an emotional high, because of her texting me and me having expectations and trying to get everything right. I deleted every picture of her, her number and unfollowed her on Facebook to make sure I could move on with my life as fast as possible.

iStock.com/4x6
iStock.com/4×6

The last weekend, I was traveling to my hometown in Germany, because one of my relatives was going to get surgery, and they wanted me to be there. I used the time to go have dinner with my old friends, and fate decided to let her run into me that night. I was indifferent, just like the situation you describe in your book where you met that girl on the street on the way to a bar. I just waved to her, said “Hi,” and went on having a good time with my buddies, because I did decide that I would never ever again suffer because of her. (If you see somebody who’s friend-zoned you, wave, be friendly and go about your business. It will be the complete opposite of what you’ve always done. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.) Yesterday, the day before traveling back to the US, I got a text from her saying that she was expecting me to call or text her after we saw each other. (It’s a scientific fact, women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.) She had asked my friends how long I was going to stay in Germany and got afraid I would not text her, so she texted me the last night. (Scarcity creates value. You were a scarce resource.) I told her that I think she is just not used to men doing what they say they would do, and that for me no contact means no contact forever, unless she was willing to explore something more than just friends. Then I went on with, “Hey, but I’m still in town tonight.” That text was at about 9 pm. After two more text exchanges, she told me that she did not know about all this, but that she already lost everything with me, and she wanted to see me again that night. (She realized she’d lose you forever if she didn’t do something.)

iStock.com/ilbusca
iStock.com/ilbusca

To shorten the story, she rejected her girlfriend who was going to sleep at her house that night to hang out with me after I made it clear that I would only meet her if she dropped the “just friends” label, and we could have a good time and see where it goes. (She’s really trying to get him to cave into agreeing to being friends.) We had a great time, ending with me spending my last hours in Germany making out in bed with her. In this moment, I was thinking about her telling me she did not see me that way a few months ago, and I remembered her best girlfriend telling my best friend, two years ago, that she would never get involved with me in any way. Then I thought about you, Mr. Corey Wayne, the one that helped me to prove them all wrong. Finally having the feeling of being with someone I’m really excited to be with was fucking awesome and felt so unreal. (You were sabotaging your own success, and you didn’t even realize it.) We kissed, touched, I sucked her tits and rubbed her sweet spot, but I could not seal the deal completely. (You didn’t read the book 10-15 times, so you weren’t prepared.) I think I might have fucked up the two steps forward one step backward technique a bit, because she invited me into her bed after we made out on the couch. I think I might have gotten laid that night if I knew the material a bit better, but all the kissing was initiated by me, or me telling her to kiss me. She was rubbing my back and mentioned a few times that she did not know how she would feel about all this the day after. (Sex has to be the man’s fault.) That confused me a bit, but I focused on us having a good night. As I started thinking about it on the plane, I felt a bit insecure. Could it be she just let me have what I wanted for one night in order to get her texting buddy back? (No, you created attraction.) Is that something women do, or is that my limiting belief telling me I can’t have something great without bullshit? (Obviously, your limiting belief.)

iStock.com/Wavebreakmedia
iStock.com/Wavebreakmedia

I will go back to Germany in January next year for three weeks, she does not know that, and now would like to have your last guidance to get it right. (Nothing is going to change. You are going to Germany to see other people, not her.) How should I go about it, besides letting her do 100% of the texting/calling, and making dates when she does? (That’s it. It’s a simple formula. Read the book 10-15 times, and practice with other women.) Should I ask what she thinks about the last night we spent together, or just ignore the mixed signals? (There were no mixed signals dude. It was just you and your experience level.)Once again, thank you Corey for your coaching through the last two years. I really appreciate someone having a purpose like you. You really changed my life and my thinking over the course of these two years. (I would not talk about what happened the last night. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t try to complicate it.)

Have an outstanding day!

Bob

My Response to him:

Hi Bob,

You definitely made some progress. However, this does not mean you start looking for excuses to reach out and gush about what happened. She must continue doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing forever. Do not tell her you will be back in Germany unless she contacts you. If she does reach out, just tell her when you will be there, and she should reach out to you if she wants to see you romantically when you are in town. If she complains and tries to get you to contact her, tell her you want to see her make some effort. Do not compromise on this.

It looks like you are right about failing to seduce her, because you were not prepared with two steps forward and one step back. She invited you into the bedroom. That means sex is going to happen, as long as you don’t do or say something to turn her off. Read the book 10-15 times dude. You weren’t prepared; therefore you failed to seal the deal. More than likely, you will get another chance in the future, but don’t count on it. She invited you there, and she wanted you sexually, because you finally acted like a man. It was not a mercy fuck. She wondered aloud about how she would feel the next day, because she was confused and surprised as to why she was feeling sexually attracted to you, and never expected to feel that way about you. That is the power of indifference and walking away. It’s like catnip. It’s still a small victory. You should be proud of your progress. READ THE FUCKING BOOK DUDE. GET PREPARED!!!

Corey

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Published on March 23, 2016

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. That is cool. take care of her, Bob. this post has been posted 2 years ago. give us update about your relationship. are you still together, dating, married?

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