Friends With Benefits Or Walk Away & Never Look Back?

How to know if you should do friends with benefits or walk away and never look back.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man, 15 times since he started following my work in 2019 after a friend referred him. He started hooking up with his roommates hot friend. They became exclusive after 2 months. Then one night he went through her phone and saw some inappropriate messages and she slid into some dude’s DM’s. They broke up, but she suggested that they keep having sex. He says the sex is incredible and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Friends With Benefits Or Walk Away & Never Look Back?”

Well, this particular email is from a guy he says he’s read 3% Man 15 times. And he started following my work all the way back in 2019, five years ago, after he was referred by a friend. And so recently he moved cities, and he moved in, he’s got a female roommate. I guess he’s renting a room or something, trying to keep his expenses low, which is smart. Gives him more money to invest and put away for his retirement so someday he can live off of his dividends and his stock investments.

So his roommate introduced him to her hot girlfriend. And this hot girlfriend tells her friend, “Hey, your male roommate’s really cute. I want his number.” So she got his number. They started talking. Shortly thereafter, they started hooking up. And after about two months, he became exclusive with her, after she was, I wouldn’t say begging, but she was really trying hard to lock him down. So things were good for a period of time. Remember you got to be in the vetting process, that’s what you’re doing.

You got to vet everybody. Character is destiny. It doesn’t matter whether their background is great and it seems perfect on paper or their background is questionable. You always got to vet people on their character. Sometimes people grow up in really difficult situations and they learn from it and they grow from it, and they resolve to be a better person. And other times people grow up with every advantage and they’re just total shitbirds, basically.

So as he continued to vet, one night they were hanging out, I guess she was passed out, so he decided to go through her phone because, as Ronald Reagan said, “Trust but verify.” Okay. Something was obviously up. His “Spidey Senses” were kind of tingling a little bit, and so he sees a bunch of messages from one of her exes, and then he sees that she slid into some dude’s DMs on social media trying to get his attention. Now, keep in mind, he’s agreed to be exclusive at this point.

It looks like he kind of got away from the principles in The Book, and over time he started pursuing her. Her interest dropped. She respected him less and less, and then that’s probably when he went through the phone. And so it just led to a series of events. They broke up. He doesn’t feel like he can trust her for obvious reasons. I mean, if your girlfriend is sliding into some other dude’s DMs trying to get his attention, well, that’s not the thing a loyal woman would do.

Again, this is why you date. This is why you got to keep your eyes open. You got to vet people properly. Character is destiny. You gotta look at what they do, not what they say. And so one thing he says is the sex was just incredible. And so after they broke up, she basically texted him and said, “Hey, would you like to continue sleeping together?”

Obviously, I assume that’s because she likes sleeping with him, because, as she would probably say, he’s got some really good dick, he’s got some good dick game. So he’s like, “What do I do, coach? Should I just be friends with benefits or should I just cut her off completely?” So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I first found your work from a friend in 2019. I’ve read your first book approximately 15 times, although only once in the past year.

I’d say ideally once every six months just to help keep it fresh. Because whatever you observe, you participate in. If you stop reading The Book and you only consume movies and TV, you’re getting brainwashed and that’s all you’re participating in. So over time, that’s going to have a negative effect on your mindset and your game. You got to stay sharp. It’s just like going to the gym or exercising and eating healthy. You just got to be disciplined about it. Even when you don’t want to be.

I moved to Miami for a job back in May. I sublet an apartment and became friends with the girl roommate I had, and she introduced me to her friends. The next morning she came and said, “My friend thinks you’re cute and wants your number”.

See, that’s always beneficial. See, in this particular case, he’s got a cute female roommate. He’s not trying to sleep with her or anything. He’s just hanging out. He’s not coming on to anybody. He’s got one single female roommate. I don’t know if she’s single or not, but, she has a lot of cute girlfriends, so they hung out. It’s one dude, a bunch of girls. It’s good leverage. Women find you more attractive when you’re outnumbered. So as a man, it’s always good to put yourself in situations where there’s more girls than guys. Always think about that ratio.

Fast forward we went on our first date, and we hung out, had fun, and hooked up.

Well, hooking up is sex, just so you know. Don’t tell me you hooked up with a girl when you just hung out and maybe kissed. Don’t try to bullshit the coach.

Although there were no Indoor Olympics until the second date.

So he did hook up. It just didn’t happen on the first date.

I saw some red flags and completely ignored them because I didn’t want to be with her at the time.

He was like, hey, he just moved to Miami. He’s like, first girl I met. I mean, that’s beautiful how it works, right? Hanging out with his roommate. Hey, come hang out with my girlfriends and I. One of them really likes him. Hey, I want your roommate’s number. See how easy that is? He didn’t have to do anything. He just showed up. He’s the king of his kingdom, and he’s outnumbered by the ladies. It’s always a good thing to keep in mind when you’re building your social circle.

However, the sex was insane.

She had good V game, I guess you would say. The VJ was [makes an ‘okay’ sign with his hand.]

And I grew to realize this girl could help me grow in many ways and I could help her grow too. Around week 7 and 8 she told me she loved me.

That’s pretty much right according to The Book. But so far he’s [makes an ‘okay’ sign with his hand.] However, we don’t know if she’s a good person or not at this point in the story.

And she told me she didn’t want me sleeping with anyone else.

She says she wanted him all to himself, basically. So you would think, oh, that’s a girl who really values loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity. I want you all to myself, basically, which is nice, but, “Trust but verify”, as Ronald Reagan said.

I didn’t accept at first, and two weeks went by and she kept asking and I made it exclusive. 

That’s the way it should be. She wore him down because the perception was he was the man. At the end of the day, he’s living with her female roommate, and on some level, she’s going to be a little worried that her girlfriend is going to probably hop in his bed, too. Again, this guy did a good job. He set himself up. If you’re going to live with girls or if you’re going to have roommates, why not have cute female roommates? It’s always great. Even Mr. Chunky understands that. He went and did a class his last year in college, away in Italy, and it was him and 3 or 4, I think, four other girls.

So there was like six of them in a place, him and another dude, which the guy didn’t have any game. He was kind of a beta male, so Chunky wrecked shop just. He was outnumbered. What a great way to see Europe. By the way, if you’re in college, you do one of those little exchange programs, go someplace. You have a bunch of female, cute female roommates, and you’re outnumbered. And you know The Book, they’re going to come on to you. They’re going to make it really easy.

I found out some things about her that were hard to accept.

Well, this is part of the vetting process. And sometimes you’re going to find out information that’s just disconcerting.

And instead of taking some steps back, I pushed forward.

Why? Because the VJ was insane. It was insane. He said she rocked his world and he couldn’t see straight. She was his Kryptonite.

I went through her phone one night and saw that she had old pics of her ex boyfriend.

Which, whatever. I got lots of old pictures too. I’m not deleting them. Gotta maintain operational security. It’s always nice to look back in the future, especially as the decades roll and go. “Wow, she was amazing.” But I’m not sitting there flipping through them every day. But it’s nice to have.

And I saw that she DMed someone on Social Media.

Yeah. Remember this is the girl that wanted them all to herself and instead. “Heyyy.” So you see something like that, and you’re just like, “Damn.” No bueno.

That didn’t sit well for me, and we talked about it and she said I thought you were going to break up with me. She got very drunk at dinner meeting my mom for the first time, although I was feeding her drinks.

Well, Come on Bro. You get your girlfriend shitfaced in front of your mom, and so she makes an ass out of herself. Probably not a good idea, but then again, part of the vetting process. She spilled the beans. What’d your mom think of her? Probably wasn’t too high on her.

I had ignored her for two days because I was mad about it. I know, shouldn’t have ignored her. 

Yes, it’s rude, but he needed time alone in his man cave to really think about. Jeez.

I then let my insecurities and not being honest with myself get the best of me. By the time I realized her attraction had dove into the ground.

See, his game came apart because he was hypnotized by the Cho Cha. Corey, did you get the Cho Cha? I got the Cho Cha. Oh, was it a good Cho Cha.

I tried to fix it, as I was pursuing, and I couldn’t save it.

Too bad Dude.

She had lost all respect for me. I found out she went on Twitch to stream two days ago. I told her I didn’t want her doing that previously) when she was at her girlfriends house dazzled up in full make up just to invite attention from other men.

Yeah, if at this point she doesn’t respect you anymore. Sounds like Elvis had already kind of left the building. He fell asleep, wasn’t paying attention. Then his Spidey Sense was tingling because his game got sloppy, and then he realized things were kind of too late. And so this particular girl, if she’s not happy and she’s lost attraction and she’s lost respect, she’s gonna Monkey Branch on you when she’s still with you and not feel bad about it. Because at the end of the day, her feelings have changed.

I broke up with her this morning. I do really love this girl, but there are many red flags.

Well, again, a family oriented girl is just not going to do things like that. She’s just not.

She said this morning “sounds good, you never valued or respected me either” then proceeded to call me two times, and then sent a text saying “I just wanted to know if you wanted to keep sleeping together, but I suppose I won’t hear back from you” I haven’t answered. Should I do friends with benefits, or walk away and never look back, or wait a while then friends with benefits?

Bob

Well, as a good buddy of mine used to say when we were younger, well, if the good Lord’s willing to give it, I’m willing to take it. So you’re new in the city. What would I do in this situation? Well, we know she’s not a good, loyal girlfriend. If she’s happy, she’s faithful and loyal. And if she’s not, she’s sliding in another dude’s DMs. I don’t know what she’s doing on Social Media or on Twitch, which she’s showing. I know you can’t do too much on Twitch, but bottom line is they get a lot of attention and dudes throw money at them.

Is that the kind of girl you want to take home to mom? You want to have kids with somebody like that? Mhm. Probably not. But you can have fun and I would definitely wear the condom. Make sure you flush the condoms, don’t throw them in the garbage. Especially if you’re very wealthy. Don’t be one of those dudes that slips one past the goalie living in a blue state. And then now you’re stuck 20 years supporting a chick that you just wanted a simple release with. So what would I do if I were you?

Well, I wouldn’t do anything. I mean, I would answer her. I wouldn’t ignore her. That’s not what I teach. So tells me you need to get back into The Book because you’re just doing stupid things, and your game’s kind of sloppy. But because your game was sloppy, you found out that she really wasn’t a very loyal person. But you can have a lot of friends, and the sex is insane. I would just wear a raincoat, because here’s what will happen. Because if she’s friends with benefits, you should go back to being the way you were in the beginning. If she calls you hang out and have fun and hook up.

I wouldn’t take her on a date. Invite her over, Netflix, chill again, wear a raincoat and what will happen is she’ll get more hooked on you, and then the other guys will get blown off, and then she’ll be going out, jumping through her butt, trying to convince you that she’s changed. She’s not like that anymore and she wants you all to herself. She’s really sorry. She’s really remorseful. Yeah, whatever. As soon as her interest drops again, that’s the way she’ll behave. Because the longer you’re together with anybody, you’re going to slip up, you’re going to make mistakes.

You’re going to get too caught up at work. You’re not going to date and court her properly at times. You’re not going to make her feel heard and understood. Just things are going to happen. So now we know that how this woman behaves when your game gets sloppy is that she just starts looking outside the relationship for fulfillment. She’s the kind of girl that likes to create a Frankenstein boyfriend project. So family. Girlfriend. Loyalty. It’s not this girl, but the sex is insane. So unattached friends with benefits could work to your advantage.

While you continue to look for somebody who’s loyal and faithful. And you could say, I love you to death. I think you’re a great girl. Sex is insane. I love being with you. But when you’re not happy, you’re just going to seek attention outside our relationship. So I just don’t trust you anymore. But we can have a lot of fun until I meet somebody that is loyal and has the same value system as me. But date who you want, sleep with who you want. I don’t want to hear about it. I’m going to be doing the same. But you got to understand, I’m looking for a girl that’s loyal and faithful.

And more than likely, she’ll really put the full court press on to try to get you to be exclusive again. And then you’ll have all the leverage, which is what you really want. But you’re going to have to exercise self-control. And again, wear the raincoat. Don’t be raw dogging it. Don’t be slipping one past the goalie, because girls like this get head over heels in love with you and they want you all to themselves. They think, “Oh, a baby will keep him around.” So you got to think about that. There’s a lot of risks. There’s a lot of downside risk. It’s your life. You do what you want, Boo Boo.

But she could just be one of the girls and your rotation. But from my perspective, she’s totally disqualified herself from any consideration for a girlfriend based on that behavior. Now, if it was me because I’m older and more experienced, that would have been it. I would have tapped out and said, you’ve been great. We can be friends, but that’s about it. And I would not be giving her the meat missile anymore. But you’re young, you’re in a new city. Maybe you end up poking one of her friends.

Maybe you hook up with your roommate if you’re just have totally unattached type of attitude or like, I’m not getting serious with you ever again, you basically cheated on me. So you don’t have the value system that I’m looking for in a long term partner. But man, we can have a lot of fun. Until that happens, we can love each other and have a good time and be lovers and friends with benefits. But you just got to understand it’s not going to go anywhere. And scarcity creates value. Less really is more. That’s going to really get her obsessed with you.

But hopefully you don’t get hypnotized. Because if you’re hanging out with all the time and she’s going to be all over you like white on rice, and she’s really going to put the full court press on to get you to cave and agree to be her girlfriend again or her boyfriend. Again. So it just depends on how much self-control you have. If you know yourself and you know you’ll probably just get lazy because it’s so easy. But if you have an unattached attitude towards it, maybe she’ll bring some of her girlfriends over and you can have some threesomes with her. It’s I mean, have fun.

You’re a young dude. It’s like, enjoy your life, man, but know what you’re looking for. Stay committed to that. And then when you find somebody that’s got the right value system, then these other girls are just going to have to go by the wayside. That’s what I would do if I were you. Just because, again, you’re young and your game is kind of sloppy. And so that was on you. So you need to tighten your game up.

But the good news is because you got sloppy, you saw what happened when you got complacent. It’s much better to find that out now than when you’re three years down the road and you got a couple kids with her, and then you find out she’s sliding into somebody’s else’s DMs and stuff like that. So the way I look at it is what happened, happened, and it couldn’t have happened any other way. This was supposed to happen. So have fun.

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