Friends Zone: “She Hugs My Neck”

Here’s how to get out of the dreaded “friends zone” with a girl who put you there because you made too many mistakes. You should ALWAYS assume that ALL WOMEN WANT YOU, even though most times, it will be a false premise. Always assume that you’re going to push her sexual attraction buttons as much as she pushes yours and act accordingly. If your premise was wrong, be ok with her turning your down, its really her loss. After all, only about 3% of the men she is going to meet in life are going to “get it” when it comes to understanding women. You’re one of the few guys who can offer her what she really wants and needs to be happy. However, if she fails to see you for the catch you are, it’s her loss; move on so some other smart woman can scoop you up while you’re still on the market. Many women often complain that the only good men are either married, or gay. Besides, once you learn what to look for, you will really develop some compassion for women and what they have to put up with from clueless, needy guys. I used to be one of those guys who women rolled their eyes around about when I was younger. Now, I can empathize with their pain and frustration.

One of the worst places to be for a guy is to be placed in the friends only zone by a woman he really wants to date. Guys hold out hope that if they are friends with them long enough, and nice enough to them, that eventually these women will realize what a catch they are and profess their undying love for them like women do in the movies. Most guys in this position claim that friendship is the most important thing to them. Most often these guys will choose sexual frustration by remaining friends and holding out hope when there is none, instead of walking away from a friendship that is an emotional sinkhole. When a man states what he wants from a woman, and she tells him no, but he continues to stick around hoping to change her mind, she’ll never give him what he wants because the very fact that he sticks around and settles for less than what he really wants is a demonstration of his weakness and unsuitability as a romantic option for her. Men who perceive themselves as a catch NEVER wait on a woman to come around. They charge fearlessly into the unknown future with no doubt in their minds that they will eventually meet a woman who is EXACTLY what they’re looking for. The following is an e-mail from a reader who got put into friends zone because he made too many mistakes. He wants to know what he needs to do in order to give himself the best possible chance of getting out of the friends zone. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Corey,

I’m one of the “typical” guys that has gone through life doing the wrong thing. I laugh when I think about it now. I’ve just finished reading your book once and plan on going through it again. I’ve read some others that basically follow the same patterns you discuss. I’m starting to see the light so to speak. (Knowledge and truth have that effect. However, you must apply what you learn in order for your life to start to change for the better.)

A recent issue has me reeling and hoping I can find a way back. (Never get hung up on one woman who has not earned it through her ACTIONS!) I’ve been divorced now for about 2 months after a 20 year marriage. It caused some emotional toll on me I’ve never dealt with. (Been there, done that, got the t-shirt when I was younger.) I have a significantly younger female in my life as a “friend.” (Totally sucks doesn’t it?) Blew it bad. She still talks to me and hangs out and even hugs my neck when we part ways. (A hugger with no benefits.) We both work at the same place and see each other 3 or 4 times a week. But there’s quite a bit more to this and if you choose to discuss it with me I would appreciate it. (You’ve told me enough for me to know you want this girl, but you screwed up and want to know what to do to get out of the friends zone. First, you must change your approach and stop treating her any differently than than you’d treat a fat ugly girl who you were nice to. Pretty girls are people too. You must stop putting them on a pedestal and treating them like celebrities who you are not worthy to be in their presence. Hot girls just want to be treated like everybody else. Unfortunately, most men don’t know how to act like themselves around beautiful women.) I just need a little help moving out of my old mode. I make breakthroughs some days and then fall back. (That’s the way life goes. The key is to get back up every time you get knocked down. Just try to get a little better than you were the day before. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Some days you will be on like Donkey Kong, and other days you won’t be feelin it at all.)

In the meantime I will keep reading your book, and will back off from her and see what happens. (That is what you should do. That’s what most guys should do once they are banished to friends zone, but often can’t. That is… back off and wait to hear from her when she’s put you in the friends zone. When she does contact you, she should know that you are not interested in being her male girlfriend or butler. If she still says she only wants to be friends, then you must tell her that… “this, I can not do,” and walk away. Tell her to call you if she changes her mind. Then you walk and NEVER LOOK BACK. Start meeting and dating as many women who you like, and who you can find to practice your skills upon so you can get better. Repetition is the mother of skill. Eventually, when a really special and available lady comes along, you’ll be experienced enough and confident enough to do everything right from the start so she falls for you, and you for her. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) It’s best to contact me after 5 pm Mountain Time Monday through Thursday. My phone number is ###-###-####. (You can sign up for a phone coaching session with me personally by CLICKING HERE.)

Thanks in advance,

Tom

“In order to succeed you must fail, so that you know what not to do the next time.” ~ Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book