FWB Broke Things Off Because I Was Sleeping With Other Women. Will She Come Back?

What you can do if your FWB broke things off because you slept with other women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose favorite FWB broke things off after he told her he slept with another girl. He was second guessing himself and wondering if he should break no contact when she finally reached out after 2 weeks. He’s unsure if he should ask her out. He doesn’t want anything serious right now because he’s young, but rejection breeds obsession and now he really misses her. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “FWB. Broke Things Off Because I Was Sleeping With Other Women. Will She Come Back?”

Well, apparently she/they both knew that they were each dating other people, but I guess apparently she thought they were sexually exclusive. And then once she found out that he had another girl fly in from out of town, I guess, and come stay with him for the weekend, he admitted that, somehow she found out. So that tells me his operational security is not that great. So you’ve got some work to do.

Maybe you’re posting things on Social Media or whatever, but it’s always better to keep these things to yourself, especially if you got a little rotation going. Because if you got a rotation going and you don’t have any desire to be serious with anybody like this guy does, you got to understand there’s a time limit on that with most women.

Most women will put up with it for a period of time, and then they’re going to dip once they realize that you’re just not going to be exclusive with them or anybody for that matter. So it’s something to keep in mind. So she actually broke things off after she found out he slept with somebody else. He goes into No Contact, and after a week or so, he’s starting to think, “oh, maybe I should reach out.”

Because rejection breeds obsession. She was his favorite friends with benefits that he had, but he still is not looking to be in a relationship. Doesn’t want to get serious, doesn’t want to get married at least anytime soon. He’s thinking, you know, when he’s older, he plans on settling down, but he’s you know, he’s still a young guy. He’s 29.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been dating three women consistently for a few months now while still meeting new women whenever I go out. I’m 29 years old and own an investment firm and an international manufacturing company, which requires me to travel often. My favorite girl, who gets most of my attention, is 33 and knows I’m not looking for anything serious. She comes over 3–4 days a week and consistently wants to be with me, even though she’s also dating another guy.

“What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” As the old saying goes.

Our sex is amazing, and she recently told me that her feelings for me are becoming more attached—something she hasn’t experienced in a long time. We really enjoy spending time together.

So all he’s doing is creating opportunities for sex to happen. He’s allowing her to come to him at her pace, and if you do that and you’re following what’s in The Book, you’re going to get girls that are catching feelings for you.

She recently found out that a 22-year-old girl I met in New York came to stay with me for the weekend in Philly. We hung out, had fun, and hooked up.

How did she find that out? What kind of operational security operation do you got going on, dude? It’s supposed to be like James Bond. I don’t know, maybe you’re posting all this on Social Media. You’ve gotta think about those things. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. It’s better to be mysterious and leave women wondering instead of doing things like this that rub it in their face. Or maybe you’ve got a friend. I mean, somehow she found out. And it would have been better if she hadn’t found out that way.

When she confronted me about it, I was honest and told her what happened since we weren’t exclusive and had always been open about dating other people.

So she’s starting to catch feelings and she doesn’t like it. She doesn’t like that you’re hooking up with somebody else.

She ultimately broke things off, saying the relationship was no longer good for her because she had become too attached and was really hurt by the fact that I slept with someone else while she had been sexually exclusive with me.

Well, she’s going out on dates with other guys, and you’re not exclusive. Well, she can sleep with a guy and go, “Oh, it just happened.” So it sounds like what you were thinking and what she was thinking was you guys weren’t on the same page there.

I told her to let me know if anything changes.

Yeah. Because that’s the right thing to do. Because she’s unilaterally saying, “I can’t do it anymore. I like you too much.” And more than likely, when a woman does that, she’s going to come back. It’s like, you’ll be back. It’s like her calling you, going, “Hey, I just want to let you know I’m not going to call you anymore.” She’ll hold out until she can’t take it. And that’s why going No Contact is the best thing to do. Because she’s basically saying, “I’m leaving the negotiating table because I can’t be exclusive, or you don’t want to be exclusive.”

And he’s like, okay, well, because this is what he wants. He said he wants to keep dating and sleeping with other women, but he doesn’t. This is the thing that’s tough about having a rotation and dating multiple girls, you’re going to lose them. And you’ve got to remember, rejection breeds obsession. And so when you lose somebody like this, when you’re like, “eh, I don’t really care.” Then all of a sudden you find out she’s dating Tyrone Thunder Cock. Then you’re like, “oh, wait a minute, I lost the love of my life. I gotta get her back.”

And we haven’t spoken in the past week. I’m not sure if I would consider marrying her, as I see myself settling down with someone younger when I’m ready, but I do like her a lot, cherish what we shared, and would love to keep seeing her.

So in other words, you want the status quo to continue. You want to, your attitude is, “hey, why buy the cow when I’m getting the milk for free?” Which is understandable, but don’t mix the two up thinking, “oh, I gotta lock her down and then I can keep seeing her.” When it’s not what you really want because it’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to her. Besides, rejection breeds obsession, and it’s just temporary what you got going on here.

I’ve been following your work for the past six years and recently joined your Members Only Channel. I know you preach staying in No Contact when you’re dumped, but I feel like I did something wrong.

Well, I would say the only thing that I noticed that you did wrong was your operational security sucked. It’s like, how did she find out you were with another girl?

Even though I never intended to hurt her and we weren’t exclusive. I’m not sure what to do since I haven’t been needy, and she’s done 100% of the pursuing up to this point.

Good. Let her continue doing that. Because what’s happened is she’s like, “oh, you’re sleeping with somebody else. I’m not going to put up with that.” It’s like, “okay, you’ll be back.” Not that you’re going to say that to her, but that should be your attitude. Because again, you want what you want, which is you want to keep doing what you’re doing. You’re not ready to be exclusive with her or anybody, but you would like to continue seeing her. That’s why you have to let her be, because she basically stormed off from the negotiating table and was like, “well, fine, I’m not going to see you anymore if you’re sleeping with some floozy from new Jersey or New York or wherever it’s from.”

Is there a chance she’ll reach out if I stay in No Contact?

Probably she will.

Or should I just move on and keep doing what I’m doing, even though I’d still like to see her? Would love a bit of advice.

I wouldn’t do anything because if you cave and you go to her, then you’re committing to a relationship when it’s not what you really want. And then you know, say a couple months later when these other girls are coming out of the woodwork going, “I miss you, I want to see you.” You’re like, “ah”, you’re not going to like that now you’re committed. And a lot of guys I’ve seen over the course of my life personally, and sometimes in coaching sessions when you’re younger and you’re too worried about losing a girl, they would commit to staying with her or being exclusive when in reality they were just bullshitting her. So don’t do that. Don’t be like one of those guys.

Is there a chance she’ll reach out if I stay in No Contact?

I would say it’s pretty good.

Or should I just move on and keep doing what I’m doing, even though I’d still like to see her?

So he sends another email. This was exactly a week after the first email. And so in total, it was two weeks of No Contact. And there is a text that she wrote. Because she texted him, but he’s like, “ah, should I ask her out?” Because ideally you’re in No Contact. You’re following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. And so here’s the week later update.

Quick update on the situation. We’ve been in No Contact for a little over 2 weeks, and my ex friends with benefits reached out tonight out of the blue. Understanding that she is a fearful avoidant, I’m not sure this is even worth responding to.

Well the fearful avoidant stuff it’s; attraction cuts through everything. That doesn’t really apply in this particular situation.

This message doesn’t read as though she misses me or wants to see me. It seems more like a feeler to test the waters and see where I’m at mentally. I know you teach to set a date if she reaches out, but I feel it would cause her to back away even more. 

No it wouldn’t. That’s the whole reason why you go into No Contact is you go No Contact because she’s like, “well, I don’t want to see you anymore if you’re dating other girls.” And you’re like, “well, okay, well, call me if you change your mind.” And so you’ve got to be congruent with, “call me if you change your mind.” And so she reached out. And what does The Book say?

You should assume she wants to see you. Instead of rash. Because it looks like now I’m going to go through the text and read exactly what she said. Because women will sometimes say things like this. In other words, they’re trying to be coy and kind of trying to hide their interest. But the bottom line is they’re reaching out. And so it’s like a word salad that she sends him.

“Hi.”

With lots of “i”. So that’s like a “Hiiii”. That’s like a “Heyyy”. So right off the bat, that’s a sweet, “Hiiii. I miss you.” It’s that kind of vibe. And so whatever comes after that is, like, it’s meant to kind of confuse you. But at the end of the day, she’s reaching out. She broke No Contact. So you should assume she wants you to beat up her pelvis again. So you absolutely would want to make a date.

“I just wanted to reach out and say, I honestly don’t want us to be on bad terms or ever run into each other and not be cool. I was talking to some family today, and if anything, I do want you to do well and be well. And although it wasn’t right for either one of us, I hope you can feel the same way for me too, because we did share a lot with each other and definitely had a bond.”

Would love to hear your thoughts on if I should respond or just leave it on read.

All the best,

Bob

So all I would say is, “Thanks for the sweet words, I miss you. I would love to see you. What’s your schedule like?” You’re the appointment setter. Make the fucking date. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. Don’t get all caught up in all this stuff. Because at the end of the day, remember she walked away, and would you say? “Hey, get in touch if you changed your mind.” But you got all lost in her word salad. And now you’re kind of questioning what you should do. So like I said, send the text that I just said, and ask her out. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Invite her over, and just keep moving forward.

And if she wants you to be exclusive with her or not see anybody else, just be honest with her. Just like, “I’m not at that point yet. I’m not. I’m not ready for that. I want to keep dating and I’m not going to get exclusive. I don’t want to lead you on. I don’t want to lie to you. I don’t want to pretend like I’m going to be exclusive when I’m not. But, you know, it’s full disclosure and I’ll understand if that doesn’t work for you, or you don’t want to see me anymore.” You have to understand that when you do this, because this is like the gut check.

This is where she either convinces you to throw in the towel and be only with her, or you convince her why she should continue to be one of the girls you’re seeing, and you let her continue to try to win you over, because you were starting to care about her. You like her more than the other girls, but at the end of the day, you’re not in a place where you want to be exclusive, and so you need to be congruent with what you really think and feel. Don’t live a lie and don’t commit to something you don’t really want to commit to. That’s the important thing.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.