How to eliminate your male competition when you are trying to re-attract an ex who is dating multiple men, including you, so she chooses you to be her boyfriend once again, and gets rid of the other guys.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who walked away and never looked back after his ex-girlfriend dumped him. After a month of no contact, she reached out to him. He bantered back and forth with her and then tried to set a date, but she would not commit. Then, he told her to give him a call if she changed her mind. Later that night, she started texting him and he started flirting playfully with her. She then basically invited him over to have sex. He went over with the intention to hang out, have fun, and hook up. After about three hours of talking, he initiated the seduction process, and since he made sex be his fault like I discuss in my book, they finally had sex again. He went through her phone while she was taking a shower and noticed there were a couple of other guys she was seeing. One of the guys was rich and successful, and he was trying to use his money to bribe her for sex and a relationship. Another guy was sending her pictures of his dick. After he read through the text exchanges, he realized that these guys had no clue what they were doing, and will eventually push her away, right back into his arms. He did a good job of seducing her, but I also discuss in his email how he’s still trying to force things, and is trying to do too much too soon to lock her down, instead of letting her come to him at her own pace. I critique his game and tell him what he can do to refine his approach so she blows off the other guys, including the guy who’s rich and more successful than he is, and asks him to be her boyfriend once again.
I’ve emailed you a few times regarding situations involving my ex. After a month of no contact, she wished me a Happy Thanksgiving, and told me she was grateful that I had been in her life and all that I had showed her. (When they start missing you, holidays give them an excuse to reach out to you. If they reach out to you, assume it’s because they want to see you, and make a date.) I replied the next day, and we texted a small amount before I said we should get together. She seemed to have an open schedule, so I tried to make plans for next weekend. She said she MIGHT be out of town. (This means she has lots of dating options, and although she’s also thinking of you, she’s not really sure if she’s ready to go out with you, since you are her ex after all.) At one point, she said she didn’t foresee us making time to get together. I called her out and said she meant that she didn’t foresee herself making time to get together. I left her with a ‘let me know if you change your mind’ type of response. She texted me later that night, and we started to flirt a little. She revealed that she missed me, and at 12:30 am she basically invited me over to have sex. I figured, what the hell. But once I got there, we started talking and almost immediately, all of our feelings for each other erupted to the surface. (It’s best to let her talk and you ask the questions because things are going to come up. Then you can have great makeup sex.) We did have sex, and I made sure it was my fault this time, but that was two or three hours after I got there and we had been talking, flirting and kissing. (It’s a slow escalation. It’s your job as a man to lead it to a successful conclusion.) Most of our conversation was reminiscing, which was really nice, and it was the emotive force behind our evening. (It’s in the talking, the bonding, and her getting her to express her feelings without judgement that allows her to feel open to you and open to receive you emotionally, spiritually, and physically.) I was there until 5 am. We had cuddled a little and then fallen asleep after the sex. She had revealed she was talking to another guy or two. One was wealthy man who was trying to buy her love, and he was the reason she MIGHT be out of town. He offered to take her to NYC for the weekend. The other guy is someone she works with and has gone on a couple dates with, but she said he was starting to get a little crazy and desperate. I didn’t freak out, and thought to myself ‘sounds like these guys are just going to take themselves out of the equation for me.’ (She’s your ex. It’s her choice to be with you. The other guys are making it easy for you.) I told her they could keep her busy when she wasn’t with me, and she laughed. I’m not proud of this part, but when I first got there, she took a shower and I looked at her phone. I know it was wrong, but I didn’t want to just be a booty call if she was doing the same thing to other guys. I’m not about that. She also doesn’t know that I looked at her phone. I saw a few texts from one of the guys about a dick pic he had sent. I’m rather above average, so even if she told him he had a good one, I wouldn’t have cared. The part that bugs me is that I playfully brought up her probably having guys chasing her all over and sending her dick pics, but she adamantly denied ever getting a picture. She got defensive, and I was just being playful even though I already knew the truth. She actually repeated it a few times out of the blue. So why would she lie about that?
When I left her, I told her I’d call her, and planned on Tuesday or Wednesday, to set a date. (This is where you’re fucking up. Now you’re going right back to pursuing mode which is forcing things. That won’t work well. As I discuss this in a recent video newsletter, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” you have to let her pursue you.) However, she texted me this morning saying she didn’t think it would be a good idea for us to get together, and I called her just to see why she had said that after the night we had. (Now you’re trying to force yourself upon her. You are acting needy and desperate.) We ended up setting the date, and I told her I’d pick her up next Saturday at 6:30. Aside from my question about why she lied about the dick pic, what are some good tips for conversation when going on a date with an ex to avoid only talking about the past? (Hang out, have fun, and hook up. Either talk about what you’re doing right now, or bring up a good memory.) Obviously, we will have the upcoming week to talk about since I don’t plan on talking or seeing her until Saturday, but for some reason I am really worried about not being able to just have a great time with her that would lead to another date. (You need to stay in the present moment instead of worrying about these other guys stealing her away.) I seem to fear only talking about the past with her, which is stupid, but it’s still in my head. I honestly didn’t even know I still had these feelings for her. After a month of not talking, I was on POF and had gone on a date with a girl and planned to again, until last night. She wants a relationship, and now that I’ve reconnected with my ex, I just have no interest in the other girl, which scares me a little because I don’t want to go back to my old ways and end up losing my ex again. (Keep dating other women and let the ex reach out to you, and it will help you resist the urge to pursue the ex.)
My response to him:
You did a great job of walking away and never looking back, and obviously your ex-girlfriend still cares about you. When she could no longer take it, she used the holidays as an excuse to reach out to you. But the real reason she reached out to you is because she missed you and was hoping that you missed her as well and would want to see her, even though she said things that tried to hide that fact. The reason I know this is because of what she said when you were together in person. You have to be a little bit of a detective to read between the lines. However, what I see you doing when it comes to setting dates is being a little too controlling, and trying to force things. If she says she can’t see you through text, then you’re calling her to try to force what you want. She’s going along with it for now, but in the long run when you’re trying to re-attract someone who dumped you and blew you off, it must be their idea. You must let them come to you.
The proper response, as I discuss in my book and in countless videos, is “give me a call if you change your mind,” then you walk away, and wait to hear from her. You want her attraction level for you to grow, but if you are constantly trying to force yourself into her life, she’s going to bounce you out of it. It’s obvious the other guys who she’s involved with are going to chase her away and right back into your arms, but only if you give her the freedom and space to do that. When a woman has multiple men in the picture, she will always choose the one who is the strongest, most alpha, most mysterious, and the one who is the hardest to get a hold of. Remember, dating is like a game of tennis, when you hit the ball over the net, you must wait for her to hit it back. Even though you were able to hook up with her and have sex with her, you hit more than one ball over the net. That’s more evidence of your needy and desperate behavior. That’s the kind of behavior that got you dumped in the first place. Going forward, wait to hear from her, and then when you do, assume she wants to see you and set a definite date. Hang out, have fun, and hook up like I talk about in my book. Stop looking at her phone to see what’s going on with these other men. It’s none of your business. She’s not your girlfriend anymore. She’s just an ex who you’re casually hooking up with at this point. If you keep worrying about the other guys she is dating and continue to be controlling, you’ll chase her right into the arms of another man.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
1) Make a donation to my work by clicking here to donate via PayPal anytime you feel I have added significant value to your life. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck… $2… $3… $5… $10… $20… what ever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, videos, emails, newsletters, etc.
2) Referring your friends and family to this website so they can start learning and improving their dating and relationship life, happiness, balance and overall success in every area of their lives too!
3) Purchase a phone/Skype coaching session or email coaching for yourself or a friend by clicking here. Download the Amazon.com Kindle version of my book to your Kindle, Smartphone, Mac or PC for only $9.99 by clicking here. That way, you’ll always have it with you to reference when you need it most. Thank you for reading this message!
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Most men do not understand women. As a matter of fact, 97% of men may know some things about women, but they don’t know the things that the most successful 3% know about women. By learning the pickup, dating, and relationship skills in my book, “How To Be a 3% Man, Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams,” you will be able to successfully attract and eliminate all of your competition from other men who are richer, better looking, and more successful than you are. This will give you choice with women so you can attract the most beautiful, desirable, and highest quality women. You will also be able to make them fall in love with you, and keep them in love with you, so you can have an easy and effortless relationship. When you know more than most men know about women, this will give you an incredible feeling of peace, serenity, certainty, and happiness that only 3% of the world’s men get to experience in their personal lives. 95% of your happiness or your misery is going to come from whom you choose to spend your time with. You deserve the very best in life. By becoming a 3% man, you will be able to manifest and experience the best that life has to offer. That’s something to think about. “ ~ Coach Corey Wayne