What you should do after getting dumped and going no contact, so you can find true love again.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a 30-year-old viewer who just got dumped by his 28-year-old girlfriend of 5 years. He feels like he lost “the one” and will never find anyone as good as her.
The 2nd email is a success story from a 61-year-old viewer who got dumped by a woman he really liked. He was previously married twice. He describes how he recovered and met his current girlfriend, who is chasing him, is 10 years younger, and is hotter and more fun than he ever expected to get. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
You’ve got one guy right in the middle of the worst part of just getting dumped, thinking, “Oh, my life’s over.” And you’ve got a guy who’s literally twice his age who’s had two long-term marriages, was single for several years, met a girl he really liked, chased her out of his life. And then he came across my work, started implementing it, and now he has a great success story to share. So, it’s good contrast, especially the younger guy, because he’s of the mindset, “I’m never going to find anybody better.” And here’s somebody twice his age who has many more relationships and life experiences under his belt, yet he started over in his 60s and was able to do well. So, if a guy is in his late 20s, early 30s, it’s like, come on. But remember, human beings act consistently with how we view ourselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not.
First Viewer’s Email:
Hey Coach Corey,
First off, I wish I would’ve known you before all this happened. But here we are.
Well, the reality is, if somebody had given you my book before all of this happened, you would have been like, “Yeah, I’m busy. I ain’t got time.” You probably wouldn’t have read it anyway. And for those of us that have recommended books like mine to friends that we know they need to help, it’s usually not until they’re in pain or they’re getting rejected – or got rejected, or they’re in the middle of a breakup, or they get served divorce papers, or whatever it is – typically, when they’re in the pain is when most guys are open to reading a book like mine.
But the average guy that’s like, “Hey, I’ve got a book that’ll teach you how to completely understand women and have easy and effortless relationships,” you’re like, “Oh yeah, I’m busy right now. I’ve got to get my elbow fixed. I’ve got to sell my jet skis.” They’ll always have an excuse. But when they get burned and they’re in immediate emotional pain, that’s typically when they’re most open to it.
My girlfriend of 6 years (I’m 30 she’s 28) dumped me two weeks ago. She basically told me that her feelings are gone, and she needs space to work on herself. We would be back together at some point, which I believed at first, but of course that’s BS. No contact ever since.
Well, that’s the best thing you can do. And in the meantime, you should be filling in your knowledge gap with “3% Man.” And if you haven’t heard from her, I know it’s the last thing you want to do, but you need to get out there and apply it and get better. So, if she does reach out, she’s going to find a better, more experienced, more confident version of yourself and one that’s exhibiting the masculine strength characteristics that women are naturally attracted to. And so, you can stop displaying the behaviors that you were doing in the past when you were together that totally turned her off.
Because if you don’t clean up your game and you don’t practice with anybody else, then if she does come back, you’re still the same guy. So, even though you don’t feel like it, the best thing to do is to get back up on that horse, to start applying the things that the book teaches – getting phone numbers, going out on dates, trying to recover and get better – because that’s what you really need to focus on as a man.
All of us guys should be committed to one of the acronyms that Tony Robbins had that I learned when I was very young, at 22, “CANI.” It stands for constant and never ending improvement. And, as a man, that should always be who you are at heart. You’re always trying to get better. You’re always trying to improve. Yeah, you got dumped. It sucks, but you need to improve. Because if she comes back and you’re still the same guy, you’ll turn her off for the same reasons.
This way, maybe a few weeks go by, a month or so goes by, a couple of months, and she does reach out, and you’ve got 2 or 3 other women that you’re starting to see, maybe even hooked up with a few of them. You’re going to be a little cockier, you’re going to have more swagger, you’re going to have more confidence. The thing that attracts women to guys most is a confident man. And so, anything you can do to read the book, apply it, get some experience, so if she does reach back out in the future, you’ll present the most confident, attractive version of yourself, and give yourself the best possible chance to cause her to want to have another chance with you.
Basically, what happened: I got needy, I got beta, I got insecure and jealous and did not cater to any need she had.
Yeah, women want to feel like you care about them. And if you neglect them and you make them feel like you don’t care, the important thing is focusing on their feelings. Because women don’t care how good of a dude you are, or how nice you are, or how successful you are. They only care about how they feel about you. And it’s important that you cause the women in your life to feel good feelings about you. Because whatever she feels when she’s with you or interacting with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you. And if you were constantly turning her off in the past and displaying a lot of unattractive behavior, you ruin the sexual polarity, where you basically started acting like an insecure girl and you chased her out out of your life. You literally will repulse women energetically.
It’s insane to me looking back at how I behaved. I was self-fulfilling the prophecy I had in my head, and now, literally, that happened. She ultimately was fed up with me and was like, “wtf am I doing with this guy?”
So… I still love her. But aside from that, I’m just a regular looking guy working a normal 9-5. And let me tell you, she’s a straight 10.
Well, dude, the reality is a woman that you think is a ten, I might be like, she’s a 6 or 7 at best. And vice versa. I might say my girl is a ten, and you might go, “Yeah, she’s probably a seven in my eyes, Corey.” But beauty really is in the eye of the beholder, and human beings tend to be attracted to people that have the same facial structure as us. And so, the reality is, you find her beautiful, you see her as a straight ten. Well, that’s your perception of her. Most other guys that see her are not going to feel like, “Oh yeah, she’s a total ten.”
She literally has the looks of a super model and has a precious character…
But she’s still dumped you.
…and, nonetheless, was all over me for the first 5 years of our relationship. I always knew that I won’t be able to pull one in like her again.
I mean, listen. This is a total limiting belief here.
Which ultimately led to me being beta, and insecure, and whatnot.
Well, women like a guy who feels like he deserves to be there. And if you constantly feel like you won the lottery and it’s just a matter of time before she finds out what you’re really like and dumps you, just like you said, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You display so much unattractive behavior that she no longer wants to be with you.
HOW DO I GET OVER THE FACT I’LL NEVER BE ABLE TO UPGRADE OR GET HER BACK?
Well, if you read what’s in the book 10 to 15 times and you commit it to memory, you listen to the book on 2x-speed on the audio book while you follow along in a physical or digital copy, you’ll be able to retain it quicker and commit it to memory faster. So, if she does reach out, you can attract her back more easily. But also, what happens is, as your confidence grows, the quality of the women that you’re able to attract will grow.
And the fact that you’re sitting there going, “Oh, I’ll never attract somebody like her again,” that’s bullshit. I mean, you attracted her in the first place, so if you did it once, you could do it again. You could still do it even when you’re older. I mean, it’s pretty natural for guys. Especially as they get into their 50s and 60s, they can easily attract women 20 and 30 years younger by acting like a man. Because, quite frankly, that’s why the book says “3% Man,” there’s not very many of us out there in society. Because most guys, they major in minor things. They won’t do what’s necessary.
And remember, 74% of all Americans are overweight or obese. So, if you’re fit and in shape, you don’t have to be Mr. Olympia, just being fit and in shape, and slim, and having your shirts fit nice. It’s like, women are going to notice you, especially younger women. And that’s good for your ego. That’s good for your confidence. So, get your ass in the gym, work out, get fit, look good, and apply what’s in the book, and you’ll see that you have way more choices than you ever imagined.
It’s all about setup as well. Put yourself in a position where whatever you do in your social life facilitates you meeting younger, beautiful, attractive women, preferably where you’re outnumbered, where there’s more women than dudes. So, what would you do? Where would you go? What kinds of places would you hang out to make that a possibility? Yoga class is an easy example. I mean, if you’re going to go to a yoga class, there’s going to be a lot of typically fit and in shape women in there, and maybe a couple of dudes. That’s a target rich environment.
And if you go to a class on a regular basis and you get to know other women in the class, the single ones will start to gravitate in your direction. I mean, if you apply what’s in the book, it’ll be so simple. And then what? You’ll notice when we get to this second email that I’m going to go through, the woman that he screwed it up with, who basically ghosted him, she actually came back. But his confidence had grown so much that he didn’t even want her back, because the woman he attracted afterwards was somebody better.
And I’ve heard this experience countless times over the years with people that are sending me emails. They want to get their ex back, but what happens is, when the ex finally starts to come back, their confidence has grown so much, their game has improved so much, that the women that they’re dating and sleeping with then are on a whole other level than they were used to. And they don’t want to get back together with the exes. Like I said, with the next guy, you’ll see.
I’ve had plenty of women before and they all were drama, drama and drama, and weren’t even half as attractive as my ex.
Well, you were with this girl for six years, so you have six years of successful repetitions. Granted, as you said, the last year you were on the up side, or the the wrong end in the leverage position. But hey, now you’re going through the book, you can see your mistakes and you just don’t repeat them. So, if you don’t make the same mistakes, you’ll have lots of other choices and lots of other options.
I could bang my head against the wall just thinking about going back into this world. I have no motivation dating, because whatever chick I’m going to do the indoor Olympics with, they’re mediocre compared to her.
You don’t know that. You haven’t even tried yet.
Plus, if I’d be in for a serious relationship, they won’t compare to the loyalty and kindness to my ex.
All the best from Germany. Thank you for your work.
Loyalty? How loyal was your ex, if she dumped you? It’s like, you’ve got her on a pedestal, and she really doesn’t belong there. If she was so super loyal to you, maybe she would have stuck it out longer. But again, you’re looking at it because just like you’ve recognized, your mindset is not where it needs to be. And remember, we’re going to act consistently with how we view ourselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not. And so, you deep down, you viewed yourself as not being worthy of her.
And so, what did you do? The last year, you acted unworthy to the point where eventually she agreed with you and says, “You know what? You don’t deserve to be with me.” So, number one, if you want to attract and keep a woman like the one you had, you’ve got to act like you deserve to be there. And so, if you constantly are acting like you don’t deserve to be with the women you’re dating, they’re all going to agree with you at some point. Once they figure that out, that you don’t have the confidence and you don’t feel like you deserve to be there, they’re going to dip on you. They want a man they can admire and respect and look up to and a guy that has confidence.
So, you’ve got to think about what you’re thinking and feeling. And also, you’ve got to be kind to yourself. How do you refer to yourself” I mean, you should go back through and read your email that you sent me. Are you thinking highly of yourself? If you were a, say, a coach and you were trying to motivate yourself, what good things would you point out about yourself? Would good characteristics and qualities would you point out that women love? What kinds of things did your girlfriend used to always compliment you on that she loved about you?
You’re still that person. You may have chosen not to exhibit those qualities, but that was your choice. So, the important thing is to become aware of it, to become aware of your self-talk. Is it positive and empowering? And if it’s not, you want to catch yourself and correct yourself and focus on, what can I be happy about? What can I be proud of about myself? I mean, at the end of the day, you had a smoke show for six years. That’s pretty damned good. That was that was the majority of a decade. You did it once, you can do it again.
Second Viewer’s Email:
Sensational success at 61!! Thank you, Corey!
I read your book 12 times and watch your videos almost daily and have been doing so for the last three months.
Here’s a little background and the reason I am writing you. My entire life, women have never really been a problem, although I’m an average looking dude – no six pack abs here, plus I am bald. However, there are several things that, in my case, really turn women on. First, my game is on in the laughter department. I can make ANY gal laugh.
Well, what happens when a woman is laughing? She’s laughing and she’s feeling good. If a woman is laughing and feeling good when she’s with you, guess what, that’s what she associates with being with you. So, when she thinks of you, she feels good. She feels like, “I’m going to laugh. I’m going to have fun.” And girls just want to have fun. That’s why you see overweight, out of shape, not very attractive dudes with absolute smoke shows.
One of my friends, years ago, I remember he’d been married, 3-4 years, I think, at that point. And she was beautiful. She had a great body, was in great shape. And my friend was 6′ 5″, but he was dumpy. He had a big belly. He had “Dunlop’s disease,” where his his belly done lopped over his belt. But he was one of the funniest guys I had ever met at the time. And she looked right at me one time, and she says, “That’s why I married him, because he’s so funny. He always makes me laugh.”
He was a great guy, but he was not an attractive dude at all. His face was kind of crooked a little bit. It looked like somebody took his face and like, one eye was higher than the other, but girls fucking loved him.
I have a very sharp wit and was a professional comedy close up magician in my day. Also, I’m pretty much a gourmet chef, and my trade is a television producer for 35 years. Plus, I am a musician and write all of the music for my clients’ productions. As far as pleasing the ladies, a gal I once dated for three years gave me an award for sex. She had a medallion made and presented to me, I wrote about in my book.
Damn. Nice, dude.
I was happily married for 25 years, raised an awesome family, and single in my forties for 10 years with more ladies than I could count. At that time, I lived on a boat, so you can imagine. ‘Nuff said. My second wife, 8 years.
So WHY is this old stud muffin writing you? After my second marriage of eight years, I found myself single at 59 years old. I live at the beach and there are loads of ladies here. However, I decided I was going to be very careful about who I would date, trying not to repeat mistakes of the past – no crazies! Believe it or not, I dated almost every week for a year and a half. I was interested in NONE of the gals I met. This went on for a year and a half!
And this is good for the first guy to hear, because he’s literally weeks out of it getting dumped. And this guy, it’s a year and a half before he met this girl that he really liked, which, ultimately, he screwed up with. And that led him to my work,
Then it happened; I met a beautiful lady, blonde, great body, Master’s degree, good sense of humor, just an awesome lady. The thing is, she really dug me from the very beginning.
Now here is where I totally “F’d” up! I was so excited to finally meet a lady like this, I did the #1 wrong thing to do. I over pursued her like no one else could or even would do. Hell, by the second date, I already commissioned an artist to paint pet portraits of her two dogs.
Yikes! That sounds expensive and unnecessary.
Now THAT, my friend, is over pursuing! It only took two months for her to dump me. She invited me to church Christmas Eve with her son, then I cooked dinner for them at her house. The next day, Christmas day, she ghosted me. Hell, I did not even know what ghosting was!
Damn, harsh. Christmas Day, getting ghosted.
So, I get online to look it up, came across your videos and realized what I did wrong. So, I did not blow up her phone and played the no contact rule. Since then, she has reached out, however, I have not asked for another date, and here is why. I promised myself the very next gal I liked, which happened the day she ghosted me, I would implement your strategies 100%, and I did in a massive way.
The results? Unreal!!! This new lady I will call “Marry” has been chasing me like I have never experienced before. She is all over me in every way. Plus, she is 10 years younger than me, was a professional body builder with beautiful long blond hair. She told me that she has around 800 messages on her dating app, yet here she is, all over me… a 61-year-old bald dude. She can’t get enough.
She even said on a date, “Bob, you are the only man I have met that is mysterious. I never met a man like you.” That is because she has never met a 3% man before. I was so excited about how Marry is treating me, I called my son, who is single, and turned him on to your teaching. He watched some videos then bought the book. Both father and son, 3% men!
I am enjoying this gal so much and not really planning on getting back with the gal that ghosted me, even though she has reached out.
This is what I was telling the guy in the first email, is that even if your ex does come back, if you implement what’s in the book, and you start getting some success, and you grow and become better and more confident, you might not be so excited about getting back together with your ex, just because you’ve improved so much and you’ve grown so much.
Life is too good with Marry, “having the time of your life, huh kid,” a quote from the film “Risky Business.”
In closing, Marry invited me over for dinner tonight. She is making her homemade lasagna. I asked her what time she would like me to arrive, she said, “yesterday.” This never would have happened had I not read your book. I would have over pursued, and she would have dumped me in the delete bin, just like all the other 800 non-3% guys.
She told me this week she was deleting her dating profiles and only wanted to concentrate on us. She said I did not have to delete my profile, but I told her I would. Hell, I only have time for one awesome lady anyway.
Thanks, Corey. If you ever get up to Virginia, touch base, and I’ll buy you a steak and a cocktail. You are free to use this note if you like, just don’t use my real name. I get enough emails from being on TV for 35 years. Below are some links just so you will know who I am.
And no, I won’t share those, because he’d like to remain confidential, but thanks for sharing the success story. It just goes to show, you’ve got a guy that’s half this dude’s age like, “Oh, my life’s over.” And then you’ve got this guy at 61, multiple marriages, dated a lot of women, has a lot of experience, obviously, but still, even that, the things that were in the book is the difference that’s making the difference in his life now. He took the time to read it, learn it and attracted somebody better. The ex came back and he’s like, “Sorry, I upgraded.” So that’s what you want. And as I say all the time, you’ll either get your ex back, or you will attract somebody way hotter, way better and way easier to get along with.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur