Why you shouldn’t get romantically involved with married people, those who are separated or in the middle of a divorce.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says that his girlfriend moved out and back into her husband’s house, but still wants to stay together with him in a relationship. He’s seriously considering it, but he laughs at himself for even typing something so absurd.
She doesn’t see it as a problem that she is moving back in with her husband but wants to keep him as her boyfriend. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Obviously, it sounds absurd because, quite frankly, it is. But he likes her. His emotions are involved, and so you can kind of see what’s going on in this situation. But remember, we make our decisions based on our emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify those decisions.
LMAO… I still can’t believe the utter absurdity that a girl would entertain such a proposition. She insists, “I still love you.” And when she says it, she does a superb act, appearing very believable.
Well, it’s in her best interest. She’s got you, and she’s got the husband. Why not want to have your cake and eat it too? The girl’s got needs, obviously.
I said “No, we’re DONE.” She acts like she doesn’t see the Big Deal, (causing me more laughter).
She moved out, because Friday night I went to bed around 8 pm, exhausted by life’s obstacles. She slept on the couch, because she’s a pouty twat. I woke up to her screaming, a nightmare. I went and got her off the couch and brought her to bed.
She sounds like she’s a totally stable person.
The next morning, (Saturday), she describes what she calls her “first nightmare ever, a terrifying night terror.” (She’s 40, I’m 47.)
Sounds like a great catch.
I proceeded to work on the house all day. She assisted some here and there. We end the day around dark, next to a fire. I raise the subject of adultery, saying the Bible calls it the deadliest sin, because she is procrastinating the divorce she promised would happen for a year now.
Okay, Mr. Man of God, Mr. Religious. So, basically, you were living with and sleeping with another man’s wife and you’re fine for a whole year, and then you pull out the Bible and start going, “Hey, adultery. Yeah, you shouldn’t do that.” It’s like, how about your contribution to the adultery, my man? It’s your life, you can do what you want. I’m not judging. I’m just saying, the whole reason he pulls out the Bible is because he’s trying to force her to get divorced.
This is why you don’t get involved. A lot of women get involved with guys that are married and the guys are like, “Oh yeah, it’s not the right time. She’s going through a difficult time. After we have the baby, after our kid turns five, after our kid starts high school or college.” There’s always some excuse. “She’s really in an emotionally vulnerable position right now. I don’t want to divorce her, because it would just devastate her, so we’ve got to keep this secret for just a few more months.” And then, meanwhile, five years, seven years have gone by and she’s holding out hope. But at the end of the night, the guy is going home to his wife.
And so, right here, you’ve got a guy who’s involved with a woman who has not left her husband, hasn’t gotten the divorce. Why? Why would she do that? If you look at her actions, she hasn’t divorced her husband and it doesn’t sound like the divorce is moving along. Why? Because she doesn’t seem to want to divorce the husband, if you bottom line her actions.
Sunday a.m., I am busy working on the house again. I sat down a minute for some coffee. She’s in her bathrobe, looking like hell, and I ask “What’s wrong?” I keep asking… she finally says, “Everything in my life is terrible, everything but work.” I said, “So, everything here is terrible?” She says “Yes,” packs up and leaves, goes to husband’s.
Check, please. Come on, man.
Keep in mind, the prior several months have been great – vacations, time together, no friction, tons of amazing sex. The next day she says, “I LOVE YOU. I WANT TO WORK THIS OUT!!! But I need to stay here for a while.”
That sounds totally legit. She moved back in with her husband, “But we’ve got to stay together. This will be great.”
I Laugh, say “Get the fuck outta here. You’re insane. NO.” It’s been 16 days and she is pursuing, relentlessly pledging her LOVE.
Hey, that sounds nice and dandy that she’s “pledging her love,” but at the end of the day, where is she? She’s shacking up with the husband, who more than likely is rearranging her insides and beating up her pelvis. Because, obviously, he’s no longer doing that.
She says there’s nothing physical with her husband for 5 years now. I believe her. I met him, he’s a total putz.
Women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. Where is she? Oh, she’s living with her husband. She didn’t vote for you, my man. Come on, man. You know this is fucked. But we all appreciate the laughs.
Regardless, I’m not into such an arrangement.
And you shouldn’t be.
And I now know she is a wacko.
Well, I think she thinks you’re gullible enough to go along with it. Because probably what’s happening, maybe the divorce is getting close. Maybe the husband is filing or did file. We don’t really know, because he doesn’t say. But the bottom line is, instead of moving away from the husband, she’s actually moving closer towards the husband.
And again, if we look where she voted, her feet are with her husband, so you have to assume that she’s trying to work it out or give it one last chance and keep you on a string and in backup position, in case she decides to leave. Or maybe there’s another guy in the picture. You just don’t know.
Ready, willing, able and open to a relationship – and you missed all of that. That’s even in “How To Be A 3% Man.” But more than likely, he’s here because he never read the book. He’s here after the fact. He’s in this situation now.
So, I entertain her BS and say, “Okay, then come back home.” She says, “I can’t right now, I need to be here longer.”
Yeah, she needs to be there longer because she’s hanging out with the husband.
First, I laugh, then I told her to fuck off. So, I guess this may just be FYE for your viewers/subscribers. What do you even call this?
This is “don’t get involved with married women who haven’t actually divorced and left their husbands.” There’s a chapter in my book, I talk about this in “How To Be A 3% Man,” but like I said, I’m assuming that you are new to my work.
So, “what do you even call this?” You were basically her side piece. And now, you’re no longer the side piece, because she’s with the husband. Remember, she loves you, wants to stay together, but can’t be around you. Probably because she’s fucking her husband again and giving him one last chance.
But I am kind of curious about what psychological disorder causes her to pursue such an absurd proposal. A disconnection from reality?
Well, dude, you enabled her behavior because you got involved with her. You let her move in with you. She wasn’t even divorced.
Who would do such a thing?
Well, you did it, bro. It’s like, you’re not totally innocent in this.
Are there guys out there that would go along?
There’s lots of men and women that go along with this stuff. I personally would never get involved with somebody like this, but people don’t listen. They’re going to do what they’re going to do.
Take her back after a month at her husband’s?! She acts like people do it all the time.
Well, actually they do, unfortunately.
I’ve never heard such nonsense.
And you should not get involved in such nonsense.
Back story, we met a year ago. She’s a realtor, I was looking to buy. We fell for each other.
In other words, “We got carried away in our infatuation, because she was in an unhappy marriage. And I’m Mr. White Knight. I’m going to save her from her putz husband, and then she’ll live happily ever after with me.”
And we bought a house together.
Oh, man, you bought a house. Did you put her on the title or the deed? Is she on the mortgage? Unless you paid cash.
I renovated the entire thing top to bottom, in and out, totally new. We move in in May. Now, (October 3), she walks off after putting $40k of her money into it.
Swell. Well, I hope you got a business agreement or arrangement with that particular house, but that’s a real pickle, my man. I personally would not get involved with her romantically. I would look at it as maybe you can buy her out of her part that she put into it. Unless she’s on the title and she’s going to sign a quick claim deed.
Obviously, you’re going to have to check with whatever state or country you live in. I don’t know if he said he’s in the U.S. or not, but I know in the States here, you have to get somebody to sign a quick claim deed. But if she’s on the mortgage, then she’s legally responsible for the mortgage, and that means you’d have to refinance it to get her off of the mortgage and off the deed and give her her check, and she can go on down the road.
But you’re in the situation you’re in. I would just say, “Unless you decide to leave your husband, I’m going to start dating other people, and I’m going to move on in my life. Hey, thanks for the free pussy.” I mean, what else are you going to say at this point? There’s really nothing you can do. She’s back together with her husband.
You have to assume that she belongs to the streets. She’s not telling you the truth of what’s going on. I mean, when you tried to get her to come over and she’s like, “I’ve got to stay here for a while,” that means she’s exploring things. You have to assume that she’s trying to work things out with her husband.
And if that’s the case, hey, you basically were her side piece for a year and you got involved in a real estate investment, and so that’s messy, especially if she’s going to get divorced. Because now she has a property with you, the husband’s basically going to have claims to that property, because she’s married to him. So, that that sounds like a barrel of monkeys. That sounds like so much fun. Can’t wait to see the email update on that one.
But if I were you, I would not be involved with this woman romantically. I would try to find a way to get her out of the property legally. She can go on down the road and live happily ever after with her husband, and you can laugh at yourself, which you obviously are. And thanks for sharing with us, because we all got a good laugh out of it.
And do better. Don’t get involved with married people or people that are supposedly separated or try to rip off some other dude’s wife, because it sounds like she was together with her husband and you guys started having an affair. She moved in with you, and now she’s bounced back to the husband. That’s what it really sounds like. So, you both belong to the streets, congratulations.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and get coaching session with yours truly.
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“You should never get romantically involved with people who are in the middle of a divorce or separated from their spouse. You should also be very cautious and skeptical of those who just ended a long-term relationship without taking time to be alone, single and so they can heal. Why? Their emotions tend to be all over the place and there is always the chance of a reconciliation or them vacillating back and forth between their ex and you. It’s simply smarter to only spend your time with romantic prospects who are ready, willing, able and open to the formation of a new relationship.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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