Girlfriend Pulled Away After Ex Got Out Of Rehab. Should I Walk Away?

Some things to consider if your girlfriend’s ex is causing drama & problems.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose girlfriend pulled away after her ex got out of rehab. He started causing drama, calling her 25 times a day and things have not been the same since. She won’t meetup in person, but wants to talk on the phone for hours. He asks what he should do in this situation. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Girlfriend Pulled Away After Ex Got Out Of Rehab. Should I Walk Away?”.

Well, this is an interesting case. This guy was dating this girl for I think about three months. Things were going well and apparently her baby daddy got out of rehab, started calling her, blowing up her phone like 25 times a day. I guess, you know, causing a lot of drama, probably yelling and screaming at her or whatever. But ever since that, she won’t meet up in person but wants to talk on the phone for hours.

So he basically has become her gay male girlfriend and her therapist, and they’re not hanging out in person. And now he’s like, “What the hell do I do now?” Because now he’s kind of backing away because she won’t see him. And if the ex is back in the picture, especially a guy with all this kind of drama and drug or alcohol issues, whatever happens to be, it’s like, who wants to deal with that?

I say it all the time. You want a girl who’s easy going, easy to get along with, she’s nice to you. She makes your dick hard not your life hard. And this girl, clearly, at this point, is making his life difficult. And so he’s romantically wrapped up and committed to a woman who won’t even see him in person now.

So what it looks like and more than likely, and I’m sure most of you guys would probably agree, is that she’s probably hanging out and talking to the ex because he’s the baby daddy and considering giving him another chance because again, he was only dating her for about three months. So she clearly never fell head over heels, deeply in love with him, and bonded with him.

But she bonded with the ex. And who knows, maybe now he’s back out he’s like, “Oh, I’ve changed. I went through rehab.” And if she wants to talk to you, what she’s doing is she’s keeping you as the backup plan and keeping you engaged and basically dangling the carrot to keep you around so you don’t run off with somebody else while she explores things with the ex. Or who knows, there may be even another guy in the picture besides the ex.

But we have to bottom line a woman’s actions. If she doesn’t want to see you in person, then you’re no longer in a relationship. You’re not having sex anymore because you don’t even see her in person. Then I would be telling her that you’re just going to start dating other people, and you wish her the best with her ex and her family, and if it doesn’t work out, hit me up. But in this case, I wouldn’t even say that to her because it doesn’t look like she’s a very loyal woman.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

My girlfriend pulled away after her ex got out of rehab. What should I do now? I’ve been following your work for a while and have been applying 3% Man principles. Here’s my current situation. We had strong chemistry early on. Honestly had the time of my life and she was talking about marriage and our future. We had dated for three months. About a month ago her ex, the father of her kids, got out of rehab and immediately caused major drama.

Easygoing, easy to get along with. Remember my drama free zone mugs that I used to always have? So you’ve got to have a drama free life. And this chick is bringing drama. She has got an ex that causes it. I wouldn’t want to get in the middle of that shit. It’s like, “pfft.” It’s like, “Hey, thanks for the memories, but I’m going to move on.” That’s what I’d be doing. That’s a that’s a deal breaker.

We had strong chemistry early on. Honestly had the time of my life and she was talking about marriage and our future. We had dated for three months. About a month ago her ex, the father of her kids, got out of rehab and immediately caused major drama.

Cussing her out in front of the kids, custody battle talks, calling her up to 25 times a day. Since then she’s refused all in-person dates and meetups, saying she “can’t right now” because of the risk and not wanting to cause me stress.

So again, she doesn’t want you coming over because the nutty ex is showing up and causing problems. So I mean, honestly, it sounds like she’s doing you a favor by not inviting you over, but you need to look at this as a deal breaker in a non-ideal situation, and I would be wanting to get the hell away from this.

Because when you’ve got a volatile dude like that and you insert yourself in the middle of it, and especially if he’s trying to get her back now, you’re in danger. You’re putting yourself in physical danger. So it’s like, why? No girl is worth that.

But she kept initiating long calls, one to two hours many days.

Again, the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody.

Daily texting, bringing up our memories, saying I’m special to her/the kids love me. I pulled back hard, no initiation, short replies, silence when she went low-effort. She chased, multiple calls, got very upset when I threatened to walk away, acted like her old flirty self again, and kept updating me during her recent trip.

I over-pursued initially because I couldn’t understand what was going on, Complete change in demeanor. She clearly still cares. Calls, updates, emotional investment, but won’t meet in person and is still deeply entangled with the ex drama and court risk.

Well, what you’re ignoring is you’re looking at your emotions and how much you like her, and you’re ignoring the fact she won’t meet you in person. So again, what she’s doing is keeping you around as backup. If she doesn’t want to see you and spend time with you it’s probably because she’s hooking up with the ex again.

And that’s why next time she reaches out, “Hey, I just want to let you know I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, but I’m going to move on, and I wish you the best with your ex, so hopefully you guys can put your family back together. Have a great life. Thanks for the memories.” And I would be done.

I wouldn’t give this girl a chance because if this is your girlfriend and you’re in a relationship with her, and now she is hanging out with the ex who’s supposedly causing all this drama, but she won’t see you. Well, we have to assume she’s cheating on you with the ex, so I would move on. The relationship is over.

The texting is becoming less as is the phone calls. Question, should I keep no contact and remain silence indefinitely until she pushes for a real date?

Yeah, if you’ve asked her on more than two occasions to get together and she won’t do it. When she reaches out in the future, send 2 or 3 text replies back and forth and say, “Hey, I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you later.” If she calls you, talk for 2 or 3 minutes, then say, “Hey, it was really great hearing from you, but I’ve got to run. I’ll talk to you later.”

And one of two things will happen. She’ll either bring up getting together or she’ll just stop contacting you. But it definitely looks like, and I’m sure the audience would agree that she’s probably hooking up with the ex again, trying to see if their family can work. And I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole. It’s not worth it.

And if we bottom line her actions she chose him. She didn’t choose you. Women vote with their feet. If she’s with you, she voted for you and she’s clearly no longer with you anymore. So you’re a free agent. Read the book, get out there and play ball. Hang out, have fun and hook up dude. This is just a non-starter here.

It’s been five weeks. Or is there something else I should do while she’s in this survival mode with the ex out of rehab?

Thank you for any advice.

Best,

Bob

Again, I would just move on to start dating and if she does reach out, you can just inform her that, “Hey, I want you to know I moved on. I’ve started to date other women. And it’s just, this doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to deal with drama. I’m not going to get in the middle of your family issues. And, you know, we had a great, you know, three month run together. But I’m out. Wish you all the best. Peace out.”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

If you haven’t already signed up for my Exclusive Premium Members Only Content in the video description is video, there are links to join on YouTube, or you can join on Spotify or our Website UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just click the “plans” tab when you get there. And the good news is with my Website, you can do a seven day free trial to check out all the great content and extensive library of additional content that you get for being a Premium Member.

And if you choose an annual plan, you can get a 25% discount at the end of the seven day free trial. So go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the “plans” tab, sign up for a seven day free trial for a Premium Membership. And until next time, I will talk to you soon.