Give Her The Freedom To Follow Through or Flake Out & Disappear Forever

Why you should give women the freedom to follow through on your plans or to flake out and disappear forever.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who went out on a date with a girl he really liked that he met online. The date seemed to go well, but she pulled out her phone during the date, possibly because she was bored or not that interested. He asked her to put it away and she smiled at him and did so.

She sometimes was touching him during the date, but when he went for the kiss at the end of the night, she gave him the cheek. However, she texted him the next day and he tried setting up a 2nd date. She is supposed to get back to him. He asks my opinion if she’s really interested or not. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This email is the importance of the mindset of giving women the ability to follow through on the plans that they make with you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever.

In this particular email, this guy met this girl online and he really liked her, but she was giving him some odd signals. She was affectionate and touching him, but when he went for the kiss at the end of the date, he got the cheek. So he’s thinking, “Well, she’s not interested.” Then the next day, she texted him, and then he tried to set the next date and she was unwilling to set the next date. So he’s like, “Does this girl like me or is she structured? It seemed like she wasn’t that into me, but I also saw signs that she was.”

This is a good email, especially when you have women that are kind of borderline interested. It’s important to do things the right way, because like I said from the book, if you’re getting the cheek at the end of the date, you’re going to think, “Oh, she’s structured, she’s not that into me.” Then all of a sudden she reaches out, because a woman who is structured and is not interested, is not going to reach out, but this one did. Then he tries to make the date and she’s just kind of vague and leaves things up in the air.

So it’s like, what do you do in that case? Because you’ve got to kind of figure you’re almost like barely holding on with your fingernails because she’s not super interested in you, but there obviously is some level of interest and we’re trying to figure out how do we make her shit or get off the pot, don’t waste your time, don’t waste your money. If she’s truly interested, give her the benefit of the doubt because he really likes her. He sent pictures. She’s got a great figure, so I understand why he likes her.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Long time follower, listened to the book around eight times and just got the printed copy to mix things up a little. I recently updated my Hinge pictures and matched with this 24-year-old super hottie. Probably the hottest girl I ever went out with. I’m 37. Since I just got out of a shit show of a friends with benefits situation that lasted for about three years, I’m a bit rusty at first dates and have terrible text game. I’m just trying to match on hinge and make a date. Very difficult these days. These girls just want to text all day.

Well, the best way to do it is like, “Hey, let’s chat on the phone sometime. Here’s my number. Let me know what’s good for you. I’ll give you a call or send me your number and I’ll call you.” Just like that.

What typically happens is you’re messaging back and forth and then you give out the number, but if she’s texting you a couple of times, you’ll say, “Hey, let’s chat on the phone,” because you’re trying to figure out, do we connect at all? Can I have a conversation and enjoy my phone conversation with her? Because if you can’t enjoy the conversation on the phone, there’s no point in texting any further or even going out on a date. You want to make sure, especially if you’re doing online dating, there’s a lot of prospects. There’s a lot of girls you can talk to.

The reality is women have all the leverage because it’s mostly men on dating apps. So all day long, women are getting dudes throwing their dicks at them. So they got to be selective. They’re trying to figure out of this batch of all these thirsty guys, which ones actually are man enough to handle me.

She seemed excited to meet me so there was very little effort to get her out on a date.

So that typically shows interest and that she’s not wasting your time.

She was not only hot, but it turns out she was an actress that’s been in some shows and movies and a successful real estate agent and investor and getting her MBA.

She’s obviously got a brain, which is nice. It’s nice to date women that are smart.

It took every once of strength to be a 3% Man But I’m pretty sure I pulled it off. I maintained great body language, and had her doing most of the talking. At some point she pulled out her phone and I told her I don’t like it when I’m on a date and the girl is on her phone and I’d appreciate it if she put it away.

Yeah typically, if you’re on a date and the girl pulls out her phone and she’s texting and not really paying attention to you, that’s a sign that she’s bored or she’s just rude and has no self-awareness. So when you see that, that’s typically not a good sign and you should say, “Hey, we’re on a date, let’s hang out and talk to each other,” because if she’s on a date, it’s like, “Hey, we can cut things short if you’ve got other things you want to do,” or you do the takeaway if you want. That’s like one of those things, you’re like, “Oh, this doesn’t look good.”

She smiled at me from ear to ear and put it away. I don’t think anyone has ever called her out for shitty behavior before. For the record, had she not put it away I would have ended the date. I have done that in the past.

If you go on a date and you politely ask a girl to put her phone away and enjoy her time with you and she just keeps texting away on her phone, then yeah, I would end the date because she doesn’t respect your authority, number one, and she doesn’t like you enough to do that. So don’t waste any more of your time or your money. Just say, “Obviously we’re on different pages, so I’m going to pay the bill and dip out, but I wish all the best in your search.”

Anyways, she was touching me at times but when I walked her to her car I went in for the kiss and received the cheek.

That means that she’s typically structured, and so she’s following a set of rules. Those kind of women, you don’t ever ask out again. You go kiss at the end of the day, because what you’re really trying to ascertain, is she worth it to go out on another date? Because this guy is getting mixed signals as it is. He’s not getting signs of super high interest. Even though she was touching him, he got the cheek.

Structured women can be a real pain in the ass because they never act naturally. They’re always like, “Oh, I’m going to do this or do that.” After so many dates or so much time together, it’s like you want a girl that’s into you. She just likes you. She wants to kiss you and be with you and be sweet. Somebody that’s inventing all these hoops to jump through is like, no thanks.

As you can imagine, I assumed she wasn’t into me and this was over. But the next day she reached out to me. See screenshot below.

He sent his text exchange with her.

As you can see she didn’t want to make definite plans and she did give me the cheek. But she was also touching me all night and reached out to me. I just don’t know if I should start naming all the babies we are going to have together or is this just a waste of time and energy. Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

Thanks for the help

Bob

So what I’m going to do is go through his text exchange, because this is the part where I talk about the title of the video. Give her the freedom to follow through on what she says on her commitments and her plans or whatever, or to flake out and disappear forever.

Keep in mind, what’s working against her is the fact that he tried to get together with her, in other words, to make a date, and she wouldn’t make a date. So let’s go through the text exchange:

So he went out the night before, it looks like it was a Thursday they went out. So Friday at noon, 12:05 p.m., he gets from her, “Great to meet you last night.” He says, “Yeah, it was very nice meeting you as well. I’d love to see you again. When are you free to get together? “She says, “I will let you know, traveling with my mom this upcoming week.” I always said, “Cool, that sounds great.” That’s what I would have done and that would have been the end of it, but he says, “Cool, where are you ladies off to?” “We’re going to Disney,” she says. He says, “That is way too adorable. You have to tell me about it when you get back.” “Ha, ha, yes. We’re so excited.”

She sends a selfie, and she’s beautiful. So I understand why he wants to see her again. He says, “You’ll have to tell me about it when you get back.” She says, “I will.” She sends a selfie and he says, “Hey, I’m trying to work here. Stop trying to distract me, young lady.” She hearts the message. She says, “OK,” with all the emojis with hearts in the eyes and two emoji kisses and he gives her the James Bond smirk emoji, and then she sends two smile emojis.

At this point, there is nothing else to do because she said she’ll reach out and remember he got the cheek, but from the text exchange, maybe she’s interested. Maybe she just likes the attention. Maybe she’s got 10 guys like this. We don’t know yet because it’s too early. He had one date with her, but we do know the fact that the only way she is going to get another date with him is if she reaches out.

So when she reaches out, the first thing is, “Hey, great to hear from you. What’s your schedule open? I’d love to see you and catch up and hear all about your trip,” and she’ll either make plans or you say, “Oh, all right. When you figure it out, get in touch.” Don’t waste your time sending a bunch of texts back and forth.

It’s like even though a couple of things were like, vomit inducing, it’s like, whatever. It’s OK. He’s good. If the girl really likes him, she’ll get in touch. If not, he’ll never hear from her again. Then you give her the opportunity to flake out and disappear forever. A lot of guys would see this and not hear from her for a couple of weeks and then reach out and wonder why they can’t ever get her out on a date.

If you have healthy self love and you’re used to getting what you want, then when things like this happen, you’re like, “Oh, she says she’ll call me when she gets back to town. Of course she will, because she likes me. All women like me, why wouldn’t she?” If she doesn’t, it’s not going to bother you.

So that’s the important thing, is you want to create the conditions where she has to make the effort to choose you as well. You can’t do all the work for her. Besides, when you do that, you’ll just chase her out of your life. She said she’s going to get in touch, so allow her to do that.

The one thing I will say is when she does reach out, most women are going to say, “Hey, I figured out my schedule, here’s when I can see you next.” They’re typically going to reach out and go, “Hey, how are you?” Or some generic lame ass text, and you’re like, “Hey, great to hear from you. I’d love to see you. What’s your schedule like? I want to hear about your trip.” Something simple like that.

Just get direct, get decisive, get right to the point. Assume when she reaches out, the real reason she reached out is her schedule is freed up and she wants to see you. So make the date. Pretty simple.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.