Why it’s never a good idea to give all the leverage and power to women you are dating.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has given all the power and leverage to a woman that he just started seeing. It perfectly illustrates what happens when a man seeks a woman’s attention and validation and gives her all the power and control in the relationship. Feminine energy is chaos, and that is what he now has with this woman, total chaos and she is all over the ice.
On top of that, she is seeing another guy and has still not completed her divorce with her soon-to-be ex-husband. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
The reason I chose this particular email is you get a really good idea what it’s like when you basically turn the fun bus over to the girl and you let her drive. Feminine energy is chaos, and that’s what this guy has got going on in his life. He’s got some chaos because he’s acting like a chick. He’s seeking her attention and validation. He’s involved with a woman who’s in the middle of a divorce. And so, she’s seeing him, and there’s some other guy that’s a surgeon, apparently, that she’s also seeing. And she’s been bouncing back and forth all over the place.
I talk about this in 3% Man. When you get involved with women that just had a breakup or they’re in the middle of a divorce, their emotions are all over the place. They’re hot and cold. One minute she’s telling this guy she wants to be with him and she’s ditching the surgeon, and the next minute she friendzones him and wants to be with the surgeon. The next minute she’s back. This is an exact perfect case that I talk about in my book on why you should proceed with caution if you’re seeing a woman who’s in the middle of a divorce.
Now, life’s messy and it’s not always clean and cut and dry. And guys come to me after they’re oftentimes already in these situations. But for smart guys that are actually studying my work now and are not involved with women like this, it’s great, because this can help you from making huge mistakes and suffering tremendous setbacks. Remember, for most people, it takes about a year and a half, on average, to recover from a breakup. So, this this email and this video can save you and those you know a lot of a lot of pain, and regret, emotional hardship and heartache.
I’ve been dating a girl for a couple months now, and we’ve had some ups and downs. She is nearing the end of her divorce and has been seeing me as well as a surgeon. However, the surgeon is looking for kids and a marriage, and she absolutely does not want that as she’s already 40 with a 10 and 12-year-old. She and I are on the same page about not having any more kids and not having marriage as a goal.
I think that’s great and swell and all, but the reality is the only thing that matters is how she feels about you. Because even though she says all these things to you, she’s driven by her emotions and her feelings, and they’re all over the ice, as you will see in a moment.
We always have fun together, but she is protective of her body. Before we could ever have sex, I had to get a full STD test and within the same week, I coincidentally got confirmation that my vasectomy was a success.
She had me bring a friend out to do a double date with her friend, and she and I had a few too many tequila shots…
If she’s wanting you to bring friends, she’s wanting you to bring cock blockers along to prevent, typically, any seduction. Now, even though seduction happened, it’s indicative of how she feels about you. But there was tequila involved, and when tequila shots start flowing, all rationality and pumping the brakes goes out the window.
…ended up at my place, and things got hot and heavy. She said she didn’t want to have sex unless she was in a relationship, and under the influence I said, “Well then, why aren’t we? We both want the same things.” Ten seconds later we were having sex!
We had sex again the next morning, and then she texted me that she’s breaking it off with other guys in her life.
Yeah, “You’ve got to get an STD test, but I’ve got all these other guys I’m seeing,” and she’s probably sleeping with them as well.
48 hours later, she invited me over for dinner, and things were going well until the surgeon texted her.
Remember, she’s getting rid of all the other guys, so you’re in, right? You’re in a relationship now, supposedly.
She got weird and said she’s broken it off with him but feels bad and is conflicted and asked if I could go home.
Yeah, because she wants the surgeon to come over.
The next day, she told me that she wasn’t into me romantically…
Remember, this is after you were in a relationship, right? Well, again, there was tequila involved, so we get a mulligan for that one, apparently.
…and wanted to know if we could just be friends.
Oh, that’s just swell. “Sure, I went and got the STD test and all these things, and we were in a relationship last night. Granted, it was under the influence of tequila,” but “Hey, let’s just be friends now, because I’m not into you romantically.” So, you see how that works? She bounced right from him back to the surgeon. Remember, she was getting rid of all the other guys. They were out. But again, tequila was involved, so she gets a mulligan, apparently.
I said I do like her romantically, and I’m not interested in being friends, but to let me know if she ever changes her mind. I then went silent and she texted me a couple times over the next two weeks wanting to get together. We did and had a great day capped off with sex.
See how much sense this woman makes? It’s all about the emotions. And the emotions are up and down, just like the weather. In the middle of a divorce, they’re like, “Oh, I love you. I want you forever and ever.” “Oh, I just want to be friends. You make my pussy dryer than the Sahara Desert.” “I want you, I love you. Let’s be together.” “Oh, no. My pussy’s dryer than a bucket of sand again.” He’s just like, “Hey, why don’t you drive, honey?” “Sure!” Feminine energy is chaos, all over the place. This is great.
The next day she asked to see my divorce decree about child custody to try and align our holidays, (just in case), and that we should block off a night for each other at least once a week.
Remember, she was just friendzoning him a couple of days earlier. But now, “Let me see your divorce decree. I want to see what your custody arrangement is. I want to see how it fits in my schedule.”
We decided on Wednesday as neither of us have kids that night. However, yesterday she told me that she still has contact with the surgeon but is not having sex with either of us until she ends up in a relationship and perhaps finishes her divorce.
She’s just all over the road. This is why you don’t put a woman in control of your personal life.
She said she can’t commit to keeping Wednesdays open, as that night works for the surgeon’s schedule.
She asked if she could sneak in my house on Thursdays when my kids are sleeping, which sounds fun, but I don’t want to ever emotionally scar my little girls or have my ex-wife drive by and see someone’s car parked at my house when I have the kids.
So much fun. It really sounds like he’s learned his lesson after the first divorce, doesn’t it? He really learned.
Should I keep things light by having fun and hooking up and having her come over on Thursdays.
You absolutely should not have her come over on Thursdays. You’re going to say, “Look, I like you and everything, but we’re not in a serious relationship. You’re all over the ice. You’re seeing me, you’re seeing the surgeon. There’s probably other guys. Oh, and by the way, we should probably be doing safe sex, because it’s obvious that I’m not the only guy you’re sleeping with.”
You should be dating other women. This girl, this woman, this person should be a friends with benefits. I would never call her, never text her. When you hear from her, invite her over on your day off. If she’s like, “Oh, that’s the only night the surgeon has,” then it’s like, “Well, then go see the surgeon. I’ll call one of my other girlfriends instead.” Tell her exactly that, with the smile on your face, of course.
So, what’s happening is she’s intimidating you and pushing you around, and you’re just folding and submitting to her, like Gumby. “I’m Gumby, dammit.” Did you ever see the Eddie Murphy skit from the 1980s when he would do Gumby? When I was growing up, I watched Eddie Murphy on Saturday Night Live. He was hilarious. “I’m Gumby, dammit.”
Or should I put my foot down and say if she wants to see me it must be Wednesdays because of my concern for my kids?
Thank you for your time. Your work has absolutely improved my game.
Don’t say, “I’m putting my foot down.” Just say, “No, I’m not going to do Thursdays. I’ve got my kids. I don’t want any static or any friction with the ex-wife. She might drive by and see your car in the driveway when I’ve got the kids. I don’t want to deal with that. I can do Wednesday. Tell the tell the surgeon you’ll go sneak into his bed on Thursday night.” Just stick to your guns. You’ve got to think about your children, dude, seriously.
And this chick, I wouldn’t get involved seriously with her at all. I wouldn’t even be involved with somebody like this, because this would just drive me nuts. But hey, the thirst is real. I’d be dating other women. She’s obviously got several guys. She’s got you, she’s got a surgeon, maybe there’s another guy. She’s probably making his life a living hell, as well. She’s going to gravitate to whoever is the most masculine man and who stands up to her, puts her in her place, respectfully and playfully.
But don’t be letting her sneak in your house on Thursdays. Don’t be bringing that hoe around your children. Come on. She’s a fucking lunatic. Besides, if you guys are loud, and the kids get up in the middle of the night, “Daddy, who’s the girl? Who’s the naked woman walking around in the house? I’m going to tell Mommy about that,” that’ll really be helpful to your your relationship with your ex-wife and the kids, right? That would just be a swell development.
So, I’d get other options, man. It’s like, come on. This is exactly what the book warns you about, and you’re just like, “Oh, I’m just going to give her the steering wheel and let her drive the fun bus. You know, women are liberated. We’re equals now, right? We’re all equals. We can do everything equally.”
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur