Go With The Flow Of Things

May 26, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

How you can seduce your girl “friend” if she rejects you saying “friends only” and to “just go with the flow of things.” Sometimes a guy will become friends with a woman under completely platonic circumstances, but over time, her charming personality may grow on him. Men and women have often wrestled with the topic of whether or not men and women can remain being just friends. Many are of the opinion that it is simply not possible for men and women to only be friends because sex gets in the way. They feel that because sexual tension is a natural phenomenon when men and women interact with one another and have chemistry together, that someone will always like the other person more than the other as they get to know each other slowly over time. I’ve experienced this in my own life many times. You become good friends with a girl when you’re both in relationships, then at some point later in time you’re both single and hanging out together. If you have a lot of chemistry with each other and a good time together, somebody usually ends up developing more sexual tension within themselves than the other. I know the way I used to be when I was unsuccessful with women… when I got to the point where I could not take it anymore, I would reveal my feelings and create an awkward moment in the friendship. However, as I learned to master my own understanding of women and what they really want, I found myself sometimes sleeping with women who I really wanted, and who really wanted me, but it was not a good idea because they were married or in a relationship already. Sex was our secret and that is why, a gentleman never brags, but is always discreet. Gentleman don’t kiss and tell. Sometimes two people just want each other, but it’s not possible to be together. The following is an e-mail from a reader who has developed feelings for a girl he is friends with. She gave him the “let’s just be friends” speech, but yet she continues to call and initiate contact with him. They belong to the same social club, and he’s unsure how to tell the difference between real interest, and if she’s only calling about their activities as part of the club. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hello Corey,

I will try to keep this brief and to the point. Me and this one girl met at a party last year. We did not talk much after and in Feb she asked me to take part in campus club with her. I joined the club and became an active member. At the moment, I did not have any attraction to her and thought of her as more of business relationship than of as a friend. Slowly we started to grab food after meetings and school. And our friendship developed. Towards the end of the semester we started to hang out quite often, almost everyday and for long periods of time. She would invite me into her house and we would just chill. She would text, chat, and even hold long phone conversations with me.

I just saw her as a friend and she would tell me very personal things about her life and I just offered advice as a friend. But slowly, I started to become attracted to her and really started liking who she was. So recently, I asked where she thought our relationship was headed, like if we were friends or something more. (That is weak! Men do not talk like this! This is how a woman talks.) She replied saying that she sees us as just being friends and that we should just go the flow of things. (Translation: “Don’t complicate things and make our friendship awkward.”) She said she is not ready for a relationship and it would not be fair to me. (Translation: “You act weak and I would only break your heart if we dated because you act like a clueless man and I would reject you anyways.”) She recently got out of long relationship. I respected her decision and agreed that we should just be friends for now. She has continued to contact me. (Good. You should not contact her at all. Limit your contact to only responding to her initiating contact with you. If after 3-4 texts back and forth, she has not brought up getting together, then text: “So I suppose you want to get together?” Let her respond. If she does, then ask her what nights she is free and wait for her to respond. Then pick one of her free nights that you are also free and text her this: “Drinks? My place. Tuesday @ 7pm?” If she is unwilling to just come over and hang or tries to get you to meet her out someplace else, then text this: “Let’s just do it another night. I’m just in the mood to chill.” Every time she contacts you from here on out, you give her the same response. She’ll either come over or she’ll stop calling you. Only stay in the club unless it’s something you really want to do.)

Now, I am of stuck between a rock and hard place. I now am unsure if she really likes me or not. (The only way for you to know is to stop contacting her completely and only respond to her contacting you. If she is texting you or calling you about stuff other than the club activities, then it could be an indication of interest. If she keeps the conversation strictly to club stuff, then you know that is the only reason she calls you. I’d bail on that club, unless you joined it because you really wanted to be a part of it. If you only joined it to be around her, then you should definitely bail. Men who do things to be around women, are acting feminine. This is what women do when they like a guy. They put themselves into your orbit so you can make an opportunity for sex to happen. If they like you and even though they put themselves into your orbit, if you do not make any move on them like someone who is only interested in friendship, then they will start touching you, bumping into you, etc. to make it even more obvious that they like you. As you are indifferent, they try harder to communicate that they like you so you take some action.) The thing is, I still have to keep in contact with her because of the club. I’m just hung up right now and feel I might revealed my feelings too early. (Getting hung up on a woman before she has earned it through her actions is a bad way to go that leads to rejection, pain and heartache.) I am planning to just wait and and see where this goes. (A good way to spend your time is to read my book so you can fill in your knowledge gaps to improve your game with women. It needs work if you want to get what you want. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)

Thanks,

HD

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Published on May 26, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Bam! Very similar to what I’ve been going through lately. I have a friend that I’ve known for over three years that I’ve never had feelings for until a few months ago. I told her how I felt after I just saw sign after sign of her interest level rising (or perhaps I was delusional and projected my own level of interest onto her). She gave me the “let’s just be friends” speech, even after showing great interest in me before. The problem was that I became clingy over time and she backed off.
    Long story short, it was either stay as friends or leave her, so I just stayed as friend, because we did put a lot of time into our friendship. It was tough as shit, not fun at all! Dealing with rejection sucked ass, and along with depression, I almost became as volatile as a woman with PMS lol. However, the book has helped me communcate with her more properly and I just have fun and appear to be more to go with the flow more. I let go of expectations, I let her do the pursuing, and I just focus on my goals in life. She’s actually opened up to me again, just like old times! She went from being so serious with me with now laughing at my jokes again.
    Now, I don’t say I have a shot with her or focus too much on her, but by letting go of my need to lasso her and get tied up so soon, I feel like I have choices with women (especially in college) and I can end my suffering of unhealthy attachments in my life.

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