The traits and characteristics good women exhibit that make them ideal long term dating prospects.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a woman who shares what set her current alpha male boyfriend apart from most of the men she has met who wanted to date her in the past, but who quickly turned her off. She points out things he did from their initial first meeting that turned her on.
She talks about how he ruthlessly checked her and was willing to walk away when she exhibited flakey and disrespectful behavior, but how he was also kind to her in the way he went about it that caused her to treat him the way he wanted to be treated. She has been following my work for several years to help her not only be a better woman, but to also know what to look for in a good man. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of her email.
Love your work. I’ve been a fan for several years now, and I’ve read your first book at least 10 times, because it gives me so much insight about life in general.
My first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” is not just about pickup skills, dating skills and relationships skills, even though there’s a lot of talk about that. The book is really about being a man, reaching your full potential as a man, doing things that are masculine, taking care of your own life first. Because when you get to a place where you’re happy, you love yourself, you love your life, you feel good, you feel content with your life, your bills are paid, you’re saving money, things are going well, you look good, and you feel good, and you feel happy, you radiate that. You smile. You’re more inclined to talk to and chat up people around you.
If things aren’t going too well, we tend to withdraw into ourselves. We tend to be all in our minds. When we go through life, we’re not friendly, we’re not smiling a lot, we’re not making eye contact, sort of putting out the vibe of “Leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want to talk to you. I’ve got a lot of shit going on right now.” Whereas, when things are going really great and you feel really good about yourself, you’re going to smile and give off that warm vibe.
That’s why I place such a big emphasis on taking care of yourself. One of my favorite Jim Rohn quotes is, “I’ll take care of me for you, and you take care of you for me.” Because it really starts with you. It’s not like you’ve got to have all of your goals accomplished, but you’ve got to feel like you’re on the path. You’re making progress. You can see, slowly and incrementally, life is starting to get a little better. You can kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel. You can see, as long as you stay on the path, and you keep taking care of those little things day in and day out, eventually you’re going to get to where you want to be. And that’s going to give you hope.
If you respond to this email on your channel, I’d like to say from a woman’s perspective to anyone listening, DON’T BE STUPID. LEARN FROM COREY. I’ve got a helluva badass example for you from my own personal life.
My boyfriend could have written either of your books – total legit alpha male, and the effect he’s had on me is SO MUCH FUN. I’m a 35 year old woman, professional and strong in my field. I’m really good-looking and in great shape, I have some cool interests and hobbies, I’m happy being me, I laugh a lot, I’m respectful when communicating,
That’s a fucking big one. How many people do you know in your life that can communicate in a calm manner without getting angry and flying off the handle?
and I had great examples of men in my life while I was growing up.
That’s an important thing, because a woman like this, this is how she learned to trust men. She had good men in her life — good, strong, masculine men, so she can recognize and learn which guys are the good guys and which are the guys to avoid. Women that don’t have this in their lives don’t learn it. They learn it the hard way. Anyone would get cynical if they don’t know what to look for and they keep getting burned, and think “all guys are like this.”
Also, I was married in my early twenties to a really awesome guy who unfortunately died very young, but he reinforced for me what my father, uncles, and brothers did — what it’s like to be treated well by a good man.
You probably had brothers who made fun of you, and you learned not to take yourself so seriously. You knew your brothers loved you even though they teased you mercilessly. Women that didn’t have that, typically when you make fun of them and mess with them, they’re going to get butt hurt and upset about it and have a shit attitude. I’ve found that women that grew up with brothers are the easiest women to get along with. You know what to look for.
Regarding my current experience, life is fun for me independent of anyone else, but oh my god… the addition my man is in my world is glacial. Hands down, he is as equally kind and mature as other examples of good men in my life, but by far he is much stronger and more of a challenge than I’ve seen anywhere.
So this guy doesn’t take shit from anybody, but he’s charming and he’s funny, he’s playful and he doesn’t take shit personally.
First of all, we met randomly in the waiting room of a car repair shop, and he started talking to me just like a normal person – nothing creepy, simply light and interesting conversation, and he made me laugh.
That’s the thing. It’s not about going out to pick up on women. This guy’s just living his life. He had to get his car fixed. You just never know. You might meet somebody in the elevator of your building, at work or a party, and a conversation just naturally starts happening because you are a friendly, outgoing person who’s happy and loves your life.
I want to point out he did not hit on me, which I hate. It’s that bribing for sex stuff you discuss. He socially engaged with me like any other pleasant interaction in the world, the same way he makes conversation with strangers he encounters when we are out.
It’s just natural conversation. You don’t have to be a fucking standup comedian, be an entertainer or have the most interesting story. It’s just making small talk. If you’re used to talking to beautiful women and people who are way more successful than you are, and you just treat them like a normal human being, people are really going to appreciate that.
I wasn’t some hot chick anomaly to him, which made him easy for me to talk to. Like I said, I’m attractive and the 97% are usually retarded about it, and emotionally inept and ineffective in relationships.
He didn’t hesitate when I was about to leave.
He was direct, decisive and right to the point. He was sizing you up, just like you were sizing him up. And by the time he was ready to leave, he knew enough and thought you seemed like a cool girl, so he got your number.
He asked me out to dinner and got my number after about 15 minutes chatting. The next day he texted and asked what days I was free, and I gave him a couple options. He picked one, he picked the place, he picked the time. Our schedules didn’t jive well that week, so we only had time for a quick dinner, but we had a great date and he invited me to have dinner at his house the following week. It was awesome.
He has a really nice place, has a great job and is educated. He has strong common sense and humor, he takes care of his health and is in great shape. He cooked, we drank, we laughed and talked for hours, and he rocked me in bed.
Remember, like I say in the book, most women are going to sleep with a guy by the second or third date. Up to this point, everything seems really easy and natural. It’s chemistry. As Adam Carolla says, “When a woman likes you, the doors open, and all you have to do is walk through the door.” And that’s what’s happening here.
We saw each other for a few more weeks, and to me everything seemed to be going great before HE halted our progression, something that had NEVER happened to me. I was stunned and really sad, because I was so into him. He communicated to me that he wasn’t sure we shared a few important values,
I say this all the time. You’ve got to have the same goals and values. This guy is seeing some behavior that he doesn’t like, and he’s starting to think “I don’t think our values match up, so let me see if I can communicate with her some things that I want to change.” And a good woman who is worth it will take the feedback and say, “You know what, you’re right. I shouldn’t be treating you that way,” and she’ll take corrective action. A woman who’s difficult, toxic, doesn’t have a good relationship with men in general is going to get pissed off and butt hurt, because you roughed up her ego, and just ghost you or disappear. Either way, this guy is setting his boundary.
because some of the ways I was behaving came off pretty inconsistent… not communicating clearly, switching things up inconsiderately, etc.
Remember, if you’re a high achiever, you’re direct, decisive, you get to the point, you make plans with your friends, you know they’re going to be there and they know you’re going to be there. I think Nick Saban said, “Mediocre people don’t like high achievers, and high achievers don’t like mediocre people.” High achievers expect respect and they give respect. They don’t tolerate disrespect. You were disrespecting him, and he wasn’t going to have any of it.
You were changing plans at the last minute, starting to jerk him around a little bit, because again, an alpha female is used to getting her way, and she’s just naturally domineering. And most guys will just go along with it and be compliant. But this guy is also an alpha, so he checked you.
In being totally transparent about it, I can say that he was right. I was flaking out, (not consciously, but testing maybe?)
Women can’t help it. If you’re used to getting your way and rolling right over people, most people, including your girlfriends, probably never spoke up to you when you behaved this way. And probably most of the guys you dated, same thing. You just rolled right over them, and eventually you got tired of them because they were too weak and compliant, and you didn’t feel there was chemistry, and you ditched them.
I wasn’t seeing anyone else, and I was 100% interested in pursuing him, but I being independent for a long time and having a lot of things in my life to fill my time, I can unintentionally be inconsiderate if I’m not paying attention. He’s not the first person to bring it to my attention.
He wasn’t a dick about expressing it, and he was completely kind, but completely firm that he wasn’t about to be having my inconsideration. He checked me kindly AND ruthlessly,
So he was brutally honest with you, but not being a dick about it.
and I couldn’t be involved with him unless I altered the issue.
If you’re going to date beautiful, attractive, high achieving alpha females that are used to getting what they want, this is going to happen at some point. If you don’t check them on it, you’re inviting more. Remember, whatever you tolerate, you invite more of in your life.
First time in my life a man has rendered me on the chase for him, where I knew he’d walk no matter how much he liked me.
Women need to know, if you push them too far, you’re going to fucking walk and never look back.
I needed to be better on point to keep him. This is consistently how he handles me when I’m not aware if I am affecting him negatively – always respectful of me, but never self-disrespecting. And he doesn’t turn into a defensive dumbass if I have things to bring up.
It’s like Jocko Willink says, “Be humble or you will be humbled.” In other words, good men recognize we all have flaws, so you have to be humble enough to think, “Maybe this person has something to share with me. Maybe I was being an asshole and inconsiderate.”
Me staying at his place every night took about 8 weeks and becoming exclusive took about 10, only because he’s the one who slowed that down for his own highest good. I would have jumped on that sooner. I think about him all the time, I want sex with him constantly, and he’s got me on MY toes daily now.
When you’re acting like a fucking man, you’ve got your shit together and your woman respects you, she’s going to be wanting sex more than you do.
To my knowledge, he isn’t familiar with you, but I should ask him. I do know that he tolerated some bullshit from women in his twenties, but this man at forty has it down to a science!
Just wanted to share as testimony to your 3% Man work. Again, anyone listening – be willing to ABSORB Corey’s information. Read the material over and over until you go to your grave, because women out here are starving for men who aren’t pussies. And because I’m sure it sucks ass to BE a pussy like so many guys are.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Good people, good friends and good lovers are hard to come by in a world full of mediocre people who are obsessed with instant gratification and living lives that are less than they are capable of living. Exceptional people who are being all that they can be tend to repulse, frustrate and irritate average and mediocre people. Water seeks its own level. Like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other. Lots of people talk about what they are going to do, but few actually have the courage, heart and determination to see their plans and promises through to fruition. When someone or something feels right internally, we should trust that inner voice and intuition to see where it leads. Conversely, when someone or something feels off, we should become skeptical and proceed with caution. Rejection should not be taken personally. It should simply be a sign of incompatibility. Only a select few are meant to be in your life, be your friend, lover, client or teammate. Choose wisely, as poor choices lead to pain and setbacks.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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