Got Dumped Because I Think She Read My College Journal

Things to consider if she read your college journal you left laying around & dumped you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was dating a woman for 4 months from another state. He left his college journal out in the open in his room while she worked from home and he was at the office. When he got back her demeanor was off and she dumped him saying they weren’t compatible. He was shocked because things were going so well. She claims she didn’t read it, but he thinks she’s lying and is upset at the invasion of privacy. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Got Dumped Because I Think She Read My College Journal”.

Well, it doesn’t look like this guy was practicing tight operational security. So apparently when he was in college and he was a naughty frat bro, he wrote all kinds of explicit detail about his sexual escapades and exploits with some of the ladies he met in college. And so he’s obviously older now. And so he had been seeing this girl for about four months. They were I guess she was in another state. They were long distance. And so he went to go to work and she stayed and worked from home and I guess hung out in his bedroom all day.

And when he got back home, he noticed his room was kind of like, things were out of place, almost as if she was going through his stuff while he wasn’t there, which that’s kind of not cool. And he says when he got home, it was like her demeanor was completely different. Up until that point, everything was great. But after he came home and he noticed everything’s out of place, her attitude was different. And then she quickly dipped after that and he confronted her about it. He’s like, “did you find my journal?” And she’s like, “oh, no, I didn’t read that.”

She claims she did, but he’s pretty sure she is. And he’s like, I want to confront her about it again, because I’m pretty sure that’s what did it, because that’s the only thing that he says makes sense. So it’s an interesting wrinkle and it just shows, man, if you got stuff that nobody’s supposed to see, it’s like if you’re dating multiple women don’t have like lipstick laying around or some girl’s necklace that she left there, or one of her belts or some of her panties or her clothes hanging up in your closet or in an obvious place where she can see them or used condoms and, you know, used condom wrappers in the garbage can.

It’s women are going to pay attention to that stuff. So you’ve got to be, I mean, how would James Bond be? He’s not going to leave any shit like that laying around. He’s not going to leave his innermost thoughts. He’s not going to leave his diary laying around like that. And you got to do better. That’s just very sloppy operational security. And shame on you for for that. But let’s go through his email and see what happened here because it’s an interesting story.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

I hope you’re doing well. I’m reaching out because I’m going through a confusing breakup and could use your perspective. I was dating a girl long-distance for about four months, she lives in Utah, I’m in Southern California, and she would come out every two weeks for work. Went to Vegas, Nashville, etc. and were inseparable since the beginning. Whenever we were together it felt like a scene from a movie, effortless chemistry, fun, connection, and compatibility. She came out of a three-year relationship maybe 6 months before we started dating where her ex tried to hook up with her sister.

That’s suboptimal.

So she carries a lot of insecurity and trust issues. Over time she became uncomfortable with old Instagram photos from my college days, fraternity formals, and pictures with my ex. I’ve always kept old photos because they’re simply parts of my life story.

Yeah, it’s like if you have shit in there from like ten, 15 years ago, and she’s like, “I want all that stuff erased.” He’s like, “I don’t even talk to those people anymore. I don’t even know who they are. I’m not gonna delete those pictures. I can’t go back in time. I’m not going to do that. It’s unreasonable.” I mean, obviously if you’re, you know, kissy poo with a different girl and tons of different pictures, that might be a different story. Maybe those should be kind of private in your private photo collection.

On a recent trip she said she felt “unwanted” because I didn’t make a sexual advance while we were sleeping on an air mattress right outside my best friend and his fiancée’s door.

Well, that sounds like, uh, you didn’t do your duty my man. You gotta beat up her pelvis. You gotta give her lots of happy finishes. At least at that moment she was thirsty for you.

Two days later, despite the trip being amazing, she abruptly ended things and mentioned “compatibility,” but it didn’t match how strong things felt between us.

Well, my question is, is like when you got back, did you beat up her pelvis or did you keep not making a move?

What does make sense to me now is something I didn’t realize until after the breakup. I found an old college journal in my room mostly reflections and personal growth, but it also contains some immature stories from my early 20s and vulgar sexual notes about girls I used to hook up with but I was young and immature then. She worked in my room one day while I was in my office, and later that night she became extremely anxious and disconnected. I noticed things in my room were moved around, and her energy completely shifted afterward. Looking back, I strongly believe she read it and was shocked.

Naughty. You’re a naughty man.

Especially given her history and her sensitivity about my past.

What are you going to do? What’s done is done. But don’t leave shit like that laying around. That should be common sense.

I brought it up gently once after the break up, and she denied it, but based on her behavior, the timing, and how abruptly things changed, I’m almost certain that’s what happened.

Maybe she’s just a nut. Maybe there’s another guy, you don’t really know. But it’s weird to have a metamorphosis go like that. But again, you did reject her for sex. Maybe you didn’t want your friends hearing you guys, which is understandable.

For context, I’ve read How to Be a 3% Man multiple times and I review your newsletter emails throughout the week.

10 to 15 times dude. There’s no shortcuts to success. You need to learn the book so well you could teach a class on it. If you really want to master what’s in there, you’ve got to get to know it so well, you can teach a class on it.

Your work has helped me stay grounded and land her, but now that things have ended, I feel like I could benefit from a fresh read with more clarity. I’m doing my best not to chase, over-explain, or insert myself where I’m not invited, but I’m struggling with how to interpret everything in a healthy and masculine way.  We have hopped on multiple long calls to talk through it, though. 

Well, again, are you chasing her trying to beg for her attention? Because if she’s like, “I’m over it, I’m leaving.” I was like, “well, I don’t agree with the breakup, but, you know, I’m not going to try to keep you if you don’t want to stick around. It’s like, you got my number, hit me up, and if I’m still free, we can go out on a date.” But to call her and beg and plead with her, that’s not helping your case. That’s just making you look weak and pathetic.

My main questions now are, How can I get her to admit she likely read my journal?

You won’t.

And should I be angry about the invasion of trust and privacy?

It’s like, well, what can you do about it? You left it out. Why would you have something like that laying around with a girl you’re dating only for four months. Those are the kind of things that nobody should see. That should be locked away in a locked file cabinet or something.

She didn’t accept my past, yet I’ve accepted hers.

Well, you’re making the assumption that that’s what the issue. It could have been something else, but we don’t know.

Is that a sign I should simply move on?

Well, you never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you. So at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. It takes two to tango. She’s not willing to be your tango partner anymore. So go dance with somebody else. Life is too short. And at the end of the day, she’s in another State. Who cares. Find somebody that’s like 10 or 15 minutes away. It’s much, much nicer.

I’ve done the planes, trains, and automobiles for many years over the course of my life, doing long distance relationships and dating women in other states and other countries or other parts of the State, and it’s just better with somebody that’s 10 or 15 minutes away because eventually somebody’s got to move. But it just sounds like you had a nice booty call for four months. So either way, it’s a victory.

I truly thought she might be the one.

Well, don’t be thinking about the one. There’s no such thing as the one. We all have multiple soulmates. If one doesn’t work out, one door closes, another one will open.

She met my parents, met all my friends, and fit into my life seamlessly.

Well, were you boyfriend and girlfriend already? Were you the one that wanted it? Was she the one that wanted it? Maybe you were over pursuing her the whole time and that was the real issue. Maybe you were the one pushing for the relationship. Because it sounds like she met everybody in your life after only four months of dating. All your friends, your family. She always traveled to see you. But what about her? Sounds like she was a big black box. If you never went to her State to see her, you don’t really know that much about her. So that tells me that you were treating her like your girlfriend and she was kind of treating you like a guy she was hooking up with.

And if you were only focused on your high interest in her and ignoring the fact that she wasn’t reciprocating and making you the same priority in her life that you were making her in your life, well, then that tells me that you were focused on your feelings and your interest in her, and you were completely ignoring and not looking for any signs, evidence or data of what her true level of interest was in you. And so it could have been that the last time she was with you. She says you’re not compatible. Maybe she just decided she wasn’t feeling it because you were displaying too much unattractive behavior. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was the journal. We just, we don’t know. If you hadn’t left it out, you wouldn’t be worrying about that.

Then it would have to be that you did or said something that turned her off. Or you did a series of things. Again, she’s always traveling to you. She knows everybody, all your friends, your family, your peer group, and yet you’ve never once traveled to her. And so you don’t know anything about her, basically. So her life is a big black box and yours is an open book. Which is anti challenge, anti mystery. And it kind of looks like you might have been the one that was all focused on the relationship. I mean, you were talking about, she’s the one. You’re thinking this girl is the one. And she’s like, oh, yeah, see you later. I’m out of here. Women don’t dump men they’re in love with.

They dump men they don’t have respect or attraction for. So her respect was low and her interest and attraction were low. While yours I mean, you’re considering her for your future wife. The one, as you said. So again, it looks like from a power perspective that you gave all the leverage away. You treated her like a priority, and she was just kind of treating you like a booty call that she would get every couple of weeks. And maybe your behavior turned her off and she didn’t want to continue the booty call anymore. Maybe that’s what it was.

I want to navigate this properly and stay aligned with your principles, but I’m unsure whether to address it or walk away permanently.

Well, I wouldn’t be trying to keep somebody that doesn’t keep you. The fact that you’re having multiple long, drawn out phone calls about this tells me that you’re chasing her. And that’s the opposite of what 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says. That’s why I’m thinking the gist of the email and what’s going on here, what she’s saying and doing is that you are way over pursuing her the whole time you guys were together, and you were way more serious about her than she was about you. And remember, it’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. It’s way better if she thinks that she’s way more into you than you are into her.

And it’s pretty obvious, after going through the email that you seem to be way more into her than she was into you. And so therefore your focus only on your feelings and interests and her, and were completely ignoring any evidence or any signs of what her true interest was in you because you were so focused on yourself and what what you liked about her. And so therefore you didn’t realize that her interest was low until she dipped. And again, women don’t dump men they’re in love with. They dump men that they have low attraction and respect for.

Any guidance you can offer would mean a lot. I was willing to walk after the last call and never look back but I keep replaying that she read through my journals and stuff. 

Best,

Bob

Well, at the end of the day, what’s really going on is you’re thinking there’s got to be something I could say to her, something I can do to get her to change her mind. And at the end of the day, she fucked it up. She ended it. And so therefore she ended it. Just like 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, it’s her job to reach out to you and to fix it. In other words, she has to do all the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out. So you never reach out to her again for any reason. Birthdays, holidays, nothing. She’s dead to you unless you hear from her. So if she does reach out, invite her to come see you. Hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t talk about getting back together or any of that shit. Just focus on creating an opportunity for sex to happen again.

It just looks like you were all focused on a relationship and thinking she was the one. So you were treating her completely different than she was treating you, and you didn’t realize it until she left. And now you’re thinking it was a journal. It could have been the journal, but it just looks like she left because her interest was low. Because you probably talked, texted and chased her out of your life. Again when she knows everybody in your life and everything about you, but you don’t know jack shit about her. It’s like you fucked up. It should be the other way around. She should be the one. You should be the challenge that she’s trying to figure out and get to know.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.