How to spot and avoid toxic women who make your life difficult instead of making you happy.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares his experience of how he used what he learned in my book 3% Man, to weed out and avoid a relationship with a woman who was toxic and made his life difficult. He shares how she was nice at first and then about 3 weeks in she completely changed into a toxic head case.
Most men would put up with her abuse because she was so hot, had a great body and was great in bed. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Well, I’ve got an email from this particular guy. This story, I guess it goes back to 2016, he said he was 22 back then, but he said it was a good story of how he used what he learned in 3% Man to weed out what initially seemed like this absolute smoke show at a great body from the gym. What’s interesting is that he asked her out, and then she just kind of blew him off, basically. Then a few months later, he runs into her at the grocery store. They start talking, and she later tells him that his demeanor and his body language, everything was completely different than when he had approached her in the gym originally.
So things started off great. It was a really good sex. I think they slept together on a second date, but then about three weeks in, when she was comfortable and after she had basically asked him to be her boyfriend, things completely change. So I really like this email because remember I talk about in 3% Man, people can hide who they are for about the first 90 days. That’s why you cannot get into La La Land when you first start dating somebody.
This guy saw this really wacky behavior start to happen in week three. Whereas the first couple of weeks she was great. Then as soon as he agreed to be in a relationship, man, things went sideways fast. Most guys, the average guy is going to put up with this and try to jump through his butt to please her and make her happy because she’s so hot. Then eventually, either he taps out because she just drives him crazy, or she blows him off for somebody else. So it’s a good email that shows it’s like looks good on the outside, but once you really get to see what’s under the hood, it’s like, yikes.
My name is Bob and I want to take time to share an interesting story with you. Because of your teachings I got to the promised land AND I avoided what would have definitely been a toxic relationship. It’s an old story but who gives a damn lol.
In early 2016, when I was 22. I approached a young lady in my gym whom I thought was sexy as hell. I can’t remember what I said but she just straight up blew me off. I shrugged it off and just went on about my life. A few months later in September 2016…
So if it was early 2016, was it January? February? So you’re talking like six, eight months later.
…I ran into her again at Publix.
For those of you live in the South, Publix, where shopping is a pleasure, it’s a great grocery store. I love Publix. Grew up with Publix. Love Publix. It’s awesome. Great, great company. They do a great job running the stores.
She made a comment to me so I used the opportunity to chat her up, get to know her a little bit, and decide if I want to take her on a date. She FOLLOWED ME around Publix and the interaction was great so I got her number and set a date on the spot.
Interesting. Maybe when he first met her, she had another guy. Who knows? Complete 180, but I suspect he had changed a little bit because he’d been studying my work too. So he was a different version, a more attractive version when he ends up running into her at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure.
We went out on a date, I took her to a few different places and then went for the kiss. She kissed me back but put on a front like it didn’t affect her but then she was texting me and calling me A LOT after. We went on a second date a week later, had a good time, and brought her back to my place for the indoor Olympics. From that moment she was all over me. And coach, this young lady would do all the naughty things a man could wish for.
“I’m an innocent child of God, my virgin ears. Oh my God, what am I going to do?“
Her body was perfect and the sex was AMAZING. A cool side note, I asked her if she remembered blowing me off and she told me she did. It was because guys would always approach her with the same old weak and creepy bullshit so she had to keep her guard up.
It’s all about the vibe that you give off. He gave off a completely different vibe when he ran into her at Publix, where shopping is a pleasure. You know what? Publix always has great customer service. The people that work there are nice. It’s like I’m going there my whole life, most almost all my life. It’s just an amazing grocery store. Probably the best grocery store I’ve ever been in.
However, when she saw me in Publix she was just taken back by MY CONFIDENCE, my smile, and how I carried myself.
And now, this is where things get squirrely.
Oh, it was going so good.
Maybe two weeks into seeing each other she asked me to be her boyfriend after a session of the indoor Olympics.
Wow, you must have been really good in the bedroom, dude. I guess all that pumping iron caused other things to pump properly. So when a woman asks you to be exclusive after two weeks, typically that’s a sign of somebody that’s really super insecure. Usually it doesn’t always mean it. Maybe you’re just the ultimate dude, but more than likely, after two weeks of dating, it’s like two dates. She wants to be exclusive.
I didn’t have any other prospects at the time so I just said yes.
I would have made her wait, but hey, you do you boo boo.
After all, the sex was amazing and she was cool, or so I thought.
So she gets the commitment and what happens next.
A week later she was still giving me good sex BUT started being disrespectful…
Yeah, probably because you made it a little easier on her agreeing to be a boyfriend instead of making her work for it.
…Blatantly blowing off plans to meet…
Oh, that’s not good.
…Ignoring my phone calls…
Well, you shouldn’t keep calling somebody who ignores you. That’s stupid. That’s the opposite of what the book teaches. So I would suspect that probably you were exacerbating the situation because you were probably getting a little dopey over this girl because she was so hot and the sex was good, and she seemed to be so into you.
…And just carrying on with all sorts of fuckery; all while saying that she wanted to get married.
I had an old friend of mine. This is back in the day when I worked at Chuck Steakhouse. She was one of the managers here. She was an absolute sweetheart, one of the nicest people I ever met. Her husband was cool as hell. They met when, I think it was like, when they were in their early 20s, right out of college, or maybe it was in college, I can’t remember. I think it was right after college and she was working at Chuck’s. This was before she became a manager and they started dating. Then six weeks later they got married.
At that point I think she was in her 40s, late 40s, early 50s, and her husband was the man, and they had their kids were awesome and they lived happily ever after, but that’s very rare. To cool people. It does happen, but it’s extremely rare.
She was expressing complete opposition to my career choice at the time that I was pursuing.
One of the things that made her so awesome and why the marriage worked is because she was always smiling, always looking for a reason to crack a joke, or to find humor in things that were happening and when things were really stressful at work. I never saw her get upset or mad or angry or impatient. She was always joking around and laughing and having a good time, and it was obvious that she spent her life making her husband’s dick hard instead of his life hard. That’s one of the main reasons why I had such a great relationship.
This particular girl here in this email, after two and a half, three weeks now, she’s making his life hard, being disrespectful. I mean, granted, he probably started pursuing a little too much, getting a little dopey. He committed to her way too quickly and he exacerbated it, but that’s just not normal behavior two or three weeks in a girl to start disrespecting you like that shows she didn’t fear losing him. At the end of the day, she looks like a fruit loop.
Coach she was even telling me WHAT UNDERWEAR that I need to be wearing moving forward.
You better. You better do what you’re told, young man.
To top it all off, my “Sweet little muffin,” at the time told me she HATED white women.
Oh, sounds like a woke idiot. Great. Probably that CRT stuff.
Coach. I swear I heard you in the back of my head saying, “Danger! danger! eject!” I tried to respectfully set boundaries but she didn’t give a damn about them.
If the woman doesn’t respect your healthy boundaries, then unfortunately you have to give her the gift of missing you. Sometimes permanently.
So one day I decided to test her, like women do with us. She called me like crazy one afternoon after she left my place and I waited to call her the next day. She told me, “You have a lot of nerve calling me this late.”
How dare you rough up her ego? Oh, you little man. You naughty little man.
So the red flags piled up and I knew that I had to end that relationship.
The juice was not worth the squeeze. Even though the choco was sweet, it was also a little sour and bitter in the end. Kind of like Jack Daniels goes down. I was like, “Whoa.” That’s good stuff, but damn.
I knew I was gonna miss out on some amazing sex but I also knew it wasn’t worth it so I broke up with her.
Good for you, dude. That’s not easy to do. Most guy’s dates would never do that.
And to think, all this after just three weeks of dating.
Three weeks to go from Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde. Most people can hide who they are for about 90 days. This one, like three weeks later, being turkey baster, goes right off.
One of the best decisions of my life. I attribute your teachings to my success because without reading your book I probably would have stayed and taken all kinds of abuse from like the beta male bitch I was before I started studying at CCWU (Coach Corey Wayne University). Keep up the great work Coach, I’ll definitely send you a true success story later.
Well Bob, that’s a credit to you and your self control that you dipped out on that crazy girl even though it was six, seven years ago. You’ve got to be with a woman who makes your life hard, not your dick. Hard girls will make your dick hard are just not worth it. Because if you stay with them, you’re enabling their behavior. You’re communicating. There’s no consequences for them acting like a ratchet.
If she’s going to be disrespectful, she should get the gift of missing you permanently. Remember, easygoing, easy to get along with. The book, when applied properly, will bring out the best and the best and the worst and the worst. Because if she’s a little insecure and you’re taking your time maybe going a little slower than she is, she’s going to blow her top. That’s what this girl did.
It’s kind of like rock’em sock’em robots. If you ever played that game, it’s like you’re trying to find out what it takes for your girl to blow her top as early as possible in the process, so you can see that she’s a lunatic and a fruit loop. This woman showed multiple occasions that she’s a lunatic and a fruit loop and she doesn’t respect men, especially him. She probably doesn’t respect her father either and treats all men the same way.
There’s a lot of women there like that. They look amazing on the outside, but man, once you get in there and you look under the hood, you take it for a test spin a little bit, it’s. It’s a train wreck, so congratulations dude. Thanks for sharing.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur