Green Flags To Seek In Women & Red Flags To Avoid

Which green flags to seek in women & which red flags you should avoid.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 32 year old viewer who is jaded and cynical towards women. He’s dated some shallow women focused on money and materialism. His attitude is there are no good ones, but he’s clearly focused on money and stuff and therefore attracts women with red flags. He asks what to look for because his attitude sucks. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is going to be, “Green Flags To Seek In Women & Red Flags To Avoid”.

Well this particular email is from a guy, he’s 32. And you can definitely tell he’s pretty jaded and cynical towards women. He seems a little butt hurt, a little angry, a little frustrated. And kind of has the attitude that all women are shallow and are into money and materialism. And the reality is his attitude is the biggest part of the problem. And so now he’s like 32, and he’s like, “Well, I’ve had a few long-term relationships, and all women are the same.” Well, when you believe that you’re going to attract how you act.

If you think all women suck, well, the way the universe works is it will send you more women that suck. So you can play that pattern out, because that’s your belief. As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. You will attract how you act. Plain and simple. So you should have a good attitude, and you should be excited about your future. And be excited about meeting somebody who, green flags. What are you looking for? Somebody who’s easygoing, easy to get along with. She’s nice to you. She loves her dad. She admires her dad. She respects him. She’ll say things like, he’s “her rock.”

When she needs to go to somebody for advice the dad is always the person she goes to. She trusts his judgment. She respects him. She doesn’t countermand him. She doesn’t nag him. She doesn’t berate him. She doesn’t talk shit about her dad. She communicates like an adult. She keeps her word. She has a clean car. She pays her rent on time, holds down a stable job, keeps her apartment clean. Just, you know, basic levels of competency. She has other women that are friends, typically friends that she’s grown up with.

She has loyal friends, and you know, somebody that comes from a good social network, social structure, good family structure. In other words, whatever is modeled for them at home is what they’re going to be used to and what they’re going to seek out. And if you come across one woman after another that comes from a broken home, women that say, I hate my father.” Or “My Father is an asshole narcissist. He’s a jerk. He’s this, that.” Or “I don’t know my father. I’ve never had a dad.” Or “My Stepfather was an asshole.”

When you go out with women and they basically come from a broken home and then you just think, because she’s hot, everything’s going to be great, you’re asking for trouble. So red flags are women that come from a broken home. Women that hate their fathers, don’t respect their fathers. Women with too much boss girl energy. In other words, she and her sisters and the mother nagged the shit out of Dad, until Dad just eventually gets sick of the nagging and just basically caves in and gives the girls what they want. That’s a red flag.

That’s a people pleaser type of man. And because if the girl doesn’t respect her father, she’s not going to respect you or any man for that matter. And so it’s really super important. So in your first few dates, when you start going out with somebody, one of the things you can ask on a first date is like, are you and your family close? Are you tight with your dad and ask her about it? Girls who love their father will go on and on about their dad and all the things they love about them. “My Father is my rock. He’s done so much for me. He’s always there for me. I always go to him for advice.”

If she has a bad date with a guy and she goes and tells him about it, he reminds her what type of guys are the right guys to be looking for and dating and those kinds of things. So again, easy going, easy to get along with. She’s going to be nice to you. That’s what you’re looking for. Other red flags in girls are, she’s dishonest. She says one thing, she does, another. Promises to do something, then doesn’t follow through on it. Just simple things like that. She’s passive aggressive. She gives you the silent treatment when she’s mad at you and says, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

And then she literally will refuse to talk about things until she’s decided you have been left to twist in the wind long enough and stew about it, and then she’ll want to get back together and then not even talk about things or why she was upset. Women that grow up in a healthy family, where mom and dad have a good relationship, and they’ll stay up all night if they have to talk things out or work things out. If that’s what’s modeled for her at home, she’s going to get that. That’s the vibe she was raised in and she’s going to seek it out. Another red flag is if a woman comes from a home where Mom or Dad or both parents are lying to each other, cheating on each other, they get divorced.

Or if they were never married, they cheat on their subsequent partners and vice versa. If she grows up in an environment where lying and cheating was just par for the course, that was just a normal everyday thing in their family, probably not going to be a good woman to have a long-term relationship with. Because she’s just not going to value it. Also other red flags, women that, you know, like the top five careers, it’s like law enforcement, nursing, medical field. Um, also women in the military, female bartenders.

If you’ve got women that even though they are in a relationship or they have a boyfriend, they’re constantly giving out their phone number to other dudes or encouraging other guys to follow them on Instagram, even though they’re supposedly in a relationship. Those are the behaviors. Or her Instagram and her social media basically looks like she’s advertising for her OnlyFans account. Again, those are not things that a family-oriented girl is going to be involved in. Girls that come from broken homes, typically, for the most part, are going to be doing those kinds of things.

And so if you want a girl that’s more modest, it’s like, you know, she’s not going to be airing out the baloney curtains or showing off the camel toe all over social media. That’s just a fact of life. And so the more you see those issues. Again, if her home life is chaotic, well, that’s normal to her. If she was raised in a stable home, well, that’s normal to her. And so you got to pay attention to those kinds of things. And, you know, I’ve been doing this for almost 20 years.

And so the guys that have the most difficulty, it’s, you know, even when they’ve learned the book, more often than not, a big part of the problem is they’ve just chosen a bad woman and they can’t see that, or they refuse to see that, or they’re trying to use the book to fix the girl’s issues or to undo the bad parenting that she got. And so you got to see reality as it is not better than it is or worse than it is but as it is. Again, if you’re wanting stable, long-term relationship where you want to get married or have a live-in girlfriend, somebody that you can raise a family with, they’ve got to have the value system.

They’ve got to have the similar goals, similar values. And you know, you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. If a girl comes from a broken home, just because you’re a good guy doesn’t mean you’re going to fix that. So you got to see things as they are. And if you have a negative attitude like this guy has, well, then he’s going to continually date one woman after another who all meet the same archetype, which he’s just not going to be happy about. Because if you’re jaded and bitter, and especially if your attitude is, “Oh, everybody’s like this, all girls are like this.” Well, every time you meet a girl and she’s like that type, you’ll keep dating her.

Instead of saying, “Oh, that girl got came from a broken home. She fucking hates her dad. I’m not going out with her again. I don’t care how hot she is.” But again, if you keep staying engaged with women, once you find out they got more red flags than China has then, well, that’s a “you” problem. Because anytime anybody, whether it’s somebody watching this video or it’s somebody watching, you know, somebody that, you know, that seems to continually date the same people, the person may physically look different, but it’s the exact same archetype over and over and over and over again. The problem is them. They’re making bad choices. They’re not vetting women properly.

So again, you got to see reality as it is. Not think, “Hey, this is a fixer upper. I can work with this. I can undo all of her.” You know, her bad, the bad parenting she got, or the fact that Dad cheated on Mom and left Mom, and then Dad left his, you know, three other girlfriends or three other wives after that and cheated on everybody. It’s, again, if they grow up in an environment where lying and cheating was happening all over the place, it’s like they’re typically just like them. That’s just that’s the way it is. That’s how things shake out.

Again, I’ve been doing this for almost 20 years, and you just you see the same patterns over and over and over again. Guys that have good relationships, they date good family-oriented women. Women I wrote about in my book that I had great long term relationships with. Same thing. It’s one pattern that I learned early on. If she was raised right and came from a good family, she could be a pretty good girlfriend. Pretty easygoing, easy to get along with. Will defer to your authority.

But the more things were a train wreck at home, the more she’s going to be a feminist or boss girl energy and just be, in other words she’s gonna make your life hard instead of making your dick hard. And we like women that make our dicks hard, not our lives. We want a woman that respects us. Women that constantly disrespect us, that’s the quickest way to cause a guy to lose a boner and not want to be with a woman.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

Here is an email that may be quite different for you to read out. I am 32 years old now and as I have become older in my life and have had several long term relationships with women from I was 20 I have come to a stage where I am quite cynical regarding what women actually want in a man and what they tend to go for and keep at all costs. 

Well, that’s what you got to read the book so you understand what women are attracted to. But again, character is destiny Dude. If you’re completely ignoring a woman’s low character and she does you dirty, it’s like, well, that’s on you. If you keep attracting the same type of girl over and over and over again. That’s a “you” problem. You’re the one that says yes. You’re the one that agrees to get into a relationship. And if you’re saying yes to women, you should be saying no to, well again, that’s on you Dude. The reality is most people suck in this world. Most women you’re going to meet, they’re going to kind of suck.

Most guys potentially, that you may be thinking you want to be friends with or hang out with, they fucking suck too. I was doing a phone session the other day with a guy, and he works in government and the type of, um, part of government, I should say that he works in, the people that you roll out with have got to have your fucking back. Because if they don’t, it could literally get you killed. I’m going to save your life and you’re going to save mine. That should be the mentality. But this particular guy made the mistake of trusting his coworker with intimate details and things he was sharing about another coworker that he was trying to date.

And so he’s thinking, this guy’s his friend and his buddy. And meanwhile, the whole time this guy is using everything he’s sharing to go to this girl that he wants to date and basically talking shit about him and sandbag his chances. And on top of that, he’s boning this girl. And so this guy finds out about it through the grapevine, through somebody else. He’s thinking, man, I thought this guy was my friend. We worked together. We literally have to have each other’s backs and the industry that we work in. And yet I’m telling them things in confidence. And he’s acting like he’s my friend.

And as soon as I share something, he’s going right to this girl, using it to make me look bad. And on top of that, he’s trying to ruin my reputation amongst all the other women in the office. It’s like there’s a lot of garbage humans out there, even people that are supposed to have high character. There’s a lot of shitbags out in the world. And that’s just part of life. People that are good to you, good for you, good for the soul. It’s like they almost never come along. That’s like when I talk about women that you have like a soul connection with where you just meet, and it’s easy and effortless from the moment you meet.

You get maybe 1 to 3 of those a decade. It’s like the same thing, like when it comes to, you know, how often do you meet a new best friend? Like, when does that ever happen? It’s like you might meet one really good dude to be friends with per decade, if you’re lucky. So to have two or 3, or 10 women turn out to suck. It’s like they most of them do. It’s like this should not be surprising. People that you click with that are raised right, that share the same values, they’re extremely rare. And so that’s why as you come across people like that in your life, you want to keep them around because again, good people are really hard to come by.

And the same goes for women. And because of that, that’s just a truth of life. More people will rip you off than would be a good friend or a good business partner or a good client. If they think they can get more on their side of the table, they’re going to do it, even if the deal is unfair and unfairly slanted against you. Because again, people typically tend to be selfish. So you can’t let that cause you to be jaded and cynical about the world. You just got to see reality as it is. Not everybody belongs in your inner circle. Not every hot girl deserves to be on your arm, or in your bed, or in your life, or part of your family. That’s just that’s reality. It’s always been that way.

I am 32 years old.

You know, he’s quite cynical regarding what women want.

From I have been single again for the past year I have been dating several of women from being in 3 long term relationships for the past 11 years. All I have seen are red flags regarding what women want, ask for and even expect. 

So it kind of sounds like he’s upset that women are focused on money or stuff. And just the fact that he’s focused on money and stuff tells me that’s something that’s top of mind, top of consciousness for him. And again, you attract how you act. If you’re focused on money and stuff, that doesn’t really mean anything, you’re going to meet other women that value that as well. Because like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. And so if you’re attracting women that are like, I remember we were doing a live stream, that was about two months ago, and there was a guy complaining how all, you know.

And of course, you know, one of the first things he says is he’s got a Ferrari and that’s like the, you know, the first sentence that he posts in the chat. And then he complains that, like all women are gold diggers. It’s like everybody in the chat didn’t need to know he had a Ferrari. But the fact that he leads with the Ferrari at the beginning of the conversation, well, he’s clearly doing that when he’s meeting people and talking to people. “Oh, I got a Ferrari. Oh my business makes X amount of millions a year. I’ve got this. I’ve got that. My house is 10,000 square feet. I’ve got X amount of in stocks.” Or whatever it happens to be.

You can just tell the dude was focused on material things. And so when that’s what you lead with, in other words, you’re trying to find women that are going to be attracted to your material wealth. Well guess what? You’re going to attract shallow women because that’s the bait that you’re fishing with. If you focus on building good relationships and a good social circle and hang out with other family oriented dudes and friends, they’re typically going to have other women that are part of their social circle that also share that value system.

And so you’re going to be much more inclined to meet somebody that shares your goals and values in that environment versus a random person on the street or a woman that you meet on a dating app. Remember, like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. So if you want family-oriented values, you’ve got to be hanging out with people that have those family-oriented values.

Let me give you an example of some red flags for me. I have been told by a specific woman I quote. “Bob the man I am with long term will give me a Vivienne Westwood engagement ring because that’s what I want and deserve.”

That sounds like a shallow girl. Almost like the way a stripper thinks. A girl that’s raised in a good family and believes in love and family and all that, she’s going to be like, I don’t care how much she spends, just as long as it’s from his heart. It’s something that he can afford. All I care about is that it comes from the heart. That’s what a good girl is going to say. A shallow chick is going to demand a certain number of carats, and X amount of dollars. Tens of thousands of dollars spent on an engagement ring.

But a good family-oriented girl is going to be okay with a few thousand dollars and going to think it’s silly to blow 50 grand on an engagement ring. So just that mentality, it’s like if you’re complaining about gold diggers and you meet a woman and she’s talking about that and she’s kind of arrogant and has an attitude about it, it’s like, well, that sounds like she’s just kind of focused on shallow things.

I asked, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Her reply was, “I want to be financially stable and not lower class.”

So what’s her worldview? What’s her model of the world? She wants somebody that’s got money and it’s going to take care of her. Does that sound like a girl that was raised in a good home? That sounds like a girl that’s focused on superficial things. And so if a woman says something like that to you, and then you want to continue dating her, and you think it’s a good idea to wife her up or put a ring on her finger? You fucking deserve everything you’re going to get. She just told you who she was. She told you she was largely superficial and into stuff.

And in other words, she’s not looking for the right guy for her. She’s looking for a dude that she can horse trade with. Why would you fucking want that? That should be so obvious to avoid somebody like that. But again, he’s entertaining women like this. So you can understand if you’re dating girls like that and then it turns out that they’re superficial and they care about money and stuff well, you kept dating her. She made it very clear. I only had to read two sentences from her, and I know everything I need to know about her.

Which I immediately thought was a major red flag as I believe “we are all human and are equal to each other no matter what job or finances someone has.” To want financial freedom is one thing, but to say mention classes seemed very stuck up in my opinion of course.

Months went on and one red flag after another happened. Coach I now have dated several women the last year and when I wine and dine them it’s easy getting a woman and getting laid when treating them like a woman or as a gentleman should treat a lady but keeping them happy is a whole other story It seems.

Well again, your dating women that are focused on this stuff. I wouldn’t. Me personally, I would, as soon as shit like that came out of the girl’s mouth, I wouldn’t be going out on any more dates. But you kept dating her for some reason. So you should know better if you’ve been following my work for a while, because that’s just such an obvious, avoidable error, and you know, it’s a time waster.

I have become super hesitant as to where their intentions lie and what they really want from me?

Well again, it’s like she told you what her value system was, so anything that happens after that should not be a surprise.

I find it hard to believe they want me for me and not just what I offer them.

Well, she told you up front that’s what she was looking for.

Or how I treat them when wining and dining them etc.

Well, again, she told you she was shallow and what she was looking for. She was basically a hooker or a mercenary, and you’re like, “I can work with this coach. I’m going to keep dating her. I’ll fix her with your book.” It’s like, you’re not going to fix low character. You’re not going to fix a shallow woman with my book.

Women have stated to me, “No man has treated me so well as you Bob, and you have been such a gentleman”.

Well, you know, that’s nice, but ideally you want to hear that coming from a family-oriented girl who will actually appreciate it. Because she’ll be glad that you’re more like her father. That’s what she wants. She wants a man who is good to her, who listens to her, who treats her great. Who’s loyal and taught her the right value system. Because she’ll have adopted his value system. Because he’ll put his foot up her ass if she gets out of line and did, and so that’s why she’s got guardrails. Unlike the shallow woman that you were writing about.

This in fact is a compliment but I don’t want to be taken for granted or used for what I bring to the table.

Again, as soon as a woman tells you that she’s shallow and focused on stuff and money, well, that’s the hallmark of a girl that came from a broken home, probably grew up poor. And so in her mind, what’s going to solve her problems is to do with money. And so she’s not focused on a high character, man. She’s focused on a dude that’s got money. And therefore, when she’s focused on a guy with money, the character really doesn’t fucking matter, because she doesn’t look at it. She doesn’t think about it. And Dad wasn’t around to teach her these values, so she doesn’t know what to look for.

I am a sports massage therapist and am far from rich, a man who has a normal job who works hard but likes to treat a woman well who will wine and dine them in the dating stage then become hesitant as to what they want.

Again, this girl told you up front what she wanted. And two sentences I pegged her. It was so easy and so obvious.

And where their intentions lie and what they may be expecting long term from me.

Again, when she tells you how she was raised and what she thinks of her Father, that’s pretty much, again, all the green and red flags that you want to look for.

What type of women are green flags and not red?

Well, I discussed that in the beginning of the video.

Also can you talk on “Do women want a man to fall in love with or a financial blanket to rely on?

Kind regards,

Bob

So that’s a great question. So women who are raised right, they want a guy who’s like their dad. That’s what they really want. Or their oldest Brother that they really love and admire and look up to because he’s also like her dad. Girls that are looking for a financial blanket, they’re focused on superficial stuff. They’re talking about it. They’re focused on it. What kind of car do you drive? What do you do for a living? How much do you make that kind of shit. You know, I learned that early on in my early 20s is like women that were shallow.

They always talked about stuff. How much you had, what you had, what you made, what kind of car you drive. And so as soon as we would hear those things, it was like, well, duh, maybe fuck buddy, friends with benefits, but I’m not going to make a girl like that my girlfriend or my wife. It’s duh. And like I said, the one girl he wrote about, it’s, I mean, that statement, that was it. That was all the red flags you needed to know that she’s shallow, she’s materialistic, and she’s looking at what you can do for her, instead of what kind of a relationship and family can we build together.

Again it all has to do with how they’re raised at home. Find a girl who loves her dad. Admires her dad. Respects him, trusts his judgment, listens to him, doesn’t nag him. When Daddy says something, that’s it. That’s the law of the land. And everybody implements Daddy’s decision. And there’s no questioning it. There’s no doubting his leadership. 2 or 3 weeks later, or months later, it’s just, he’s the head of the household. If she’s raised right, she’ll be a great girlfriend. And if she’s not. She’s a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, until you find somebody who is family oriented.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.