Hanging Out Too Often, Too Fast?

How to know if you are hanging out too often, too fast, so you don’t risk ruining a woman’s increasing attraction towards you.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for a little over a year after his divorce. He says he has read my first book, How To Be A 3% Man, 4-5 times, but he has mild reading issues, which is why he still has not read it the prescribed 10-15 times.

A hot coworker started hitting on him hard at work and has been pursuing him. They have hung out five times in the past two weeks, and hooked up each time, but he is worried he is spending too much time with her too soon. It’s obvious he doesn’t really know the book that well and is second-guessing himself as a result. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I guess he’s got mild reading issues, so I don’t know if that’s reading comprehension or maybe he’s got something like dyslexia or whatever, but at the end of the day, he still hasn’t read the book 10 to 15 times. And it shows, because he’s struggling with something that should be a pretty simple concept. It’s explained, especially in the pickup and the dating phase in the book. But it’s a good topic I haven’t gone over in a while, because this is one of the subtle differences that makes all the difference.

The thing that he’s got going for him is he started seeing this woman from work who was really hot, and it turns out she really likes him. She initiated everything. She started texting him, suggested they get together. And they get together, they hook up successfully. She really likes him, she’s really starting to pursue him hard, and she’s making it really easy. There’s a part in my book where I talk about the Adam Corolla quote, where he says that “When a woman likes you, the doors start opening and all you have to do is walk through them.” You can see she’s opening the the doors wide for him, and she’s like, “Come on in, big boy.” And so, obviously, it’s pretty easy and effortless.

He’s spent five dates with her in two weeks, and he’s saying, “I’ve spent too much time, according to what the book says.” But obviously he misses the point that she’s the one driving it. This doesn’t happen to many guys that often, and when you meet a woman who is really super into you, where on a scale of one to ten, her attraction might be a seven or eight, this is what you’re going to see is women pursuing hard because they really like you. And she’s saying these things about how much she really likes him as well, so it makes it pretty easy.

And this is what you want. This is why you practice. This is why you read the book 10 to 15 times, so when you meet a woman you really like and for whatever reason you just do it for her, she starts pursuing you hard, and it’s pretty easy. Obviously, if you’ve been through How To Be A 3% Man, you know that when I was younger and these things would happen to me, I would start pursuing even harder, eventually, and then I’d get friendzoned or the woman would just disappear. I think most men have had something like that similar happen to them, where they’re like, “Man, I know that girl was into me,” and then she just loses all interest and they don’t understand why. And they ask her and she’s like, “Oh, there’s just no spark. There’s no chemistry.”

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I came across your work a little over a year ago after my divorce. I’ve read the book 4-5 times. You say to read it 10-15 times, but as someone who has a mild reading issues, I know I’ll have to read it at least 25 times. 

Well, four to five times in a year, you’ve got to do better, dude. This is why you’re struggling, because you’re not following instructions. You’re making it way harder on yourself than it needs to be. In a lot of my phone sessions I do with guys, they just they don’t follow instructions, they don’t read the book, and then they wonder why they’re struggling.

Recently, a hot coworker of mine, that I may have talked to once before, texted me about something my team would take care of at work. Here’s the thing, there are more qualified people she could’ve asked, could have sent my whole team an email or simply mentioned it in passing, but instead she went out of her way to ask someone for my number and made sure she texted me.

Well, when women like you, they help you. They help you get to their front door or them get to yours.

We proceeded to banter back and forth. I said something about hanging out. She replied something basic like, “yeah we should,” so I left it at that. About a week goes by, she reaches out again and after a couple messages asked if I had plans tonight. I said, “Nothing planned. Why? Are you trying to hang out?” Her, “Yuh.” I said, “Tell me when and where to pick you up.”

So, he already knows her from work, she already really likes him, so she’s already going to feel safe and comfortable, because he’s not a total stranger or somebody that she just met on a dating app and talked to you for ten seconds. So, obviously, him going to her house and picking her up when she already likes him and she’s already thinking about the meat missile because she likes him makes it pretty easy and effortless.

Later that night, I picked her up, we hung out, had fun and hooked up.

Well, it’s a simple formula. Your job as a man in the courtship is just simply to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up.

After we hooked up, she said things like, “Wow, no guy has ever done that before. Your confidence is so sexy. I can’t believe that just happened.” I stuck around for a bit then left. 

So, this whole time, she’s pursuing him. The other thing, the caveat I’ve got to throw in there, it’s also possible that women who come on to you really hard this fast may be on the rebound. But she’s driving the train here, which is the important thing. This is her idea. She’s seeking his attention and validation. She’s pursuing him. And you notice that he wasn’t in a mad rush to even make a date with her, even when he brought up, “Hey, we should hang out.” She said, “Yeah, we should,” but he didn’t say anything about it, he just let it be.

If a woman’s really into you and you say that, typically, she’ll try harder, which obviously she reached out. I personally would have made the date as soon as she reached out, because I know what that means. But this guy has only read the book four to five times, so this can work to his advantage, because what’s the rush? And quite frankly, being more mysterious, in essence, it’s not so much being hard to get, but you’re just not in a rush. “Slow and steady like the river that never grows stale. No hurry, no rush.” Kind of like a turtle. A turtle takes his time, but he always gets there. Turtle is my spirit animal, by the way.

A few days went by and she reached out, and a couple messages in she said, “I can’t stop thinking about the other night.”

It must have been a good performance, bro, so cheers to you on your gold medal in the indoor Olympics, 3% men around the world rejoice in your success and happiness.

I responded with, “Why think about it when you can relive it?” 

Nice. That’s a good comeback. I like that. Playful, naughty, but to the point, direct and decisive.

We proceeded to make another date. I know you say one date per week starting out and don’t be too available, however, we go on a date, she reaches out a day or two later, I go to set a date and she always says she is free tonight or tomorrow.

So, this is part of whether or not reading the book 10 to 15 times is causing to you to go, “What did Corey say? What did he say about that?” The idea is if you’re reaching out to a woman — because typically this is not how things are normally going to go with most women that you’re going to try to go out with — most women, you’re going to be calling them for the first two or three weeks just to invite them out on a date, make a date and go out.

And then as their interest grows, this woman is behaving like a woman who would behave in week four to five, assuming you applied everything in “How To Be A 3% Man” properly. But she really liked him, so the point being is that it’s her idea to get together, she’s pursuing him. So, what’s confusing to him is he didn’t have to go through those first two to three weeks of him pursuing her and chasing her, if you will, where he’s doing all of the contact initiation. Because as she warms up, she reaches out more.

And I’ve got another email I’m going to be doing in a few days where it’s the exact opposite, where this guy’s been out on several dates she’s always excited to hear from him, but she’s not really pursuing or making any effort. But this guy has a great problem, which is she’s hot for him. And I wrote about several women in “How To Be A 3% Man” that were like that. I’m telling you, compared to your average woman, where you’ve got to work and it takes time to build their interest, and then you have a woman like this who just throws the doors wide open — she’s like, come on in — it’s so much nicer.

And when we get used to this, it really spoils you. You go out on a date and you’re having to work a little harder to keep a conversation going and you’re like, “I don’t really want to waste my time. I don’t want to put this much effort in. It’s not as reciprocated as that last girl was.” It’s so much nicer. You want ease and delight and women like this who make it easy. It’s just so much better.

Is there a thing of being too available for hanging out or hanging out too much, too fast?

Well, it’s her idea. The other thing to keep in mind is she might slow it down in a few weeks. Where you would hang out two or three times last week, this week she might not call and text you as much and you might only end up hanging out once. That’s where the analogy ‘women are like cats’ come in. You can’t be butt hurt or bothered by that. You’re cool either way, like, “Hey, great to hear from you.”

Because sometimes the cat gets a little bored and you can’t be perturbed, you can’t be bothered. It has nothing to do with you, it just has everything to do with her emotions, and you’ve just got to let her be, not take it personally. Focus on your mission and your purpose. She’ll be back. They always come back. The kitty cats always return to the barn.

It’s only been two weeks since that initial date, we have hung out five times and she constantly says things like, “I’m so infatuated with you, I’ve never fallen this hard this fast.”

Bro, whatever you doing in the bedroom, she must be liking it, because she’s coming back for more.

I hate this feeling of actually liking someone. She makes everything so easy and effortless.

Well, welcome to my reality, bro. This is the way it’s supposed to be when girls really like you. That’s why going out with all those other chicks that just weren’t that into you, it makes it so worth it.

Should I slow down on hanging out so much? Any advice you can give is appropriated.

Thanks Coach,

Bob

No, I wouldn’t do anything. Remember, hang out, have fun, hook up. If she’s contacting you, that’s exactly what the book says. Just make a date, but don’t get upset and start pursuing her if she slows it down a little. That’s the important thing. I did an email recently and a guy noticed when they went away for a long weekend, he was like, “She didn’t seem as excited on Monday as she was Friday when we left for the weekend.” And that’s what happens. You get really familiar with each other, and women are like Mother Nature. Their emotions are like Mother Nature, and you can’t take it personally. And it has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with how she’s feeling. That’s why he just let her be, because she’ll be back.

You’re in a good place, man. But the important thing is you’ve got to read the book 10 to 15 times. Because guys like you that get into situations like this with women that make it really easy, they go, “Hey man, I’ve got this. I don’t need to read this thing 10 to 15 times.” And then two or three years from now, when you’re getting friendzoned or she wants to break up, then it’s an emergency. Then you go back to the book and you go, “Oh, I missed all that. I didn’t do these things. I didn’t listen to you, Corey. I should’ve listened. I should have read the book 10 or 15 times. But how do I get her back? I need her back.” Don’t be that guy.

So you can also read “Mastering Yourself” for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com, and obviously the sweet third book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” which is out now in Audible, iTunes, paperback, hardcover, every kind of type of book you’d like to have, and you can read for free at UnderstandingRelationships.com to make sure you like it. You can try all my books before you buy. All you’ve got to do is put your name and your email address in the email sign-up box on my website.

And if you’d like to book a coaching session with yours truly, maybe you’ve got an issue, things have gone sideways with a girl you were dating. Maybe you’ve got a professional issue you need help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book coaching session with yours truly.

“As a woman’s romantic interest in a man grows, and as long as he is in his masculine, which makes her feel safe and comfortable, she will continue to contact him more and more as the weeks go by to receive more of his time, masculine presence and strength. This is a compliment to him for acting like a man is supposed to act, which attracts balanced, normal and healthy women naturally. She seeks his attention and validation, and it brings him joy to light her up emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. If a woman is chasing you because you are romancing her properly and acting like a masculine man consistently, you will never have to worry about getting dumped.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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