This is a recent email from a client who bought my book several years ago. He has been using the Mystery method, and is not succeeding. He is very frustrated by his lack of success and not getting laid. See if you can spot any of the limiting beliefs in his email that are hindering his success:
It’s Tom. The last time I spoke to you was three years ago. I love what you’re doing, and I’ve come to realize that it’s best if I just be myself. I have tried the Mystery method and read so many books. You have no idea how frustrated I am. I am emailing you because I have a question. I like to date girls that have the same personality as me. However, when meeting these women, many of them are not conversationalists, meaning they don’t talk much. I have to do all of the talking. If I’m attracted to girls that have my personality, and they don’t talk much, how do I get them to talk without me coming across as boring. I just can’t understand how to pick women up. I’m a direct kind of guy. I like to get straight to the point, meaning I would go up to a girl, talk to her, then ask her out with any charming, you look beautiful or the negative compliment, like what Mystery does. It’s just so frustrating. HELP! “Just be yourself” means what exactly? You know, like be a bore like every other guy, and ask what’s up, how you doing, and just have her walk away when I’m talking?
Please email me as soon as you can. I have your book, but I’m not getting laid.
Here is my response to him:
Nice to hear from you again. You are right about being yourself. When a man memorizes some pick up routine, especially the ones in Mystery’s book, women can smell it a mile a away. I have had many laughs with women these past few years about guys coming up to them and using one of Mystery’s stories, as if it was his own. Your words, thoughts, deeds and purpose need to be congruent in order for you to be authentic and effective at meeting, picking up and dating the type of women you’ve always wanted. Women want a man who is authentically and unapologetically himself. He is not looking for anyone’s approval and does not care what other people think about him. Men that are not comfortable being themselves, act nervous, and have a hard time getting in the flow and just being themselves don’t know how to act, and they feel awkward around other people, in crowds and especially around women. The real problem is, they just don’t have any social skills, and are so full of fear, they look and act robotic. Women don’t feel comfortable around them, because these men are not comfortable with themselves. When a woman is around a guy who is comfortable with himself, it makes her feel at ease, and that he will accept and celebrate her as the divine, beautiful, feminine creation that she is. When they are in this state, they feel the most sexy, natural and playful.
You’re not getting laid because you are doing several things to sabotage your success:
1) You are not making women feel comfortable around you, because you expect things to be other than they are. You must accept women as they show up. You don’t try to change an introverted girl into an extroverted girl. Go find an extroverted girl to start with.
2) You’re getting too hung up on the chicks you meet. You want to know one thing when you meet a chick. Honey, are ya in, or are ya out? Attraction is not a choice. Women either have 51% interest level in you or higher to start with, or they don’t. If it’s below 51%, you ain’t got a chance. You are spending time hung up and moping about certain girls not responding to you. Some chicks simply are not going to respond to you at all.
3) Some chicks are really hot and will dig you, but you will find them to be boring. Some will be ugly, but fun and awesome to hang with. Some are hot, mean, selfish, terrible communicators, sexy and fun as hell to fuck, but terrible relationship material. (Just enjoy these women until you can’t take it anymore. You won’t ever change them). Some are hot, fun, but terrible conversationalists and rather boring. It’s only every once in a while, when you meet a truly special lady, where you blow her away and she will blow you away. Those types of connections are rare and special, so you need to get your shit together and get this part of your life handled so you can land your next, (or first), great love when she comes along. Destiny favors those who are prepared.
4) If you are comfortable with yourself, and you meet a chick who is hot, also comfortable with herself, and has high interest in you to start with, you could be making out in seconds of meeting each other.
5) Every guy meets lots of girls that would date him. The problem most guys have is, they talk women out of going home with them. Your job, ultimately as a man, is to create an opportunity for sex to happen by not talking women out of it.
Women are easy to be around and talk to. They will talk about anything. Bring up dating and relationships, and you’ve got a great topic that could be fun for hours with the same girl. Use my email newsletters as topics to ask women about also. Have them saved in your smartphone. It gives her another reason got get close and touch you and your phone. Just imagine how nice she is going to smell when she gets close.
Eventually, she is going to ask you, “Why are you still single?” You: “Well, I’ve been waiting to meet someone nice. Are you trying to say that you might be the girl I’ve been looking for?” with a 007 smirk on your face. If she says shyly, “Maybe,” you could then say, “I only want to know one thing…” Her: “What’s that?” You: “Are you a good kisser?” Her: “Of course. I’m the best.” You: “Prove it.” Look her in the eyes, then at her lips, and back up to her eyes slowly. If she likes you enough, she’ll kiss you right away.
You simply need more experience talking to and interacting with women. Go back and read my book again. These other books are great for background material, but mine will teach you to act like and be yourself, without having to risk rejection when you hit on women. I can tell by your comments that you have forgotten a lot of what I have taught. I read my book every year. Somehow, I always read something that makes me say to myself, “How did I forget that? I wrote that shit?”
If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. In life you are either a passenger, or a pilot. It’s your choice.
From my heart to yours,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur