He Saw A Hot Chick… And… Choked

Here’s an email I got recently from a coaching client. He saw a chick that blew him away at a truck stop, and he couldn’t muster the courage to speak to her. See if you can pick up his limiting beliefs and self-sabotaging patterns that are holding him back. Here’s his email.

Corey… Yeah man, the door truly swings both ways on that one (Tom is referring to my article “I Have A Potty Mouth.”) A lot of my friends both male and female display an incredible amount of up-tightness around me. Family too. I mean, with all the racial slurs I use, (just funnin’), and cursing blue streaks, you’d think they would be used to it by now, but no, there’s never a shortage of folks to jump up my ass and correct my speech. Anyhow, all that aside, I’ve got a question for you. Yesterday I saw a perfect 10 at a truck stop. I walked in to pay for my diesel and just about lost it by what I saw. There was this unbelievable girl standing there. To quote the Great Bon Scott, “She had the face of an angel smiling with sin, the body of Venus with arms.” Her smile radiated brighter than 1,000 suns, and her dangerous eyes could cut diamonds. I was truly taken aback. A perfect 10, from her pretty lil’ head down to her smoking feet. Anyway, I got really depressed once the initial shock went away. It happens all the time, as I wonder what it takes to snag something like that. I wonder, what kinds of guys does she date, and then I hang my head and say, “not me.”

The truth is, nowadays, everybody seems to be so narcissistic that someone like me, with such little “game,” can’t get past hello. You’ve said this stuff is fun, but I only see it as struggle. For fuck’s sake, every talk radio host I like, from my favorite, Mike Church, to Hannity or Levin, all speak many times of belief in self, and how you can get what you want in life if you work at it. I just don’t see it, or maybe it’s too much for me to digest. Furthermore, I just don’t FEEL it. It all seems like a joke, meaning that I am pissed that I actually have to give an effort to attain what I want, while many, many others have not had to do shit. They exist therefore they receive. How can anyone explain a loser driving around in his stupid little Dodge Neon with 3-4 hotties all hanging with him enjoying life vs. a dude like me who’s done fun, crazy unimaginable things in life and still got nothing? No one can explain. It’s bullshit and you know it. I don’t even know how to like myself really, because of bad luck and seeing how good others have it, as opposed to me. It may have to take a life changing experience to get me to change my crummy outlook. I don`t know man. I just don’t know.

Tom.

Here’s my response to his email:

Dear Tom:

I’m going to make some comments in (parenthesis like this) in some snippets from your email:

I got really depressed once the initial shock went away. It happens all the time, (This is a belief and a pattern. You do the same thing to yourself every time. It’s now part of your story to justify to yourself to keep doing the same thing. When you want something, you get excited, then the “reality” hits that it takes effort, and then you get depressed. It fulfills your need for certainty — you get the same thing/same feelings every time you do it; your need for love and connection — you tell others and try to get sympathy from them to justify that your behavior is appropriate; your need for significance — you feel important when people listen to you tell your sad story. Its what we call an addiction. It meets 3 of your 6 human needs, and you do the same thing repeatedly. Look at the bright side, some guys FART when they meet a hot chick, because they get so nervous. Can you imagine that shit Tom? Farting every time you meet a hot chick? LOL, that’s funny shit! So dude, at least you’re not gassing your prospective lady loves! Some guys even faint or pass out. You’ve got no problems bro!), as I wonder what it takes to snag something like that. (Simple, just ask her to have a cup of coffee with you right there on the spot. Say this, “You’re amazing! Would you like to have a cup of coffee with me and chat for a few minutes before I have to run to my next appointment?” She’ll either say yes or no. Either way, you’re going to feel better for having the balls to ask. She’ll be flattered and respect you more for putting yourself out there, as opposed to acting weak and just looking and wishing you could touch like most guys do.) I wonder what kinds of guys does she date, (Guys that have the balls to ask her and risk rejection. It’s a numbers game. Some chicks will like you, and most probably won’t. All you want to know is… honey, are ya in, or are ya out? Get through the no’s so you can get to that first YES! And then… the second YES! and then… the third YES! Its a simple numbers game), and then I hang my head and say “not me.” (Because I’m lazy, I’d rather whine about my lack of success to keep myself from taking any action and having any success; because I don’t think I deserve it. So by doing nothing, I can prove to myself I don’t deserve it. No action = no results or success.)

The truth is, nowadays, everybody seems to be so narcissistic that someone like me, with such little “game,” (You have all the game you need. You just choose not to use it. You bullshit yourself that you are a loser. All of your friends think you are an awesome guy, yet you keep trying to convince them otherwise), can’t get past hello. (You have to accept and be okay with the fact that, sometimes when you open your mouth to a chick you are going to bomb, sometimes you’re gonna knock it out of the park, sometimes you’re not gonna feel it and every once in a long while… you are going to encounter a truly foul bitch who will act as if you don’t even have the right to speak to her. The foul ones will make you glad you’re not fucking those miserable bitches. You’ll feel sorry for the poor bastards who are.) You’ve said this stuff is fun, but I only see it as struggle. (Again, that’s part of your story you use to bullshit yourself into not taking any action, therefore, nothing changes and you can still say… see! my life sucks!) For fuck’s sake, every talk radio host I like, from my favorite, Mike Church, to Hannity or Levin, all speak many times of belief in self and how you can get what you want in life if you work at it. (That is a fact as long as you practice infinite patience and persist without exception towards your goals and dreams.) I just don’t see it, (You just refuse to see it), or maybe it’s too much for me to digest. (You’re bullshitting yourself again.) Furthermore, I just don’t FEEL it. (Of course not. You have to take action first, in order to start having more success and to FEEL it.) It all seems like a joke, meaning that I am pissed that I actually have to give an effort to attain what I want, while many many others have not had to do shit. (Correct. Some guys were born with the silver spoon in their mouths. However, that’s not me, and that’s not you. We have to work for what we want.) They exist, therefore they receive. (They are weak. They have never had to struggle and overcome. They’re candy-asses). How can anyone explain a loser driving around in his stupid little Dodge Neon with 3-4 hotties all hanging with him, (Probably just his friends), enjoying life vs. a dude like me who’s done fun, crazy unimaginable things in life, and still got nothing? No one can explain. It’s bullshit, and you know it. I don’t even know how to like myself, (Accept yourself as you are, and as God created you to be. There is nothing wrong with you. God had a purpose in mind when he designed you the way he did), really because of bad luck and seeing how good others have it, as opposed to me. (Then start taking some action, and you will start seeing some successes. Do nothing and nothing will change. It’s your choice.). It may have to take a life changing experience to get me to change my crummy outlook. (No, it just takes you asking, and a chick saying yes!) I don’t know man. I just don’t know. (Yes you do. TAKE ACTION.)

The important thing to remember is, it does not matter whether she says yes or no. It only matters that you open your mouth and have an interaction, no matter how long or how short it is. Just say, “Hey!” “What’s up?” “How are ya?” etc. the next time you see one of these hotties. You’ll see, they’re real people too, and most of the time will be happy to chat and pass the time while standing in line. They don’t bite… well… unless you want them to.

From my heart to yours,

Corey