Her Changing Emotions & Moods Shouldn’t Derail, Deter Or Diminish You

Why a woman’s changing emotions & moods shouldn’t derail, deter or diminish you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a guy who appears to be overthinking things and is being moved off center by a woman he likes changing emotions and moods. I discuss what he should be focusing on instead of feeling like he’s got a problem to solve or something to fix in her to make her more excited about him.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who it looks like he’s kind of overthinking things, he’s kind of in his head over-analyzing things a lot, and you can tell he gets a little moved off center. There’s a woman he’s writing in asking about who I guess he’s been out on a couple of dates with, but it seemed like when he tried to make a third date, he wanted to go to a comedy club, she wasn’t super excited to do that, so now he thinks, “Ah, it’s the end of the world,” but she had her kid that weekend. I guess she’s a single mom. So he’s taking her lack of enthusiasm as there’s something wrong or that he’s got something to fix.

The reality is, like the book says, you’re just trying to take measured steps. You’re going slowly. One day a week. Not trying to do too much too soon. Just taking your time. Taking measured steps. That’s why when you’re learning what’s in the book and like this guy is doing, he’s got other women that he’s talking to and dating and when he was going to meet this girl for their second date, it could be something to do with the fact that he was talking to another girl while he was waiting for his date to show up, and the date walked in and he’s like, “Oh hey, there’s my date,” but he seemed to have chemistry with the girl that he was talking to before his actual date showed up. Then he said when he sat down with his date, he said there was tension there, but he said it was good kind of tension. Maybe interpreted it, maybe he misinterpreted, maybe he didn’t.

It’s a good email because the idea is masculinity is calm. You got to understand feminine energy is chaos. Their emotions, their moods, they change. Especially when it’s around that time of the month, you’ll get women that, or it could be your girlfriend or your wife, she’s really nice, really happy, and a couple days before they turn into a dragon lady and they’re kind of cranky, kind of moody and kind of bitchy. Every woman is different, but it seems to affect all of them that I’ve seen in my life to varying degrees. They get a little shorter, a little bitchier, irritable. It’s going to happen. They get cranky. It’s just the way it is. You can’t be bothered. You got to think of how a woman’s changing moods and emotions are. They’re kind of like the weather. Like today, right now it’s raining. It’s going to rain all day. There’s like flood advisories. So it’s not a nice day to go out, especially when you got little shit boxes. Puppies like Lila, who’s two and a half months old.

By the way, over the weekend, they decided they’re going to start chewing our nice, expensive microphones, the Shure microphones that we use for the podcast. So there’s some chunks taken out of the foam and it’s like, that shit’s going to happen. You know what’s funny? I was thinking about it, like none of them have grabbed the microphones and have tried to chew them because they’re like underneath the coffee table that we have in the studio. Sure enough, two fucking hours later, I think it was her, Lila and Momo decided to start chewing on those expensive microphones and they took some chunks out of it. That’s just femme energy. It’s chaos. That’s life. Life is chaos, and how you respond to things like that, it’s irritating as fuck because those are expensive. All this time we’ve had dogs here. Not once have they ever been chewed on.

So when things like that happen, does it un-center you? Are you no longer calm? I mean obviously that can tick you off, but thinking about it in terms of like what happens when a woman’s mood changes? What happens when their enthusiasm level is different? What happens when the little puppy stops being so sweet and decides to start chewing your expensive stuff up? Things are going to happen. Masculinity is calm. Feminine energy is chaos. She’s a little girl. She causes chaos. It’s just weird how it’s never happened. Then I was thinking about it, I was like, “Man, it’s pretty nice. They’ve never chewed these fucking mics.” Not two hours later, they start tearing up the microphones. Just before I started filming this video, they were starting to pull them out again. So it’s just a new way to get tested. So think of it as like a metaphor to how to respond when a woman squeezes you a little bit, when she pressures you a little bit. You shouldn’t let it diminish you, change your approach or cause it for you to shrink or to be diminished in any way. You’re just even keel.

Viewer Email:

Mr. Corey Wayne,

First off, thank you. Not just for what you teach but for how you live it. Your material hasn’t just helped me, it’s reconnected me to who I truly am. I’ve spent the last year breaking off the old man and walking out your principles, and what’s changed in me is undeniable. My instincts are sharper. My presence is stronger. I’m living in my masculine center more than ever, and women feel it.

I’ve been applying your work seriously for over a year now.

Well repetition is the mother of skill, and by practicing it, that helps prepare you for when you meet somebody that just absolutely knocks your socks off.

Before that, I was over-giving, pedestalizing, trying to prove my worth.

Because again, this is what you see on TV. This is what is in the movies all the time, you got to prove yourself to a girl. Men who are of value don’t have to prove their prove shit to anybody. They’re just self-evident. They simply are, and women notice. They seek you out. They find you through your peer group and your social group and your friends. They hear about you and they want to get introduced to you.

That’s why it’s very helpful, especially if you move around a lot, it’s hard to establish a social circle like that to where meeting women becomes easy, but when you grow up and you live in an area and you go to school and you make a lot of friends as you’re growing up and you stay around the area, you meet a lot of people, you have a lot of friendships, and it just seems like wherever you go, you’re always meeting somebody new. That makes it very easy to meet the ladies versus just being dropped in a brand new city and not knowing anybody. You’re literally starting from ground zero.

Since finding your material, I’ve dated with clarity and conviction. My options have scaled upward, the quality of women I attract has drastically improved, and I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t flinch if something doesn’t work out. I’m no longer the man who tries to win approval. I AM the man she wants approval from.

It’s a difference. It’s a subtle difference, but it makes a world of difference because again, if you have choices, you have options. You just are constantly meeting people, meeting cute girls through your social life. Not one particular woman is going to really cause you to get squirrely or off-course because there’s another bus every 15 minutes.

This is why it really helps when you’re applying the book and you’re learning it, to be in the abundance type of mindset to where there’s always another girl. If you got an active social life, like as you’ll see here, this guy was meeting another girl, waiting for her to show up and while he was waiting for her to show up, he was chatting up some other girl. So that’s what I’m talking about, where you’re just always ABC. Like in sales, always be closing.

Now, to the moment I’m reaching out about:

I was recently out on a date. Second one with a woman I met through an app. I got there early and ended up in a conversation with another woman while I waited. There was definitely some interest on her end. Just as things were warming up, my date walked in. I looked over and said, “Well, there she is! I’m here on a date.” The other woman looked at her, smiled, and said, “She’s a lucky girl.” I just gave a small nod like, of course. That moment had a little charge to it, but I didn’t flinch. Just stayed cool and let it unfold.

So what’s possible is if your date walks in and sees you talking to another cute girl, she’s going to think, “Oh, he’s hitting on somebody else.” So maybe potentially that could cause a little bit of tension, but as the late, great Doc Love used to say, “When kitty cats compete, you win.”

Fast forward, the date went really well. Things felt natural, but there was definitely some tension underneath in a good way.

Well, at least that’s what he says.

When we got in the car, we had a great conversation and I told her, “I don’t tolerate disrespect. I just put my foot down when I need to.”

So I don’t know what prompted that. He just said it in the middle of conversation. Maybe it was something that she was saying, so I don’t know what prompted him to have to say that.

She didn’t say anything, just slowly put her hand on mine.

So whatever it was, I mean, if she’s touching him, she’s pursuing him, she’s clearly not getting rid of him. She’s becoming more attracted after he said that.

That moment said a lot. I looked at her, gave her the universal gesture with my finger and said, “Come here.” She leaned in and kissed me, no hesitation. It wasn’t planned or overly romantic, it just happened because the space was right. I didn’t push for it. I just created the moment, and she stepped into it.

The tension and attraction are there, but after that date, the energy shifted. A few days later, I sent her a confident voice memo inviting her to a comedy show I was planning to go to.

Well, this is why again, in the book, especially in the beginning stages like this, just say, “Hey, I’d love to see you. When are you free to get together?” But he says, “Hey, how about this comedy show?“

She had her son that weekend, asked who I was seeing and told me to have a great time.

So it seems like he was going and was inviting her and she basically could not go.

Nothing about it felt off on the surface, but something underneath had changed. The warmth she had been showing before wasn’t quite there.

Who knows? You don’t know what’s going on. Maybe the ex is back in the picture. Maybe there’s another guy because again, he met her online. He’s only been on two dates. Maybe she came across Chad Thundercock. Maybe she was already talking to Chad Thundercock before she went on a date. Maybe things progressed with the other guy, so that could be a reason.

Again, if you’re dating online, there’s just a lot of you’re dealing with, a lot of competition there. So it’s so much better to meet women in person through your social circle.

I know enough now to not chase, but I also know how to read the subtle signs. In the past, I would’ve over-explained or tried to win her back emotionally. But now? I kept my center. I’ve got another great woman I’m dating, and she came with me to that very same comedy club.

Yeah, that’s what happens when one door closes, another one opens. So when you have other choices and you have other options, and you can tell because he’s writing about this, he was excited to take this girl, but she wasn’t that excited to go with him. She’s like, “Hey, have a great time.” So he took somebody else. That’s what having an abundance mentality is all about, especially when you’re learning what’s in the book, because when it’s really hard to apply, this is when you really like the girl and you really care about her and you feel like this is the baddest bitch on the planet, then you got downside risk. Then you fear losing her because when you meet somebody with that kind of chemistry and things click like that, it doesn’t happen very often. When you screw those up, they really sting bad.

So by going through these repetitions with women you like who maybe aren’t really knocking your socks off, but you’re still open to dating them and seeing where it goes, you get used to taking women through the progressions that are in the book, so when you are on a date with somebody that knocks your socks off, you can kind of keep your composure and not freak the fuck out.

The experience was amazing, the chemistry was strong, and I didn’t spend a single second overthinking it.

Still, I find myself reflecting on this: This woman, let’s call her “C,” clearly felt something with me…

Well, rejection breeds obsession. So he was expecting when he reached out, that she would jump at the chance to go to the comedy club, and she’s like, “Who’s playing?” “Well hey, have a great time.” Was like, “Hey, I can’t. I got my kid, but how about Tuesday?” She just didn’t even bring up a counter offer at all. So it was almost kind of like a blow off. Again, if you’re going to be in the dating apps, you just got to understand that the women have all the leverage in the dating apps, and they got lots of dudes. So you could be going on a couple of dates with a girl, it seems to be pretty warm, and then somebody else comes along that she likes more and then she kind of fizzles on you. That’s why you have to be indifferent to it. So in this case, what I would do is she didn’t bring up a counter offer, didn’t say, “Oh, I’d love to, but I can’t.” She’s just like, “Yeah, have a good time.” In other words, “Take care, have a nice life.”

If it was me, I would wait two full weeks and then reach out to her and try to set a date and see if her attitude has changed, and also to see if maybe she reaches out to you when she doesn’t hear from you for a couple of weeks. The fact that you tried to invite her out and you got, “Oh yeah, have fun,” that’s kind of a blow off. So that shows that her interest is low. Therefore, you’re going to match and mirror that behavior. You wanted to give her the gift of spending time with you, which is the greatest gift you can give to anybody, is the gift of your time, and she was like, “Yeah, have a good time. See you later.” Therefore you think, “You know what? Maybe she’ll be in a different headspace in a couple of weeks,” because she’s clearly in a different headspace when you try to make the third date than she was the previous two dates. So let’s just disappear for a couple of weeks and see what happens.

…But I also think she’s used to men over-pursuing or trying to prove themselves.

Possibly, but I think he’s rationalizing at this point.

I didn’t do that. I led. I stayed centered. I made the invite. I didn’t explain or try to impress. I gave her the space to choose. And now? I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s wondering where I went, and I know when I see her again, she’ll likely lean in harder because I gave her the gift of missing me.

Here’s my question for you:

How do you lead when a woman clearly feels the connection, but isn’t used to a man who stays centered, who doesn’t chase, doesn’t fold, and doesn’t need her validation?

Again, you’re making excuses for her behavior and trying to rationalize, “Oh, she just doesn’t know how to handle me not chasing her,” and in reality, it looks maybe she’s on her period. Maybe that is the reason for it, but the last time you made a date, she was super horny and she was ovulating and now she’s on her period, so she feels a little yucky and the last thing she wants to do is go on a date. Plus, she’s only been on two dates with you and she’s got her kid. Any good mom is not going to be introducing your children to somebody she’s been out on two dates with. So I would say more than likely she’s in a different headspace for whatever reason. Could be another guy. Could be she’s on her period. Could be he did and said things on the last date that kind of turned her off, but we didn’t get a, “Hell yeah,” when he tried to set the date. We got a, “Hey, take care. Have a good time at the comedy club.” Not, “Oh, I’d really love to see you.” You just got nothing.

Since he got a lack of enthusiasm, he’s going to match and mirror that. I personally wouldn’t do anything for two weeks. I’d say, “You know what? The likelihood of her and I going out on another date is probably low at this point, for whatever reason. Maybe it’s another guy. Maybe I said something to date that kind of turned her off. Maybe she saw me talking to another girl, and after she thought about it for a few days, it pissed her off,” whatever. The bottom line is, we just look at her actions. Her actions show us there’s not a, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you again!” It’s like, “I got better things to do.” So what did he do? He took somebody else who he had a great time with. That’s what’s nice, when you have multiple choices and options. You can just do that. High value men, this is how their lives are.

It’s not that the interest is gone, and it doesn’t feel like a test, but the energy shifted. I stayed present, I made the invitation, I didn’t over-pursue, and I’m not backing off either. I’m just holding steady and letting her show me who she is.

So what I’m asking is, when things cool slightly, not because you slipped…

Well, you’re assuming you haven’t slipped.

…But because the strength you’re leading with is unfamiliar to her…

Again, this is your rationalization in trying to come up with a reason as to why she’s gotten kind of cold. You just don’t know what you don’t know. Usually in this case, you either turned her off or there’s another guy. It’s as simple as that. Don’t take it personally. Don’t let it freak you out. Just say, “You know what? There wasn’t enough enthusiasm, so I took another girl. I’m going to wait two weeks, and then I’ll try to reach out once more, and if I get the same attitude, then I’m just never going to contact her again.” Because again, you want to spend time with somebody that’s excited to see you. Right, Lila? Lila is always excited aren’t you, baby? You’re always excited.

She’s one of the sweet ones out of the out of the five puppies. She gets to sleep in the bed at night. The others are in the shower, because they’re shitting and pissing everywhere too much. So far, no shitting or pissing in the bed.

So back to our regularly scheduled email.

…How do you lead her in that space with clarity and wisdom?

Thank you again for everything, Corey. This past year has been transformational. Your work didn’t just give me a strategy, it gave me my compass. The women notice, but more importantly, I notice how far I’ve truly come, and I’m never looking back.

Warm Regards,

Bob

Well like I said, we don’t really know, but all we know is that her attitude towards you has changed and went from being flexible and open to making dates to, “Hey, have a nice time at the comedy club,” and no mention of, “Oh darn it, I wish I could go. I’d love to see you, but I can’t.” It’s just like, “Yeah, have a nice life,” it’s kind of the response. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe there’s another guy. Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe it’s an ex. Maybe Chad Thundercock is in the picture. Who knows? But the bottom line is there’s no enthusiasm.

So what I would do, I’d wait two weeks, try to make one more date with her, and if you get the same response, then just say, “Well, when your schedule frees up, hit me up,” but if you ask her out and you get the same lukewarm response and she just says, “Oh, I can’t. Work’s crazy. I’m busy. Sorry, I have no time.” I just say, “Hey, no problem. Well, hit me up when your schedule frees up.” Then I wouldn’t call her again for any reason, because now you’ve tried two times in a row and she’s unwilling to make time for you. That’s the key takeaway from this, is women like you, they make time for you. Women who have low interest have excuses and won’t make time for you. For whatever reason, is not willing to make time, and it doesn’t have anything to do with how he’s leading and he’s not freaking out about it. It’s just probably has has nothing to do with him assuming his game was tight on their last date.

Again, like I said earlier, it could be that after she thought about it and saw you talking to another woman, she thinks, “Oh, he’s just a player,” and she’s online dating, so she’s got lots of other dudes. Maybe that’s what it is, but give it two weeks, try one more date, and if you get the same response, I just delete the number and move on because you probably won’t hear from her again.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.