Her Lack Of Boundaries With Other Men Led To Our Breakup

The importance of setting & enforcing healthy boundaries to avoid breakups.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who started following my work after he was already in a relationship with a woman who failed to set boundaries with other men, including her ex baby daddy. He shares all the infractions of dishonesty and disloyalty he experienced before ultimately dumping his ex. It’s a good email to learn which kind of untrustworthy women to avoid. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be. “Her lack of boundaries with other men led to our breakup.”

Well, this particular email is from a viewer. He started following my work after he was already in a relationship with this particular woman, probably for, I guess, a year or two before he came across it. But between the baby daddy, her ex baby daddy, and just other men hanging out with him one on one, he tried to set healthy boundaries. She wasn’t having it. And eventually it just led to the end of the relationship.

But it’s a really good email to learn from because it’s a little lengthy, but there’s just a lot of good info in here because we can learn from somebody that got involved with somebody like this. Because, remember, I say it all the time, character is destiny. And part of the dating process obviously this guy was, you know, came across my work after he was already in a relationship, but under normal circumstances, you’re looking for the kind of behavior that this woman exhibits, so you can know to disqualify her.

She doesn’t have the same goals and values, doesn’t really value loyalty. Her Dad cheated on her Mom. And it just that’s what was modeled for. So if that’s what’s modeled for a woman growing up, that’s her value system. Typically not in all cases, but most of the time you’re just not going to fix it. It’s just not something you can work with. You can have fun with her, but you don’t put a ring on her finger. And you certainly don’t make her your girlfriend.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I’ve been into your material for a few years and I’ve read your book 12 times. I really wish I had gotten into your material much, much earlier. I didn’t. I’ve recently ended a four and a half year relationship with my girlfriend. Something always felt off with her and my gut has been telling for years that she’s just not good for me. 

One of the main reasons I stayed with her was her kids. Her daughter and I became close, and she would often call me dad, mistakenly, and all her friends would refer to me as her dad. Her dad is in her life just not very involved in her life. Being very honest with myself, I love my now ex-girlfriend but I was more in love with the idea of our relationship. 

A lot of us do that. It’s like we want the search to be over. We want to be like, “all right, this is the person. This is “our person.” ‘The one.'” And when we project that fantasy, anything that doesn’t align with that fantasy, we often, especially once we’re emotionally invested, we just dismiss it. We ignore the red flags, and we’ll just keep the hammer down and keep moving forward, even though it says the bridge is out up ahead. We’re like, “oh. Well, hopefully it’s rebuilt by the time I get there and I don’t go off the cliff.”

About 8 months into the relationship she said she wanted to marry me, and I asked her to marry me a month later. 

That’s pretty soon.

We didn’t get married, thankfully, but had I done things right I could have really avoided some heart ache all around and honestly not stay in this relationship for as long as I did.

Well, you’re in good company because most of us tend to stay in a relationship longer than we should. I mean, we all know people are like that. You’re like, “that relationship ain’t working”, yet they just stick it out and eventually they do break up, but after staying way longer than they should have. Because again, remember, it’s most people don’t want to be single. They don’t know what the next person’s going to be like or when the next person’s going to come along.

It’s the fear of the unknown. Remember, people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. “So I’d much rather stay with somebody that’s bad because it’s a known quantity, then become single again and not knowing what you’re dealing with or when somebody good’s going to come along.”

During what should have been the vetting process and her locking me down in a relationship, I was the one locking her down. I know, totally Beta and bone head move. 

Well, you didn’t know what you didn’t know. It’s not like they teach you this stuff in school. And your parents, especially your Dads, they don’t know this stuff. Unless, of course, you were born in a family with a Dad that’s just a natural. And he gets it. But most of us, the overwhelming majority, it’s just not going to happen that way.

I completely ignored her behavior, her situation with her ex and her lack of boundaries with him. Looking back it all it was much more. Her boundaries with her ex were simply unacceptable and often became a point of contention between us and I ended up breaking up with her twice over this. I’ll give some key points here, sharing a hotel room with him when they were out of town with the kids; him being at her home late in the evenings and I’m pretty sure kids were asleep. There was one occasion she was going to a function; I offered to go with her, and she said she wasn’t going to be long and just wanted to go on her own, she was leaving the kids at home. 

Well, how’d that turn out?

Her ex was going to the same function, and she ended up picking him up and they went together. 

Oh. How nice.

Her lack of boundaries with men overall are questionable and she has does entertain attention from other men.

Well, she didn’t learn it from her Father. Which guys to trust; how to interact with men in a healthy way. She often develops the Frankenstein Boyfriend Project. Where you even though you might be her boyfriend, she’s still getting attention from other guys, or maybe guys that do favors for her, buy her things, take her to lunch, be her emotional tampon, that kind of thing.

Some other notable behavior. Consistently cancelling dates to go out with her friends. 

So that’s just low interest. So that’s the thing. He wasn’t aware of my work, and the reason she would cancel dates is because her interest was low, and she knew she could get away with it because he was obviously too soft and too squishy. But this is all, for the most part, happened before he came across my work. So by that point, he’d been with her for years and he’d kind of trained her that that’s the way things are. Plus, she doesn’t really have the value system. That would have worked anyways long term.

I took her to Cozumel at the end of the tourist season, I chartered a boat to go snorkeling. We were the only two passengers on the three plus hour charter.

Three hour tour. Well, I guess he didn’t end up on Gilligan’s Island, a three hour tour.

I don’t speak Spanish, and she does. She spent most of the boat ride talking to the two guys that ran the boat, all in Spanish, and left me sitting in the back of the boat. 

Yep. She didn’t respect you either. That’s just fucking rude.

We went to Rome last year and our server spoke both English and Spanish and she elected to have this conversation with him in Spanish, laughing and joking etc. Again, just excluding me entirely. 

Well, that’s because she didn’t think very highly of you and she’s doing it on purpose. She knows it’s rude, but she doesn’t care. And she’s doing it because she doesn’t respect you. That’s why.

I fell into the trap of proving myself and my worth to her early in the relationship. 

Well it was like, well, there you go. In other words, you’re seeking her attention and her approval like a woman should be doing. So that ruins the sexual polarity. If you act like a chick. If you act like a bitch, they’re going to treat you like a bitch. It’s just a fact of life.

She always had projects set up for me at her house. From painting to building a roof extension in her backyard. 

So he was also the Harry Honda.

After reading your book and a lot of self reflection; it took me awhile to overcome the Beta behavior. This ultimately led to me ending things with her recently. So you can get a sense of her, her family often calls her rude, inconsiderate and selfish. Her kids would sometimes say “it’s not all about you all the time”. Her son actually had to correct her for the way she was speaking to me one evening. 

Well, if her son’s correcting her, that just shows you’re allowing it. And whatever you tolerate, you invite more of. So if you allow her to disrespect you in front of everybody, including her children and the kids are speaking up for you, you’re acting like a doormat. And so therefore you’re not going to get any respect for her. That’s why she flirts with other men in other languages in front of you and laughs and doesn’t include you at all.

I would correct her behavior when it was just us and I would wait when she did it in front of the kids. 

So you’re being discrete and she’s punking you in front of the children because, again, she doesn’t respect you as a man. But then again, it’s not like she had a father that was worthy of respect. So that’s what he taught her.

She corrected that behavior when it was just us to alone but had no problems verbally demeaning me in front of the kids. Our sex life went way down hill to once or twice a month. 

Yep, she didn’t feel safe and comfortable with you either because again, you’re acting like a beta male the whole time a people pleaser.

I never met her dad because he passed away. From what I heard about him; he always treated her like a princess, never disciplining her and giving into whatever she wanted. 

So she learned that men are soft and squishy, and if you just nag them enough, they’ll cave. And so that’s what she learned. That’s what was modeled for. It’s not a healthy archetype. Just because she loved her Dad, when the dad treats her like a princess, never reprimands her, never points out that she did anything wrong, lets her get away with everything, that’s what she expects.

He was a cheater and an abusive husband. Her parents divorced when she was 18. Circling back to her sharing a hotel room with her ex, 2 months later I found out, I asked why she didn’t say anything before she went to the beach with him and the kids. She responded, “you never asked”. 

Don’t ask, don’t tell.

Much of her behavior I mentioned above had similar excuses and she seemed dumbfounded that I was bringing it up. 

Yeah, why wouldn’t she be dumbfounded? I mean, look what the Dad had modeled. Dad was abusive. Cheated on Mom. And then they split up when she was 18. So Dad did not do a good job. If you guys haven’t figured that out already. It’s pretty obvious. But, you know, it’s why I go through emails like this. So when you’re dating and you’re asking a girl questions and she’s telling you about her family, or maybe you’re on a date and you’re meeting her family, and then you see this kind of behavior, you’re like, ah, I remember that email Corey went through.

I then would ask her how she would like it if I was doing that with my ex? She’d respond by saying she definitely would not be okay with it. Enough said.

So the double standard. She expects it. Again, that’s what her Father taught her because her Dad let her get away with everything. So even if it was inappropriate, she got away with it anyway. So for her it didn’t matter. But for you, you got to you got to keep the standard. But for her, she can be an ass. And she’s been trained that she can get away with it.

She talked about her previous relationships when we first met. She had very few long-term relationships, and it was evident that her rude behavior and just no sense of being in a relationship, was the downfall of those relationships. She was in a long term relationship with a married man for years, on and off, before a one night stand with her ex. When the married guy said he didn’t want her because she was pregnant with another man’s kid; she moved baby daddy in and eventually married him. She routinely kicked him out of the house and only let him move back in for a couple of years because she wanted more kids and wanted them to have the same father. 

Well, that seems like a nice logic there.

The married guy resurfaced into her life, her then husband was kicked out of the house again, and she finally divorced her husband. She carried on with this married guy on and for five years before I met her. She then finally decided to end things with him because he wasn’t going to divorce his wife and marry her.

I mean, it was a decade with that guy, basically. And what is that guy doing? He’s cheating on his wife. “Oh, yeah. It’s just, you know, I just need the right time. She’s very fragile right now. She’s depressed. You know, in the fall. Then I’ll definitely file for divorce and leave her. And then we can be together.” And there’s always some excuse. And so after about a decade of that and two different times dating the guy, she realized he was never going to leave his wife. She was just getting punked. But that’s what father did to mom, so that’s normal to her. So she kept making excuses because that’s what her dad taught her.

Yes, I know there are red flags all over. Yes, I know I definitely should not have progressed things with her and yes, I know that I compounded bad decision after bad decision.

Well, the good news is, is that you’re acknowledging your fuck-ups. And so therefore that enables you to fix them because you acknowledge where you went wrong. A lot of guys don’t do that. A lot of guys just blame, “oh, it’s modern women. This is the problem. Oh, it’s social media ruined this girl.” That’s what the Red Pill retards say. And then you can’t fix anything in yourself because, “it’s not your fault. It’s social media. It’s modern women.” You gotta control the controllables. And that’s what you have control over.

I want to share my experience with you. So much of what I hear you say, “listen to her actions and not her words”, “character is destiny”, “relationship with father”, and we can probably add “what are previous relationships like”. 

Yep, those are important things to ask and understand and to know, especially before you get serious.

In contrast, I went on my first date last night with a woman I met from Facebook. It was late Saturday when we chatted and she asked when I was going to ask her out. I told her Friday evening and she responded, “how about tonight”. It was late on Saturday evening like midnight late. I turned her down and said I don’t want to eat that late. She agreed and said, “is tomorrow, Sunday, 7:30 too late?” I agreed and told her where to meet me. She texted me a bit though the day and I was busy and didn’t respond to her too quickly and just kept things slow.

We met and had a great conversation. I let her do much of the talking. But to contrast her values, at least talking about them, to my ex-girlfriend’s. She seems to have a good relationship with her dad. She’s a single mom with three kids her oldest is almost 24 which is about the same age as my oldest. I didn’t have to say much regarding her ex. She said she didn’t talk to him outside the kids. He has his time with the kids, and she has hers. When he started dating, she said she would insist on boundaries with him. Not letting him linger in her home for hours when he picked them up and insisted that they were respectful to the woman he was seeing.

Well, that’s a good sign. That’s what you look for.

I highlight this because it’s refreshing to meet someone who does have a sense of being respectful of someone’s relationship.

Well, if you got an honorable Father who’s a good man, who teaches his Daughter right and wrong, well, she’s not going to act like a garbage human like this guy’s ex did, and her Father before her did. Character is destiny. If the Dad did a shitty job raising his Daughter, you’re not going to have an easy and effortless relationship with her. That just doesn’t happen. Typically, unless the woman gets a Therapist and really does a lot of work on herself. But most of the time they won’t. They just will not do anything. Because they’re usually too hot and there’s too many soft guys that’ll put up with their shit.

I don’t plan on calling her until Wednesday to make a second date for this weekend. Yes, I am talking to other women and not getting sucked into “she’s the one”.

Well, Bob, thanks for sharing. That’s a really great, detailed email what to learn from. And it’s like you just see the same patterns over and over and over and over and over and over again. And it’s just not going to work with a woman when you see her this way. And so that’s why it’s important to keep your eyes open and find out about her relationship with her Dad, what her relationships with her exes were like, how she treats other men, those kinds of things. If she keep her word. You’ve got to learn these things. You’ve got to understand these things before you get serious. But, you know, like I said, this guy came to my came when he was in the middle of the relationship already. But hindsight’s always 20/20.

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