Her Life Is Complicated & She Has Little Time For Me. What Can I Do?

What you can do if her life is complicated & she’s unwilling to make time for you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s dating a single mom. Her kid started calling him dad and they had a good laugh about it. However, she hasn’t invited him to be around her kid again and will only see him when her ex can babysit because she can’t afford a babysitter. He’s not happy with the reduced quality time together. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Her Life Is Complicated & She Has Little Time For Me. What Can I Do?”.

Well, at the end of the day, attraction level cuts through everything. If a woman’s really into you, she will make herself available to see you. She’s got kids. She’ll get a babysitter. She’ll get an aunt. She’ll get a grandma. She’ll get somebody to take care of the baby so she can spend time with the man she loves. If a woman is not willing to do that, or she’s like, “Oh, I don’t want to spend the money”, or even if you’re willing to pay to get a babysitter and she won’t accept that either, then she just doesn’t want to see you because her interest is low.

The bottom line is, women who like you make it easy to go hang out, have fun, and hook up with them. Women that have low to no interest are going to throw all kinds of roadblocks and challenges in your way, and make excuses. But the bottom line is they just simply won’t make a date with you. But they may dangle the carrot and make you think, “Oh well, in a few weeks or a few days, things will be different. Now’s not a good time.” And in reality, they’re just stalling and hoping you figure out they’re not interested and go away.

So this particular email is from a viewer. He’s been dating a single mom. I’m sure the Red Pill guys are going to get upset about that. So they’re hanging out. And I guess her kids started referring to him as dad, and then they had a good laugh about it. However, since then she hasn’t invited him over and she won’t let him be around her kid, and the only time she’ll see him now is when the ex has a kid and he only, I guess, apparently spends time with his kid a few hours a week. So there’s just not a lot of time available.

And he’s just like, “Well, this kind of sucks. I hardly see her now.” And so he’s not happy with it. But at the end of the day, it’s pretty clear her interest has dropped. And that’s really why she doesn’t want to see him. You know, the Red Pill guys that don’t know any better don’t understand how attraction works would just say, “Well, the kid’s always gonna come first and you’re not.” It’s like attraction level cuts through everything.

Because if the Red Pill retardation statement were true, then you wouldn’t have women dumping their kids, dumping their religion, leaving their husbands, doing bad things to their, offing their kids basically, which women have done in the past to be with a guy because the guy doesn’t want to be a stepdad or whatever. That just shows you how powerful a woman’s emotions are when she’s really into a guy. She’ll figure it out. She’ll find a fucking way, and when her interest is low, she’ll have excuses that make a lot of sense.

But the bottom line is she’s not going to make herself available to you. So the other thing that’s going on here is he’s clearly displaying some unattractive behavior because when a woman goes from making time for you and allowing you to be around her kid to not want you around her kid, that means she doesn’t see you as a long term prospect. You’re kind of just like an occasional booty call, which is basically what it looks like they are, friends with benefits at this point.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

Thanks for your work, I’ve been following you for a while now and have read the book twice, currently on my third reading. My question has to do with dating a single mother. The girl I’ve been seeing for the last five months looks after her child full time as well as working a 9 to 5. The ex is still in the picture but not much, only takes care of the kid a couple hours a week. She’s been going through a lot lately.

That’s another thing. “Oh. Works crazy. I’ve been so busy. There’s just so many things I’m dealing with.” You know, if you’re trying to make a date and when you’re available and she’s like, “Oh, I don’t know. Works crazy. I’ve got a lot going on.” When you’re hearing that, what she’s really just saying is, “I just don’t want to make time for you.” If she likes you, she makes time for you. And if she doesn’t, she’s got excuses that sound legit. But the bottom line is, she won’t make time for you. That’s what matters. Because her interest is low.

She’s from another country so has no family support system around her, and is at risk of losing her job soon as she works from home which allows her to take care of her toddler, but work wants her to come into the office full time which she can’t do.

And that’s another thing. So women speak in hyperbole. And so something that’s going on with work. You know, she’s giving you an excuse that, “Oh, I’ve got a problem with work, and this, and that.”, because again, she’s just making excuses as to why she can’t see him, or she’s too busy. And this is why, before you agree to become exclusive with somebody like this, if their life is a mess, if they’re broke, if they can’t afford a babysitter or they don’t want to get a babysitter, go spend your time with a woman who will.

Or date women that don’t have this issue at all. If you’re going to be willing to date somebody that has kids from another relationship, which is a nice thing to do, maybe you love kids. You love being a dad or whatever, and the woman doesn’t appreciate it, well, go spend your time with somebody that’s excited that you’re there and appreciates you. If she can’t make time for you, then go find a woman who will make time for you.

This has put financial strain on her and she can’t afford to go out, even though I pick up the bills. Or organize babysitters as much as she used to, and doesn’t want me paying for childcare.

Again, you’re willing to pay it because she’s like, “Oh, I’m broke.” “Well, I’ll get a babysitter. I’ll pay for it. That’s not a big deal so we can go out and have a good time.” And she’s like, “No, I don’t want you doing that.” Because the reality is she just doesn’t want to see you. If she really wanted to see you and felt guilty, she’s like, “Are you sure? That’s so nice of you. You’re such a great boyfriend.” That’s what you’d be hearing. But when she’s putting you off and just going, “No, I don’t want you to do that.” It’s like she just doesn’t want to see you.

She doesn’t want me paying for childcare. To try and relieve pressure of this I told her we can hang out and do more at home things, watch films, order food in etc.

So he’s problem solving, but at the end of the day, doesn’t matter because she doesn’t want to see him.

It doesn’t always have to be nights out on the town, I just like spending time with her. When this happens, the kid is also there which I don’t mind at all. However on one of these days recently, the kid started calling me dad. The mother laughed it off at the time, but since then has stopped inviting me over, and only wants to go out on dates outside of household settings.

However because she can’t afford childcare, it means we can only go out and see each other on days her ex can look after the kid. This means everything has to be not only on her time, but her ex’s also, which makes it hard for me to take the lead and organize when and where we see each other. On her last date she was talking about her ex a lot, yawning and seemed disinterested in being there.

Yeah, this is a sign of a woman with really low interest in you. She probably only went out because you were complaining that you hadn’t seen her, and she wasn’t making much of an effort.

But as soon as we left each other she texted me saying “I miss you already”, which was inconsistent to how I felt she turned up.

Well again, her interest is low. She knows it’s low. She knows she was yawning and she looked disinterested. So to make you feel better, she goes, “Oh, I really missed you.” But the reality is she had low interest, low enthusiasm. So if it was me, I’d be backing off. I wouldn’t call her. I wouldn’t text her. See how long, how many days it go by before she reaches out. And then if she does reach out, say it’s 4 or 5 days, or maybe a week, and she reaches out, make your date like the following week in advance.

And be okay with not seeing her for the foreseeable future. And if you go out on a date and she’s yawning and stuff like that, then I would just say, “Hey, I like you and I like hanging out with you, but with your situation and the fact it’s difficult to get a babysitter, or you don’t want one, it’s. I’d think it’d be better if we just date other people. You know, you and I can continue to date, we can be friends with benefits. But I want to date other people just because you’re just not that available. And I want a woman that can spend time with me.”

And because, again, if she’s got low interest and she’s not going to make an effort, if you’re showing up and she’s, “Oh, yawn” [yawns], it’s like, that’s a fucking waste of your time. That’s not fun. And maybe you telling her that you want to date other people might cause her to back up and apologize and then get really turned on and then seduce you because she doesn’t want to lose you. So she recognizes that if she doesn’t change her behavior, you’re going to be dating and sleeping with somebody else. So like I said, I would back off, wait to hear from her, see how long it takes.

If a week goes by, make a date. But make the date for the following week so you really stretch it out. And she tells you, “Oh, you’ve been kind of distant lately. I don’t hear from you very much.” I’d say, “Well, I’ve been busy and you obviously been busy because I don’t really hear from you very much. And it’s been difficult to get together because of the babysitter situation.” At the end of the day, though, dude, she’s just not willing to make time for you because her interest is really low.

We texted back and forth the next day, but left me on read and I haven’t heard from her in a couple days now. Should I reach out, or do I give her space?

You shouldn’t reach out at all. The phone is for setting dates. You shouldn’t be texting a woman who’s fucking yawning on dates. Again, the phone is strictly for logistics and so that just shows she’s bored of you and she doesn’t respect you. That’s why she blew you off. So in this particular case, since she just left you hanging, I would not reach out to her. And if you don’t hear from her for like 30 days, then I would just start dating other women and just assume it’s over. And if she reaches out, you can invite her over to your place to make dinner together and she can come over and hang out, have fun, hook up.

But if she brings out the fact you guys haven’t seen each other, you can just say, “Well, I’m dating other people. And you know, we can be friends with benefits, but I don’t want to be exclusive with you anymore. I haven’t heard from you in a month. You weren’t really making much of an effort.” You know, if she does reach out after a week or so, she might have a different attitude. Because it looks like you’ve been over-pursuing as well because her interest is just low.

It seems like she’s really lost interest in this.

Yep.

But her life being so chaotic right now could have something to do with it.

Eh, it doesn’t matter. What matters is her emotions, and her feelings for you are really low. Because you’ve been displaying too much unattractive behavior.

I’m trying to be understanding of where she’s at but feel like this has led me to becoming too much of a nice guy to her.

There you go. That’s the problem. You’re too accommodating. You’re too willing to jump through your butt. You know, remember, you’re trying to set a date with her, and you’re saying, “Well, we don’t have to go out. We can just do things at home.” But at the end of the day, she’s, you know, giving you a bunch of excuses why she can’t see you. It’s because she doesn’t want to see you. That’s why she just left you on read. Because she doesn’t really care one way or another. That’s why in this case, I would not reach out to her at all.

She’s got to reach out to you. And again, if 30 days go by and you haven’t heard from her, then you know you’re not together anymore. And I would just start dating other women and move on with your life. You don’t need to say anything to her. Because, again, if she’s not even going to text you, you know, because sometimes that’ll happen. I get emails where guys are in these situations and the girl just stops replying, and he doesn’t reply to her. And then a month goes by and he’s like, damn. So by the time that happens, it’s like she’s checked out and Elvis has left the building already.

I’m crazy about her.

Well, that’s probably the other part of the problem, it’s that you’re kind of dopey, and you’re drooling all over her, and she’s got all the leverage. And she knows you’re really into her, and you’re probably kissing her ass and being a people pleaser. And so, she can walk all over you and you just take it.

But I’m also the first guy she’s been with since having a child, so maybe this was doomed from the start, as I feel like I could just have been her introduction back into dating.

Appreciate any advice.

Again, none of that matters. What matters is interest. And her interest is low. And it’s clear if you’re real, what did you say? He says you’re “crazy about her.” She looks at you, and the way she’s treating you is like a bi-monthly booty call is what it sounds like. And in your mind, you’re probably thinking you want to get married and you want to have a family and all this stuff, because, again, as you said, you’re crazy about her. Women like you more if they think that they’re more into you, than you are into them, and you’re clearly over communicating your interests, you’re pursuing too much or being a people pleaser.

And as you said, you’re being too much of a nice guy. And so she doesn’t respect you. That’s why she left you hanging. She doesn’t respect you. She assumes you’ll probably just be blowing up her phone and chasing her again and having a bunch more boring conversations. So the book is only going to help you if you read it and you apply it. So I highly recommend you do that. But like I said, I wouldn’t do anything. I’d wait to hear from her. And if a whole 30 days go by and you hear nothing, then you’re single. You just move on with your life and start dating. And I’d never, ever reach out to her again for any reason.

It’s quite possible she just totally disappears from your life. And it’s also possible she reaches out in a few days. And if that happens, then just make the next date. But put it off in the future so it’ll be a few weeks before you actually see her, and then see if that has an effect on her interest when you actually do get together. But, you know, again, if you go on another date and all that happens and then she’s still yawning and kind of bored and checked out. Then I would tell her on the date that you want to see other people because she’s wasting your time otherwise.

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