I have finished reading your book, and I have the following questions:
1) My social circle isn’t very large. However I am looking for opportunities to expand. For some of the women that already know me, how can I undo the damage of appearing weak? For example, I had been interested in one young lady that I anticipate seeing at church this weekend. Before I read your book, I broke almost every rule. Part of it was, I was dealing with severe depression and didn’t realize it.
The past does not equal the future. You need to act the same way you do at church as you do when you are talking to a woman you have absolutely no interest in. Ask most of the questions, and keep the conversation funny and light. Before you leave, whip out your phone and say, “Hey, what’s your number?” and then don’t say another word. If she likes you, she will give the number without hesitation. If she does not, she will stall, make excuses or ask why you want her number. If she asks why you want her number say, “I may text you sometime to invite you out for a cup of coffee/tea,” with a smile on your face. High interest in you = she gives you her number without hesitation. Low interest level = stalling, excuses, and being difficult.
To expand your social circle, join some dating websites. Plentyoffish.com is a free dating site. The best results I’ve found are on Match.com, but you have to pay for it. You will, however, get a lot more dates, and the quality of women is better too.
2) A woman asked me, ” How does it feel to be in the limelight?” I didn’t know what she meant by that. It was kind of out of the blue. I responded facetiously with, “You would know better than I would.”
Stop communicating to everyone you meet that you think you are a loser with statements like, “you would know better than I would.” See yourself as the prize. Maybe that’s the way she saw you. She could have assumed you were acting like a confident, successful guy who is popular with women, until you communicated she was wrong about you. Always act as if, and assume, all women want you. Act as if it’s unnatural for women to not be attracted to you. Respond with indifference to whether someone likes you or not. Nothing can diminish you. Even if someone does not like you right away, they will eventually, once they get to know you. Its a matter of time. Relax. It’s in the bag.
“There is a lesson in almost everything that you do, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It is how you enrich your spirt.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
3) Your phone policy is to limit time and to use it set up appointments. Does this apply with text messaging as well? What policies do you have for social networks such as Facebook? Since reading your book, I feel I should remove the entire account.
Good questions. Texting and calling are for setting dates. If you are talking with a chick you have never met on Facebook, it will take a little time by chatting playfully for a while. Maybe for a few days and weeks when you are starting out. You will get better with practice and speed things up. The key is to meet and talk to as many new women as possible. Just have the goal of having an interaction with a woman. Then, once some rapport has been established, you can just send your number and say, “You sound like a really cool gal. I’d love to chat on the phone sometime.” If she likes you, she will call you. Just do it in a natural progression, just like making a new friend. It takes time.
4) Does environment play a role in how you banter,( i.e., at a church, the gym, or night club)?
Obviously, yes. There are certain things you can do and get away with at other places that you would never do at church. Get in the habit of making small talk with people anywhere you go. If you get in the habit of talking to people everywhere you go, men, women, old people, clerks, etc., when you bump into a beautiful lady unexpectedly…the conversation will flow naturally, because you are so used to talking to strangers.
5) I work out quite a bit. Lately, since putting on 40 lbs. of muscle, ladies who normally didn’t are touching my back, my shoulders, and arms. One even touched my hair. This is a new experience for me. How does one respond when this happens?
This usually communicates that they find you physically attractive and appealing. Its called “incoming,” and it’s always a good thing when women feel comfortable enough around you to start touching you.
You could respond with “Wow, you are pretty forward. Usually women wait until our first date to start touching me and feeling my muscles. Text me your phone number, and I will get in touch with you to set something up.” All with a playful smile on your face. They will then do one of two things: Pull out their phone and ask for your number, or they will give you an excuse. Either way, you will know what their true intentions are.
What do you think? That communicates: “I’m too week, needy and insecure to ask you out in person like a man, so I got someone to do it for me.” NEVER do that!
7) Also while at a bar, I had a bartender who was going through a rough time in a relationship. She was so vulnerable that she was almost crying. I listened to her and offered very few suggestions. Occasionally, she would ask what I thought she should do. I told her that I wasn’t really sure what she should do. I didn’t want to pin her hopes to something false. At the end of the conversation, I hugged her and tried to reassure her that she is a strong woman, and she would get through this just fine. She said she didn’t feel strong. Then, I reassured her again. Now she barely talks to me or even looks at me. Did I do something wrong? What do you advise with something like this?
You acted like a male girlfriend and a guy who never really gets to talk to women very much. You proved to her you were like 97% of all the other guys not getting laid that hit on her. Always keep it funny and light. Love is playful, not serious. What you should have done, and should do when you encounter future situations like this is, listen to her talk and spill her guts. Then, when she says “What do you think I should do?” say back to her, “I’m not really sure, but I know making out with me would make you feel a whole lot better.” Let her laugh at that. Then say, “If it turns out that you’re a really good kisser, I may even throw in some rebound sex to get your mind off of him.” It communicates a light and funny mood. Men take women’s big dramas and make them small. That’s what masculine energy is. She shared her feelings and expressed herself. You made her feel happy and like everything would be alright with a little sexual innuendo and humor. Before you end the conversation, (always be the one to say goodbye first and leave a woman wanting more), say to her from a place of love, “Hey, you are a cool chick. If it does not work out with your guy, text me. I’d love to meet up with you for a cup of coffee and chat some more.” She will either say sure and pull out her phone, or say sure and walk away. Either way, you’ll know where you stand. It makes it really simple.
From my heart to yours,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
Corey Wayne Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur