This is a recent email I got from one of my new coaching clients:
Ever since our conversation the other day, I haven’t really had the opportunity to apply much of anything. Actually, I have had a few times to smile and just be cool and shit, but to be honest man, I just become speechless really, even around average girls. I`m scared to death because I’ve never done anything like this in my life… EVER. Holy fucking shit man!!! I know what I have to do, but you know, it’s just a matter of getting over oneself. I guess the thing that scares me the most is having to possibly endure a thousand no’s before I get to one yes. Anyhow, since we’ve talked, my head has become clearer thinking about this stuff, and I’m looking forward to the challenge. I ain’t gonna be a pussbag too much longer. So Thank You!
Here’s my response to his email:
What would Ted Nugent do? The good news is, you are aware that you need to do more. Taking action moves you towards your goals. Not taking action keeps you where you are. Every day and every moment you choose to be either a passenger or a pilot. If you’re speechless, just say “Hello,” or, “What’s up,” “How are you,” etc., as you walk by or stand in line. Do it to EVERYONE, not just women. Just smile and say, “Hi!” If you get into the habit of being friendly or saying hello, your fear will start to dissolve. Then when saying hello becomes easy, routine and no longer a challenge, take it a step further and do a little more. Maybe ask them a question. Start with the small bite size pieces.
“Ever since our conversation the other day, I haven’t really had the opportunity to apply much of anything.” How can we ever find the time, if we never take the time? You can choose to be lazy and do nothing, or you can at least start with something small, even if it’s something that only takes 20 minutes a day. It’s more than you are doing right now. I know you are fearful of thousands of no’s to get to a yes, but just remember, you only need one good one.
If you use the stuff in my book, you can talk to women and gauge their interest level in you without ever giving away that fact you are interested in them. She’ll just think you are making small talk, when what you are really doing is determining if she likes you enough to warrant you asking for her number or asking her out. Then, when you finally put yourself out there and risk rejection, you will only do it with women who you are certain will say yes. It’s pretty easy to ask a hot girl out when you are 100% certain she likes you. You can talk to a thousand women and never ask any of them out or risk rejection, just to develop your sensory acuity and learn how to pick up and read women’s body language and verbal cues of romantic interest in you. That’s actually a lot of fun to do. It’s like being a detective or a love cop. You’ll learn to spot the differences between when a woman is just being nice, and when you are making her wet just talking with you. It’s all in my book. Just start observing people at the mall, especially couples. Notice who walks out in front, how they talk to each other, affection, etc. It’s pretty fascinating stuff when you start to do it. You’ll read it in my book and then watch a woman reacting to a man like a salmon programmed to swim upstream. It’s totally fascinating. The best part is, you will be observing all this stuff that will be completely oblivious to everyone else there. Put one foot in front of the other, and pretty soon you’ll be walking out the door.
You don’t need to get over yourself or anything. There is nothing wrong with you. Just find a way to choose to be the best possible version of yourself in every moment of your day. What will you miss out on in life 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, etc., down the road if you don’t spend at least a few minutes each day doing something that is out of your comfort zone to grow as a person? Over the days, months and years, these little bits add up to major successes in your life. Your progress is slow and gradual, but at least be deliberate in your daily actions, so it pays off in the future. Make sure you do things to try and get a little better each day. Baby steps! You can do it!
From my heart to yours,
Here’s his second email to me:
Thanks for writing back. Well, a couple things you had written really got to me. Let’s see. The thousands of no’s to get to one yes and all you need is just one good one. THAT motherfuckin’ statement right there is the problem! What about everyone who doesn’t have that problem! I’ve heard all through life that patience is a virtue. And again, all through life, I see every day all these dudes who ain’t no better than me got these jaw-dropping girls all around, and I rack my brain trying to understand why them and not me. Well, most everybody nowadays is a narcissist I guess. I’ll tell you, the possible prospect of having to wait until I’m in my 40’s for the good shit just doesn’t sit well with me. Also, you noted my progress is slow. I would rather see rapid and badass. No problem taking on this type of challenge as it’s the hardest thing I will ever do. In the meantime, I will make time to work on all of this stuff and make it work the best I can.
Here’s my response to his second email:
I don’t have any problems, only solutions. In my world, nothing ever goes wrong. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. You will get there AGAIN Tom. It is not a matter of hope… it is simply a matter… of… time. Every day, try to get a little better. Every day, try to do a little more. Pack some healthy meals to take with you on the road, instead of eating out. Exercise, even if you just run to the end of your driveway a few times a week. Gradually over time, increase the amount of time spent exercising. Maybe even get yourself a personal trainer and join a gym. Just try to find a way to be at your best every day. Then, at the end of the day, let go and be at peace with everything you’ve accomplished, and more importantly… did not yet accomplish. Be grateful that tomorrow is another day, another chance, another opportunity to chip away at creating the masterpiece that you are becoming in the process. It’s your destiny. God created and designed you to be great, happy and fulfilled. Honor that by making an effort and taking relentless action to follow your heart and your dreams. That’s what makes you sexy and attractive to a woman. A man who is on a mission to be his best and to create the life of his dreams. His passion is exciting to women! The chicks, money, great health, better job, trim body, etc. will come over time. Lose your attachment to how long it takes. Time matters not. Just take daily action. Bite size pieces. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
“Faith without action is meaningless.” ~ Buddha
What’s really important? Its not really about the goal or achievement, it’s about who you become along the journey to achieving your goals. You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to START to be great! If you want rapid and badass progress, take MASSIVE, IMMEDIATE ACTION. Make a Herculean effort every day. Or you can make a half-ass effort everyday and get half ass results. Every moment, you are either choosing to be great, or a lazy ass. Every time you feel like being a lazy-ass, just think about all of the PAINFUL consequences of not doing what you KNOW you should do. What will you miss out on? What will it cost you? Are you okay with that? You can do it! If uncle Ted can do it, you can do it. Stop whining, grab your balls and act like the man and alpha male that you already are on the inside. Be DELIBERATE in your daily life. Walk with a purpose, and take action like you have a purpose. Be a man! That’s what every woman wants! Step up! Set a new standard! Defy the odds! BELIEVE, don’t doubt! Step up! Play full out! Ordinary is for PUSSIES!!!!!!
From my heart to yours,
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur