Waiting and being patient to meet someone who has high mutual interest makes dating effortless.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a twenty-two year old viewer from Croatia who came across my work about six months ago after ruining his chances with a perfect ten. He was used to pursuing too much to the point that women wanted nothing to do with him. That finally caused enough emotional pain that he resolved to figure out what he was doing wrong.
He came across my book, How To Be A 3% Man, and videos and describes how he met his current smokeshow girlfriend and how easy and effortless it was because he was prepared. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
What this guy did is he was guilty of what a lot of us do when we don’t know any better, because we’re always going to act in accordance to how we view ourselves to be. It doesn’t matter whether the view is accurate or not. And so, if we view ourselves as being less than, or not worthy or not good enough, we try to make up for that. Because deep down, we’re afraid these people are eventually going to leave us, or not love us or not want to be around us.
And so, what we do is we try to force ourselves into their lives. We force interactions, we force people, or we try to force people, to spend more time with us more frequently than they’re ready for, and it makes the other people feel like they’re being controlled. And obviously, it comes off as being needy and insecure, and if you’re trying to attract a woman, that’s going to give you the opposite effect.
My new book Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations is out, which is basically about 250 different quotes. And the way I set the audiobook up, and even published the paperback in hardcover versions, which are now available at Amazon, iTunes and Audible, is that just like I do in the videos, I read the quote and then I kind of freestyle and talk about whatever comes to mind or examples. That’s basically what comprises the new book.
So far, the reviews are really good. Everybody seems to like it. So, if you appreciate these quotes, I’ve got my first volume of quotes book out and on sale now. And you can also go check it out at UnderstandingRelationships.com, just subscribe to the email newsletter.
I am a 22-year-old student from Croatia. I came across your work 6 months ago after screwing up the first date with a perfect 10!
The interesting thing about that, whatever it is in life — whether it’s losing weight, or changing jobs, or starting a business, or in this particular case, screwing up a date with a woman, the kind of woman that doesn’t come along very often and you experience pain — you get to a certain point in life, and you’re like, that’s it. Enough of this. I’ve experienced enough pain. No more of this. I’m going to make change. I need to figure out what I’m doing wrong, so I can optimize my actions, so I can get to from where I am to where I want to be much quicker.
I pursued too much and it scared her off, so she ghosted me.
It’s like, if you get ghosted like that, rejection breeds obsession, and you just can’t help but replay every second over in your mind, every interaction, every conversation, every word you said. I’ve been there. I remember what that was like. It’s like being in your own created prison at that point.
I was once again left scratching my head not knowing what had happened. This was a common pattern that was occurring during the past 2 years of my life. I would meet a great girl and then I would over-pursue, which would always lead to rejection. I would come on too strong in the beginning, so the girls would conclude that I would not give them any space if they continued to see me. Basically, the cat analogy.
In other words, it’s like he’s running after the cat, trying to pick it up after it already jumped out of his lap and wants to go explore the rest of the neighborhood. And when you do that, the cat just runs away and disappears into the bushes, never to be seen again.
Getting back to the story, I was devastated after that perfect 10 rejected me. In fact, it still stings because I screwed it up so much, but it had to happen in that way, because that rejection was the final push I needed to really educate myself on pickup, dating, and relationships.
This led me to your YouTube channel and your book. I have read some books about dating in the past but none of them resonated with me, so yours was a true beacon of hope.
Well, like I often say, even if you think I’m full of crap, if you apply what I teach, you’re going to see that it works for you.
I started reading How To Be A 3% Man relentlessly, (currently read the book 5 times), and started applying the principles.
Well remember, 10 to 15 times. Just because you’ve got a girlfriend now doesn’t mean it’s over and you can slack off, because guys that are like, “I read it four or five times, two or three years ago,” I end up doing phone sessions with them down the road and they go, “You know, I probably should have paid more attention to that relationship stuff in the latter half of the book, but I thought I had it because she loved me and everything was great.” Don’t be that dude.
But I know there’s people watching this that are like, “Yeah, whatever, Corey,” and I’ll be on a phone session with them, an emergency phone session, after they screw something up. But hey, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. You can suggest, you can gently lead, but it’s up to the other person to either rise up to their potential or fall flat on their face and be mediocre and average. We all have that choice to make.
One month after discovering the book, I was invited to a private party. When I got there, I was alone with a friend and we were waiting for other guests to arrive. Suddenly the doorbell rang. I opened the door and behind them was a beautiful blonde with a face of an angel.
She’s pretty hot. Nice job, dude. I’m not going to share the picture. I’ve got to protect the innocent.
I suddenly felt an energy that I haven’t experienced before. Fortunately, I kept my cool and didn’t attack her with questions like I would in the past. Throughout the night I socialized with other people, and I noticed that she was eager to talk to me and was surprised that I am not drooling all over her like guys usually are.
The interesting thing to understand about this is she was really into him. And so, he’s doing the work on himself, he’s changing his approach, but he still has the ideal of what he wants in a woman — how he wants to feel and how the conversation is supposed to flow and what their interactions are supposed to be like. He’s got a vision for what he wants to create for his life, and so he’s holding out for somebody that knocks his socks off.
When we finally got to talking, the conversation was just effortless.
And that’s the important thing. Why would it be effortless? Because she really liked him and he really liked her. This is so important. If you think about your closest friends, you never run out of anything to say. The conversation is easy, it’s effortless, it always just tends to flow. And that’s what you’re waiting on. You’re waiting for somebody that you clicked like that with.
But in order for those moments to happen, in order to meet people, whether it’s friends, or maybe it’s clients, or in this case a woman, you have to circulate enough and interact with enough other human beings with the positive expectation that eventually, despite all the failures in the past, like in this case, despite the fact that he over-pursued so many women out of his life, despite all of those failures, that eventually all you need is one good success to have lots of great memories.
And that’s the key, because most people just give up and they settle for the first thing that comes along, because they don’t like waiting. They do that with their jobs, they do that with their body, they do that with the people that they spend their lives with, and a lot of times they do it with their peer group. And it will hold you back.
If you put the wrong people in your inner circle, you’ll never reach your full potential. Because you keep them there, they keep you anchored and stuck where you are, because they’re constantly using you to validate their mediocre life choices. And when you continually do the things that they think you should do, you’ll continue to be mediocre like them, and they feel good about themselves. And inside, you feel miserable.
We clicked right away, and we got to know each other. After that party I again applied the stuff I learned from the book to set up dates. She would contact me a few days after our date, so I just used the opportunity to set up the next one.
Women do that when they really like you and they’re normal and they’re healthy, they’re not some lunatic, or some wacky chick that belongs to the streets and has cheated on every guy they’ve ever been with, or their dad or their mom are constantly cheating on their husbands, or their spouses, or their wives, and their subsequent girlfriends and boyfriends. It’s really super important to look at, where does she come from? Who shaped her life? Who taught her the values and goals that she had?
I see so many guys that, in essence, are trying to turn a hoe into a housewife. They think, “I’m going to be the white knight. I’m going to save her, I’m going to fix her, I’m going to solve her problems, pay her bills,” whatever. And then a year, two years, twenty years later, they get bit the same way that she bit all her previous lovers and boyfriends and husbands. They think, “How could it happen to me? I’m such a good person.” Well, being a good person doesn’t matter. You’ve got to be smart about who you allow into your life.
A month and a half after the first date I lost my V card, (fucking finally), and 2 months after that she said she loved me.
Currently we are together almost every day, and I am enjoying every second of it. She truly is the girl I have been dreaming about the past few years.
But it’s still new. It’s only been a matter of months. It doesn’t mean you’re going to stay with her forever, but it does mean compared to what you’ve had in the past, it’s exceptional. And that’s what I want. As a peak performance coach, I want you guys to have something exceptional, something that’s going to give you great memories in all areas of your life, not just the women that you date, but your business, your career, your friendships, what you do for fun. The idea is you want to be able to create the life and lifestyle that you’ve always wanted and fill it up with the kind of people that you want to be spending your time with.
The feeling I have is that as soon as the universe noticed I was ready, it connected us.
Yeah, because you didn’t settle. You kept holding out hope, you had the positive expectation that things were going to turn around and go your way, and obviously you had the sweet “How To Be A 3% Man” book and yours truly in your corner.
Me meeting her was not a coincidence. There was a higher force in play. Turns out that all you need to do is to be prepared and be patient, everything else will naturally fall in its place.
I think it was Confucius that said, “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.”
Thank you, Corey, for opening my mind and teaching me this knowledge. Currently I am reading Mastering Yourself, and it’s a fucking awesome book. P.S. I attached a picture.
My second book, “Mastering Yourself,” you can also read for free in the members area at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Just subscribe to the email newsletter. And if you’d like to get my help personally, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When we doubt ourselves and our ability to attract or manifest our grandest goals and dreams, the universe tends to send us more people and circumstances that will match and mirror our beliefs, so they become our reality. The lesson and gift in all of this is to see our lives and reality as it is, so we can overcome and transcend our circumstances and limiting beliefs. When we are desperate for a solution that seems elusive, or for our circumstances to change so we can get out of pain or loneliness, we usually will compromise our values and principles and settle for less than what we are capable of and deserve. When we settle, we experience even more pain in the long run. Self-actualizing people must be what they can be and will hold out until the right people and circumstances finally manifest while continuing to take relentless action in faith that eventually, success will finally be realized.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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