What it means when a woman seems to show you signs of high romantic interest to no response at all.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met a woman several months ago with mutual friends who was displaying high levels of attraction and romantic interest. He got her number and she later flaked. A month ago, he runs into her again, and this time she kept the date.
The date went well, but a few days later he texted her to setup a second date and she hasn’t responded. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I had what I thought was a great first date. I met this girl some months ago through mutual friends. She was displaying high levels of attraction, like constantly checking me out, touching me and inviting me to sit next to her, and we talked for two hours while everyone else continued on around us.
Well, like I talk about in “3% Man,” you’ve got to kind of be a detective. You look at all of these physical signs of interest, so it looks like she’s definitely interested. But the other thing you’ve got to keep in mind is you don’t know this girl. You don’t know what’s going on in her life. There could be an ex in the background. There could be another guy that she really likes that’s kind of ignoring her or not giving her much attention. And so, she likes that you’re into her and she’s into you.
In the back of her mind, she’s really hoping this other guy gets in touch, or maybe that the ex-boyfriend gets in touch, or whatever, but when those guys are distant, she’s all over you. And when those guys are near, you’re like a second class citizen, basically. And there’s also the possibility that she’s just a fruit loop. I know, as Dominick was sharing with me a couple of years ago, there was a study, and it was like one out of every three women that’s over the age of 30 is on some kind of psychotropic medication – antidepressants, Xanax, bipolar medication, some kind of medication. And so, no matter who you meet and date, you’ve got pretty much a one in three chance of a girl that’s on some kind of medication.
I have very good experience with people on medication, because my mother was a psychotic schizophrenic. I had a girlfriend that was on antidepressants. My dad had a a manic depressive fiancee that was on antidepressants, and she hung herself. And when somebody is on those and they go off of them, things really go squirrelly and their behavior is unusual and just doesn’t seem natural. So, if you’re in the dating world and the dating market, these are the things that you have to deal with, way more so than when I was in my teenage years and early twenties, growing up. It’s just, now doctors prescribe these things like Tic Tacs.
So, back to our email. He says, “she’s constantly checking me out, touching me, inviting me to sit next to her.” They “talked for two hours while everyone else continued around us.” So, you’re thinking, “Wow, this is magical. This is kind of what happens in the movies, right?”
I asked her out on the spot and got her number, then she later flaked.
We’re going to assume that she’s normal and healthy because, again, if the woman’s a fruit loop, the book is going to bounce them out of your life really quickly and identify the fruit loops, so you don’t get too emotionally wrapped up in them. But this kind of behavior, it could be that she’s not feeling too well, because the guy that she really likes is not paying attention to her. And she sees you, she likes you, but mentally and emotionally, her heart is somewhere else. So, she enjoys the attention and validation.
I brushed it off but ran into her about a month ago at another bar with the same group of friends. I played it cool and noticed she couldn’t help herself around me. We ended up making out at the bar for a while. I texted her a few days later asking her out, then it took her about a week to reply, asking me when I was free.
If a woman takes a week to reply, number one, that’s rude. And number two, it shows she doesn’t respect you or value you. But also, what does it tell you? Probably that she’s waiting to hear from somebody else. Maybe things are starting to go a little bit better. Maybe the guy that she was really hoping to get together with called her the day after. Maybe one of his friends was out and saw her all over you. You just never know. And then it dies down, and after a week, then she reaches out. This is why you just hit the ball over the net and you wait for her to hit it back. And if she doesn’t, it doesn’t matter.
I reciprocated her energy and texted back about a week after that, and we made definite plans for this past Thursday.
So yeah, you match and mirror it. If she’s going to treat you like a low priority, you treat her like a low priority. But the thing that you’ve got to look at is you want somebody who’s ready, willing, able and open to dating you. If somebody is excited, like, “Hell, yeah, I’d love to go out with you,” you make a date, they keep it. They show up in time, they’re excited to be there. They respect you, they respect your time, they respect themselves. And we’re not seeing that here.
I met her at the bar, and she just about jumped into my arms with this huge smile on her face. She was very complimentary toward me, saying how handsome I looked, how funny I was, and kept asking questions about me. I tried to keep asking her questions, but the conversation was flowing.
She said she wanted me to make her dinner, (last time we talked about how I am a good cook), and how she wants to ride on my motorcycle. When she said she wanted a ride, I told her she has to bring a change of underwear because it’s a “panty soaker.” She bashfully chuckled and said she would. Not sure if I should have set something up then and there, because it was toward the beginning of the date.
Yeah. Especially with a girl that blows you off for a week. Absolutely not. Just look at it as you can’t get too wrapped up in the things that she’s saying, because it only applies in the moment. And guys get too wrapped up in something the woman said and assume that it still applies today. She meant it when she said it, but now the moment has passed. And so, it’s a new moment. Just like the weather is new constantly.
We went to another bar, and she was bumping into me as we were walking down the street. As we sat at the bar toward the end of the night, she kept bumping her knees into me. I told her, lets go to another bar where we could play pool, (and get much more handsy). She said it was late…
That’s kind of her signaling, “Okay, I’m ready to go.”
…and I teased her a bit then offered her a ride home.
At the end of the day, she’s trying to end the date. That’s important to notice. It’s not like she’s excited and wants to stay out all night.
As we walked out of the bar back to my car, she put her arm in mine. We got in my car, and I felt like I should have kissed her then but waited until I dropped her off. We made out pretty heavily in the car, and she was receptive to me putting my hand up her shirt.
Yeah, dude. This is why you read the book 10 to 15 times. You want to be smooth. Guys that don’t know what they’re doing, they start making out with a girl and they go right for the crotch. You’ve got to go gently. I’m not going to go into it in the detail in the video, but it’s in the book. And that’s why I tell you guys to read the book, because you get all excited and you think, “I’m going to score,” and you stick your hand right up her skirt. She seems receptive, but that comes later. It’s like, you’ve got to slowly escalate to that.
Then I suggested we go in for a little, but she seemed a little offended that I asked.
Yeah, because you touched her pussy. You “grabbed her by the pussy,” and then you’re like, “Let’s go inside.” It’s like you’re saying, “Hey, let’s go and fuck.” It’s out of sequence, dude. This is why I say read the book 10 to 15 times. You guys cherry pick from videos, maybe go through the book once, and then you do something like that. So, that was a mistake. I wouldn’t have done that. And, obviously, you can tell by her body language she was not excited about that.
She said I have to go and gave me one last kiss and hurried out of the car. As I watched her walk to her door, I didn’t see a smile, nor did she look back at me. I had a feeling like I did something wrong.
Yeah, you didn’t read the book 10 to 15 times and learn the “two steps forward and one step back.” You went right for the pussy. You went right to “grab her by the pussy.” Now, if you were Donald Trump, you could get away with that, obviously, because women throw themselves at you when you’re at that level. But when you’re just an average, regular dude, bad way to go, my man.
I texted her about 2 days later asking when she was free this week and she hasn’t responded in over 24 hours.
Keep in mind, last time it took her a week.
I would like to think she is busy, as she owns her own business, but I feel like I have built enough attraction to get a quicker response, unless I did something wrong. What do you think?
Well, if we take a step back and we look at how she treated you in the beginning, it’s pretty rude. If somebody messages somebody and they wait a week to get back to you, what does that tell you? That tells you you’re not a priority. You’re the low man on the totem pole. It’s almost like you’re the backup guy in case it doesn’t work out with the other dude.
Yeah, she seems to display romantic interest, but if you bottom line her actions, what do her actions tell you? Her actions tell you that you’re not that big of a deal to her. You’re not really that important, no matter what she said. If you look at how she’s treated you, she treats you like you’re disposable, like, “Okay. Well, I’ve got nothing else to do. I guess I’ll go out with you.” Even though, when she’s with you, she tells you how much she likes you, and how funny you are, and interesting, and those kinds of things.
But like I said, when you take a step back and you look at the totality of everything, her actions communicate that you’re not that big of a deal. She’s like, “Eh, I could take it or leave it.” Wouldn’t you rather spend your time with somebody that’s like, “Hell, yeah, I’d love to go out on a date with you.” You make a date – definite day, definite time, definite place. You ask her when she’s free and she’s like, “I’m free all week. Any time you’re available. I’d love to get together with you.” That’s the kind of thing you’re looking for.
But in this case, she’s just not trying that hard. I would say, if I was a betting man, there’s probably another dude in the background that she really likes and you’re kind of the placeholder or the backup. But like I said, grabbing her pussy in the car, yeah, that was a mistake. You knew it was a mistake, and you shouldn’t have done it, because it’s out of sequence.
The idea is you walk her to her door and you make out, and then she can invite you in. The guys in the seduction community are like, “Oh, hey, can I use your bathroom?” So, they invite themselves in, they start fooling around, and they get a little closer. But it’s always best when the woman is like, “Hey, do you want to come in for a bit?” It’s like, “Sure.” So, when she invites you in, sex is on the table, as long as you don’t talk her out of it. But you’ve got to go slow. You’ve got to start at other places on her body.
Again, I go into that in detail in “3% Man.” I’m not going to do it on video. I’ve done it in plenty of other videos. You’ve got to do the work. You’ve got to read the book, you’ve got to learn the material, because that’s a bad way to go. It’s a quick way to screw things up, especially if you’ve got a good woman. Because you’re going to give her the impression that you’re just looking to hook up, and if she’s somebody that’s looking for a relationship and she comes from a good family, she’s not going to like that. She’ll be like, “Oh, he’s just like all the rest.”
At this point, I wouldn’t do anything else. Just wait to hear back from her. Remember, it’s tennis. You hit the ball over the net. If 24 hours has gone by and she hasn’t replied, do nothing. If she does reply, make the next date. But you’ve got to read the book, man. You’ve got to follow the process that’s in there. You’ve got to slow your roll a little bit.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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