How Abundance In Dating Leads To A Committed Relationship

How having an abundance in dating multiple women leads to a committed relationship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s only read 3% Man, once despite following my work for over a year. He’s doing well dating 4 different women. He’s a divorced single dad and wonders when to disclose his financial situation and how to transition into picking one of the 4 to have a relationship with. He describes the status of each of his practice squad members. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How Abundance In Dating Leads To A Committed Relationship”.

Well, this particular emails from a viewer. He’s only read 3% Man once. He’s been following me for a little over a year. However, he’s doing all right. He’s got four different women he’s dating that are in his practice squad or his rotation, if you will. He’s a recently divorced single dad. And since he’s only read the book once, he’s still got a lot of things that he’s doing and saying or that he’s thinking about doing and saying that, quite frankly, are unattractive and unnecessary.

One of the things he’s concerned about is when does spring his financial situation on these women that he’s dating, as if somehow they are his priests and he’s got to confess all his sins to them. Which is kind of absurd. But at the end of the day, he goes into detail on all four of these different women that are in his practice squad.

He’s got the first one is the one he really likes the most, but he likes keeping the other three around who are in various stages of attraction and interest just so he doesn’t blow his chances with her. And this is what’s important for you guys that are new, or you really haven’t mastered what’s in the book.

That’s why it’s very valuable to date multiple women at the same time, especially once you start dating a girl that knocks your socks off. Because you have to get past that wall of fear, the doubt, the insecurity, and the self-sabotaging. What I like to refer to in the book is “The Illusion Of Action.”

But once you get there and you start having the kinds of interactions and relationships that I talk about, where you meet somebody, you have instant chemistry. They look at you the same way that you look at them and you know it’s on. And you’re certain how that’s going to happen.

Like I talk about in detail about my English ex-girlfriend and how I got to that place where I could tell she liked me, there was zero doubt in my mind she was going to say yes when I asked her out. And it was just we go from not knowing each other, to meeting, to always being together just completely, easily and effortlessly. But to get to that point, I went through a lot of work.

Obviously you guys that have read the book, I went into extensive detail, made a lot of mistakes dating multiple women, it really helps you get over that and to smooth out your rough edges so when you do meet somebody that really knocks your socks off, you don’t blow it and spend the next year and a half recovering from it.

Because typically, statistically, it takes about 18 months for the average person to get over a breakup, especially with somebody they really cared about. So the idea is we want to avoid that pain because it’s hard to focus on your work and the other things that are important as a man if you’re thinking about how you blew your chances with the girl you thought was going to be your future ex-wife.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’ve been watching your content for about a year and a half, starting shortly after my divorce, and I wanted to say thank you. Your work helped me regain clarity during a major transition. I’ve read your book once, and while I’m doing fairly well with women, it continues to help me catch and correct mistakes I’ve made in the past. I’ll be revisiting it more consistently.

Well, a lot of the questions that you’ve got in your email would just reading the book, getting to the. You know, the reason why I say you’ve got to read it 10 to 15 times is that you get to know it so well, you could teach a class on it. Because there’s so many little nuances and little things that happen when you’re dating, when you meet, when you go through pickup process, and then you’re trying to transition from casually dating to a long-term relationship.

You want things to be smooth and not rough. But like I said, in this case, having four different women that you’re talking to and dating and hooking up with really helps you get past that wall of fear. So you don’t fear loss all the time, and you don’t chase the girl you really like out of your life.

I’m reaching out because I’m in what I’d call a “good problem to have,” but I want to handle it correctly and from a grounded place. For context, I’m recently divorced, I have kids, and I took a financial hit in the process.

Yeah, going through a divorce, even when you don’t have kids, it’s expensive. You just end up making the attorneys rich.

I’m stable, rebuilding quickly, and not worried long term, but I’m aware this is real-world context that eventually comes into play when dating. All of the women I’m seeing know I’m divorced, know I have kids, and know I have a flexible schedule. None of them know details about the financial side yet.

Dude that is none of their business. It’s not. Even if you get into an exclusive relationship, it’s none of their business. You’re not required to give her your credit report, your bank statements, your business bank statements. You’re not required to show your retirement account or how much money you have or don’t have, how much debt you have, what your alimony and your child support is. It’s an unnecessary conversation.

It doesn’t add any value, doesn’t do anything to make you look more attractive. It’s just information that, quite frankly, is private. And is really between you and your ex. It doesn’t have anything to do with these girls that you just kind of casually dating and hooking up with. And again, they’re not there to be your priest, so you don’t owe them any explanation.

And I’m unsure when or how that should be disclosed, or what impact it typically has when framed confidently.

Again, it’s like if they ask, it’s like, “Yeah, I pay alimony. Yeah, I pay child support.” Whatever happens to be. You don’t need to go into financial detail. You don’t need to tell her how much equity you have in your house or not. It’s just none of her business. It’s not going to do anything to raise her interest in you. And the way you’re thinking about it is, “Oh, I’ve got this really dark secret. If she finds out that I owe a lot of money, she’s not going to want to be with me.” It’s none of her business. She doesn’t need to know. It’s a need to know basis.

And none of them need to know. Even when you’re serious or in a long term relationship you don’t need to tell her these things. Now, if you’re going to get married and involve the State in your relationship and commingle your finances, obviously you’re going to have some discussions then. But in the casual dating, even when you become exclusive, it’s just, unless you’re going to have a merger involving the State financially, it’s just it doesn’t need to be talked about. Keep it to yourself. Operational security. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell.

Right now I’m dating four women at different levels of interest and attachment. Option one is priority. We’ve slept together multiple times and bonded fairly quickly. The connection feels natural and mutual. She’s currently been on vacation in Thailand for about two weeks.

While she’s away, she sends unsolicited photos and engages when I respond, then we usually go quiet for about 24 hours. I’m comfortable with that dynamic and staying grounded. Before she left, she was usually the one initiating hangouts, and when we’re together she clearly expresses interest. My only concern is whether extended distance could shift her interest once she’s back.

Well again, dude, she’s only been gone for two weeks. And the important thing, again, this what would really help calm you and relax you is reading the book also doing the Consciousness Exercises that are on the home page of my YouTube channel. Just doing those three times a week, Stages one through 12 where Doctor D’Anna demonstrates them.

I highly recommend that to help if you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety. But at the end of the day, part of the reason why you have so much anxiety is you don’t know the book. And you’re probably maybe you’re flipping through looking for specific paragraphs or specific sentences that are going to fix the issue. The problem is you don’t understand how attraction works. You don’t really understand the book.

And so you’re kind of flying blind, and you really like this girl. So there’s a lot of downside risk and potential heartbreak if you lose her or you chase her out of your life. But the fact that you’ve got three other options really helps you do more things right than wrong while she’s away. And so the important thing is, is that when she’s in town, she’s pretty much doing all the reaching out already.

And while she’s away, she reaches out when she thinks about you and misses you. So it looks like you’re doing everything right. And again, this is why I recommend the book, why when you’re learning this stuff and you haven’t mastered it, you haven’t read the book 10 to 15 times. You haven’t experienced love at first sight where you go from not knowing somebody, you meet them and you can’t take your eyes off each other.

And then you’re just kind of always together after that. It just effortlessly flows. So until you get to that point, it’s best to have multiple choices, multiple options in your life and obviously keep that to yourself. You don’t need to tell women who else you’re dating or what you’re doing. Because again, it’s none of their business. And plus, the other thing you’ve got to assume is the girls are doing the same exact thing. So option two.

So again you know, option one, it’s like it looks like you’re doing everything fine. But again, what would help you to not be so neurotic about it is learn the book backwards and forwards. Because the reason you’re doubting yourself is you don’t completely know the material. And so you’ve got a knowledge gap. There’s things that are happening, things that she’s doing and saying that you’re not really sure of what to do.

But again, the saving grace is you’ve got three other girls. So it helps you do more things right than wrong. If you were only dating option one, you didn’t have these other three, you’d probably be putting your foot in your mouth and doing lots of things that turn her off.

Option two shows very high interest. She checks a lot of boxes, lives a comfortable lifestyle, and has been future-casting trips and plans together. I like her, but I don’t want to prioritize her over option one unless things naturally progress there.

Well, this is the other thing that’s important. Women are natural chasers, even though it’s the man’s job to start the courtship, to chase in the beginning, if you will, or initiate the courtship. But once you guys are hanging out, having fun, and hooking up just like this guy is, noticed, then the women eventually start slowly doing most of the reaching out.

So if you’re doing one date per week where you reach out in the beginning, and then as soon as you start sleeping together, usually within a day or two after you’ve seen each other, she’s going to be texting or calling you or FaceTiming you, and that’s just the natural progression. When that starts happening, you just make the next date happen. So really, it’s going to be the woman that’s going to decide how much you see each other based upon how much she contacts you.

And as long as you keep doing more things right than wrong and following what’s in the book, as the weeks go by, her interest is going to go up and she’s going to want to see you more. And she’s going to work harder to get you, which is makes it really easy. And as a man, it helps you be calm and relaxed, because the women are going to end up doing most of the work.

Even though if you were to ask a group of women this, they’ll go, “Oh, that’s not true. I want the man to do all the chasing.” It’s like they say that. But when you say, “Okay, well, tell me about the guys you’ve really been in love with, the guys that have stuck around that you’ve been the most passionate about. Tell me what they do.”

And then you find out that what those guys do is nothing even remotely close to what the women say they want. That’s the thing. Women don’t typically understand how attraction works. All they know is, and what is most important is how they feel about you.

She knows I’m dating, knows I have options, and even jokes about it. There’s strong sexual polarity, but she can sense my intentions with her aren’t fully locked in.

Well, this also makes you a challenge, but I wouldn’t be rubbing other women in her face. But clearly she’s in the running and she’s making the effort. And again, when you’ve got four women, it makes it so easy to do most things right, even when you don’t know the book that well. One of the dog’s just chewing a deer antler. I did a video a couple weeks ago, and a guy was going, what the hell is that noise? It’s the deer antler and the teeth.

Option three is lower priority. She’s very attached and future-casts often, but our schedules rarely align. We’ve slept together a few times, but I don’t want to lead her on or create unnecessary emotional fallout.

Well, at the end of the day, dude, it’s the woman’s job to convince you why you should become exclusive with them. And in this case, your schedules don’t really align and you hardly see each other, so it really just sounds like she’s an occasional booty call. So worrying about leading her on, quite frankly, is not really an issue because you hardly see her anyways.

So it’s doubtful that you’re going to spend enough time with her to where she’s going to want to be exclusive. And even if she brings it up, you’re like, “Well, our schedules don’t really align. I don’t really see very often.” So why be exclusive with a girl, you know, especially if you can only see her a couple times a month. Again, it’s their job to win you over to convince you why you should choose them or agree to be with them I should say.

Option four is mostly inactive. We’ve hooked up and had fun, but her interest has cooled and she occasionally pops back up. She seems like the easiest one to let fade out naturally.

Again she’s got to make the effort. I’d say option three and four are just kind of like occasional booty calls. When they’re available, you hang out, you have fun, and you hook up. And when they’re not, you’re hanging out with option one or two. This just makes things so easy. So having multiple women takes the pressure off, focusing on like in this case he thinks number one’s going to be the girl. But potentially, who knows maybe in a couple of months. Girl number two turns out to be better.

You know, because you are in the vetting process, so you don’t really know what these girls are really like or what they’re doing, or if they’re loyal or if they share the same goals and values. So you should only become exclusive once you’re certain your goals and values are aligned. And she’s treating you the way the book details. Because until you see that, you’re going to say, “I’m not ready yet. I’m not there yet. We’re moving in that direction. But I just want to see how things go.” Never agree to be exclusive and definitely don’t lie about being exclusive when you’re not feeling it and you’re not ready.

What I’m trying to navigate is how to manage this phase properly.

Well, quite frankly dude, it looks like you’re already doing a pretty good job.

I want to give option one time to settle without prematurely cutting off other options.

Again, let the best girl win you over. You don’t need to fret about a choice. You’ve got four women, dude. Whoever treats you the best and is the best option is the one that’s going to win you over. So right now it looks like it’s between one and two. You think it’s going to be number one, but it might end up being girl number two. Again, you’ve got to look at her actions.

While also avoiding confusion or emotional damage. I’ve noticed that maintaining emotional distance seems to increase attraction.

Well, remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. It’s just the way they are. Even though most of them are like, “It’s not true.” Look how they act. Women like a guy that’s mysterious. They like a guy that’s a challenge. They like a guy that they have to work to get to know and to spend time with.

Especially with option two and even more so with option three, but I don’t want that to turn into resentment later.

Again, it’s their job to convince you to be their boyfriend. And so far, out of all four of these girls, none of them has done enough yet to warrant exclusivity.

I’d also appreciate your perspective on disclosure. Specifically, what typically happens when a man shares that he’s rebuilding financially post-divorce, assuming it’s framed without victimhood.

Again, it’s none of their fucking business. You don’t owe them a confession at all. If they ask, you say, “Yeah, divorce was a lot of fun. It was expensive. Made my attorney rich.” Then talk about something else. It’s just really none of her business. You don’t need to give facts or figures. Because the fact that you’re worried about this. It’s like you feel you have to justify or prove yourself to a woman.

How much money you have or how much money you lost in divorce or didn’t lose, or what you owe, whether it’s alimony, child support, paying for their college, whatever it happens to be. It’s none of her business. These are not her kids. It’s none of her business. The only time it really needs to be discussed is if you’re going to get married and involve the State, and you’re doing a prenup, because then you’re going to need all the facts and figures out. But until it gets to that point, it’s none of her business.

If this is a topic you think would work as a YouTube video, I’d absolutely watch it.

Well, congratulations.

For the video, feel free to refer to me as “Bob.”

Best regards,

Bob

Well congratulations, Bob. Dude, after going through the email, it’s like, I think you’re doing great. This is exactly what I teach to do. Even though you’ve been through the book once. You would really get a lot more clarity, and you’d feel a hell of a lot better and a lot more confident if you spent the time reading the book 10 to 15 times. Because, say you get serious with option one or option two, you’re going to need to know the relationship wisdom. And when you only lock in on one.

If you’re still filled with fear, then you’re probably going to be making unnecessary mistakes because you won’t have the other three girls to fall back on. So while you still have four and you haven’t got exclusive with any of them, trust me dude, take the time to read the book. If you get the audiobook and put it on 2X and then follow along in a digital or physical copy, you can get through it in four hours.

Sit in a room by yourself, looking at the words as they’re being spoken and as you’re hearing them. Driving around in your car, yelling at people cutting you off in traffic, it’s like you’re not really completely focused on the audiobook. Same thing like if you’re working out in the gym, you’re intermittently working out. You’re daydreaming a little bit. You see a cute girl and you start thinking about her, you’re tuning in and out.

But when you’re sitting still on a desktop or a laptop, if you’re looking at a digital copy or you’re listening to it while you’re looking at a physical copy in a quiet room with no distractions, nobody else around. That’s the best way to learn it and to get it into your brain, because you will need this information later.

Don’t be one of those guys that ends up in a phone session going, “Yeah, I’ve been following you for three years and I didn’t take you seriously when you said, read the book 10 to 15 times. I only read it once. But I, you know, this girl was all over me. I thought, hey, I got this stuff. Corey made it even easier than I thought it would be. I don’t know why he says to read it 10 to 15 times.”

And then six months a year later, when the girl was like, “I need space. Something’s missing.” And the guy goes into panic mode and overdrive under “The Illusion Of Action” and starts doing and saying things that literally chases her out of his life.

So I implore you guys, the book is free to read in the Members Area the Website. If you’re new, just subscribe to the Email Newsletter, put your name, your email address, create a password. It’ll open up right in your web browser, right at UnderstandingRelationships.com.

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