How Clueless Guys Get Women Even When They Act Beta Sometimes

How clueless guys can still get women even when they act beta.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is confused as to why some of his supposedly clueless friends are getting women even though they act beta sometimes. They seem to be doing things that go against the book. However, he ignores that the guy he writes in about has been dating her for only 5 weeks and it’s still early in the courtship. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How Clueless Guys Get Women Even When They Act Beta Sometimes”.

So this particular email is from a guy and he’s done well with my work, but some things kind of perplex him. He’s got a good friend of his who he claims is totally clueless about women, and he makes a lot of mistakes and does and says a lot of things that are completely beta. But yet this girl that he’s been dating for about five weeks seems to really like him. And so he’s looking at it going, how can this guy be violating so many principles?

And yet the girl really likes him and he had another friend. It was like the same thing. But however, what he doesn’t look at is it’s only five weeks in. And as we’ve discussed in the podcast with the girls, usually most guys will get about three weeks in before they really start screwing up. And so the idea with the book is it’s going to help you do more things right than wrong to stack the deck of cards in your favor. Because the higher a woman’s interest, the more you can screw up and still get away with it.

The lower her interest, the less you can screw up and still keep going. So this guy’s made it five weeks. Will he make it to a long term relationship? Who knows, maybe he will. But this guy does say that he is trying to coach him, and most of the time the guy doesn’t listen and does the opposite and he sees it still works. But he’s also in his own life, and his own relationships applied the book, and so he knows that works. And so again, he’s lays out a couple really good things, good examples of what’s going on here. And he’s scratching his head.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I hope you’re well. I wanted to get your opinion on, how do guys who are clueless about women still manage to get girls?

Well, they do enough things right. And for those of us that are really good students and really know the book, you know we’re going to probably be a little overly critical of some of those people and see things they’re doing because we wouldn’t do them. But at the end of the day, if this guy is in his masculine enough, he’s the leader enough and he does more things right than wrong. He still makes mistakes. He still does beta male things, but maybe he recovers, beats up her pelvis properly, which it seems like she really seems to like sleeping with this guy. But again, it’s still early.

Recently, my best friend has met a woman who is his dream girl according to him. For the past five weeks, he has been telling me everything about her and their interactions, and let me tell you, he is a complete beta male approval seeking behavior, over-pursuing, calling and texting too much, focusing on locking her down, treating her like a queen, everything that might repel a woman, he is doing it with no repercussions. Not to mention that his emotional state is all over the place, calling me daily to talk about her.

Well, maybe you’re calming him down enough and he’s overly exaggerating on the phone with you, but when he’s actually talking to her and saying things to her, maybe you’ve been able to calm him down. And so he has verbal diarrhea with you, which would be much better than him having verbal diarrhea with her.

He is so off-centered that it hurts to listen to him talk.

Well, the good news is he has you coaching him. And you know, that’s the thing. It’s like when I Coach people, I know that they’re going to maybe do half the things that I suggest. I mean, very rarely do I do an email where I don’t have something to critique, but that’s why a guy send it in. “Hey, what can I learn from this? What can I do better? What did I do wrong? What did I do right?” That’s what I’m here for. The idea is to help you do more things right than wrong, because when we’re driven by our emotions, we’re going to make more mistakes.

And so the more we can limit our mistakes and the more we can act masculine, we’ll still get to the promised land. Again, as I say, the book’s not set in stone. It doesn’t mean you can’t violate the principles in the book or several of them. I mean, if you read the book, you know, I violate a shit ton of them, and I still got to where I wanted to go. But it’s like once you clean up all that behavior, you don’t really have any bumps in the road. You don’t have these kinds of issues.

Last night he invited me to meet her with a bunch of her friends. A group date, which we all know is a stupid thing to do before she is officially your girlfriend. Well, what I’ve seen was mindboggling. She was really into him.

Well, more than likely, she probably had an interest of eight out of ten on a scale of one to 10 to start out with. If it was only a five, he wouldn’t have gotten this far. But when she’s super into him from the beginning, maybe it was like a love at first sight for her. Maybe he felt the same way. They’re both carried away in their emotions, and so far he’s doing enough right to keep her engaged and keep her interested, even though it’s pretty obvious as you’re seeing, he’s making mistakes. That means he’s not making too many fatal mistakes.

He was exhibiting beta male traits all over the place, all night long. Yes, occasionally he did touch or kiss her when the time was appropriate, but it was like she was ignoring the other 80% beta male stuff that he was doing.

Well, maybe you’re a little overly critical, but when you understand this stuff, it is irritating as fuck to see your friends, your family acting in ways that are disgusting and beta. And you would never do that. And then they do it and you’re like, “well, there doesn’t seem to be any consequences. He’s getting away with it.” But that’s interest. Interest cuts through everything. And it really helps if you’re going to date a girl who’s super into you from the beginning, because you can get away with those little mistakes. You can get away with acting beta. Again, the book is not set in stone.

The idea is you’re trying to do more things right than wrong. It’s like when I do phone sessions with guys, I tell them the things to do, and I know maybe 50%, 60% of it they’re going to actually do. And the rest they either won’t listen or it’ll be too difficult emotionally to do. But at the end of the day, they do enough things right to course correct so the woman doesn’t completely lose all interest and respect for him. And that’s the point. You want to do enough. Nobody’s fucking perfect. Nobody does everything 100% right. And so the closer you can get to 100% right, the easier and more effortless things are going to be.

She’s even seen his condoms in his pocket and looked at me saying, “you know what he’s got in his pocket?” I laughed and said yes. She started laughing as well, while my friend was embarrassed and clearly diminished by this.

Well, at the end of the day, she’s excited that he’s got condoms because he’s gonna rail and beat up her pelvis later on in the evening. And obviously she likes having sex with him because she keeps coming back for more.

It was like a bad movie scene in which you feel sorry for the guy. Regardless of all the other countless beta male moments he had throughout the night, she looked genuinely interested in him.

Again, it’s because her interest is high and he’s still doing other things that maybe you don’t give him credit for, because you’re probably beat up on him a little too much, but you’re obviously being a good friend and a Coach. You know, it’d be nice if he listened to 100% of the things that you told him. But he’s not. Maybe he’s listening to half. Clearly he’s listening to enough and doing enough, at least in this moment in time to still keep her interested and not totally ruin her interest in him. So that’s a good thing. So that’s the thing as a Coach, you know, you’re just going to have to understand that the people you’re coaching are going to fuck up. They’re not going to do everything you tell them to do.

During these five weeks he has been constantly asking for my advice and ignoring it every time from what I can tell. He even called me one time to jokingly say, “I’m not listening to you ever again” after doing some objectively stupid beta male shit that didn’t blow up in his face.

Again this is interest. If her interest is high, he can get away with it. If her interest is low, he’ll be dumped.

He is not the only friend I’ve noticed getting lucky while being clueless about women. It kind of makes you think if your actions matter at all that much.

Well, what matters is the interest, the girl’s level of interest, and the other things he’s doing right. And you know, my goal is to be harsh as a Coach. I’m going to break your fucking balls. I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass if you act like a pussy, I’m going to tell you. And it’s just like a good friend would do. And you’re obviously probably unloading on your friend as well. And maybe about half of what you say gets through and the other half he dismisses. But the bottom line is he’s clearly doing enough to keep her interested. And that’s a good thing. And you should be happy for your friend that he’s gotten this far.

I know the book works, I’ve seen it work in my own life, but at the same time, seeing these dudes succeed when they haven’t “earned” it is a mystery and, hell, I’ll say it – frustrating.

What’s your take on this Coach?

Bob

Well, you’re probably a better Coach than you think, and this guy is definitely, probably. I mean, we just look at the actions. He’s obviously listening to enough of what you tell him and correcting enough. Like just the simple thing about the affection that you noticed. He was an all hands and all over her all night. Occasionally he touched her and he touched her in moments where you said it was appropriate. So he’s not coming off as needy and clingy with his physical touch. And if he keeps his distance most of the night, then when they’re alone together, she’s going to jump his bones.

That’s why, you know, again, she’s pointing out the fact he’s got condoms in his pocket, because she’s excited about getting boned by him later. Because again, he’s doing enough things right. So don’t beat yourself up. I know it’s frustrating watching your friends do these things. I have family members do the same things, but the most important thing to understand about this is that they do more things right than wrong. If you do too many things wrong, then you’re not going to get anywhere.

And so it’ll be interesting to see if your buddies focus on locking her down to a commitment and she’s not saying yes to it. What happens in two months? What happens in three months? Will he still be dating her? Or will he go into a downward spiral and blow it up to the point where she doesn’t want to see him anymore? But the good news is he’s got you as a friend. It seems like you probably know the book quite well, and he’s listening to you enough to get through it, to get past it. So hopefully you’ll send us an email in a couple of months and let us know what happens with it.

And, you know, detailing the behavior like this is great. It makes for a great Members Only Video because again, nobody’s perfect. Everybody’s going to fuck up. The idea is we’re trying to limit our fuck ups. We’re trying to minimize the fuck ups. And the more you can do that and the more you can do things right, the women are going to stick around. At the end of the day, women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, they voted for you.

So be happy for your buddy that he got this far and pat yourself on the back because obviously you’ve been kind of coaching him. And again, I know it’s frustrating. I mean, I get frustrated with the emails. I get frustrated with clients. You know exactly what they need to do, but they’re not doing it. But nobody’s going to be perfect. And you gotta cut people some slack, cut yourself some slack too. Pat yourself on the back and be happy for your friends.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.