How Do I Stay Off The Phone If She’s Constantly Texting Me?

How to handle a woman who’s constantly texting you in between dates you just met.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 39 year old viewer who just started dating a 28 year old woman. Her ex is still in the background and seems to want her back, but is actually driving her into the new guy’s arms. However, she is constantly texting him and sending memes throughout the day. He’s afraid of her getting bored if he engages too much. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How Do I Stay Off The Phone If She’s Constantly Texting Me?”

Well, as I say in 3% Man, the phone is for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. If you date enough women, you’re going to come across women who are just going to talk and text a bunch. And so the idea is, as the book says, we’re trying to take measured steps. We’re making one date per week where we call her or we text her and we initiate a date and schedule it, and it happens. And so the idea by doing one date per week is you create the conditions as her interest goes up and she starts to feel safe and comfortable with you, that she’s going to start reaching out to you and texting you.

Now, 99% of the time, women will not ask you out on a date. They’ll just text you, put themselves into your orbit in hopes that you make an opportunity for sex to happen. That’s what a date is, after all. And that’s the man’s job to make sure that happens. And so as her interest goes up, she calls you more, she texts you more. And so in like in these cases, especially after you sleep together, because most women in the West are going to sleep with a guy by a second or third date anyways. And so usually after that happens, you start hearing from her more frequently.

And so especially after she’s been to your house and you guys have already slept together, maybe she stayed the night. Say she reaches out the next day or a couple of days later, and then you make a date for, you know, like that Friday or that Saturday. And but yet it’s Tuesday or Wednesday. And yet she’s constantly texting you or it’s like 8:00 at night. 9:00 at night. She’s like, “what are you doing?” In that case, since you’re already hooking up, you can say, “hey, come over and hang out.” Invite her over. Hang out, have fun, hook up. Maybe she comes over for a quick booty call or whatever.

You should understand that when a woman’s reaching out, she wants your attention. So you don’t have to be a robot and, “I must only do one date per week.” It’s as she picks the ball up and runs with it and starts contacting you more you can arrange more get togethers, I would say at least if you guys are talking and texting all the time do like one official date per week, but even if you’ve got a date set up for the weekend and yet she’s texting you at 9:00 at night, “what are you doing?” She’s probably wants to get a little strange. So you just say, “hey, come over.” Makes it simple.

Then you can hang out, have fun, hook up and stay off the phone. Because the more you talk on the phone, and especially if you’re one of those guys that thinks you’re a comedian and you want to crack jokes over text, more often than not, you’re going to put your foot in your mouth and you’re going to say something that you think is funny, but yet she doesn’t know you well enough and doesn’t understand your sense of humor. And she takes it the wrong way and it doesn’t land. But because there are like, some women are very insecure and they’re going to want attention 24/7.

And if you’re like most of us, you’re a busy professional. You don’t have to you don’t have time to just stop what you’re doing and answer a phone call or a FaceTime call or send, you know, 30 text messages back and forth all afternoon. Just use it to arrange a get together. Understand that she’s reaching out, probably because she wants to see you. And just something like if it’s in the middle of the day and she sent you three memes or whatever, you can “heart” them, laugh at them, and if she’s like, “hey, what are you doing? What are you up to?” You can invite her over.

You can invite her to get together, say, “hey, you know, I can’t really chat because I’m in and out of meetings, but, you know, why don’t you come by tonight? Let’s make some dinner and catch up. I’d love to see you.” And you can do things like that. But don’t get in the routine where every time she reaches out, you just invite her over to make dinner. And then because then what happens is weeks go by it just gets easy. Just invite her over. She’s always at your house.

You’re hooking up, but you can do that for a few weeks and then when she notices that you never take her out and you never do dates or anything then she starts to realize that she’s more like a booty call than anything. So you can mix the booty calls with the dating because the idea is to stay off the phone. Because if she’s reaching out and she wants to talk or text, well, she probably wants to see you. So just make the get together happen. So with that in mind, this particular emails, this guy’s 39. Started dateing a 28 year old woman. Her ex is still in the background.

I think they got divorced and it seems like he wants her back because as soon as he found out she was seeing this guy, he went full pursuit mode. She got a little distance, but then he backed off, and now it looks like the ex-husband is actually driving her into this guy’s arms. And so there’s a little bit of that going on. And again, you’re going to encounter that too. You’re going to have ex husbands or ex boyfriends that aren’t happy they got dumped and don’t want to be dumped. Women do the dumping 75% of the time.

And so one of the things that this guy’s going through now is like, “man, she’s constantly sending me memes. She’s Snapchatting me.” He’s like, “you know, I want to engage. I don’t want to be rude and ignore her. But at the same time, I don’t want to be chitchatting all fucking day and then have the girl get bored and start to lose interest because her interest is in a really good place right now.” So it’s a good point. Because you’re transitioning from meeting and picking her up to starting to date, starting to hook up, to starting to spend more time together. And so you don’t want to be too robotic with the once a week thing again.

The once a week thing is for you to initiate once per week to make one date, but once she starts initiating, you really don’t have to initiate anymore, especially if she’s initiating several times a week. Then you just use those as opportunities to arrange the next get togethers. It could be the type of thing where she’s like, “hey, what are you doing?” Or “hey, I’m in your area.” Like, if she knows where your office is, maybe she could stop by. You can have a nooner in your office. Or maybe if you’re only five ten minutes away, then you can dip. She can come by, you can go for a drive and then go to your house, have an afternoon nooner, beat up her pelvis, take a quick shower, clean yourselves up, and then go back to the office and she can go on her merry way.

That’s what’s fun. When you’re flexible and you recognize that, “man. She’s really pursuing me. She’s reaching out a lot. We can just do a booty call in the afternoon. It’s fun, it’s exciting. It’s not really a date date, but it’s just getting together, hanging out, having fun, and hooking up really quickly.” So the idea is you want to think of it as if she’s reaching out. “Oh, she wants to see me. Let’s arrange a get together.” Again it doesn’t have to be an official date.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

Another Bob here, I have read your book 16 times since my divorce and have the audiobook on nearly every other day. I am a 39 year old male and met a 28 year old smoke show divorced mom of one. This woman has been divorced since February and when we went out on our first date the beginning of July, she told me on the date she wasn’t looking for a relationship but simply wants to have fun.

Because women go out on dates, are not looking for a relationship, they’re just looking for a casual hangout, have fun, hook up. A guy that’s not going to pressure them. So when she wants to spend more time, it’s her idea. When she wants to get serious, it’s her idea. And it’s just easy and effortless. And why she says that is because most guys she meets are trying to lock her down right away. And this is the importance of letting a woman come to you at her pace.

I took her out for a drink, we ate some food and went mini golfing, she laughed at my stupid joke and genuinely seemed to have fun. After the date she stood close to me and we hugged she lingered for about twenty seconds and I said, “just get over here and kiss me already” and she said, “oh yeah?” And instantly did.

It’s right out of the book.

After the date I guess she told some of her friends and her ex husband found out.

Oops. She’s not practicing operational security. But then again, I think they’ve done studies and the average woman can keep a secret for about 42 seconds. I think it is before she’s got to tell somebody or she thinks of who can I tell? That’ll kind of keep it secret, but they never do.

He then tried to pursue my ex wife to make me jealous which did not work.

So somehow I guess he knew. Maybe they’re on Facebook. Maybe that’s why. Because Facebook dating, I think, kind of goes off your social circle and the mutual friends and connections that you guys have. So maybe you know, once he found out who you were, he looked up who your ex was and he was like, “oh, let me hit on his ex.” Drama free. You want drama free.

That’s definitely not something; so if something like that has happened, it’s like, “hey, your ex husband is like hitting on my ex wife.” It’s like, what’s up with that? He’s like, I think for the time being, you know, since we’re just getting to know each other, it’d be better if you don’t tell your friends and family that you’re dating me because, you know, that’s kind of weird and creepy. I don’t know this guy. And now he’s hitting on my ex wife. It’s like, come on.

I set up a definite date almost a week later from our first date and she was super excited about it and wouldn’t stop texting about it trying to get information out of me of what we were doing. The day before the date she tried to change the plans and got cold, I told her maybe some other time and she responded with “I need to take a step back” well I’m not dumb I knew the ex was back in the picture. I went No Contact and she reached out a week later. The ex apparently went psycho and beta maled his way out and pushed her right to me.

So this is what will happen. You’ll have a first date in this case, it goes really well. She’s texting you all the time, and you’re trying to kind of limit your time on there. And it’s better if you take your time responding. If she sends you memes, I would just “heart” the meme. Or you can give it an “lol” because you already have a date set up, so you’re trying to limit your exposure on the phone. And if she’s already been to your house and you’ve already hooked up and she’s texting you like eight 9:00 at night, “what are you doing?” Just say, “come over.” And if maybe you went to her house and banged there, but she’s not been to yours. Just say, “come over and then text her your address. Because then she can say, “yes. Sure. I’ll be there in 20 minutes”, or “oh, I can’t tonight” or whatever.

It’s like, “hey, no problem. Well, I’ll see you Friday or Saturday” whenever you date set up. But again, when like she’s freshly divorced, the ex is still in the picture, it’s pretty clear he didn’t want to be dumped and he’s still hoping to get back with her. And since they were together for a long time, I assume they had kids together, probably, I assume maybe. That’s when those things happen and when she backs away, you just gotta let her be. And he did. You did a great job by doing nothing, so that’s awesome.

Every time we hang out have fun and hook up. She even text me about how great it is. We hang out at my house most times before she goes to work at night and here recently we went to a bar together and then went back to her place, her brother lives with her currently, and we all hung out and had a few drinks and I thought “yeah hooking up probably isn’t happening” but it did we hooked up that night and the next morning. My question is she texts me throughout the day nothing crazy just short texts and I respond, she Snapchats me pictures of herself with little messages as well.

Snapchat is for kids. I would stay the fuck off Snapchat. Because again, the more you give out your Social Media and you’re available 24/7, the more you’re going to get messages and she’s going to expect it. And whatever you do in the beginning is how you’re training her to treat you long term. So if you’re always available 24/7 when you’re infatuated and it’s not a moon period, at some point when you’re out of that period, you’re not going to want to talk in text as much, and then she’s going to get pissed at you for not being as available as you used to be.

And she’ll start thinking there’s things wrong. But if you’re hard to get a hold of, you take time to reply. You’re a busy professional like most of us, and you’re in and out of meetings. You’re not glued to your phone, and you’re not dropping what you’re doing to text somebody back. So if she knows you’re kind of hard to get a hold of, she’ll become respectful of your time and not waste it. So it’s important in this beginning stage not to be too available on the phone.

I’m afraid the texting and Snapchats might make her bored after a while but I don’t want to just blow her off. What should I do?

Well, again, if she snaps, you shouldn’t have given out your Snapchat to begin with. That was just stupid. And all your Social Media and all those things. I mean, you had one date with her and she already knows everything about you. So you’re teaching her that you’re available 24/7 on Social Media, which you shouldn’t be doing. So that’s on you for giving all that stuff out. So she says, “hey, what’s your Snapchat?” She’s like, “oh, I don’t use it anymore.” I was like, “no, I don’t remember what my screen name is I don’t use it. I’m not going to Snapchat you. You’ve got my phone number. If you want to talk, you can text me or call.” Same thing with Instagram and everything else, even Facebook.

What should I do? Oh and she reaches out probably 75-80% of the time.

Well, you know, if she’s reaching out that much I’d let her do 95% of it. So you should actually not initiate as much as all. So that tells me that you’re initiating chit chatting and text. The phone is for fucking setting dates, Dude. When you’re texting her, you’re texting her either to reply to a message she sent you, or you’re texting her to initiate the next date if you don’t have one set up. But in this case where she’s texting you and Snapchatting you constantly, you shouldn’t initiate at all, and you should use those initiated contacts just to make the next date.

And so again, if she’s constantly in contact throughout the day. Especially again, if it’s at night, 8:00 at night, 9:00, she lives with her brother. She’s texting you like 8:00 at night and say you got a date set up in 3 or 4 days. Just say, “come over” and text her your address. But, you know, she’s been to his house now, so he doesn’t need to text the address. But that’s all I would do.

I simply respond and try to keep it light hearted and enjoyable. In person she can’t seem to keep her hands off of me, I don’t want to blow this and she has even said “you are nothing like any man I have ever met, you are so confident and unbothered by everything”

Thanks Coach

Well, that’s what happens when you apply the book. Things are easy and effortless and women are stuck to you like a sucker fish. So you’re doing pretty good overall. But like I said, I wouldn’t have given out the Snapchat and all your other Social Medias. And so that’s kind of your fault. You basically gave all that stuff out and started interacting with her, and that communicated you were available. And so if she’s texting you multiple times throughout the day, you should be seeing her more than once a week. You shouldn’t just dogmatically be stuck in the “I must only do one date per week”. You know, so she’s texting you 3 or 4 times, you know, just say, “come over tonight. I’m making this or I’m grilling out. You should come by. Let’s grill. We’ll grill some steaks and have some red wine or whatever. We’re gonna grill some chicken or some fish, and we’ll have some white wine or some Chardonnay or something.”

Something like that. But with her texting you every day, you should be seeing each other just about every other day. And then she gets a little bored you just let her be. Because again, if she’s initiating the contact, assume she wants to see you and make a date. But don’t get in the habit of just sending all kinds of memes and other bullshit, because then she’s going to expect it. Because eventually, when you’ve been together long enough, you’re not going to feel like doing those things anymore. And then she’ll get pissed that you don’t engage like you used to and text. So think about it, because whatever you do is what you’re doing to teach and train her how you are, and what you’re going to do.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.