How Does She Act With Male Orbiters When Her Interest Is Low?

How she acts with male orbiters when her interest is low reveals if she’s truly loyal.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been with his girlfriend for about four years. About a year ago he got really sick and she took care of him despite her family telling her to dump him. He got back into my book and realized she’d lost interest and respect, but he quickly fixed it. However, she was in contact with a male orbiter briefly and he wonders what it means.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, this is where character is destiny. If you’re with a good, family-oriented woman who was raised right, raised by a father who knew what he was doing, who was the man of the house, he was masculine, he taught her how, who and which men to trust, raised her right, she typically will be easygoing, easy to get along with. A woman that loves, respects, admires and looks up to her father is what you’re looking for. If she’s raised in that kind of environment and her interest is low, like in this case, this guy kind of slacked off, he’s with his girlfriend for about four years, then he got really sick about a year ago, then she took care of him and her family is like, “Get rid of the bum,” she stuck with it, stuck with him. After he kind of got healthy, he just like wasn’t interested in sex. The dude was totally checked out, but he got back into the book quickly, fixed things, turned it around, and she had been contacted by a male orbiter of hers, I think it was an ex-friends with benefits or something like that.

So all she did was he responded to a couple of her posts, she hearted it and he said something to her one time and all she did was say “thank you,” which that’s what you want to see from a girl who’s loyal. I mean, she’s being polite, but a girl who comes from a broken home is going to be flirting with him, talking about meeting up, sending him nudes and other things and just dangling the carrot, enticing him to keep pursuing her. She may meet him out for drinks or whatever, that kind of thing. So when you go through a difficult time like this poor guy has, you find out really what you’re dealing with because again, character is destiny.

Based on what he shared and her response, it looks like he’s got a pretty decent, honest woman. All she did was acknowledge this guy, send her messages. She didn’t give him the green light. She didn’t try to participate in a conversation. She seemed to stay loyal and faithful to her man. Unlike girls that come from broken homes who are giving out their number, constantly hanging out, going for drinks, flirting with the guy openly even though they’re supposedly have a boyfriend.

So we didn’t see any of that in this particular case. It’s a good email to go through because again, when you go through a difficult time, that’s when you realize what the character is of the woman that you’re with. If you’re with a woman that comes from a broken home and she’s head over heels in love with you, she’ll probably be loyal and faithful, but when you slip up or like in this case, you go through a bad time with some severe health challenges, the girl from the broken home ain’t going to be loyal because she’s not happy. She’ll just go get her needs met elsewhere and not feel bad about it at all.

So let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Greetings Coach,

I’ve been a listener of your podcast for a few years and read your book 3% Man numerous times. It has helped me a ton.

I’ve been in my current relationship for four years now. We met at the mall, got the number, and went on our first date a week after. Light chat over some drinks and some food once I knew I liked her. We hung out after the date in her car for hours, she did 90% of the talking, went home after, no first date sex, but I did kiss her. Fast forward a few months and things were amazing, we were doing everything together, the sex was amazing, she was super submissive and wanted to jump my bones every chance she got. Eventually she asked me what we were and I told her playfully, “Are you asking me to be your man?” And she said yeah, so we became official.

So again, it just flows so easily and effortlessly because he knew the book, he knew exactly how to say those things. Guys that haven’t really taken the time to read the book or thumbed through it, a woman might suggest or hint and they just act like a zombie and they don’t say anything, they don’t bring it up, but this guy knew exactly what that meant and boom! He handled it like a pro. So good job dude.

That’s what happens when you read the book, when you read the book, you take it seriously and you learn the information. When these moments happen in your relationship to her, it just seems like something out of a movie.

I remember at the start of the relationship (First two months dating) we were at Disneyland and she was texting a guy friend while on the date with me. I simply told her to, “Cut it out, I don’t do guy friends” and she complied. 

So in other words, he saw some behavior he didn’t like. He set a healthy boundary. The most important thing is she respected it. That’s the difference. She respects your boundaries. She respects your authority. Usually she’ll do that if she admires, looks up to and respects her father. If she hates her father, doesn’t have a relationship with him, she ain’t gonna give a fuck what you tell her. She ain’t gonna care about your boundaries. She’ll walk all over it.

Fast forward a year and I got really sick. I was down nine months. When I was sick, I thought she would leave me, and her family certainly told her to…

That fucking sucks. How are the family holidays now? Everybody wanted her to dump you, and she’s stuck by her man.

…But instead she helped me get better and stuck around.

Because her interest was high and she sounds like a good woman, not a fucking ratchet.

After I got better, I was on medication and my sex drive was super low. So I neglected her another year. Only had sex once the whole year, didn’t sleep in the same bed, almost ignored her, no dates, etc. 

Damn dude. Now I could see why if she’s going back to her family going, “Yeah, we haven’t had sex in the whole year. We don’t even sleep in the same bed. He just totally ignores me.” I can understand why they’re going, “Yeah, he’s a bum. You took care of that guy and he’s just not doing anything.”

I’m surprised that you were able to pull that off. Most of the time, you get about six months of flailing around and not taking care of yourself before a woman taps out, but it sounds like you got a good woman, because most women are not going to stick around for a year of that shit. You’re not laying the pipe. You’re not dating her. You’re just kind of neglecting and ignoring her. That’s surprising that she stuck by you all the time, because most women unfortunately, will not.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I noticed she was a little distant. I took her on a four-year anniversary and even got us a hotel together. Well, she turned down sex with the excuse that she was gassy.

“I got a little flatulence I gotta let out. I don’t want to fart and dutch over you, honey.”

It was a big blow to my self-esteem, but a wake up call as well.

Yeah, so he thinks he’s got it made. She doesn’t even want it when he’s finally ready to lay the pipe and he’s like, “Uh oh.”

I realized what I was doing wrong after reading the book again.

This is why good students go through the book twice a year, every six months, just to keep it fresh, because there had been obviously a while since the guy had gone through the book. I mean, to be in a relationship and after all that you went through and not even having sex for a year or dating, that is really surprising that she stuck around because most women will not because you’re gonna make her feel like you don’t give a damn about her. So again, like I said earlier, it makes sense why the family is like, “Dump that bum.”

So I shifted my frame back into masculinity and made myself less available. She responded well and started leaning in and wanting to be closer again. We’ve gone on a few dates and the sex is back and better than ever. When I tell you the sex is great, last night we had the most passionate dirty indoor Olympics I’ve ever had.

Well, you naughty boy!

I’ve never been more into her and her into me. It was so easy that I literally came home, sat next to her, she started cuddling me, talked for a few minutes then I said, “Wanna go upstairs and fool around?” Her face lit up with a giant smile and almost squealed, she said yes immediately! These are the results you get when you apply what’s in the book.

So because he had gotten back to the basics, dating and courting her, making her feel heard and understood, opening her up, taking the time to talk, the legs are open like 7-Eleven. That’s all it takes.

Most guys would be like, “What? That’s all you got to say? You want to go upstairs and fool around?” She’s like, “Yeah.” That’s what happens when you treat a girl right. The legs are always open like 7-Eleven. As a matter of fact, the legs are open like 7-Eleven, and the 7-Eleven gets upset if you’re not laying the pipe at least two to three times a week.

If you apply what’s in the book, that’s going to be your biggest problem, is your girl wanting to have sex when you’re not feeling up to it or not like you want to. You got to lay the pipe, dude. You got to perform. You got to beat up her pelvis. You got to give her lots of happy finishes.

However during the time, I wasn’t sure how she felt for me. I went into her Instagram and discovered some messages from a guy she used to have as a FWB. She wasn’t following him, but she allowed him to follow her. The messages weren’t explicit or even flirty. He just reacted to three of her stories with a fire emoji. The first was a picture of her hand holding coffee, the other two were haircut pictures (She’s a barber).

I would think you’d call her a hair stylist. “Don’t call me a barber. Barbers are men!”

She replied to him by liking the reactions and once typed up “thank you.” The messages weren’t deleted, and she never once had been secretive with her phone. I’ve always had access to it. I calmly asked her about him, she said, “Yeah, he’s the guy who didn’t commit to me before you, so I cut him off.” Then I asked her if they still followed each other and she said she doesn’t, but wasn’t sure if he still was since her profile used to be public.

In other words, she checked out, she unfollowed him, he was still following her, which is what you would expect to see with a woman who is being loyal. The fact all she did was heart the messages, when you heart a message that’s like the end of the conversation. You’re acknowledging it and that’s it. She said, “Thank you.” She didn’t say, “Thank you. How you been? I’ve been thinking about you. I missed you,” or anything like a lot of the other emails that I get from women that have low character.

Women with high character, she’s not going to be following those guys. She’s not going to be messaging them. She’s not going to be baiting them. She’s not going to be trying to get them to pursue her. She’s going to do nothing because she’s with her man, because she’s loyal. That’s what a loyal woman would do.

She immediately went and checked, and said, “Yeah, he still is” and removed him without me asking her to.

So she probably blocked him and then unblocked him, which it basically unfollows him or it unfollows his account from following her. The fact she did it unprompted, she’s like, “I don’t want this guy following me,” basically. So that’s a good thing. He didn’t have to ask her to do that. She just did it because she knew it was the right thing to do.

Then I asked when the last time she talked to him, she said not since before you, but he had replied to a haircut post with a fire emoji “God IDK how long ago,” her words. So I said, “Yeah, back in 2024.” I said, “Why are you even letting him follow you and replying to him?” She said it was just a fire emoji to a haircut. But later she said, “Yeah, it was wrong. He should’ve been removed long ago.” Then she blocked him.

Since then, she’s shown remorse numerous times. Has said it was very wrong and that it’s like leaving a door cracked. I calmly told her my boundaries, no male orbiters, no getting friendly with guys. Just ignore them unless they’re bringing you money (Haircuts).

She has never shown any signs of secretiveness, always comes straight home after work, shares her location with me, and even gives me her full earnings for the day after work.

So I assume they’re living together.

Do you think this was more of a one time slip, because of my neglect, she was starving for attention and validation? Or is this something devious, like why would she allow the FWB to follow her for four years while being in a committed relationship with me?

Bob

Well, I would assume just based on her reaction is like, at some point, she unfollowed him and to her it was out of sight, out of mind. It wasn’t a big deal, but the fact she blocked him, like I said, everything I’ve seen in here looks like she’s honoring the boundaries. She wasn’t carrying on conversations. Again, I’ve done countless emails over the years where it’s the exact opposite. Girls texting the guy, she’s sending them nudes or enticing them, “Oh, look at me and my new dress,” that kind of thing. “Oh, here’s me at the beach in a bikini.” She’s not doing any of that. She just completely had shut it down. As Ronald Reagan said, “Trust, but verify.”

Like I said, I’m really surprised that your girl stuck by your side when you just completely neglected her for a year and had no interest in sex. I’m stunned that you got away with that because again, most women would have left your ass. At least you got things turned around. So good on you for that. Like I said, based on everything you shared, it looks like you got a good woman. I don’t know so much about the family, but then again, maybe her family’s reaction was the fact that you were neglecting her completely for a whole year, and yet she stuck around, dude. She stuck by your side, which is pretty good. It’s very rare. Women like that are very rare. Other men in general that are good, loyal and honorable dudes that are good to have as friends are very rare. People who are good to you, good for you, good for your soul almost never come along. When you do have one that’s good, you should probably keep them around as long as they treat you right.

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